


The Aviators

by ThePiesEndure



Series: The Guild Universe [4]
Category: Avenged Sevenfold
Genre: Alternate Reality, F/M, Slave fic, band fiction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-31
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-27 16:12:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 51
Words: 109,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1716737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePiesEndure/pseuds/ThePiesEndure
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You can never tell what he is thinking. That one thing always gets to me. He wears those goddamned aviators all the time. Not that I have any right to complain. He does what he wants. He owns me."</p><p>Matthew Sanders is nothing like any of Valary's previous owners. He is a man of integrity, great patience, tenderness, and a heartening joy.</p><p>Being in a famous band, Avenged Sevenfold, one would think he'd be an arrogant, hard man. But, Val finds that he is the one person in her life that she is willing and proud to call her Master.</p><p>This is their story, from the point of view of a young woman who learns who she really is and what life is really supposed to be about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Count myself lucky?"

You can never tell what he is thinking. That one thing always gets to me. He wears those goddamned aviators  _all_  the time. Not that I have any right to complain. He does what he wants. He  _owns_  me. And my dog. Well, okay...the dog belongs to him. It’s so…grating. But, that’s my life really. No. Really. He owns me. I’ll show you the papers.  
  
Who am I even talking about? Yeah, I hear you, my friend…and really, I’d love to tell you the whole story, but you would never believe me. Because, who would? I mean if someone came up to you and started blabbing about how  _the_  M Shadows of Avenged Sevenfold fame owned them, would you believe them? I know I wouldn’t. Except…that is exactly the position I’m in.  
  
And, y’know what? Maybe I will tell you the story. I have plenty of time. Plenty of time…  
  
It’s a good tale, a real humdinger. And…those aviators…well. I’ll tell you about it. Starting with the man himself.  
  
M Shadows. Well, okay. Matthew Sanders. Matt to his friends, or Shads, or Shadows, or M. Master to me. Yeah…Master. He insists upon the title. I mean…I don’t mind really. If I were going to call anyone ‘Master’ it’d have to be him, right? He looks the part. Those aviators… Anywho…  
  
The first time I saw him was at a concert. Yeah…I know, how the hell does someone like me even end up at a concert? Remember, to the world, I’m just a piece of meat to be bought, or sold, to the highest bidder. Not that Matt would ever sell me. He’s taken a shine to me apparently. Lucky me.  
  
I’m not even all that attractive, really…it must be the Italian blood, or something.  
  
Anyway, the concert. My handler at the time, this pudgy fat guy with bad breath, decided to drag me along…maybe he thought he could fob me off on some unsuspecting guy…trade me for some drugs or something, who knows. Anyway, there we were watching from somewhere in the ‘pit’ and the headlining band come on.  
  
These five inked up men, ranging from really short to built like a tank, prowl onto the stage and basically give the world a big ‘fuck you’ and begin to scream the house down. M Shadows sure has some lungs on him, I can tell you that now. He uses them to great effect…always…even if it’s not a pleasant experience for me. Anyway, I digress.  
  
The one built like a tank. He’s the lead singer…and the first thing I notice about him, apart from his tattooed arms [they’re massive...or at least compared to my twig-like limbs] are those damned shades. I couldn’t get over the fact that the man was wearing aviators indoors at nighttime. I really couldn’t figure it out.  
  
Of course, I know now it’s so no one can read him. He’s an extremely private person. What the public see isn’t what he’s really like…I can tell you that for a fact. Not that it’s a total lie. On stage, he acts like the biggest motherfucker alive…but he’s really very sweet. Even to me.  
  
Yeah, sure. So, you think he should be mean to me because I’m his slave? Come on. Only the biggest asshole would want to be mean to me. And he’s not one of them. Okay, so I piss him off a lot and he makes me regret it. He’s still sweeter than sugar.  
  
The fans who are lucky enough to meet him after a show or at a meet and greet…they catch glimpses of the  _real_  Matt Sanders. But, I see the complete package. If he feels like showing me. Which isn’t as often as I would like. But, hey, I can’t pick and choose…he’s the one wearing the pants.  
  
There I go again, waffling.  _Must_  be the Italian blood. So, there we were, or at least I was. I think fat slob disappeared to find some drugs, who knows? And damned if Mister Frontman stared straight at me through those aviators. He was pointing in my direction, singing, screaming some line about ravaging somebody’s body.  
  
Yeah, that really shouldn’t be a turn on, should it? Any self-respecting woman should wilt in disgust from hearing such words. But, coming from M Shadows’ mouth? Totally swoon worthy. Not that I was swooning. No, the man half scared me to death. What with those muscular tattooed arms and hidden glare, I definitely didn’t want to tangle with the likes of him.  
  
I actually shrank back into the mosh pit, yeah…I was scared then and I have to say I’m not sorry to admit it. He still scares me shitless now. Why? Because he’s so damned closed. It’s not  _just_  the shades, though they do help to conceal his emotions from the world around him.  
  
Fatty reappeared at that moment, luckily for me, and dragged me away into some secluded corner, away from the stage. Away from the penetrating stare of those otherwise emotionless aviators. I don’t know, but that first sighting of M Shadows really bugged me.  
  
I stood by fatso as he rambled to some guy…looked about the same age as the band members. Extremely short but built with muscle upon muscle. Not really that attractive if you ask me. Not that anyone would ever ask my opinion on anything. I’m a slave…remember?  
  
This story is going to take longer than I thought. Right. So, what happened next, you ask? Well, turns out this chunky monkey, his name’s Dan by the way, is a close friend of the band. Says they’re called Avenged Sevenfold…and he reckoned he could get us backstage to meet the guys after the gig. Mister Fatman decides that it could be a good thing. Probably thought he could buy or sell drugs to the band.  
  
Too bad for him the Avenged guys are as straight as they come. The worse I’ve ever seen them do is smoke tobacco and get drunk on Absinthe. Matt doesn’t smoke anymore; at least I can’t taste it on his breath when he kisses me. So, either he uses truckloads of mouthwash or he quit smoking. I’d go with the latter, because he never tastes of peppermint.  
  
Where was I? Oh, yes, Dan was telling us he could get us to meet the band, but not that first night. He gave fatso some passes and told us to come back to the final show in Long Beach, two nights from then. My handler was all sleazy grins and sanctimonious comments. Disgusting.  
  
Dan just left us with a genial smile and my handler hustled me out of the venue and back to our hotel. Then two days later, we were back at the venue. This time though that chunky fellow, Dan met us in the foyer and lead us to the backstage rooms.  
  
That afternoon I met the man who was to become my master, face-to-face. And wouldn’t you know it, he still had those aviators glued to his face. I still shudder at the memory of that meeting. Fatso walked me into the dressing room behind Dan and well…this is what happened…  
  
 _~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~_  
  
 _“Hey, Dan, who’re your friends?” A deep raspy voice filled my ears and Fatso and I turned our heads toward the man who had spoken._  
  
 _M Shadows, or Matt Sanders as he was actually known, leaned against the wall curious expression masked by the dark shades he wore over his eyes. His tattooed arms were folded across a broad chest, sweat soaked wife-beater clinging to his muscled torso._  
  
 _I swallowed hard at the sight of the band’s frontman. He oozed supreme confidence, dominance and charisma as he pushed away from the wall and approached us, one eyebrow arching above his shades._  
  
 _The small buff dude smirked nodding to Fatso. “This is Giovanni. He’s a tradesman. But, he’s also a fan.”_  
  
 _Matt’s gaze narrowed behind those dark aviators. I could tell only because of the tightening of the skin on either side of his face._  
  
 _“What do you trade?”_  
  
 _Fatso snorted. “Stuff.”_  
  
 _Matt chuckled low his covered stare turning to take in my presence. “And, who are you?”_  
  
 _That husky voice directed toward me, sent chills running through my body, and made the hairs on the back of my neck begin to prickle._  
  
 _Before I could respond, Fatso spoke up. “She is what I would trade.”_  
  
 _Matt’s head swiveled away from me to stare hard at my handler. “You trade in humans?”_  
  
 _Fatso smirked coldly. “The slave trade is alive and well in the America’s, Mister Sanders.”_  
  
 _I shivered at his words and tucked my chin into my chest, linking my hands behind me. Matt looked back at me a small frown creasing his brow and drawing the corners of his lips down._  
  
 _“You want to sell her?”_  
  
 _“Yes. At some stage. She is…damaged goods.”_  
  
 _The singer’s frown deepened and he walked toward me. I stood my ground keeping my chin tucked into my chest, eyes fixed on a point between his shoes. My heart was hammering in my chest so loud I wondered why no one else could hear it. Next thing I knew, he had my chin in one large hand and was tilting my face up to his. I gazed nervously at my reflection in his aviators. He stared back at me, appraising me carefully._  
  
 _Then he released me and I stumbled back from him, feeling stifled by his closeness. He let me back away and looked back at Fatso. “How much?”_  
  
 _I was stunned. Everything happened so fast after that. It felt like mere minutes before details were exchanged and then Matt’s large hand latched firmly around my left elbow. He led me over to the other side of the dressing room and pushed me down on the sofa there. I craned my neck to see Fatso being ushered out the door by chunky monkey Dan and then my view was blocked by Matt’s solid frame._  
  
 _He stared down at me for a long moment no apparent emotion on his face, and then…he cracked the hugest grin, the cutest dimples I’ve ever seen appearing on either side of his mouth, tilting his head back and letting out a laugh. “God damn…I’m sure ya glad to see the back of him, hey? Giovanni…what kind of a stupid name is that? Sounds like some kind of wannabe Italian artist.”_  
  
 _I couldn’t respond, just continued to gaze dumbly into his shades._  
  
 _He chuckled, the sound sending shivers down my spine, as he stood there shaking his head at me. “Damn…count yourself lucky, girl. That man…he seems like all kinds of trouble. You just sit tight there and I’ll be getting ya home real quick.”_  
  
 _I caught the little wink he gave me, a slight flutter of his eyelashes then he swung away and went to join the rest of his band practically ignoring me._  
  
 _Count myself lucky? Hah._


	2. "Big boy's toys, eh?"

Damn that man. The things he does to me. The way he makes my heart race. Sometimes I hate the fact that he owns me. Because, if he didn’t then I’d have the right to chase and woo him like any other woman. Not that he makes himself available, if you know what I mean. As far as the rest of the world is concerned, I’m M Shadows’ wife and we love each other to pieces.  
  
Hah. Okay, so I love Matt to pieces, but I’d never dare admit it. He’d probably level me with a hard look then walk away. He’s like that, y’know? By no means is he arrogant or egotistical. He cares about me. It isn’t love. But, he does care about me.  
  
I hear you asking ‘if he cares about you so much, why doesn’t he just let you go?’ Well, friends…I don’t really want that. I want to stay with him until my time expires. He’s better than any other man I’ve ever known. Better than any other master.  
  
I know it sounds so contrived, so…clichéd…but he completes me in ways no other man ever has. I have to tell you: That first night was surreal to me. I spent about an hour just observing him with his friends, the other band members. A real crazy bunch of men but every one of them as sweet as the next. Matt seriously loves on all of them, for real.  
  
I would too, if I was allowed. And NO! I don’t mean sexually…just you know as friends. They like me, apparently. So Matt tells me. But then in the same breath he tells me to  _be careful_  around them and watches me a like a damned hawk through those shades of his.  
  
That first night though. I still remember it clear as a bell. Matt was so…I’m not sure how to describe it really…unless I put it in context…unless I really delve back into my memory bank and show you…  
  
Unless…Well. If you could take a digital video cam and film my memories, this is what you would capture…  
  
 _~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Matt came back for me after eating food from the band’s rider and mucking around with the bassist, the short guy, Johnny. The whole band seemed to beat up on the little guy but he appeared to take it with aplomb. I watched on in bemusement but then Matt came over to where I was sitting and looked down at me through those anonymous shades.  
  
“Come on. We’re heading back to the hotel.” That voice, it was rough but smooth all at once.  
  
If I were going to be honest and admit to one thing in my life, it would be the fact that his voice damn near scared me to death. It was a contradiction in and of itself. Deep and sensual yet harsh and abrasive as gravel rubbing against skin, his voice did all sorts of uncomfortable things to me.  
  
Nevertheless, it was a voice I would learn to obey, and love, at all cost. I peered up at him then stood hesitantly. He grasped my left arm at the crook of my elbow and made to steer me to the exit. Snakebites got in our way though. Zachary Baker to be more precise. The rhythm guitarist, whom I hadn’t been introduced to, raised his eyebrows at us, curiosity blazing from the most startling green eyes I’d ever seen.  
  
“Who’s this, Shads?” Zachary cocked a black eyebrow at us. He must be half-Italian, was the thought that raced randomly through my mind.  
  
Matt’s rough response sent my heart pounding into double time. “This is my new toy, V.”  
  
I blinked, remembering that the guitarist’s stage name was Zacky Vengeance. The slightly pudgy male flashed a wide grin, the piercings on his lower lip glinting beneath the lights. “Big boy’s toy, eh?”  
  
Matt’s grip tightened like a vice on my elbow causing me to wince. I tugged faintly at his hold; his gaze shot to me. Freezing, I went still and averted my eyes to the floor. I caught movement from the corner of my eye as he gave a little nod as if in approval, and then returned his focus to his friend.  
  
“Indeed. But, she has a name…uh…” He paused; I chanced a look at him. Matt pursed his lips and I saw an eyebrow lift slightly behind his shades. “What’s your name, girl?”  
  
Swallowing passed a lump that had formed in my throat and darting my eyes between the two men, I hesitated before answering. “Val…uh…Valary Dibenedetto…”  
  
Matt seemed to be processing what I just said because his lips tightened into a hard line and he said nothing.  
  
However, Zacky’s eyes widened and he laughed, shaking his head from side to side. “Damn…you’re Michelle’s twin sister.”  
  
The tightness of Matt’s expression softened slightly as he flicked his head back toward the guitarist. I took that moment to take in Zachary’s appearance. He was wearing a pair of tight jeans and a comfortable looking flannel shirt, in blue and black. His jet black hair was spiked and he seemed to always be absently sucking on his snakebites.  
  
I returned my focus to the man holding onto my arm though as he scowled at his friend. “Michelle? As in Brian’s girlfriend?”  
  
Zacky nodded a deep chuckle escaping his lips. “Damn, Shadows…you really are out of the loop.” He paused and looked to me. “Now I know what Mish meant when she said she didn’t wanna talk about her sister.”  
  
I flinched at his words and bowed my head. Knowing that my own sister probably wanted nothing to do with me, hurt more than I wanted to admit. The fact that I’d barely had a chance to know any of my family, hurt even more.  
  
Matt frowned even more, his brow was wrinkling above his shades. I looked at him.  
  
He sucked at his bottom lip. “I didn’t even _ know  _Michelle had a sister.”_  
  
 _Zacky rolled his eyes and waved his hand toward me. “Well, fuck Matt. Look at her. I mean apart from the hair….they look almost identical.”_  
  
 _My hair was dyed blonde at the time and fell loosely around my face. I kept my eyes lowered as I felt Matt’s stare focus on me. I trembled as he reached with his free hand to grasp my chin. He tilted my face up and studied me in silence._  
  
 _Then, with a grunt, he released my chin and shook his head at his friend. “Well, Michelle’s sister or not, it makes no difference to what she is.”_  
  
 _“No. Of course not.” I saw Zacky shrug then reach over to slap Matt on the shoulder. “See ya later, buddy. I’m sure you have things you wanna do.”_  
  
 _A shudder ran down my spine as he placed heavy emphasis on the last part of his sentence. Matt smirked faintly in reply. Then pulling lightly on my arm, he led me from the dressing room and out of the venue to a line of parked cars._  
  
 _I wondered which was his, as he walked me passed several expensive looking vehicles. When he came to a stop though my eyes bulged slightly, well they felt like it. Matt had halted by a large custom-built Harley Davidson motorcycle. There was no way in the world he was going to make me get on that monster. Still, somehow, it seemed appropriate that he would have a bike and not a car; it suited the tough image he had going on._  
  
 _“Here.”_  
  
 _I blinked as he thrust a black helmet at me. “Huh?”_  
  
 _He sighed spinning me around and putting it on me, making sure it fit snugly. “Helmet. For safety, don’t want you falling off and cracking your skull open.”_  
  
 _I shivered and glanced at the massive bike chewing nervously at the inside of my cheek._  
  
 _Matt tilted his head at me. “Never been on a bike?”_  
  
 _Shaking my head, I looked down at the ground and mumbled under my breath._  
  
 _He gripped my chin and made me look up at him. “What did you say?”_  
  
 _I stared into his impassive face, noting the bandanna wrapped around his shorn scalp. He’d been wearing a cap over it earlier, but I guess it wouldn’t fit under a helmet._  
  
 _Breathing out roughly, I glanced toward the bike. “Friend of mine…killed on one of those…speeding…”_  
  
 _Matt scowled at that. “I’m always careful.”_  
  
 _I shook my head and took several steps back. I really did not want to get on that bike._  
  
 _He glowered at me through his shades. “Get on, Valary. I’m not letting you walk.”_  
  
 _I think it was the fact that he used my name that clued me into realizing that he was dead serious. And so, with extreme reluctance I straddled the passenger rider. He pulled on his own helmet and climbed on in front of me._  
  
 _Swinging his head around to look at me a tiny smirk flickered across his face. “Hold on to me, ‘kay? Don’t want to lose you.”_  
  
 _I gave a small nod and hesitantly wrapped my arms around his waist. He snorted and shook his head facing the front and placing his hands on the handlebars. For a moment, I wondered what he was shaking his head at but when he started the bike and I felt the roar of the engine beneath me, I figured it out pretty quick._  
  
 _Matt didn’t ease the bike out of the lot, no, the beast almost had a mind of its own and literally screamed out of there. I had to tighten my hold around his waist and that brought my breasts flush against his muscled back. He wasn’t complaining, and truth be told I was so petrified of being on that bike, having my breasts squashed against his back was the least of my problems._  
  
 _Luckily, the ride from the venue to the hotel was only about ten minutes long, ten minutes too long in my opinion. I just wanted the ride to end. I kept my eyes closed the whole way, clutching for dear life around Matt’s waist and silently cursing Giovanni for getting me into this predicament._  
  
 _When we arrived, I was a little unsteady getting off the bike. Matt noticed and, ever the gentleman, he gripped my arm to steady me. I blushed and stammered my thanks._  
  
 _He just laughed, those dimples showing once more. “No need to fall over me, hun. I’m not that good lookin’.”_  
  
 _I didn’t have any response to that comment so just remained silent as he steered me into the hotel. He nodded to the clerk as he hurried me to the elevator and then we were on our way up to the floor where the band was staying._  
  
 _Pushing me ahead of him, Matt marched me out of the elevator along the hallway to a heavy wooden door right at the end. When we reached the door, he dug in his back pocket for a moment before revealing a white, plastic key card. He slid it into the slot and, when we both heard the soft click and the red light went green, he twisted the handle, pushing the door open._  
  
 _Pulling me in by the elbow and hitting the light switch, Matt motioned with a jerk of his chin as he slid the key card back into his pocket. “Here we are. Home sweet home.”_  
  
 _I raised my eyebrows at him. He chuckled smearing a hand over his head, removing the bandanna in the process and tossing it onto a bench._  
  
 _“Well, home sweet home away from home.” He shrugged his broad shoulders and strode further into the large room._  
  
 _Remaining by the door, which had closed behind me, I glanced warily around me. My immediate impression was of a well-lit living area, several chaise lounges sprawled out in front of a huge widescreen television._  
  
 _A long window filled the expanse behind the television. Heavy black drapes hung drawn back from the window revealing the townscape of Long Beach. Matt stood by the window gazing out at the view, hands braced on the frame._  
  
 _I glanced to my right to the bench where he’d thrown his cap. There was a small kitchenette with a stove, fridge, microwave and shiny metal sink. Blinking, I looked to my left where I could see two doors leading out of the main living area: Bedroom and bathroom._  
  
 _“C’mere.” Matt’s raspy voice tore my attention away from my passive tour of the room._  
  
 _I looked over at him. He was leaning against the back of one of the lounges now, hands braced on either side of his body. I could see the muscles in his forearms bunching slightly as they supported his weight._  
  
 _Taking a deep breath I nervously made my way to stand in front of him, head tucked down, eyes fixed on a point between his feet._  
  
 _I heard him sigh softly. “Valary…”_  
  
 _I dared to meet his eyes. Those shades were still covering them so there was no way for me to read his expression._  
  
 _“Yes, sir?”_  
  
 _Matt took his bottom lip between his teeth appraising me for a long while before sighing once more and lifting a hand to remove the shades and hooking them on the neck of his top. I swallowed hard as he brought his eyes to mine and for the first time I was able to gaze into them._  
  
 _I shivered; his eyes were bright, filled with many different emotions. Yet, that was not what I noticed; instead, the colours were what caught my attention. They were myriad shades of green, hazel and brown mixed together in shifting hues._  
  
 _He blinked once then stared at me eyes darkening imperceptibly, the colour shifting to a flat hazel-brown. Trembling, I lowered my gaze once more._  
  
 _He moved, I felt him move a little closer to me, and then he cupped my chin in one large, warm hand and gently raised my gaze to his. “Look at me, Val.”_  
  
 _I obeyed, quivering at his touch. I was so nervous of the situation I’d been flung into; I didn’t know what else to do. He tilted his head to the side a thoughtful expression flickering in his eyes._  
  
 _“So,” he spoke softly, “tell me, what is it you do for me?”_  
  
 _Staring at him, I wondered why he would be asking me that. He had purchased me, did he have no idea what that meant. His fingers tightened a little on my chin._  
  
 _“Well?” His tone remained soft, almost curious._  
  
 _I grasped at his wrist; it was surprisingly small around compared to the thickness of his arm. His eyes narrowed a caution in their depths._  
  
 _Licking my lips, I whispered hoarsely in reply. “Anything, sir.”_  
  
 _“Anything?”_  
  
 _“Anything.” My voice shook slightly and my stomach clenched as a burst of heat flared through my body._  
  
 _He slid his hand from my chin to wrap lightly around my neck. The heat followed his touch. I began trembling as he squeezed his hand softly against my throat._  
  
 _“Such as?” The tone in his voice changed, it became deeper more commanding._  
  
 _A soft whimper escaped my lips. Fear slid like a snake into my mind. I hated this part of my life. Being a slave to a man’s needs and wants was the worst part of my bondage. It always scared me, because no man was ever gentle with my body, all they cared about was their own pleasure._  
  
 _“Valary.” Matt became more insistent, his other hand moving to grasp my hip._  
  
 _I squeezed my eyes shut then opened them again looking into his stern gaze. “I’ll...show you, sir.”_  
  
 _“Show me?”_  
  
 _Nodding, I cast a sideways glance toward the door I assumed led to the bedroom. Matt followed my gaze and I saw realisation dawn in his eyes. “Ah. I see.”_  
  
 _He released me and pushed away from the lounge, causing me to back up several feet._  
  
 _“Well then.” He looked at me for a long moment._  
  
 _I waited on bated breath, expecting him to order me to the bedroom or something. However, the command never came. And that was when I realised that this was going to be very different from any other time. Matthew Sanders was not like any of my other owners and here was my first glimpse of the person he was revealing himself to be._  
  
 _Hugging myself, I watched dumbly as he walked around the lounge, flopped down on it and without even looking at me, picked up the remote and turned the television on. I stood there uncertain of what to do._  
  
 _He turned his head slightly to look at me, and then he smiled a hint of those dimples appearing. “Here, sit down. Relax.”_  
  
 _I blinked uncomprehendingly at him._  
  
 _He gave a low chuckle. “C’mon, Val. I’m not gonna bite.”_  
  
 _Biting at the inside of my cheek, I came around and perched hesitantly on the edge of the seat._  
  
 _Matt rolled his eyes at me and without further preamble wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me fully onto the lounge close to his side. “Relax.”_  
  
 _He returned his gaze to the television where a late baseball game was playing on the screen. I shifted in his grip a little attempting to get comfortable. Matt felt my movement allowing his body to shift as well until he was laying back and I was resting against his chest._  
  
 _Before I knew it my eyes were drifting closed and I ended up falling asleep on top of him. I hadn’t realised how exhausted I was, obviously everything that had happened in the past few hours was finally catching up with me._  
  
 _The last thing I heard before I drifted away was a soft chuckle and Matt’s raspy voice murmuring almost gently to me. “Poor thing...you must be beat...sleep’ll do you good.”_


	3. “I think you need to be reminded of your place.”

“Val, what’re you doing?”  
  
Huh? Well, duh...what does it look like?  
  
Matt’s just appeared behind my comfortable position in the window seat of his California bungalow. We’re at home in Huntington Beach. Avenged Sevenfold is taking a well earned break from touring. The guys are priming for their new album.  
  
I glance up at him. He lifts an eyebrow a curious expression in his eyes. He’s not wearing his aviators. Yeah, I always notice when he’s not wearing them.  
  
“Well?”  
  
He really hates having to repeat himself; sometimes I wonder why I push him so much. Shrugging I look out the window absently fiddling with the mp3/voice recorder clasped in my right hand. He makes some kind of exasperated snort and next I know he’s spun me around and has my recorder in his hand.  
  
“What is this?” His tone is harsh, but not really angry. More curious than anything.  
  
I blink at him, lick my lips. “Just...nothing, Master.”  
  
He frowns looking at it then back at me. “I heard you talking.” He waits for an explanation.  
  
Sliding my hands to my arms and rubbing slowly I answer, because what else am I supposed to do? He has every right to ask me questions and I have no choice but to answer.  
  
You’re probably thinking that I shouldn’t bother. That I should be allowed some privacy. But, it doesn’t work like that. You have to understand...if Matt tells me to jump...well, you know how it goes.  
  
“Just...dictating.”  
  
“Dictating what?”  
  
I shrug and tilt my face up to his staring into his face. He’s so tall, compared to my puny height. People used to call me ‘dwarf’ as a joke. Not that I found it particularly hilarious or anything.  
  
“Val, dictating what?” There’s an edge to his voice.  
  
Dammit. He’s getting pissed. I hate when he gets angry at me. Yeah, yeah...I hear you...don’t make him angry then. Do as he says. That’s easy for you to say. You don’t belong to him.  
  
I close my eyes then open them again. He’s still waiting, but this time his eyes are darker and the look he’s giving me is one I know that I have to heed otherwise he’s going to let loose with something real unpleasant.  
  
“Just telling my story...”  
  
Matt blinks at me. “Your story?”  
  
Yeah, I know...pretty dumb, right. Who wants to hear my story? I know that’s what he’s thinking. I look down and nod. “Yes, Master.”  
  
He clicks the player on and tilts his head as my voice issues from the little speaker.  
  
 _“...so boring, doing washing and cleaning...and making sure the dog, Bella, doesn’t run into the walls...”_  
  
I shiver and peek up at him to try and gauge his reaction. He doesn’t look particularly pleased.  
  
Shaking his head, he clicks it off and tosses it onto a table nearby then glowers at me. “You shouldn’t be wasting your time. Nobody wants to hear it.”  
  
Of course not. Nobody’s meant to hear it, really. I just want to record my story. For my own memories, my own benefit. Of course I don’t say any of this to him. Don’t want him to think I’m dissing him or anything like that. After all he’s the big recording star. Well with the band and all.  
  
Like I already mentioned, they’re about to go back into the studio. The little makeshift one in Matt’s parents garage. That’s where they go to write. I’m sure Matt’ll drag me along. Get me to make cups of coffee etcetera, etcetera for his friends. Not that that really bothers me.  
  
“Val, are you listening to me?”  
  
Oops. Matt’s still talking to me and my mind has to wander.  
  
I force my attention back to him. “No...sorry...what did you say?”  
  
Matt sighs, shaking his head at me again. His expression takes on a grim cast. “I think you need to be reminded of your place.”  
  
Well, how’s that for a damned heart stopper. Hearing those words makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Why, you ask? Well, because when Matt tells me he thinks I need reminding of my place, he means serious business. It means that I am in deep shit.  
  
He’s warned me of this so many times. In fact it was the number one rule he gave me the day after he bought me. I should tell you about that next morning, but...I can’t afford to be distracted right now. Matt is really quite angry with me.  
  
Bowing my head, I let my arms fall loose by sides and just wait for whatever he decides to do. Right now, I am scared out of my mind. I _will_  admit that honestly to you. Very rarely does Matt do anything to me in anger, but this is one of those rare moments. And, it is safe to say that his anger terrifies me. Like, really, really scares me shitless.  
  
I mean, he’s not scary  _per se_...apart from when he’s up on stage telling some ‘little faggot’ he’s gonna beat their ‘fucking little pussy ass’. You should go find the YouTube of that. Damned funny. Still, like I’ve been saying, he’s really a sweet guy. But, right now, he’s ticked off, and I’m not helping matters much, by not paying attention.  
  
“ _Valary_.” There’s a hard tone to his voice now.  
  
I shiver and murmur. “Sorry...paying attention.”  
  
He growls. “You’d better hope you are.”  
  
I clasp my hands in my lap. He steps closer. He’s always so overwhelming...just the presence of him in a room causes me to unravel; all my little sane thoughts go flying out the window.

“Look at me.”

I raise my eyes to his. I see...disappointment. That’s what I see, and that damn near breaks my heart. The one thing that frightens me more than Matt’s anger is the thought of disappointing him. I’m forever disappointing people...and it never usually bothers me.  
  
Y’know, I’m the kinda girl who doesn’t care what people think. But, Matt...I care what he thinks. Crazy, hey? Well, okay. Maybe not that crazy. Everybody probably cares what  _M Shadows_  thinks.  
  
“Jesus, Val.  _Pay attention_.”  
  
I jump at his tone; it’s gone so cold now.  
  
He grabs me by the left arm; always the left...don’t know why that is. But, I really shouldn’t be wondering such random things, right.  
  
He tugs me to my feet. “Get up.”  
  
I obey. No other choice unless I want him to pull my arm out of its socket.  
  
Once I’m standing he just glares at me then flings my arm back to my side. “The guys are coming ‘round in half an hour. You are going to make sure they have everything they want. Got it.”  
  
“Yes, Master.” I sound like a robot.  
  
I hear you...where’s my personality gone? I still have it. But it’s not wise to use it when Matt’s in a mood. He gives me a long look then turns on his heel and walks away, but not before picking up the mp3 player and sticking it in his back pocket.  
  
Well, there goes my story...in Matt’s back pocket...at least I still have my journal. Yeah, I write things down too. Especially if I’m up at night and he’s asleep. But, I guess I shouldn’t risk pissing Matt off any more than he already is.  
  
 _Sigh_.  
  
Not that I can really complain. His friends aren’t really all that demanding. Now, just as long as Brian doesn’t suddenly decide to bring Michelle with him, I think everything will be fine. Oh, well. I will just have to wait and see.


	4. "Trying to reach the crackers."

Family. It’s an interesting idea. What? Yes, to me a family is an idea. An ideal. I never really knew my family. The Dibenedetto clan is a closed door to me. I was a member for the first five years of my life. And then, except for keeping the family name, I was turfed out. So, I know you’re probably all wondering, what the hell happened?  
  
Well, I’m still not sure what really happened, I was only five, okay? But, what I think it was about was that my parents had like, a hundred kids, and I was the youngest. Okay. They didn’t have a hundred kids, more like seven.  
  
Anyway, they, being a good Catholic family, didn’t stop at two or three kids [all boys so far] because they don’t believe in contraceptives. Their sixth child they thought would be their last [Michelle my twin] but then I popped out after Michelle did. They got a huge shock as you can imagine.  
  
I guess when I got to five they thought they couldn’t raise seven kids anymore so they handed me over to the state. Or to be more precise they took me out one day, and left me at the doorstep of the Huntington Beach Orphanage. Yeah, I know...seems like they didn’t care about me. But, I’m sure that’s not the case at all.  
  
Of course, being five years old and extremely trusting, I know I believed they would come back for me. Of course that all changed when some stranger took me from the orphanage and sent me to the slave markets. That, I can tell you now, was the beginning of the worst period of my young life.  
  
Don’t feel sorry for me though. I’m still here. I’m alive. I’m not even depressed about all of it really. There are people in much worse situations than me. I mean, hell...I have somewhere to live, clothes, food...everything a person needs to live.  
  
Anywho, why am I even telling you all this? Well, there is a point. I’m really trying to segway into talking about my twin, Michelle. Because, as luck...or bad luck, would have it, Brian decided that bringing his girlfriend to Matt’s place this afternoon was a bright idea.  
  
She’s sitting with the guys, Brian’s little white fluffy dog, Pinkly, curled on her lap. I wish I could join them, but no, I’m in the kitchen trying to figure out what kind of snacks and drinks they might want. Matt came in a moment ago to remind me to pay attention.  
  
He’s still mad at me, and he still has my player in his back pocket. I can see the outline of it there against his ass. He’s out in the dining room with the guys discussing the songs they have so far. I can hear snippets of their conversation, but I’m not supposed to be listening in.  
  
Anyway, I’m supposed to be telling you about Michelle right? Well, the thing is, there’s not much to say, because I don’t really know her. I remember being a little girl and playing dolls with her...and vying for our Mom’s attention...but that’s about it. And, oh...wearing matching outfits...and playing with our older brother’s...but it’s all a big blur really.  
  
She avoids me whenever the guys come over to Matt’s...and Brian drags her along. She just sits with them and laughs at their jokes and plays with Bella [Matt’s Labrador, crazy, beautiful bitch] and Pinkly, her and Brian’s WFD [White Fluffy Dog...].  
  
That’s where she is right now...doing exactly that, and I should be attending them...  _sigh..._  
  
Anyway.  _Ugh...what to feed them._  
  
I know there’s cheese and crackers in the pantry. I guess that’ll have to do. Matt did buy some Jack the other day as well. He doesn’t drink, much. But the other guys do. Especially short stuff [Johnny]. He’s almost as short as me, I kid you not.  
  
Anyway, cheese crackers...where are you?  
  
I poke my head into the pantry and find the box but it’s right on the top shelf. Damn. I come back out and grab the step-stool just as Matt comes wandering back in.  
  
He raises his eyebrows at me. “What’re you doing?”  
  
Again with the questions. Better answer. “Trying to reach the crackers.” I actually feel my cheeks go a little pink.  
  
He rolls his eyes at me and walks into the pantry and grabs them from the top shelf. “Here. You’re worse than Short shit.”  
  
He passes me the crackers; I crack a tiny smile. “That’s ‘cause I’m shorter than him.”  
  
Matt chuckles as he braces his forearms against the kitchen bench, watching me. “True.”  
  
I blush more and duck my head down as I go to the fridge and grab the large block of cheddar cheese. I can feel his penetrating stare boring into the top of my head. I try to concentrate on laying out the cheese and crackers, but the view of his arms I’m getting is screwing with my head.  
  
The ink that covers them is mesmerising; my favourite out of all of the pieces of art is the red horse on his left forearm. It is so muscular and appears to leap out at you every time you look at it. Reminds me a little of his attitude on stage at least some of the time.  
  
“Val?”  
  
“Huh?” I look up at him; he’s sporting a crooked grin.  
  
“The crackers...” He gives a little nod.  
  
I look down again and blink.  _Shit_. I really hate that. I was cutting the crackers, not the cheese. “Dammit...”  
  
Matt laughs and reaches over to pat me on the head. Like I’m the dog or something.  
  
Speaking of which... “Where’s Bella?”  
  
“In the living room trying to lie all over Jimmy.”  
  
I giggle at that image and shake my head. “Silly dog.”  
  
Matt returns to leaning against the bench.  
  
There’s a long silence for a moment, except for the sound of me slicing cheese and placing them on the unbroken crackers. Then I hear a grunt and this sound as Matt’s obviously preparing to say something. I tilt my head slightly to let him know I’m listening.  
  
“So, what exactly do you say?”  
  
“Huh?” Now he’s lost me.  
  
I glance at him.  
  
He tilts his head to the side, dips his hand in his back pocket and holds up my player. “On this, what do you even say?”  
  
Biting my bottom lip, I shake my head. There’s no way I’m answering that question.  
  
He sighs and places it down in front of me. His action is slow and deliberate. That scares me. Weird, huh? Why the hell would that scare me? I know...I know. But, usually Matt’s a quick man. He kind of rushes in and out of places with this kind of ‘let’s go’ attitude and ‘I don’t care what’s going on’ look to life.  
  
“Val, I asked you a question.”  
  
I sigh and meet his sharp look. “It’s nothing. Just rambling...”  
  
He nods as if that explains something to him. Then he casts a glance toward the living room. “Your sister...” He lets his voice trail off.  
  
I bite at my cheek, a habit I have if you hadn’t already noticed. “Not really...”  
  
He looks at me askance.  
  
I shake my head slowly. “Separated...I was five. So was she.”  
  
Matt’s brow scrunches down in consternation. The expression makes him look surprisingly anxious.  
  
I try a smile. “It doesn’t bother me.”  
  
He doesn’t respond to that.  
  
I shift the plate with the cheese and crackers and half mumble to it. “Long time ago...”  
  
Matt leans over the bench and gently tucks a strand of hair behind my left ear. “Don’t lie, Val. It bothers the fuck outta you.”  
  
I flinch a little, chewing almost savagely at the inside of my cheek.  
  
He gives me that dimpled smile then nods to the plate. “Get those to the guys. We’ll talk more about this.”  
  
Yeah, right. Like I want to talk about my past. Like  _he_  wants to hear about my past... Yeah. How riveting would that be? I’m  _sure_  the big  _M Shadows_  wants to talk about my insignificant past.  _Much_  more interesting than writing songs for the band’s new album.  
  
I hope you note the sarcasm...  
  
I grab the plate and head for the dining room, just catching Matt pick up my player again and park his ass on the stool by the bench. I have to force myself to keep walking into the dining room, even though a part of me is telling me to race back into the kitchen and plead with him not to listen to whatever I’ve recorded.  
  
I mean, there’s really no point. If Matt wants to look through my private stuff, that’s his choice. He owns me. And, really...it’s not like I’ve said anything bad about him in it...so I’ll just suck it up and do my job. Let him hear what I have to say...it’s no skin off my nose.  
  
In fact...I’m kinda curious to know what he might think about it. Well, maybe when he talks to me later...  
  
I shake my head and keep walking toward the dining room just as I hear Matt hit the play button and my voice fills the kitchen space... _dammit...  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Um. Hi...hello. Testing. Wait, does this work? Right. Okay. So, um...my name is Valary Dibenedetto. Wow...this is weird. I feel like I’m talking to myself. Just as long as I don’t answer myself right? Anyway, I’m 27 and I belong to Matt Sanders. Yeah, you heard me right. Not going to repeat it.  
  
We live in Huntington Beach...ugh, you know what? Stop right there. This sounds so damned cliché. I’ll start again.  
  
Deep breath, Val...okay...here goes...  
  
You can never tell what he is thinking. That one thing always gets to me. He wears those goddamned aviators_ all  _the time. Not that I have any right to complain. He does what he wants. He_ owns  _me..._


	5. "You're too damn, cute."

_Matt was silent as we sat at the small dining table both facing the long window. Midmorning sunlight streamed through the thick glass bathing us in its warm glow. I’d woken earlier than him and gone into automatic mode. By the time he’d gotten out of bed and came into the main room, I had a steaming mug of coffee and a plate stacked with hot toast set in place for him.  
  
He’d flashed me that dimpled smile once more and sat without a word. I observed him as quietly as I could, not wanting to disturb him as he ate. Once he’d finished and I cleared the dirty dishes away, he motioned for me to join him at the table once more.  
  
Now we sat together waiting for something to happen. Pressing the tip of my finger against the tabletop I began to trace random designs on the smooth surface. Then Matt cleared his throat and I felt him move slightly next to me. I peered up at him. A serious look passed across his eyes.  
  
I waited.  
  
He rubbed at his neck then allowed his palm to rest against the table. “Right. This is how it’s gonna be. This tour is almost over, so I just want you to enjoy yourself.” I blinked at him. He looked hard at me. “That’s not too hard for you is it?”  
  
Licking my lips, I shook my head. “No, sir.”  
  
Matt’s eyes narrowed on mine and he shifted to lean both forearms against the table. “Another thing. You’ll call me ‘Master’ when you address me.” He sucked on his bottom lip. “Any other rules, I’ll explain when we go home.”  
  
“Home?” I was curious to know where home was for him.  
  
He smiled a faraway look clouding his eyes as if he were thinking of some wonderful memory. “Huntington Beach, Orange County. There’s no place like it anywhere else in the world, Val.”  
  
My mouth went dry, and I trembled slightly. “Huntington...?”  
  
Matt glanced at me, a slight frown on his face. “Yes. Is that a problem?”  
  
I laughed dryly. “Only if you count the fact that I was born there.”  
  
He looked astonished. “You were born in Huntington?”  
  
I nodded, looking down at my hands unable to meet his incredulous gaze.  
  
“How come I never met you then?”  
  
I didn’t know the full answer to that question but I hazarded a guess anyway. “Guess our circles never mixed...” Glancing up at him, I added, “And, I was only there until I was five...”  
  
Matt nodded, accepting that answer, smiling a little. “That makes sense.” He paused for a long while then looked at me again. “One other thing.” He moved his hand and curled it around mine, stilling it. “When we get home. You will sleep with me.”  
  
I opened my mouth, but he pressed the tips of the fingers on his other hand to my lips. “Don’t worry. I won’t make you _ sleep _with me, just yet. We’ll go slow. I don’t even know you well enough for that. But, no separate beds. I want you close to me.”_  
  
 _My bottom lip trembled. I hated sleeping with other people. I always felt like I was going to be smothered. All my other owners had forced me to sleep with them, and they had never been considerate of my feelings._  
  
 _Even though Matt was assuring me that he wouldn’t make me do anything, for now...I didn’t trust what he was saying. I just couldn’t bring myself to believe that he would keep his word. No man ever did. It was always about what they wanted. It had never been about me._  
  
 _Matt’s brow creased as he obviously noticed my discomfort. “Valary...”_  
  
 _His voice was surprisingly tender. But, I couldn’t bring myself to lift my head to him. He sighed and I felt as he shifted back from me. I peeked out at him from beneath my lowered lashes. He had turned away and was looking out the window, face calm and expressionless._  
  
 _I observed as he took a deep, slow breath, his nostrils flaring slightly. Then he turned his eyes back to meet mine. Before I could look down again, he reached out and stroked the back of his index finger against my cheek._  
  
 _“It’s okay. You can stay in the single bed for the next couple of nights. We don’t go home until Friday.”_  
  
 _It was Tuesday. I nodded slightly, my skin tingling a little where he had made contact. He smiled again, hazel eyes sparkling. My cheeks felt flushed and I ducked my head down. His smile made my whole body quiver, and not entirely in a bad way._  
  
 _I heard him chuckle softly, and then the light scrape of chair legs on the floor as he pushed away from the table and stood. “Right. Well, it’s almost eleven, and I have to catch the rest of the band. Stay here, ‘kay? I won’t be long.”_  
  
 _With that he grabbed the room key, his cap and bandana and walked out of the hotel room, leaving me alone to ponder everything he had just told me._  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
“You’re a good chick, y’know that?”  
  
I look sideways at Jimmy as he lounges languidly on his chair. Bella, Matt’s dog, is half lying over his lap, half trying to reach the cheese and cracker that I just put in front of the drummer. Pushing her away, he grins laconically at me. I blush and lower my eyes.  
  
Brian, who is in the middle of whispering into my twin’s ear, turns from her and flashes me a sweet smile. “Yeah, Matt’s lucky he got you. You do good by him.”  
  
“Yeah,” Jimmy nods in obvious agreement, “you don’t give him shit. Do as you’re told. Give us amazing food.”  
  
“Yeah, especially the amazing food.” Brian keeps smiling at me.  
  
I keep blushing and quickly pass around the rest of the cheese and crackers to the other guys, noticing absently that Zachary and Johnny grab the most. Michelle takes one piece and a hint of a smile flickers over her lips as she nods to me. That’s all the acknowledgement she gives me, and that’s fine by me, really.  
  
Once the plate is empty, I return to the kitchen smiling at the compliments Matt’s friends have just given me. I’m a big sucker for compliments, though I don’t let them give me a big head. Thoughts of what they said to me disappear though as soon as I see that Matt is still sitting at the bench with my player.  
  
I carefully set the empty plate down on the bench and look at him. He does not acknowledge me just continues to listen to the recording. Shivering a little, I move to lean against the bench and tuck my chin into my chest waiting for him to notice me, and say something.  
  
After several minutes which to me seem to drag on for hours, Matt finally clicks the player off.  
  
He doesn’t turn to look at me, but he does speak. “Tell me, Val. Have you ever thought to write any of this down?”  
  
His voice is emotionless so there is no way for me to gauge what he’s actually thinking. The question surprises me somewhat though and all I can do is mumble in answer.  
  
“No. Not really.”  
  
He looks at me then. I avert my eyes afraid of what I will see in his.  
  
“Aside from the fact that you shouldn’t even be doing this; you do have a way with words.”  
  
I flush slightly; I hear him snort faintly. “You sound like you’re reading from a fricking book half the time. With fucking dialogue and everything. Planning on writing a novel, hey?” There’s a note of amusement threading through his voice now.  
  
I shake my head. “No, Master.”  
  
Matt sighs and stands, approaching me. I quiver slightly from fear, slightly from the closeness of his overwhelming masculinity. He chuckles obviously realising the effect he has on me and leans forward.  
  
I actually flinch as he gets closer. He rolls his eyes and without a word tucks the player into the front pocket of my jeans. Then he catches hold of my chin and lifts my eyes to his.  
  
A stern light appears in his hazel eyes. “Don’t let me catch you fucking around with this again, understand?”  
  
“Understood, Master,” I whisper the words not trusting myself to speak any louder.  
  
Matt releases my chin. “Good.” He looks toward the dining room. “Did they like the food?”  
  
I nod glad that I can still do something right. “Yes. They were pleased. And, Jimmy and Brian even complimented me on how obedient I was to you.”  
  
Matt mutters dryly, “Most of the time.”  
  
I tremble at his comment and murmur in a low voice, “I try...”  
  
He smiles, his tone softening as he reaches out to stroke the backs of his fingers against my cheek. “I know you do.”  
  
I tilt my head slightly looking up into his face.  
  
He lifts an eyebrow. “Yeah, Val?”  
  
“What you just heard...” I hesitate, clutching at the player in my pocket.  
  
Matt keeps caressing my cheek. “Mhm?”  
  
“Do...do you...uh...do you even remember that?” I hate the fact that my voice is beginning to shake.  
  
Matt notices it, and that bothers me. His expression becomes more serious and he moves so he’s pressing me back slightly against the bench.  
  
He softly places his hands on my hips and stares down into my eyes. “Are you asking me if I remember you being nervous of sleeping with me?”  
  
I nod ever so little. “Yes, Master...”  
  
Matt chuckles the sound vibrating through my body as he leans closer, shifting his big body so he can rest his forehead against mine. His lips are mere inches from my face as he murmurs his response.  
  
“Yeah, I remember. You were so damned scared...and all I wanted to do was make it go away.” He shakes his head at me. “But, you were so fucking sure I was going to hurt you.”  
  
I flush at the memory of that conviction.  
  
He smiles gently. “Took you fricking weeks to realise I’m not like that.”  
  
My cheeks feel like their flaming now.  
  
Matt chuckles, not unkindly, and presses his lips gently to my forehead. “You’re too damn cute, Val...y’know that?”  
  
I tuck my chin against my chest.  
  
Matt makes a gruff sound in the back of his throat then pushes away from me. “C’mon. Let’s go sit with the others. Give ‘em a bit of shit.”  
  
I laugh at that and let him take my hand and lead me back to the dining room. God knows, I must say...I am in need of a little fun right now.


	6. “What’s it like being the woman in Matt’s life?”

Michelle is watching me. I can feel her eyes boring into me. I am trying to ignore her from where I’m sitting next to Matt on the chaise lounge. He has one heavy arm resting around my shoulders the other hanging over the armrest. He’s talking to Brian about some random baseball stuff. I’m relaxing against him leaning into his side.  
  
And Michelle just keeps on staring at me. It’s slightly irritating. I look over at her and frown. She blinks looking a little surprised, perhaps? I turn away and snuggle closer to Matt’s body; his arm tightens around my shoulders and I absently press my lips against his shirt-covered chest.  
  
Michelle sees this. She purses her lips, takes a deep breath then says out loud so everyone can hear. “God, you’re such a whore.”  
  
I freeze, but Matt responds quicker than I can. His head snaps around and he pegs my twin with a cold glare. “Back the fuck off, Michelle. You’re not any better.”  
  
I see her eyes widen and wonder what she thinks of Matt’s comment. Guess I’ll find out in a second.  
  
She stands and points a finger at my master, seething. “You have some nerve saying that, Sanders. I’m one of your best friends’ girls and you say that to me?”  
  
Matt snorts, voice dripping in disgust. “You’re being a bitch, Michelle. There’s no excuse for it. Particularly when you’re being one to Val. She’s done nothing to you.”  
  
Michelle is shaking a little. I hide a smirk as she swings around to Brian who has just been sitting there observing the scene. “Hey...are you just going to sit there and let him talk to me like that?”  
  
Brian gives her a weird look. “Well, normally I’d tell him to fuck off. But, don’t you think it’s odd? She’s your fucking sister.”  
  
Michelle shakes her head in vehemence. “Hardly. Our parents put her in that orphanage when we were five.”  
  
Matt blinks and looks down at me, surprise in his eyes. “You never told me that.”  
  
“No...”  
  
“Why not?” There is genuine interest in his tone.  
  
Shaking my head I peer up at him. “Didn’t think it was relevant.”  
  
Michelle laughs, as she’s giving me this scathing look. “Not relevant. You must be stupid.”  
  
Matt snaps at her, “Shut up, Michelle.” Then he looks at me, expression grave. “You should’ve told me. Everything about you is important to me. You do know that, right?”  
  
I nod slightly not meeting his gaze.  
  
He grimaces, and then shoots a cool look toward my twin. “And, you... You shouldn’t judge her.”  
  
Michelle sneers, “You’re one to talk. She belongs to you. She’s a fucking slave. You probably judge her all the time.”  
  
I stiffen at her words, my throat seizing. Trembling, I lever Matt’s arm off my shoulder, lurch to my feet and rush out of the dining room. I hear the uproar that results, but block it out as I dash through the kitchen into the hallway and into Matt’s bedroom.  
  
I shut the door and slide down to the floor leaning my back against the solid wood. I can feel tears forming at the corner of my eyes. Resting my face against my knees and wrapping my arms around them, I rock myself slowly.  
  
Eventually, I hear the voices wind down and then the heavy footsteps of my master leaving the dining room and approaching the room. They halt outside the bedroom door.  
  
There’s silence for a long moment and then Matt’s husky voice whispers through the crack beneath the door. “Val...let me in...”  
  
I shiver. I want to be alone. I really wish I could tell him to go away, but...that’s never going to be an option.  
  
I close my eyes then shuffle away from the door. “It’s not locked...”  
  
The door creaks open and then Matt is looking down at me, worry evident in his hazel eyes. I avert my gaze from his.  
  
“Val.” His voice is low, firm.  
  
I peek up at him.  
  
He sighs as he moves to crouch in front of me, resting his forearms against his thighs. “You gonna come back out?”  
  
I shake my head.  
  
Matt sucks on his bottom lip. “You can’t stay in here.”  
  
I shake my head again.  
  
He sighs and reaches out to lift my chin up. “I know what she said upset you. But...”  
  
I cut him off abruptly feeling my emotions swell inside me. “Dammit, she has no idea what I’ve been through! She can’t just say things like that. I hate her...I wish Brian wouldn’t keep bringing her over here.”  
  
Matt’s eyes narrow and I realise that I’ve done the one thing he really detests. What’s that? Well, I will tell you, just not now. I cringe back against the door and shake a little.  
  
He rocks a little on his heels and stares hard at me. “Valary, it isn’t even about you, really.”  
  
I blink at him. “What do you mean?”  
  
Matt strokes his thumb lightly against my cheek. “We’ve never really gotten on. I don’t give her shit because she makes Brian happy.” He takes a deep breath and adds with a wry smirk, “She puts up with me because Brian and me are in the band.”  
  
I nod slightly.  
  
Matt keeps stroking my cheek. “I’m not asking you to be her best friend. But, you need to be nice. Not just ‘cause she’s your sister. But ‘cause that’s what I want.”  
  
Yeah, he’s being nice about it, but you have to realise that even so, he is actually giving me an order. And, if you were in my position you would know that disobeying him is not an option.  
  
I nod to let him know I understand; he stares hard at me then his expression softens and he shifts to sit by me. “Right. So, before we go back out there, you want to tell me what’s going on in your mind.”  
  
I look down at the floor and shake my head slightly.  
  
Matt clears his throat next to me. “Hun, that wasn’t a question.”  
  
I shiver.  
  
He slides his arm around my shoulders pulling my small frame into his bigger one. “C’mon, Val. Tell me.”  
  
I shake my head and pull out of his grip. His eyes narrow, but I hold my hand up in a placating gesture. Then I walk over to the night stand on my side of the bed and grab the slim notebook that I like to write in. I hold it for a moment close to my breasts then I go back over to Matt and hold it out to him.  
  
Matt tilts his head. “What’s this?”  
  
I tremble and murmur low. “That’s what I think...that’s what’s in my head...”  
  
Matt looks down at the cover. “You’ll let me read this?”  
  
I bite my lip and watch his lowered lids. “Yes, Master...everything I have...it’s yours...y’know?”  
  
He looks up at me, his expression gentle. “Valary...”  
  
I shake my head again. “Read it, please...I mean...not now...maybe we should go join the others...but...y’know...later...”  
  
Matt leans his head back against the door staring at me unblinkingly for a long moment. I wonder what he’s thinking. I mean, even without his aviators he’s still able to hide his true thoughts and emotions from me.  
  
I wait.  
  
He sighs softly rubbing at his jaw. “You have this...so...why the player?”  
  
I flush and mumble half under my breath, “Like to hear my voice...”  
  
Matt chuckles low, and pushes up from the floor holding my journal in his left hand. “I see. Well.” He walks up close to me, towering over my height. He smiles down on me. “I’ll have a look at this later. You’re right. We should get back to the others. They’ll think we’ve fallen down a hole.”  
  
I giggle at his words. He smiles sliding an arm around my neck, pulling me close and pressing a soft kiss to my hair. Then he grasps my hand with his free one, tossing the notebook onto his night stand before leading me from the room.  
  
We walk back into the dining room. The guys are once more going over plans for the new album. Michelle is sitting with Pinkly on her lap. Bella has abandoned Jimmy and is sitting watching my twin and the little white fluffy dog.  
  
Matt squeezes my shoulders and murmurs in my ear. “Go. Make nice with her.”  
  
I look up into his face. There is sternness to his features. I nod once then turn to walk to the empty seat next to hers. Yeah, there just happens to be a spare seat right next to her...wonder how that happened?  
  
I sit down feeling a flutter of nervousness in my gut. She looks up as I sit. A small frown creases her brow. I clear my throat, but she speaks first, voice soft.  
  
“Valary.” She hesitates and looks over to Matt.  
  
I look over too. He’s sat by Brian elbow resting against the table, nodding slowly at something the guitarist is saying.  
  
We watch him for a moment. He lifts his other hand to scratch at his head. He’s grown his hair; you might have noticed, it’s all shaggy and this weird kind of brown, black, blond colour. And he’s not wearing a bandana or ball cap right now. He’s just in his home, lazy kind of state.  
  
Michelle looks back at me after a few minutes. I meet her gaze and lift an eyebrow.  
  
She twists her lips slightly. “I’m sorry...”  
  
I blink at the apology. “For what?”  
  
Yeah, I know for what, but I want her to say it.  
  
Michelle shifts her weight on the seat. “For what I said before. It was...uncalled for. I guess I’m just ignorant of the whole situation. Right?”  
  
I lift my shoulders.  
  
She sighs then looks down before looking at me again expression thoughtful. “Y’know, the first time I met Matt was in high school. And we hated each other.”  
  
I blink cocking my head to the side, just listening not worrying that she’s just changed the topic. She’s given me an apology, no point in labouring over it.  
  
She gives me a weak smile. “He was such a jerk to me...and me to him.”  
  
I nod.  
  
She laughs faintly. “Then his best friend, Brian...” Her eyes go a little bleary as she casts an eye towards the guitarist. “Brian fell for me...real hard. Matt hated that.”  
  
I smirk faintly. Michelle frowns at me. I make my face expressionless. She scratches Pinkly around the ears; the little dog has fallen asleep on her lap.  
  
Then she sighs and looks at me. “Can I ask you something?”  
  
I roll my eyes remembering something Matt said to me once.  _Yeah, sure. You can physically ask me something, but whether I’ll let you is another thing altogether._  
  
“Val?”  
  
I incline my head to her. “Yeah.”  
  
She purses her lips. “Don’t answer if you don’t want to...but, what’s...” Michelle pauses and looks down obviously unable to meet my eyes, perhaps she’s nervous of my reaction to whatever she’s about to ask me. “What’s it like being the woman in Matt’s life?”  
  
I quirk an eyebrow at her. She doesn’t see because she’s not looking at me. I sigh deciding to answer. What harm can it do, I ask you? “It’s not what you think, Michelle. I’m not his wife or his girlfriend or whatever the fans of the band think I am.”  
  
I suck at my tongue before going on. “He bought me...paid for me with cold hard cash.”  
  
Michelle squints at me as if not quite believing me. “But, he cares for you. I see that.”  
  
Shrugging I look away from her. “Sure. He cares. But, I’m his property, Michelle. It’s not love or anything. But you wouldn’t know about that. You grew up with a family who loved and cared for you.”  
  
Yeah, I sound bitter, so what? I’m not asking for sympathy, it’s just a human emotion, a human response to a situation that’s not so good.  
  
Michelle grimaces; I see it from the corner of my eyes. “Do you hate our parents for taking you to the orphanage?”  
  
That question sounds like it just came out of nowhere, right? But, I am sort of expecting it. I turn my face to her.  
  
“No.” That’s my honest answer.  
  
I have nothing to add to that. I look away again. And at that moment, Matt looks over to us and gives me a questioning look. I force a smile on my lips and turn my body back toward my twin. His gaze narrows and I know he’ll quiz me about the conversation later when everyone leaves.  
  
Better step it up so I have something good to tell him. “What’s it like being with Brian?”  
  
Wow, great question...way to change the subject...  
  
Michelle suddenly smiles, a genuine one too. Not the fake crap she was giving me a moment ago. “He’s the sweetest guy I’ve ever known.”  
  
I can say the same for Matt...  
  
“He doesn’t have a mean bone in his body...I mean he acts the pompous prick on stage...”  
  
So does Matt...  
  
“...but he’s a sweetie to me. He...makes me feel special.”  
  
I wish Matt’d do that for me...but who am I to complain? He’s better than any other man I’ve known.  
  
“He...well. This is going to sound corny, but he’s like an angel.”  
  
A giggle slips pass my lips. “He’s not like any angel I’ve ever heard of.”  
  
Michelle giggles as well. She sounds exactly like me... “Yeah, well I said it’d sound corny.”  
  
I smile feeling this sudden overwhelming sense of normality falling over me. What? That makes no sense? Well, I mean that I’m actually just sitting here talking about normal girly things. Y’know, guys, relationships. It’s oddly satisfying.  
  
I could totally get used to this. Yep, I really think I could.


	7. "You obey those rules and we’ll be hunky dory.”

_The Rules. They were pretty simple; there were five of them. Matt listed them in pure and simple terms. I’ll write them below so you can see them in all their simple, straightforward glory.  
  
1\. You will obey me  
2\. You have to ask before I let you do anything. Don’t ask, don’t get.  
3\. You will pay attention  
4\. You will tolerate my friends  
  
And, last but not least:  
  
5\. You must never try to escape.  
  
We were sitting outside in the small front garden of his Californian Bungalow the day after the tour had ended. I was curled up on a small cane chair dressed simply in a pair of beige slacks and a pink v-neck t-shirt. Matt was slouched on the long cane settee wearing a pair of cargo pants and his favourite Guns ‘n’ Roses muscle shirt.  
  
He sat gazing absently out toward the ocean, chewing at his bottom lip. He told me he used to have a labret; however, he’d gotten tired of it so had just stopped wearing it. There was slight discolouration at the point where the piercing used to be. Apparently it took ages for the ‘scar’ to disappear.  
  
I watched the waves as they moved up and down the beach, light white caps dotting the horizon. Matt turned his head toward me a contemplative expression on his face. Glancing up at him, I waited, sensing he had something to say.  
  
“We need to talk.” He folded his arms across his chest; I tried not to stare as the muscles in his arms flexed, biceps thickening.  
  
Shifting so I was facing him, I looked at him questioningly. “About what, Master?”  
  
I’d gotten used to addressing him as such, found it relatively easy in fact, compared to my previous owners.  
  
Matt smiled faintly, but then his face became serious. “Rules.”  
  
My heart began to race at that single word. Every time one of my masters’ mentioned the word rules I always knew that none of them would be fair, and that I would get the short end of the stick. I was the slave after all, and I had no rights.  
  
Somehow though, Matt must have sensed my anxiety because he gave a low throaty laugh and shook his head at me. “Don’t worry, Val. I’ve only got five. And they’re pretty fucking simple.”  
  
Simple didn’t always mean fair, but I had to accept anything that was given to me, because that was my lot in life. I had no choice, never had and probably never would. And so I just nodded and remained silent as Matt proceeded to lay them out before me.  
  
Matt leaned forward on his chair and caught my eyes with his. The look in his eyes warned me not to look away.  
  
I swallowed hard chewing at the inside of my cheek as he began to speak quietly. “First rule. If I tell you to do something, you will do it. No questions asked. If I tell you to stop doing something, then it’s pretty obvious what you got to do, right?”  
  
I shivered and murmured an answer. “I stop, Master.”  
  
“Right. You will obey me. I’ll get to the consequences once I’ve finished with the rules.” Matt leaned back against his seat crossing his ankles in front of him. “Rule two. If you want anything, or want to do anything you have to ask me first. Don’t ask. Don’t get.” He smirked wryly. “Obviously, if you need to go to the toilet or do any of that girly shit...you don’t need to ask. Just tell me, okay?”  
  
I shook my head in acknowledgement. Matt unfolded his arms and stretched them above his head before leaning forward again clasping his hands in front of him, still staring me directly in the eyes.  
  
“Number three. You need to pay attention to everything that’s going on around you. Everything. Especially to me. If you can’t pay attention...then rules number one and two won’t work.”  
  
Nodding, I thought that these were pretty stock standard rules that most masters gave their slaves, for that matter all my masters so far had given me similar rules.  
  
Matt bit at his bottom lip before continuing. “Rule number four. You’ve met some of the band members and the guys who tour with us, the crew...Dan, the Berry brothers. So, this one probably won’t be too difficult for you.” He took a deep breath. “You need to be nice to my friends.”  
  
I tried a smile bobbing my head. “That won’t be hard, Master...they’re pretty cool.”  
  
Matt nodded raking his fingers through his hair. His shoulders tensed slightly though and I wondered what he was about to say next. He cleared his throat roughly rubbing his hands against his thighs.  
  
“Mhm. I didn’t think that would be a problem. Last rule.” Something in his voice changed at that instant. It got harder and his eyes darkened as he looked into mine. A tremor overtook my body and I curled more into the chair watching him warily.  
  
“Last rule,” he repeated, his voice rasping more than ever. “You belong to me, right?”  
  
I trembled, but nodded in affirmation.  
  
Matt’s gaze narrowed. “The last rule is this: You must never try to leave me.”  
  
I blinked at him rubbing absently at my arms; a chill ran down my spine and gooseflesh appeared on my arms. He waited, obviously waiting for a response, or a question. I didn’t disappoint him.  
  
“Escape, you mean?”  
  
“Yeah. Don’t try that shit, ‘kay?”  
  
I nodded vigorously, but then I glanced at him and just had to ask that burning question I always asked my masters after they’d given me that particular rule. Because they had all said the same thing, don’t try and escape.  
  
Of course they had all given various reasons as to why I shouldn’t attempt to escape, ranging from if I were caught I would be beaten to the more drastic consequence of catching and killing me. The funny thing was that even after they had threatened me in that way, it didn’t make me any less likely to think of trying to escape.  
  
Anyhow, I wanted to find out how Matt would respond to the question, whether he would resort to threatening me, or whether it would be more subtle, or reasonable.  
  
“What happens if I do, Master?”  
  
Matt gave me a long hard look. I held my breath.  
  
He seemed to be holding his as well because he let it out in a rough breath before responding, calmly and coldly. “You’ll be punished.”  
  
His answer was so flat, final that I knew straight away that Matthew Sanders was not one for bullshit. Not one for idle threats or warnings. What he said went, and that was the end of it. And, it didn’t even matter that he hadn’t stated a specific form of punishment. It was enough to know that I would be punished if I tried to escape.  
  
Obviously the severity of the circumstances would determine the nature of the penalty. But, it made me wonder what his stance on the other rules was. I was soon to discover the answer to that thought.  
  
Matt continued to stare at me unblinkingly then he rubbed at his biceps kneading the tips of his fingers into the ink there.  
  
“As to the other rules, if you break any of them...you’ll get a warning the first few times, and then if you keep breaking them, you’ll be punished.” He paused for a minute or two then looked at me his expression softening somewhat. “I’ve heard stories.”  
  
I frowned curiously. “Stories?”  
  
Matt cleared his throat looking almost self conscious. “Yeah, y’know, about how other people treat their slaves.”  
  
I nodded carefully, wondering where he was headed with this line of thought. He unfolded his arms and braced his hands against his knees.  
  
“It’s all pretty shit. A lot of...fucking...” he trailed off an absent expression entering his eyes.  
  
I remained silent just waiting. After what felt like an eternity, he shook his head as if clearing his mind of uncomfortable images and focused on me again.  
  
“Look. I’m not like them.” He laughed a little before adding, “Well, I fucking hope I’m not.” He pursed his lips then smiled. However, the genial expression did not belie the seriousness of his words. “I have a temper. A bad one. My friends...say that I can explode sometimes. But, I’d like to think I won’t lose it over anything you do.”  
  
Nodding, I kept my eyes fixed on his face, wanting him to know that he had my full attention.  
  
He inhaled roughly, and then let it out before speaking in a firm tone. “If you ever give me a reason to punish you...fuck this is gonna sound so fucking cliché...but, the punishment will fit the crime. I’m not gonna just beat on you...or whatever. Because, that’s just...immature.”  
  
He paused for a moment looking at me to see that I understood. I tucked my chin down and bobbed my head slightly.  
  
He rubbed at his knees then leaned back again. “Anyway, that’s the way it’s going to be. You obey those rules and we’ll be hunky dory.”  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~_  
  
“Hunky dory?”  
  
I glance up from the magazine I’m reading. Matt and I are lounging on his bed; the rest of the guys left half an hour ago, Michelle with Brian. I had a good time with her in the end. Random chatter about random shit.  
  
Matt rolls his eyes at me and holds up my journal. He was as good as his word; and for some reason I’m not that nervous about him peeking into my thoughts.  
  
I wrinkle my nose up. “Huh?”  
  
He chuckles, “You wrote that I said ‘hunky dory’. I never say shit like that.”  
  
I smile faintly. “I can’t remember everything you say. It was the attitude you had...”  
  
His eyes narrow. “My attitude?”  
  
I try not to laugh. “I’m not having a go at you, Master.”  
  
“You better not be,” he growls and grabs me around the waist, my journal lying forgotten for the moment.  
  
I shriek; he smirks and proceeds to tickle me, digging his fingers lightly into my ribcage. Tingles race through my body, but I don’t focus on those.  
  
Instead, I try to pry his hands away as I burst into a fit of giggles, writhing around on the bed and gasping out in mock protest. “Stop, Master...please...you’re killing me...”  
  
Tears of laughter prickle at my eyes as he continues tickling mercilessly, practically ignoring my pleas. His hazel eyes twinkle with mirth as he finally manoeuvres his much larger body over mine, pinning me firmly. Then suddenly, he stops and just stares down into my eyes.  
  
A shiver runs down my spine, like a cold finger has just traced the sensitive nerves. He’s not smiling anymore. I avert my gaze unable to bear the intensity of his appraisal.  
  
“Valary,” he murmurs my name.  
  
I swallow hard, conscious of the vulnerability of my position. He doesn’t make any other move to speak, or try to get my attention; he just remains still over my body.  
  
I tremble bringing my gaze back to his. “Master?”  
  
He shifts then, so his hips come flush against mine. Tremors rush through my body. I can  _feel_  him pressing against my lower belly.  
  
Yeah, you know  _exactly_  what I mean by that. I am  _not_  elaborating further.  
  
He stares into my eyes, but then as abruptly as he moved to pin me down, he rolls off and lies on his side, studying my face with an almost tender expression. “Tell me, you have fun chatting with Chelle?”  
  
Yeah, I know...I saw this coming from a mile away. He made me talk to her, so...yes he’s going to want to know how I feel about it. Well, here goes...  
  
“Yeah, I did. I mean...it was kinda weird...but...uh...yeah, she’s something...”  
  
Matt nods and reaches out to toy with a strand of my hair. I let him [I mean aside from the fact that he owns me so he can do what he wants, I like when he does that].  
  
“What you talk about?”  
  
I shrug slightly. “Stuff.”  
  
Matt cocks an eyebrow, the corner of his lip quirks. “Stuff? Like?”  
  
I suck on my tongue. “Stuff, like...things.”  
  
He rolls his eyes. “Val,” he sighs, “did she apologise for before?”  
  
I scrunch up my face. He gives me this look, like, well?  
  
I shake my head yes. “Yeah, she said she was sorry.”  
  
“Good,” he smiles and drops his hand to the blanket under us.  
  
It’s quiet for a moment, just our breaths filling the room.  
  
Then Matt lets out this rough sigh rolling onto his back and stretching his arms above his head. “Fuck damn...I’m whacked...”  
  
I blink at him. He casts a sideways glance at me and smirks faintly. I look away. Late afternoon sunlight is streaming through the bedroom window.  
  
He follows my gaze. “Wanna go outside, sit in the garden?”  
  
I shake my head and hesitate.  
  
He reaches over to cup my cheek. “Whatcha thinking, Valary?”  
  
Biting my lip I feel suddenly shy. He smiles encouragingly at me.  
  
Oh, what the heck... “Can we just lie here and cuddle, Master?”  
  
That rare smile that touches the secret depths of his eyes appears on Matt’s face and he shifts closer sliding an arm around my waist. “Of course...c’mere...”  
  
I turn my body to snuggle into his warm, solid frame. He wraps me completely in his arms tucking my head beneath his chin. He nuzzles against my hair inhaling deeply. I smile closing my eyes and after several minutes of just laying there together, I hear his breaths evening out like he’s drifting off.  
  
He must’ve been tired. He works hard, I don’t think fans realise that. Being in a band isn’t all fun and games. I see the side of the band that fans don’t...they work so hard to get where they’re at and they’re almost ready to go through it all again. I admire them for that.  
  
Matt’s arms slacken slightly around my waist and, after several heartbeats, I finally allow myself to succumb to the warmth and tenderness of sleep.  
  
Just an afternoon siesta...will wake and organise dinner...later...


	8. "I have something to show you."

“Val...Val...”  
  
Someone is shaking me. I roll over and grab at the sheets trying to tug them back over me. They get pulled away. I groan in protest. Next thing I know strong arms are picking me up, holding me against a hard body and carrying me out of the bedroom into the bathroom.  
  
I open my eyes and peer blearily up into the amused expression on Matt’s face.  
  
“You need a bath,” he smirks faintly, wrinkling up his nose.  
  
I blink at him and twist my head slightly catching sight of the glowing numbers of the clock radio. “Shit...it’s-”  
  
Matt cuts me off gently, “Don’t worry about it. I made us Tacos. But, you stink...so wash first.”  
  
I pout at him. “What do you mean I stink? Didn’t even do anything to get smelly...”  
  
He gives me a look; I lower my eyes. He stands me by the bathtub and leans in to test the water. He’s already filled the tub.  
  
I bite my lip nervously. “Master?”  
  
He glances sideways at me. “Yeah?”  
  
“How long’ve you been up?”  
  
You see I’m the one who should be up first, organising food and stuff. He looks at me for a long moment, straightening and folding his arms over his chest. I wait hoping he’s not mad with me.  
  
He’s trying to frown, but then the corners of his lips quirk and he shakes his head. “Half an hour. But don’t worry, ‘kay? I’ll let it go this time.”  
  
I nod clasping my hands behind my back.  
  
Matt chuckles lightly. “C’mon off with that shirt.”  
  
All I’m wearing is one of Matt’s old Guns ‘n’ Roses shirts; it’s far too large for me. I hesitate and he cocks an eyebrow at me. I pull it off in one fluid motion and drop it to the floor.  
  
Matt turns back to the tub, and checks the water once more. “Good. You can get in.”  
  
I step in; Matt grips my arm lightly to support me. I send a grateful smile his way, as I slide down into the warm water.  
  
He stands looking down at me.  
  
I tilt my head at him. “What’re you thinking, Master?”  
  
Matt licks his lips his eyes travelling over my body. I shiver and wrap my arms around myself.  
  
He clucks his tongue at me. “Don’t do that. I like looking at you.”  
  
I flush and drop my arms into the water exposing my breasts to his appraisal. He smiles at me then he grips the hem of his top and pulls it up. I stiffen realising that he’s going to join me.  
  
He catches my eye. “Problem?”  
  
Shaking my head I avert my gaze. I hear him sigh then the jingle of his buckle and the soft shish sound of his pants falling to the floor. Then the water sploshes and moves as he steps into the tub. It’s lucky the bath is so big otherwise we’d never fit in together.  
  
He slides down so his legs are beneath mine, slipping his hands under and lifting them to rest over his knees. A tremor runs down my body as I keep my eyes to the side, not wanting to see him. When I say that, I don’t mean I don’t want to see him in general...I’m talking about...well you know what I’m referring to.  
  
I mean...it’s just an awkward place, time to see all that. I know, it’s silly, I’ve seen him naked and he’s seen me naked and we have...slept together. Still, I get a little self-conscious.  
  
“Valary?” My name on his lips, it draws my attention and I can’t help but look to him. Matt’s eyes are bright, questioning.  
  
“Yes, Master?” I ask tentatively, curious as to what he wants.  
  
Matt moves his right hand and slowly drags the tips of his fingers down my left leg. Shivers run down my limb, the skin tingling at his touch. He rubs his fingers up and down slowly obviously watching for my reaction. I tremble but fight not to pull away.  
  
I really want to trust him; you see...I know deep down that he won’t do anything that will make me feel uncomfortable. Matt’s good like that. I remember the first time he got me to undress for him...well, this is one memory I have not written down or recorded...but I still remember that night clearly.  
  
It was a week after we had arrived in Huntington after the tour. No, he didn’t make me sleep with him...but that was the first night we started to really know each other...I still remember it...it was a beautiful balmy night...  
  
 _~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
The TV was on; Matt was watching a baseball game. I can’t remember who was playing, probably the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees...or something like that. I wasn’t paying attention to the game. No, I was sitting behind him on a stool giving him a massage, concentrating on easing the tension from his muscles.  
  
Matt told me that the first few days after a tour finished always seemed a little tense because he was winding down and having to switch gears from all-out intense work to suddenly having little to do. That really didn’t make much sense to me, but if that’s what he said, then I wasn’t going to argue with him.  
  
Of course, once the band started writing full-time the intensity would be back, but for now he just needed to get his relaxation muscles back in-tune.  
  
Matt shifted slightly and glanced back at me whilst I pressed my fingers into his shoulders. I met his glance.  
  
He smiled faintly and caught hold of my left hand with one of his own. “That’s enough.”  
  
I sat back on the stool; he didn’t release my hand, his eyes slowly taking me in my appearance. I could feel a flush rising up my cheeks and I tucked my chin against my chest fixing my gaze on a tear on the sofa Matt was seated on.  
  
Matt cleared his throat rubbing his thumb against the back of my hand. “Has anyone ever told you how hot you are?”  
  
I blinked, surprised at his question. Honestly, no one had ever said anything of the sort about me and I personally found nothing attractive about myself. So, with that thought in my mind I shook my head in the negative.  
  
“No, Master,” I answered tentatively, “I’m not hot.”  
  
Matt’s eyebrows shot up in what could only be a look of total incredulity. “What? That’s fucking insane.”  
  
He stood abruptly, towering over me, even though I was sitting on quite a tall stool. Involuntarily, I cringed back from him. He noticed and gave me a strange look before rolling his eyes and jerking his head toward the door leading out to the rest of the house.  
  
“Let me show you something.”  
  
“Show me something?” I sounded confused.  
  
Matt nodded and motioned for me to follow him. “Come. My room.”  
  
I slipped off the stool and went the way he directed. I hadn’t been to the Master bedroom yet, Matt had me sleeping in the smaller guest room. He was definitely taking his promise not to rush me, seriously. I was grateful for that; however, I had an odd feeling that the situation was going to change very soon.  
  
Matt led me to the master bedroom, pushing the double doors open, to reveal a spacious and brightly lit suite. Halting in the doorway I looked around the space quickly taking in the Queen bed, a large full body mirror and assorted chests of drawers.  
  
Matt smiled at my quick survey as he entered the room and flopped down on the bed.  
  
He crooked a finger at me. “C’mere.”  
  
Remaining where I was, I cleared my throat. “You wanted to show me something, Master?”  
  
Matt’s lips tightened and he sat up, eyes narrowing. “Come here, Valary.”  
  
Hearing the warning in his voice I hastened to walk over and climbed onto the bed next to him.  
  
He continued to glare at me. “When I tell you to do something...”  
  
“I have to do it, I know...I’m sorry, Master.” I lowered my eyes, my heart rate increasing, as I clasped my hands in front of me.  
  
Matt sighed getting up on his knees in front of me. “Look at me, Val.”  
  
Lifting my gaze slightly, I met his stare curiously.  
  
He flashed that dimpled smile. “You want to know what I’m gonna show you?”  
  
I answered in a small voice, “Yes sir.”  
  
“Keep your eyes on me.” Matt wet his lips before sitting back on his heels and placing his hands at the hem of his top and pulling it up. I blinked, pupils dilating as he slowly revealed his inked torso. I couldn’t help but stare as he removed his top and tossed it aside. Swallowing hard as I watched the play of muscle beneath the art etched into his skin.  
  
“Master...” I breathed the word almost in reverence.  
  
Matt smirked faintly. “Like what you see?”  
  
Glancing into his eyes, I reached out hesitantly. I paused, hand frozen in mid motion before I could come into contact with his skin. I didn’t think it would be right to touch him. However, he made no motion to stop me, his eyes fixed on my face.  
  
Placing my hand against his stomach, I carefully traced the outline of the skeletal bat wings inked onto his body. The smoothness of his skin was a marvel. It wasn’t perfect; I didn’t expect that, wouldn’t anyway after all no human was perfect. Yet, compared to the bodies of other men I had experienced, Matt was pretty close to it.  
  
He tensed his abs, they were rock hard. I shivered at the contrast between the smoothness of his skin and the solid strength of the muscle beneath.  
  
“Val...” I withdrew my hand and sat back. He leaned back on his haunches and looked pointedly at me. “Take your top off.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Val. Take. Your. Top. Off.” His tone was clipped.  
  
I trembled, heat rising to my cheeks realising what he wanted me to do. I mean it’s not like I’ve never stripped for a man before; I’m a slave, that’s what I was trained to do. But for some reason, Matt made me feel self conscious about myself, made me feel that maybe I didn’t deserve to have him see me.  
  
He was waiting though, so I quickly tugged at my shirt lifting it over my head and dropping it next to me on the bed. Then I unhooked my bra and pushed the straps down allowing the material to fall away from my skin.  
  
I heard a sharp intake of breath; chancing a look at my master I saw an expression of tender wonderment on his face. I tilted my head. He shifted closer to me and reached to cup one of my breasts. I tensed as he slowly smoothed his calloused palm over the soft curve of my breast.  
  
“Nice...handful...” Matt murmured low before dipping his head down to nuzzle the tip of his nose against the top of my breast.  
  
Chills swept over my entire body as he stroked my breast slowly. Matt lifted his head and met my eyes. His lips parted slightly as he pulled his thumb over the nipple, causing me to moan out loud.  
  
“Master...” I clutched loosely at his wrist.  
  
He stared hard at me; releasing my hold I averted my eyes in deference to him.  
  
He removed his hand and leaned back appraising me. For several moments we remained in silence; him thinking, and me recovering from the brief contact.  
  
After a few minutes, Matt pushed up off the bed, standing next to it and walked over to the mirror.  
  
He beckoned to me. “Over here.”  
  
I shuffled off the bed and went to join him in front of the polished glass gazing at my reflection. Matt stood behind me and slid his arms around my waist, resting his chin against my left shoulder.  
  
“Look, Val...tell me what you see.”  
  
Pursing my lips I glowered critically at my figure in the mirror. “I have too many freckles...”  
  
I watched Matt’s reflection roll its eyes. “You have amazing eyes.”  
  
I shake my head, “They’re too brown.”  
  
Matt growled low in my ear, “I like them.”  
  
A shiver ran down my spine and I involuntarily leaned back into his body, meeting his firm look in the mirror.  
  
He slid a hand slowly over my stomach and up to cup a breast, squeezing it gently. “I like these too...”  
  
I whimpered at his touch.  
  
He murmured low as he began to stroke it. “You’re so damn sexy...you realise that?”  
  
I couldn’t find words with which I could respond and just gaped at him, my mind flying to pieces...  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~_  
  
“Val...Val... _Val_?”  
  
I blink quickly. “Huh?”  
  
Matt laughs lightly, his hand smoothing along my thigh. “You just blanked; what’re you thinking?”  
  
My skin tingles where the calluses on his palm press against me. I can hardly think clearly, let alone answer Matt’s question. But, I’ll try.  
  
“I...I was just...” my voice falters as he slips his hand between my thighs and slides it up, beneath the water, to cup my mound. Grabbing the edge of the bathtub, I stiffen slightly.  
  
Matt rolls his eyes at me. “Jeeze, Val, you act like I’ve never touched you before.”  
  
I flush and bow my head staring into the water.  
  
Matt sighs and withdraws his hand resting his arms on the edge of the tub whilst observing me seriously. “What were you thinking?”  
  
I shake my head feeling self-conscious. But, I answer anyway. “That first night you got me to strip for you...”  
  
“Ahh,” he says nothing more and lounges back in the still warm water.  
  
I glance at his arms where they’re resting over the rim of the tub. Beads of water drops cling to the light smattering of hairs, muscles defined by the sheen of moisture coating his inked arms.  
  
He catches my look and cocks an eyebrow. “Like what you see?”  
  
I can’t help but giggle at the question.  
  
“What?”  
  
I clear my throat. “You asked me that then.”  
  
“Did I? You remember that?”  
  
I nod.  
  
Matt shifts a little causing the water to splosh around our bodies. “Good memory.”  
  
I smile faintly and tuck my chin into my chest.  
  
Matt leans forward and catches hold of my chin lifting my face to his. “Seriously. That’s pretty good.”  
  
I have no response; I just stare into his face.  
  
He clucks his tongue at me then releases my chin, leaning back again and letting out a deep sigh of content. “Ahh...this is nice...”  
  
I have to agree. It is pretty damn nice just lazing here in the water.  
  
I’m sure we’ll end up looking like prunes, but the water’s still warm...so I guess we’ll enjoy it until-  _Shit._  “The tacos!”  
  
Matt stares at me for a moment, and then goes slightly red. “Fuck. Stay here.”  
  
He stands; I blink staring at his body, at the defined planes of his torso, the tattoos on his legs. His... I quickly avert my eyes. He smirks down at me, but then scowls muttering to himself as he steps out of the tub, grabbing a towel and hurrying out of the bathroom whilst trying to dry himself off.  
  
I can’t help but laugh out loud before deciding that I should get out and help him. I’m sure there’s only so much he’ll allow me to get away with not doing.  
  
Time to make myself useful.


	9. "Stop thinking."

“What’d you get dressed for?”  
  
Huh? I look at Matt who’s standing with a plate of tacos in one hand.  
  
He rolls his eyes at me. “Why are you dressed?”  
  
I blink at him. What kind of question is that? I answer it anyway, “I’m not eating naked...Master.”  
  
His eyes narrow as he presses his lips together.  
  
“Why not?” his voice drops to a low growl.  
  
A shiver courses down my spine. I really don’t know what he wants me to say to that. He sets the plate down and approaches me across the kitchen floor. I notice then that he’s only wearing his towel wrapped around his waist. And his bare chest isn’t quite dry. Tiny beads of fluid cling precariously to the trail of hair disappearing into the towel. Dampness causes his tattoos to stand out against his otherwise pale skin.  
  
“Why not?”  
  
Remember I told you he hates having to repeat himself? Yeah, he’s definitely not happy about it. I mean it’s not like he suddenly snaps or anything; just this whole sense of disapproval emanates from his aura, or whatever you call it. His eyes...obviously he’s not wearing his aviators, because I can see the sharp question in his eyes.  
  
I clear my throat and come up with a pretty lame answer, because I can’t think of anything more appropriate, “Don’t want to get cold, Master.”  
  
Matt stares at me, no expression in his eyes now. I lower my own to the floor. He rumbles in his throat.  
  
“Cold? Damn you’re too cute. It’s not even cold out,” he smirks as he motions to the plate of tacos. “And these are pretty hot...”  
  
I peek over to the bench. Then back to his face. There’s a hint of a smile on his firm lips, and I realise that he’s teasing me. I flush a deep pink. I know this because my cheeks always go pink when I’m embarrassed.  
  
He chuckles and shakes his head, “Never mind. I’ll just have to tear them off you later. Let’s eat.”  
  
The statement sets me to wondering. It almost sounds throwaway like he doesn’t realise what he’s saying. So casual and blasé. But of course, I know extremely well that Matt never says anything he doesn’t mean. Still, I guess I’ll have to wait until after dinner to find out what he’s planning for later.  
  
He grabs the plate and heads for the small kitchen table. No point in eating in the dining room. Too big. Not intimate enough. He sits and glances up at me.  
  
“C’mon. Food’ll get cold.”  
  
I walk over and take the seat opposite him. He smiles at me before grabbing a taco and sinking his teeth into it. No finesse whatsoever, but hey he’s a man...not a mouse.  
  
We eat. I’m not going to tell you any more than that. I mean how interesting is listening to me yammer about eating? Suffice to say we both got kind of flushed by the heat of the sauce...damn straight they were  _hot_. I swear Matt was trying to make me sweat. Must think it’s attractive for a chick to ooze sweat from all her pores and then some.  
  
Anyway, I’m now standing at the kitchen sink washing the dishes. Matt’s leaning against the bench watching me. Not saying anything just standing there with his arms folded a thoughtful look on his face. I see this because I look over at him for a moment before turning back to the soapy water in front of me, my hands immersed in the wet warmth.  
  
“Valary.”  
  
I glance over at him again, gripping the sponge in my hand.  
  
“Yes, Master?”  
  
He sucks at his bottom lip, at the spot where his lip ring used to be. I tilt my head at him.  
  
“What is it, Master?”  
  
He seems hesitant about something, which is a little unusual. It’s also passing odd that even though he’s only wearing a towel, I’m not particularly aroused by the sight. Perhaps it’s because of the serious expression on his face. Or maybe it’s because I’m standing with my arms up to the elbows in suds.  
  
Matt blinks at me then pushes away from the bench and moves toward the door. He glances at me considering something then he smiles faintly.  
  
“When you’re done, come to the bedroom.”  
  
The expression in his eyes tells me it’s not a request. I nod slightly in response then turn my attention back to the dishes. I’m almost done at any rate, but for some reason I am extremely apprehensive. The only time he ever orders me to the bedroom is if he wants, no needs, something from me.  
  
If it’s just time to go to sleep, we just go to bed. No asking, no telling, just get ready, brush our teeth, whatever. But, if he  _needs_  something he always instructs me to the bedroom. I guess it’s his way of showing me that he respects my space, my right to just be like any other human, and not just a receptacle for his sexual desires.  
  
Of course, he is entirely within his rights just to make me do whatever the hell he wants. He doesn’t have to even be considerate towards my feelings. But, he is, and that makes him very different to any other man who has had me. Still, I  _am_  nervous.  
  
Stacking the last dish into the drainer and drying my hands, I pause for a moment staring out the window above the sink out into the front garden. Then I turn and head for the bedroom. Hesitating at the door, I squeeze my eyes shut then peer around the doorframe. The view I receive is that of Matt’s back.  
  
He is bent over the bed, palms leaning against the mattress, his muscles flexed, standing out in stark relief. The long lines of muscle down his back are taut, but then they ripple slightly as he shifts and turns his body toward me.  
  
“Valary,” his voice is low, husky.  
  
He lifts a hand to beckon to me. I step into the room, not sure of what he wants. He smiles slightly, a strange glint in his eyes. I notice that he’s still just wearing the towel. It has slipped a little, the ‘v’ line that frames his groin has become visible. I swallow hard; a lump has formed in my throat. At the same time, something stirs deep within my body, and I feel moistness between my legs.  
  
Damn him and his ability to turn me on just by his appearance. It’s really not fair at all. He smirks obviously sensing my arousal. He hooks a thumb into the towel then tugs lightly allowing it to fall to the floor.  
  
I tense at the sight. That ‘v’ and the trail of hair that snakes down from his navel meet at his groin where his erection rests, thick and ready. He waits. I stare for a moment then lift my eyes to meet his.  
  
“Does Master want something?” The question seems a little odd, because I know he wants something, otherwise he wouldn’t be standing like that by the bed.  
  
He looks at me as if I just asked the stupidest question ever. Yeah, I know, like I said...odd question. I bite my lip; he cocks an eyebrow at me. I walk over then hesitate. He frowns.  
  
“Valary. Take your clothes off.”  
  
I automatically wind my arms around my torso, protecting myself I guess. Matt’s eyes narrow. He hates when I do that; he once said he can’t get why I’m so anxious about revealing my body to him. He says that I’m ‘fucking beautiful’. His words. And that I should go around naked all day because he thinks I’m one woman who could pull it off.  
  
“Val,” his tone sounds almost cajoling now, like he doesn’t want to bully me into stripping, even though it is within his rights just to demand it.  
  
He won’t say please though. That is one thing he won’t do, and I don’t expect it either. I’m the slave. He’s the master. No pleases from him, thanks very much.  
  
Looking down at the floor I unwind my arms and slowly, hesitantly lift my top off. I hear Matt’s low murmur of approval, and I flush slightly. I dare a look toward him. He’s still standing in the same spot. I drop my eyes and concentrate on the buttons on my little shorts; one seems to be stuck. I grumble to myself.  
  
Matt’s voice... “C’mere...”  
  
I shuffle toward him; he moves forward to meet me and gently nudges my hands aside with his and deftly slips the button out of its hole. He finishes the process, sliding my shorts down my legs.  
  
“Step...” his voice is raspier than ever.  
  
I obey, stepping out; he kicks my shorts aside then lets out a low whistle.  
  
“Damn, Val...look at you...” he places a hand on my shoulder and turns me toward the mirror.  
  
He steps up behind me and rests his chin on my shoulder, like he did that very first time...you remember me telling you about that?  
  
I blush but stare into the mirror at myself. I’m way too thin...not unhealthy...but I just think I’m too fragile looking. I see Matt’s lips quirk into a slow smile, and then he leans his head down and presses them to my collarbone. A tingle shoots up my spine, and scrambles my mind. I moan leaning back slightly into his solid frame.  
  
He chuckles low and kisses lightly along the curve of my shoulder to my neck, pushing my hair aside, his own hair brushing at my skin. I shiver as he trails his lips up to the spot just behind my ear and nuzzles into it. I whimper and reach back to clutch at his arm.  
  
He growls, “Let go.”  
  
I drop my hand and brace my body as he returns to nuzzling against my neck. I can see everything he’s doing in the reflection of the glass before us and it is extremely erotic. Yeah, he isn’t even really doing anything too explicit...but damn...anything he does...any time he touches me...it’s just so...  
  
“Stop thinking...” Matt whispers against my neck and then he sinks his teeth into the fleshy lobe of my ear.  
  
I squeal in shock and twist slightly to get away from him. He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me in tight to his chest. I tremble, breathing fast. I can feel his erection pressing against the small of my back, insistent with a mind of its own.  
  
Yet, he doesn’t move to relieve junior of its tension. Instead, he releases my ear and licks tenderly at the spot that he bit. I quiver in his grasp. He nuzzles gently against the back of my neck then turns me around so I’m facing him.  
  
“Look at me, Valary.”  
  
I raise my eyes to his; there is a hint of amusement and arousal in his gaze. He clearly wants me. It’s all there in his eyes, in the straining tension of his cock, which is nudging at my belly. But, we keep our eyes together. Sometimes I wonder at his control over his body. I’m sure other men would just let their cocks do all the thinking, but it’s like he’s trying to prove that he has the power.  
  
I wait for him to say something else. Matt just smirks, sliding one hand up to cup my chin tilting it slightly before sealing his lips over mine in a firm kiss. I tremble and clutch at his arms. This time he makes no sound to correct me and just concentrates on parting my lips with his tongue and exploring what I have to offer.  
  
After several moments he lifts his head for a breath and just stares at me with an indecipherable expression. I tilt my head at him. He smiles and takes my hand leading me over to the bed. I tremble in anticipation as he sits me down and kneels in front of me. I blink at him. He gives a lazy smile and then he grips my knees, spreading my legs apart.  
  
I shiver and involuntarily attempt to pull away. He lets me go and just sits back on his heels watching me. That’s something else I don’t get. He never gets angry if I resist, or pull away, or whatever. He’s just so damned patient with me. I glance down at his groin, he’s still hard, and then into his eyes. He smiles and shifts so he’s sitting on the floor.  
  
“Master?” I look at him curiously.  
  
Matt rubs his cheek and says quietly, “No rush. I can wait. But, we will sleep together tonight.”  
  
I nod slightly grateful to him. We sit there in silence, I calming my nerves and steeling my resolve, Matt waiting for me, waiting for what we both know will come.


	10. "Say my name."

“Val?”  
  
I turn my face slowly to meet Matt’s questioning gaze. We lay side by side on the rumpled bed covers, Matt to my left. He lazily runs his left palm over my stomach, fingertips lightly teasing my still sensitive flesh. Sweat coats my skin, the scent of it hanging subtly between us. Sheen of perspiration covers Matt’s naked body as well, and I feel this urge to stroke my hand over his chest. But, I don’t...because he’s spoken my name.  
  
I run my tongue over my lips, breathing out shakily. “Yes, Master?”  
  
Matt’s brow creases slightly in thought; his eyes flicker on mine. “You ‘kay?”  
  
Blinking at him, I wonder at the question. I don’t think I’ve given him any indication that I would be other than alright. I’m still in a daze. All my nerve endings are tingling from the sensations that Matt has drawn from my body. Still, he’s expecting an answer; I can see the expectancy in his expression.  
  
Slowly, I close a hand over his, which is resting against the space beneath my navel. He narrows his gaze, pressing down a little. I leave my hand over his as I meet his eyes, breathing slowly.  
  
“Yeah, I’m okay, Master.”  
  
Matt nods a little then shifts so he’s laying more on his side, propping his torso up, leaning on his right elbow. This brings his face closer to mine, prompting me to shrink back from him. The corners of his lips twitch before he leans his head down over my stomach and presses them to the spot where his hand is resting.  
  
I gasp at the contact and raise my lower torso to his mouth. A rumbling sound erupts from the back of his throat as he places a firm hand against my pubic bone. Pressing back down into the mattress, I avert my eyes. He returns to trailing his lips over the thin skin just above my mound.  
  
The muscles of my stomach tighten and I feel a moistening down below. It’s unsettling...yeah, I know this isn’t the first time we’ve done this, but I can’t help my reactions...I pull away, shuffling toward my side of the bed.  
  
Matt sighs and rests his forehead against the covers, before looking at me. I glance at him, but am unable to read his expression. His hazel eyes are bright, intense. I bite my lip uncertain whether I should say something or not. He sighs again and speaks before I get a chance to.  
  
“I’m not that bad, am I?”  
  
I stare at him then a soft giggle bubbles up inside me, I think of what he has just done in the past half an hour. The pleasure he has already made me feel. His own pleasure. Shaking my head I reach out to take his hand and bring it to rest between my legs. He smirks, dipping his long middle finger in the moisture that is building there. Tilting my head back, I moan. He slides the finger into me, stroking in a single strong motion.  
  
“Matt-Master...” my voice comes out in a strangled gasp. I don’t even realise that I almost say his name; he does though and he pauses for a split second before turning my face to his and staring pointedly at me.  
  
“ _What_  did you  _say_?” his voice holds a rough edge.  
  
Screwing up my face, I try to find an answer. “I...I’m not sure...?”  
  
Matt groans and drags his free hand through his hair. “Valary.”  
  
“Um...” I tremble, moving slightly, my arousal now evident as I clench on the finger that is still inside me. I can’t concentrate; he’s pressing the tip of his finger against my spot.  
  
His lips quirk as he twists the digit firmly. “Um, what, Val?”  
  
Grasping at his wrist, I open my mouth to respond. He gives a low chuckle as he brushes his finger against my spot again. I whine, his name slipping past my lips.  
  
His smile widens. “You said it again.”  
  
“What...?”  
  
He continues stroking me from inside as he leans his mouth close to my ear and whispers, “My name. Say it again.”  
  
I stare up at him as he moves his body, bracing it over mine, his finger hooking into me. His lips curve in a teasing grin as he plunges the finger in and out firmly. I grab at his shoulders, absently noting how the muscles flex as he tenses. He nibbles at my ear then nuzzles against my cheek.  
  
“Say it.” He’s very insistent; I have to be honest, I like that about him. Uh...focus... He hooks his finger hard against my spot; I whimper, straining to keep anchored.  
  
He nips at my earlobe and repeats harshly, “Say my name.” At the same time he brushes his thumb over the sensitive spot within the moist folds.  
  
All my muscles seize as a tingling develops at the base of my spine. I shudder, then cry out as it all just rushes over me, as if I’m about to drown.  
  
“Matt!” My voice cracks on his name as I release, writhing beneath his body.  
  
He withdraws his finger and sticks it in his mouth, tasting my juices, an expression of wonderment passing across his features. Relaxing back against the pillows, I observe his actions. He pulls his finger from his mouth with a pop noise and pins me with a look. He’s not smiling now; I wait.  
  
He licks at his lips then crawls up so he’s straddling my hips. His hard-on presses against my left thigh. I swallow hard placing my hands against his chest. Matt catches hold of my left hand, turning it palm-up and presses his lips to it tenderly.  
  
I tremble sliding my right hand into his hair, dragging my fingers through the silken strands. He rumbles against my skin and slides his other hand along my side, down my thigh pulling my leg up on his hip. Shivering I meet his eyes; they’re burning intensely wanting something, but also wanting to give something.  
  
Matt props his forehead against mine his breath warm against my face. “You ready?”  
  
I barely nod in acknowledgement, but even if my brain can’t focus, my body can. Bucking my hips, and clutching at his body I am so ready for him. A gasp escapes me as he enters in a single swift motion. Clenching along his length I moan out loud clutching at his sweaty torso. He groans as he moves into me his eyes locking with mine, heat emanating from his stare.  
  
I tremble clawing at his back; he growls moving strongly against me, plunging in and out of my body taking his pleasure. Yet, at each thrust he moves into my centre causing a deep thrill to spread through my body. The sensation is intense and I feel like the world might end at any moment.  
  
Matt pauses for a mere second staring into my eyes, perhaps judging whether I am completely with him on this. I nod, even though I’m not really sure why I do. He smiles at my movement and then with one single powerful thrust, he sends me flying into the abyss. Crying out, I claw at his back, fingers slippery on the sweat, and my whole body seems to rock against his as I let go of everything.  
  
I gasp out his name, yet it is barely intelligible as he groans against my neck, his own release imminent. He breathes hard against my neck, carefully withdrawing, sitting up slightly and giving me a look. Knowing exactly what he needs, I grip the shaft in my hands and stroke it firmly. His breath quickens, and gets shallow; I speed up my motions, giving the head a squeeze whilst stroking my thumb over his ball sac.  
  
He groans, “Fuck...I’m close...”  
  
I peek up into his face. Then as he lifts his body on his knees, I shuffle down the bed and enclose the head with my mouth. It’s warm and firm, the musty taste against my tongue is not unpleasant. I suck firmly. That’s all it takes, I guess. Just the feel of my mouth on his cock is enough to finish him.  
  
Matt grunts, and moves to my mouth just as he releases, strings of come spilling into my open mouth. Moaning, I swallow what goes down my throat, the rest dribbling from my lips and down my chin. Matt chuckles and, using his thumb, strokes it along my bottom lip, wiping it away.  
  
I breathe deeply gazing up into his eyes. He smiles and leans in to cover my mouth with his, licking away the taste of his pleasure. I slide my hands into his hair; he rumbles low then draws back and lies on his side. I look at him. He smiles and caresses my cheek, and then he stretches and yawns with a crack of his jaw.  
  
“Gonna go wash. Be right back.” He strokes the tips of his fingers along my bottom lip before pushing up off the bed and heading for the _en suite_.  
  
I watch him go, the door clicking shut behind him then I lay back; just need to recover from that session and then I’ll probably be able to think again. Smiling to myself, I close my eyes and just let myself drift, relaxing and waiting in the aftermath, eventually falling asleep, long before Matt finishes in the shower...


	11. "Val, it's important you talk to me right now."

Matt’s like a log when he sleeps, he doesn’t move much and if you push him he just rolls right back into place. Not that I’m in any position to push him. I wake to find myself lying within the circle of his muscular arms, his soft snores letting me know he’s still deeply asleep.  
  
I blink slowly, wondering for a second how I got here, and then I remember that after Matt had his shower he collapsed next to me and promptly fell asleep. He’d woken me as he fell into bed; I’d blinked at him a few times before sliding back into sleep. Smiling at that thought, I snuggle down and close my eyes again, knowing there’s no point in trying to get up, not for a little while longer. So, might as well sleep a little more.  
  
Anyway, it’s a Saturday...Matt likes to get a lie-in, considering he hasn’t had much of a chance lately. And considering the guys will be coming over again for a big brainstorming session in the afternoon, I’m sure he’ll want to be well rested for then.  
  
Speaking of the guys, I’m looking forward to them coming over too. Matt says Michelle will probably come over with Brian. A part of me is happy about that, another little part is nervous. I mean, sure it’s better between us now after that chat we had yesterday...but, it  _was_ just yesterday. I’m still not used to being...near her, if that makes any sense. I mean, heck...it’s been less than 24 hours...  
  
I sigh and turn to nuzzle into Matt’s chest. He stirs, mumbling in his sleep, arms tightening around my body. I tilt my head trying to listen to hear if I can decipher any distinct words in his sleep-filled speech. I catch a few disconnected words and then something unexpected...  
  
He mumbles a little louder, “No, you can’t...I love...” his voice trails off, but it leaves me feeling a little numb. He loves...loves who?  
  
I squeeze my eyes shut and press closer to his warm, solid body. The closeness is something I crave. Strange, considering I have never felt this way for any other master I have been with. Matt does things to me no other man ever has before. I’m sure I’ve told you that before. But, it does bear repeating.  
  
I lie there, just listening. Listening to his breaths; listening to the birds singing out in the trees. A light sea breeze moves through the leaves of the trees, low and soothing. Shifting a little, I curl more into his body and close my eyes.  
  
The peace is suddenly split by the ringing of the phone. Matt’s eyes fly open and he sits up fast. I have to move away abruptly to avoid getting hit in the side of the face.  
  
“What...the phone...Val.” Matt’s voice is raspier than usual, still edged with sleep.  
  
I scramble out of bed and grab at the phone which is still ringing furiously. He sits there with his hands propping his body up; the sheets slide down a little exposing the top half of his deathbat tattoo.  
  
I answer the call tentatively; I rarely pick up when the phone rings. “Hello? Sanders’ phone.”  
  
I frown at the voice on the other end. It’s a male voice, deep and commanding, not like Matt’s...a lot scarier. Reminds me of several men I’ve met in my lifetime. “Um, who is this? Uh...well...I...can’t tell you that...”  
  
Matt leans forward giving me a questioning look and mouthing firmly, “Who is it?”  
  
I shake my head at him and mouth back, “Don’t know.” I return to the caller. “Who are you? No....who are  _you_?”  
  
Matt’s brow furrows into an anxious scowl and he waves his hand at me. “Give me the phone.”  
  
I shiver; something about the caller gives me chills. So, I don’t hesitate at Matt’s order and hand him the phone, before rubbing at my bare arms.  
  
Matt sends me a small smile, and then frowns once more his voice a dangerous rumble as he speaks into the phone. “Who’re you, and what do you want?”  
  
The guy must have said something to upset him, because Matt’s face darkens and he glances at me, tilting his head toward the door. I blink. He stares pointedly toward the doorway. I get the hint and, grabbing a T-shirt that’s hanging over the back of a chair; I head out of the room.  
  
Making my way to the spare room, I pause just in time to hear Matt’s distinctive roar rattle the glasses in the hallway cabinet.  
  
“ _You can’t fucking do that_!”  
  
I shiver but decide I don’t want to hear any more and shut myself into the spare room, quickly tugging the T-shirt on over my head. Then I climb onto the double bed and wrap my arms around my knees and bury my face against them.  
  
I’m not sure how long I sit there for but the next thing I hear is the door opening and footsteps as Matt enters the room.  
  
“Hey, Val?”  
  
I peer over my arms at him and give a wan smile. “Hey...”  
  
He moves to sit on the edge of the bed, smoothing a hand over the covers. I watch him, the muscles in his arm tightening a little. He meets my gaze and smiles faintly before letting out a heavy sigh.  
  
“Fuck. Some people.” He smears his free hand over his jaw. I lift an eyebrow at him, wondering whether he’s about to tell me what that call was about. He grunts and scratches at his head. “Tell me something, Val.”  
  
I nod slowly unsure of where he’s heading with this but ready to tell him anything. Matt sucks at his tongue before going on. “Have you heard of The Guild?”  
  
A chill makes its way down my spine. I haven’t heard those two words in a long while. Practically forgotten them. Being with Matt seems to have put a cocoon around me, sheltering me from everything before. The first time I heard those words...well; the first time was back when I was first abandoned by my family. Screwing up my face, I avert my gaze and stare at the bedspread, finding the diamond pattern particularly fascinating.  
  
Matt shifts his weight and sighs. “I’ll take that as a yes.”  
  
I nod without looking at him. Next thing he’s up on the bed fully and has my face in his hands.  
  
“Val, it’s important you talk to me right now.”  
  
I tremble and try to pull back. He tightens his grip and speaks insistently. “Val, I’m serious. Look at me.”  
  
Lifting my eyes to his I see many different emotions playing across his features. I swallow hard, before whispering, “What is there to talk about, Master?”  
  
Matt groans and releases me, rubbing his hands over his face. “That man. He says he’s from that...Guild...whatever.”  
  
I bite my lip. “So?”  
  
“So?  _So_?” Matt growls. “Fuck, Val. What is it?”  
  
“What’s what?”  
  
“The Guild? What the fuck is it? And what fucking rights do they have?”  
  
I bite my lip harder and shake my head. I can’t really remember; I only ever went to The Guild once. When I was...I halt that thought and look at him.  
  
“I don’t know. All I know is that that’s where I was taken before I became a slave.” I hear the quiver in my voice and have this sudden urge to burst into tears. I squeeze my eyes shut tight and start shaking my head. “I don’t know anything about them, really...” I look up into his bright stare, there are golden flecks in the irises and they seem to gleam beneath the dim light. “Why?”  
  
Matt lifts a hand and absently plays with a strand of my hair. “The guy said he was from The Guild and that he was going to come round and check up on you...on us, make sure you’re...behaving yourself.”  
  
I tremble and take a deep breath. “That doesn’t sound bad?”  
  
Matt gives me a sceptical look. “Fuck, it was the way he said it, like he had the God given right to just barge in here and check you out, like you’re some piece of fucking meat.”  
  
I lower my head and murmur, “That’s what they all think at The Guild. We’re good for nothing but fucking.”  
  
Matt grimaces almost as if he’s in pain. “That’s a bit...cold.”  
  
Shrugging, I run a thumb along the hem of my T-shirt. Actually, it’s one of Matt’s, but it was the closest one I could grab. The material is soft against my skin, comfortable. I shift a little and peek up at him again. Matt sighs and flops back against the mattress, making it dip beneath the both of us.  
  
I continue looking at him, and then ask quietly, “Did he say when he’s coming?”  
  
Matt blinks; a tiny smirk twitches at the corners of his mouth. “I hope he doesn’t fucking come...that’d be a right turn off.”  
  
A joke. I giggle lightly. “No...Master...when is he-”  
  
“He didn’t say.” Matt’s voice becomes serious once more. “Any time from today ‘til the end of the week.” He grumbles sounding a little pissed. “Just gonna come barging in...” His voice trails off and he slaps his palm down against the covers, frustration evident in the gesture.  
  
I shuffle close to him and hesitantly run my fingers through his hair. His eyes dart to my face and a warm smile curves his lips upwards, and those damn dimples appear. He lifts a hand and encircles my wrist tenderly, pulling my hand down to his mouth and pressing his lips to my palm. A shiver runs through my body. He smiles more at me, and then sits up and pulls me into his arms, nuzzling against the back of my neck, inhaling deeply.  
  
“You smell nice...”  
  
Blushing, I murmur an unintelligible response. “Uhuh...”  
  
He chuckles then releases me, standing up. “Right...” He looks over to the night stand, at the clock there. “Breakfast time.”  
  
I look as well. It’s almost noon. “Uh...we slept in late...”  
  
Matt grins at me. “Exactly how I like it.”  
  
I look toward the window. “When are the guys coming around, Master?”  
  
Matt follows my gaze, staring out at the clear blue sky. “Around one.”  
  
I nod, biting my lip. “Do you want me to prepare anything for them?”  
  
He looks back at me, brow furrowing. Then he appears to come to a decision. “No. Brian’s bringing Chelle. I think she wants you two to hang out. Go shopping maybe.”  
  
I stare at him, thoughts swirling in my mind. Shopping? With my twin? Doing normal things like any other normal chick; I guess I can handle that. Turning my face away, I pretend to be shy over it. Matt sits down again and touches his fingertips to my chin, lifting it.  
  
“Hey. It’ll be cool. You don’t wanna sit around and listen to us, it gets kinda boring.”  
  
I shake my head, meeting his eyes. “With Jimmy there, master? It never gets boring.”  
  
Matt laughs out loud at my comment. “True. Jimmy’s a fucking riot.” He rubs his thumb over my cheek bone. “Still, you need to get out of this house. Do something fun.”  
  
The fact that Matt cares that I have fun, is a little overwhelming. No one, and I seriously mean no one, ever gave a shit before. Particularly the people at The Guild. Damn, after all this time not thinking about those people...I can’t stop now. Maybe I do need to do something even if it’s just to get my mind off that.  
  
Smiling up at Matt, I finally decide to agree with his judgement. “Alright...sounds okay, Master.”  
  
“Good. Well, we’d better have breakfast...or lunch...”  
  
Giggling, I get up off the bed. “I think they call that brunch?”  
  
Matt shrugs and turns to walk out of the room. I watch him go then, smiling to myself, follow him out.  
  
* * * * *  
  
The doorbell rings. I look up from my journal, where I’m scribbling away. Matt’s sitting next to me, an arm draped casually around my shoulders, whilst he’s flicking through the channels his eyes fixated on the television. He glances down at me.  
  
“Go and get that, will you.”  
  
I nod, setting my journal to the side and get up to answer the door. Before I can open it fully, I almost get bowled over as Jimmy comes barrelling in with a wild yodel.  
  
“The Rev is in the house, motherfucker!”  
  
I shriek and jump back, holding my hand to my heart. “Jesus!”  
  
He looks at me. “Huh? Where? I don’t see him?”  
  
I can’t help but giggle at the confusion on his face. “Christ...Jimmy...”  
  
“I’m here too!” Johnny strolls in after the drummer.  
  
The Rev still looks anxious. “Valary, where is he?”  
  
“Where is who, dumbass?” Matt’s up off the couch and comes over to stand behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist while giving his friend a weird look.  
  
I catch the look from the corner of my eyes and mouth to him, “Told you it’s not boring.”  
  
Matt smirks down at me then back at the drummer. “Well?”  
  
“Jesus. Val yelled ‘Jesus’ when I ran in. So, where is he?”  
  
I see Matt roll his eyes as he laughs. “Damn, Jimbo. You almost ran into her...she yelled ‘Jesus’ ‘cause you scared her.”  
  
“Ooooooooooooh...right. Sorry, short stuff.”  
  
I blush and murmur in reply. “It’s okay, sir...”  
  
Matt rolls his eyes again. “Come on. Close the door, short shit.” He must mean Johnny; obviously he thinks so too, because the bassist turns and shuts the door.  
  
“Oh, Syn said he and Chelle will be a half an hour late, ‘cause they had to go get something first.” Jimmy waltzes through to the living room.  
  
I watch his tall frame then look up at Matt, then glancing toward the kitchen. “Should I-”  
  
“No. Come sit with us,” Matt strokes my arm gently then steers me back into the room after the drummer. Johnny follows us in, as Matt adds quietly, “We’ll wait for Brian in here.”  
  
“Okay.” I let him lead me into the room, where Jimmy and Johnny have commandeered the television and are randomly flipping through channels, making comments about whatever they land on.  
  
Matt pulls me down on the couch next to him and we just watch them in silence, wiling away the minutes until he has to start thinking about work, and I...well...I get to hang out with my sister. I can’t wait...I guess.  
  
Well, it can’t be too bad. I’ll just have to wait and see. Just...wait...


	12. “Wish we could’ve done this a long time ago."

“So, you had to go pick Zacky up? Why the hell did that take half an hour?”  
  
Brian, Michelle and Zacky have just got here and Jimmy is heckling the lead guitarist over the length of time it took them. Brian brushes him off with a shake of his head.  
  
Zacky answers the question though with a scowl on his face. “I was at my aunt’s in Long Beach. I almost forgot about today. Syn called me this morning to remind me.”  
  
Matt and I listen in neither of us commenting as the drummer raises his eyebrows and announces, “That’s not an excuse. I mean, fuck...I don’t use visiting my aunt as an excuse to forget.”  
  
“Shut up, Rev. Your aunt’s dead.” Brian scoffs. I blink at his comment; Matt snorts, rolling his eyes. Michelle frowns and touches Brian’s arm, just as Jimmy pretends to burst into tears.  
  
“Now look what you did.” My twin is scowling at Brian now, as she moves to wrap an arm around the taller man’s shoulders. Jimmy turns and buries his face in Michelle’s long dark hair. She rubs a hand up and down his back.  
  
Brian just throws his hands up in disgust and walks to the chair opposite Matt and I, flopping down on it and flashing a bright smile at me. “Hey there, Chelle’s twin.”  
  
I blush and avert my gaze. But not before catching a glimpse of the tight shirt he’s wearing, that seems to hug every line of his well-defined torso. Brian Haner Jr, aka Synyster Gates is a very stylish man. He and Zacky each have their own clothing lines. I’ve noticed Matt pimping both brands on various occasions. In fact, he’s wearing a Vengeance University tank top today.  
  
Matt squeezes his arm around my waist, and then nods to Brian. “Does Michelle still want to take Val shopping?”  
  
Before Brian can answer, Michelle sits on his lap and glowers at Matt. “You could ask me, Matthew. I’m right here you know.”  
  
I feel Matt stiffen next to me, and when he responds there is tension in his voice. “Yeah. Well. Do you?”  
  
I look at my sister. Michelle purses her lips then meets my eyes, a tight smile appearing on her lips. I wonder what is passing through her mind as she studies me. Her eyes are exactly like mine, the same hue, the same brightness, the same honey-brown stare. Something flickers in their depths and then she turns her eyes back to Matt.  
  
“I think maybe you should ask Val, if she wants to, Matt,” Michelle suggests.  
  
Matt nods and shifts his body on the couch, looking down into my face. “Val, do you want to go with Chelle?”  
  
I look at him wondering if he’s asking because I seriously have a choice, or because he just wants to humour my twin. Nothing in his expression reveals otherwise, but I know what my answer will be.  
  
Smiling, I say, “Of course. I’d like that.”  
  
“Me too!” Jimmy pipes up and runs up and jumps onto my lap. I gasp in shock and push at him ineffectively. He pouts at me. I just blink at him, dumbfounded and a little out of breath.  
  
“Hey!” Matt growls dangerously, and shoves at the drummer, while I try to get my arms out from under him. “Get the fuck off, dumbass. You’re squashing her.”  
  
Jimmy pokes his tongue out at Matt, gives me a quick hug then jumps up and promptly falls on the floor at my feet. I stare at him; he stares back up at me. Then in a quick, agile movement, he flips back onto his feet and stands up, holding his arms up in a triumphant gesture.  
  
“Huzzah!”  
  
Matt groans, shaking his head. “Fucking dork.”  
  
Jimmy smirks, flipping him off. “You know you love me.”  
  
“You’re a dick.” I hear the smile in Matt’s voice though.  
  
I know he loves his friends’ to death. He would do anything for them and I have a feeling the others would do anything for him, and for each other. All of them. I lean my head against Matt’s shoulder; he presses his lips to the top of my head.  
  
Jimmy lowers his arms, sighing. “Well, I’d like to go shopping...but I guess I can’t.”  
  
Brian peeks around Michelle’s body and smirks at the drummer. “No. You gotta stay here and show Shads that piece you were playing at our place the other day.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah. It’s fucking mad. You’ll love it, Shads.” Jimmy flops on a beanbag and proceeds to kick his legs out in front of him. He almost knocks Johnny over as the bassist is about to sit on the only other free seat.  
  
I giggle as Johnny rounds on the drummer and shakes a fist at him. “Jerk.”  
  
Jimmy laughs out loud but then finds something else to distract him. I return my gaze to Michelle who is fiddling with the buckle of her belt. Talking of stylish, she is wearing a black halter neck that accentuates her breasts. The belt she is playing with is made of white leather and perfectly complements the solid blue jeans that hug her shapely legs. I wish I could look like that.  
  
She glances up meeting my eyes; a soft smile passes fleetingly across her face. Matt notices our silent interaction and nudges my shoulder gently.  
  
“You two should get going.”  
  
I hesitate.  
  
He smiles encouragingly. “Go on. We’ll still be here when you get back.”  
  
Michelle hops up from Brian’s lap, clutching her purse in her hands. I look toward her again. She runs fingers through the thick waves of hair that fall around her face. Then she smiles my way. The expression isn’t quite faked, but I sense a hint of force behind it.  
  
“Ready to go?”  
  
I hesitate again; Matt cocks an eyebrow, and smirks. “Jesus. I can’t imagine any chick not being excited to go shopping.”  
  
I bite my lip.  
  
But, surprisingly Michelle jumps in to defend me. “Leave her alone, the last time Val would’ve been shopping with anyone...” She trails off and looks at me then murmurs, “was with me and Mom...when we were four and three-quarters...”  
  
I scrunch up my face then sigh heavily. “I can’t remember.”  
  
Matt sighs roughly, “Chelle, get outta here...and take her. She needs to get out of here.”  
  
Michelle scowls at him, but says nothing to him. Turning to me she smiles again.  
  
“Come on; let’s leave the guys to whatever they need to do.”  
  
I stand and glance back at Matt. The corners of his lips twitch as he jerks his head toward the door. A dismissal of sorts, but I see the smile in his eyes. I give a little wave and pick up my purse before heading for the front door. I hear Matt telling Michelle to be nice, Brian backing him up. It takes a couple of minutes; however, my twin finally pries herself away from the men and joins me outside.  
  
“Phew...those two...” Michelle shakes her head, and then peeks at me. “Come on, I’m driving.”  
  
* * * * *  
  
The clamour and busy-ness of the mall scares me a little. There are so many people. I stay as close to Michelle as I can without stepping on her. To her credit she doesn’t even frown at me. Perhaps she’s more sensitive than I thought. We hurry over to a small coffee shop, where she encourages me to take a seat, dumping the myriad shopping bags that she is carrying onto the floor by my feet.  
  
I watch as she goes to the counter and orders us some hot drinks. Then she comes and sits opposite me, a thoughtful expression on her face.  
  
Though it’s not until we have our drinks in hand does she say anything to me, and when she does I sense that she’s been thinking hard about what she wants to say. “Val, do you remember anything from when we were little?”  
  
I take a sip of the cappuccino she bought me. The slight bitter tang sends a spark of energy to my mind.  
Gripping the cup, I think for a moment before responding. “I don’t really know. That’s so long ago. And...so much has happened.”  
  
Michelle purses her lips. “You can’t remember anything at all?”  
  
I blink hard; averting my gaze my eyes fall upon a mother with a little girl who is sitting several tables away from us. The little girl is clowning around on the chair and the mother is attempting to get her to sit still. That gets me to thinking about when I was a little girl, and in all honesty there is only one memory that really sticks out from all the rest.  
  
However, I cannot voice it; it is too close to my heart, too sensitive an experience. Even though Michelle is my sister, my twin, I can’t express what is on the tip of my tongue. I shake my head slowly and rub a hand over my face.  
  
Michelle sighs and looks over to the mother and child as well, a small smile flickering across her face. “That was you once upon a time.”  
  
I roll my eyes. “Don’t you mean you?”  
  
The corner of her lips quirk and she shakes her head as she answers wistfully. “Both of us. We were such...girls.”  
  
Rolling my eyes again, I finish my drink and set the cup down on the table. I knew exactly what she meant. We were both exactly what little girls should be. Dolled up in matching pink dresses, pink shoes, pink socks, and pink ribbons in our hair, we were our parents’ cute little princesses. What it was that changed all that I can’t even remember, and all I can be sure of is that I don’t resent them for deciding to keep Michelle and getting rid of me.  
  
“Yeah, we were, weren’t we?” I give a little shake and glance around the cafe taking in the other customers. There are a couple of elder women sitting across from us discussing the weather; an old man and his grandchild sharing a huge bowl of ice cream at the table next to them; and two burly men wearing baseball caps at the table behind ours. One of them catches me looking and smirks, tilting two fingers to the peak of his cap. I flush and return my gaze to my twin.  
  
Michelle quirks an eyebrow at me. “What?”  
  
I shake my head, tucking a strand of hair behind my left ear. She glances over her shoulder to where I was looking. The same man salutes her, but doesn’t smile this time. She rolls her eyes at him and swivels back to face me.  
  
“Jerk,” she mumbles under her breath.  
  
I giggle. Michelle laughs outright.  
  
“Ah, heck, Val. Wish we could’ve done this years ago...y’know, like sisters should.” She props her elbows against the table, resting her chin on her hands. With a nod she indicates my cup. “Gonna finish that?”  
  
I tilt the saucer her way. “Already done.”  
  
“Heh, shows how much I notice.” She grimaces. “Brian reckons I’m too self absorbed sometimes.”  
  
“I wouldn’t know.” I flash a look at her. “I haven’t met many self-absorbed women.”  
  
“No, I s’pose you wouldn’t have.” Her tone sounds slightly wary now, as if she’s anxious of how the conversation is heading. I sense that she has many unspoken questions, but is hesitant to pry into my private life. In a way, her hesitation mirrors my own. I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about that missing time with her or anyone else. I have still yet to open up about it with Matt.  
  
Michelle leans back against her chair. I shift on mine, noticing from the corner of my eye that the man from the other table has stood and is approaching ours. I tense slightly, doing what I always do, study the guy’s appearance. Beneath his cap several strands of black hair stick haphazardly out at right angles from his face. Cool black eyes narrow as he comes closer.  
  
I tuck my hands in my armpits. He halts next to the table. He’s wearing a grey jacket over a plain white T-shirt, which is giving nothing away. The sleeves are rolled up though, so I can see the brawn of his forearms. He places his hands against the table; it leans slightly at the pressure.  
  
I blink at him. Michelle frowns and presses her lips together. Lifting an eyebrow she waits to see what he wants.  
  
“So. What’re two cuties like you doing here sitting by yourselves?”  
  
“Minding our own business,” Michelle retorts. She tilts her chin toward his table. “What’re two hunks like you, and your buddy, doing together in a coffee shop? Chatting each other up?”  
  
His expression freezes. I catch a vein in his forehead beginning to throb slightly. Michelle’s barb obviously gets to him. He turns his head to stare directly at me. An involuntary shiver runs down my spine. The look in his eyes reminds me of the men who owned me in the past, rough, hard men who care nothing for anyone but themselves.  
  
In truth if it weren’t for the fact that I can swear I’ve never seen the man before I could be forgiven for thinking that he was a man I had encountered in my past.  
  
His lips curve slightly as he looks me up and down. “You got a tongue, sweetcakes?”  
  
I bite at my tongue. He chuckles. Michelle scowls and snaps catching him off guard, “We’re answered for. So, you can just take your ass and sit back down over there.”  
  
The man laughs, deep, amused. “Well, if you change your minds. I’m Joshua. But, if you want me...just ask for JD.” He winks, tosses a card onto the table, and then turns on his heel walking back to his friend.  
  
Michelle rubs at her eyes while looking back at me. I heave a sigh. She laughs a little.  
  
“Well, that...was interesting.” She picks up her purse and sets it on the table in front of her, rifling through it as she keeps talking. “Maybe a little too interesting.”  
  
I don’t respond, my focus on the card he left behind. Turning it so I can read the small print, my skin tingles.  
  
“Joshua Douglas...HeartsRebels?”  
  
“Huh?” Michelle stops rummaging in her bag. “What’s that?”  
  
“The card he left. Look, what do you think that is?” I hand it to her.  
  
She examines it, flipping it over a curious look on her face. “No idea. Toss it. It’s probably fake.”  
  
I nod slightly, but when she’s not looking, I tuck the card in my back pocket. I want to show it to Matt, see if he can figure it out. There’s just something about the way it’s presented that bothers me. It jogs a memory that lurks deep in my mind and I want to get to the bottom of it. It might be nothing, but considering my past, and that call from The Guild earlier, I’m not going to take any chances.  
  
Michelle glances at her watch. “Shit, look at that, we’d better get back. The boys’ll be finished, probably getting into the drink. C’mon.” She stands.  
  
I follow suit. Before she moves to leave I lean over and catch hold of her arm. She pauses and meets my eyes.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
Clearing my throat and smiling, I whisper, “Thanks for this...I...had fun.”  
  
Michelle’s face softens considerably, as she closes a hand over mine. I blink hard as she murmurs in answer, “We’ll do this again, sis. I promise.”  
  
And with that pledge hanging between us we leave the cafe.


	13. "Wow, I sound like a sap."

“Jason Denmore, he’s a wicked guitar tech, Walter put me onto him.”  
  
Michelle and I walk into the house in time to hear Brian raving about some new guy he met in Los Angeles. He is a guitar technician that specialises in working with metal and progressive rock bands. As Brian’s rambling on, Matt pokes his head out from the living room and grins, his eyes falling upon the bags we’re toting.  
  
“Hey, you’re back.” He tilts his head at us an expression of wonderment on his face. He is obviously, like all men, pondering the wisdom behind women who buy copious amounts of stuff from their favourite stores, and then never actually using the things they purchase.  
  
I smile in answer. Right now, I don’t trust myself to speak. I’ll just let my twin do all the talking. Or at least that’s my plan, whether she  _or_ Matt stick to the script remains to be seen.  
  
Michelle nods, putting her bags on the floor, plastic crinkling as she looks to the other room. “What’s Bri going on about?”  
  
Matt shrugs and steps over to take my bags from me. “Just some new guitar tech.” He eyes me, a serious expression now on his face. “Have a good time?” He keeps looking at me, waiting for a response.  
  
As I move to step by him, I clear my throat and murmur a quick answer. “Yeah, it was alright...”  
  
I catch Michelle raise an eyebrow at me. I shake my head in her direction. She sighs and heads into the living room. I make to follow her, but Matt stops me, taking my left elbow in hand and pulling me over to the kitchen bench.  
  
“Sit.” His tone brooks no refusal.  
  
I slowly slide my ass onto the stool, looking down at my hands. One of my nails is chipped; I play with it. Matt frowns and leans his hip against the bench, examining me. I peer up at his face. There is a furrow in his forehead; his hazel eyes hold an expectant look.  
  
“Valary.” He uses my full first name, an obvious sign that I have to talk to him. No getting out of this.  
  
Biting my lower lip, I take several deep breaths, before speaking softly. “Yeah, we had a good time. Did some shopping.” I rub my hands on my pants, sweat making my skin feel clammy. I can’t explain the feeling. Don’t want to explain it. Instead, still rubbing at my pants, I add softly, “Got some new clothes, so I won’t have to keep wearing yours.”  
  
Matt’s lips twitch as he nods a glimmer of laughter in his eyes. But then he asks, “Anything interesting happen?”  
  
That question gives me pause. Here, and now, would be the perfect time to tell him about that guy who came up to us, but at the same time I feel that I don’t want to bother Matt with it. Shaking my head, I cast a longing glance toward the living room. I hope he takes the hint.  
  
But, instead, he growls low, leaning into my comfort zone. “Val. Talk to me.”  
  
I bite my lip, meeting his stern look. Taking a deep breath I fish into my back pocket and pull out the card the guy left on our table, holding it out to him.  
  
He frowns, lips pressing together in a thin line. “What’s this?”  
  
I lift my shoulders, crossing my arms over my breasts. He takes the card and squints narrowly at it, eyes scanning the text. I wait, quietly, watching the expression on his face change as he reads. His eyes darken, lips tightening in a thin line.  
  
He tosses the card onto the bench then pins me with a look. “Who gave you that?”  
  
Breathing out, as I brace my hands against my knees, I say in confusion, “This guy at a cafe Michelle and I were at. He was kind of staring at us. Creeped me out. And then he left that card.”  
  
Matt nods slightly. “Go on.”  
  
I blink. “That’s it.”  
  
“Uhuh.” Matt smirks, yet his eyes are grave. “Why’d you take the card?”  
  
That I do know the answer to. However, I feel a bit weird trying to explain my reasoning to Matt.  
  
He leans more against the bench and tilts his head to the side. “Val?”  
  
Shaking myself, I frown a little, meeting his gaze. “Something...I felt something.” I rub my bottom lip. “The Guild...I...don’t know. I had this thought, that there might be a connection. I don’t know. Just thought maybe you could look it up? See what it’s about?”  
  
Peering up into his eyes I try to gauge his response. Matt says nothing though, and pushes away from the bench, pocketing the card and motioning for me to follow him.  
  
Realising I’m not going to get any answer from him I slip off the stool and walk behind him, as he heads for the living room. I halt in the doorway, observing him as he plonks himself down next to Zacky, who just so happens to have his laptop open on his lap. I tilt my head, as he glances at Matt and gives a little smile.  
  
“Guess what, Shads?”  
  
Matt chuckles and rolls his eyes. “What, V?”  
  
“VU has a whole new line of clothing.” Zacky grins like a kid at Christmas. Not that I’d know what someone feels like at Christmas, I do not remember ever celebrating that time of the year. I’m sure I did with Michelle when I was really little. But who remembers that?  
  
Zacky is still speaking. “It’s a Halloween theme. Fucking rad.”  
  
I watch as Matt smiles faintly, but then his brow creases in thought. “Hey, man. Do me a favour?”  
  
Zacky sucks at his snakebites, nodding. “Sure?”  
  
Matt casts a look toward where I’m standing. I blink at him. He stares at me for a second as he retrieves the card from his pocket. Then he faces his friend again, holding the card out to him between his index and middle finger.  
  
“Search this.” His voice seems tense, but I can’t really decipher his tone. It might be just pure curiosity, or it could be anxiety. Who knows? Only him, I guess.  
  
The guitarist presses his lips together as he takes the card and turns it over, reading the text. One hand holding the card, he uses the other to tap into the search engine. At least that is what I presume. I still haven’t moved from my place in the doorway.  
  
Jimmy notices me standing there and gets up from where he’s sitting with my twin and Brian. He walks over to me and smiles warmly.  
  
“Hey, whatcha doing, Valary? Come sit with us.”  
  
I hesitate, looking over at Matt and Zacky. The drummer snorts and places a hand against my right shoulder.  
  
“Don’t worry about them, come join us.”  
  
I shake my head slightly. “No, I’m fine, thanks...” I bite my bottom lip, taking a step back. “Actually, I’m a bit tired. Think I might go lie down.” I’m not being completely honest; I actually want to write down my feelings about the day, but it’s not like I want to say that to Jimmy, that’s only for me, and Matt, to know.  
  
Jimmy smiles gently, rubbing my arm softly. “’Kay, take care, then.” He drops his hand, turning to walk back to the others.  
  
I sneak a quick look over at Matt again; he’s leaning close to Zack, gaze focusing on the laptop. Whatever their searching, must be intriguing because neither seems to remember the presence of the others, even when Jimmy starts lobbing peanuts over in their direction. I giggle silently to myself, shaking my head.  
  
As they all seem to be preoccupied in one way or another, I see this as a chance to leave them at it. So, I back out of the doorway and go to our room, shutting myself in. For a moment, I just lean against the door, breathing slowly, allowing my thoughts to settle in my mind.  
  
Grabbing my journal from the nightstand, I then scramble onto the middle of the bed, clutching my pencil in my right hand. I twirl it absently between my thumb and forefinger. Then propping myself up on some pillows on my side of the bed, I flip it open to a blank page, and am about begin to writing, when I notice that the previous entry was not written by me.  
  
I blink, and lean close to look at the handwriting. Recognising the characteristic curl at the end of the capital letters I realise it is Matt’s penmanship. I stare and stare at the words he has written, and wonder when exactly he could have done so.  
  
Shaking my head, I glance toward the door for a moment, the distant sounds of the guys talking and arguing, floating down the hallway. I dismiss it as background noise and return my focus to the journal, pausing for a long moment, before making a decision.  
  
I’m going to read his entry. See what he has to say. After all, since he’s written it in  _my_  journal he obviously can’t be expecting me not to read it. Perhaps he wrote something in there for me to read? Maybe he decides to confess his und- yeah, right. Don’t even go there. He’s probably just made some commentary on my previous diarising.  
  
Plumping up the pillows, I rest back against them and flip back a few pages to the point where Matt has begun his entry. However, before I start reading, I once again check the noise levels outside the room.  
  
Still the same, still busy enjoying each other’s company. Sighing, I settle down, tucking my chin into my chest and allowing my eyes to focus solely on my master’s words.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
 _ **Matt’s Message**_  
  
 _Yeah, so, I got bored because the guys decided to go outside and have a smoke. You know I don’t smoke anymore, not even socially, so I popped in for a lie down. Saw your journal laying on the night stand and had a bit of a read._  
  
Then I figured I’d insert a little note.  
  
Obviously.  
  
So.  
  
One: I hope you had a good time with Michelle. I can’t say that we see eye to eye on anything...but then we kind of rubbed each other up the wrong way back in high school. I just can’t believe that you and she are twins, to be entirely honest. You’re such polar opposites. But, then again, maybe if you’d actually grown up together, that might have been different.  
  
Shit, just the fact that you’re a slave...no words can really describe how that makes me feel. Maybe I’ll try and explain to you face-to-face. Yeah, I know I bought you...paid cash for you...but...yeah.  
  
You amaze me, y’know that? You just manage to put into words these observations that just...jump off the page. Makes me feel like I’m there with you. Heh, I guess I was, hey?  
  
Anyway, you know what still gets to me after these past few months? The fact you’re still so self-fucking-conscious about your body. Yes, I’m gonna put this out there, in writing...just so you know. There’s no need for it. Do you realise how many women would...wish so hard for a body like yours.  
  
Oh, now. Don’t blush. I’m just telling you like it is. Perhaps seeing it here in my hand writing will convince you that it’s true. Because, there’s one thing you have to know about me.  
  
I never lie.  
  
Never.  
  
It’s against my whole...moral code, or whatever.  
  
Wow, I sound like a sap. Okay, enough sweetness. I could fill a pot of it...heh.  
  
Be serious, Shads.  
  
Right. I’m gonna reach my point in a minute.  
  
You’re beautiful, stunning. That night, at the gig. You stood out. And, I just had to, I’m not sure. Have you. That sleazy scumbag, Giovanni...I wondered how you ended up with a guy like him? Maybe you’ll tell me that story one day? Or write it in here for me to read?  
  
Yeah, so...just take this to heart. You. Are. So. Damn. Beautiful.  
  
Period.  
  
Don’t question me on that.  
  
Ever.  
  
Anyway, that’s me done. Heh, that’s the most I’ve ever written, which hasn’t been a public blog to our fans on MySpace. Go figure.  
  
Now back to our usual broadcast...  
  
Shads.


	14. "I think I love you."

“Valary! Where the hell did- oh,  _there_  you are.”  
  
I swing my head around as the door opens and Matt’s head pops around the edge. I give him a faint smile and wave to him. He leans against the doorframe and smiles back.  
  
“What’re you doing?”  
  
I hold up my journal. The corners of his eyes crinkle slightly. Then he pushes away from the doorway, approaching the bed.  
  
I shift my weight a little, tilting my head. “Join me, Master?”  
  
Matt smiles and climbs on the bed, the mattress dipping beneath his bulk. He shuffles around, settling next to me, pulling me close into his side. Leaning my head against his shoulder, I give a soft sigh. He nuzzles into my hair, tucking several strands behind my ears. I peek up at him; his eyes twinkle at me. Blushing, I lower my eyes and return my concentration to my journal.  
  
Matt plays with my hair, remaining in silence, obviously content to just relax with me for a moment. I scribble away absently, but then stop and look up at him again.  
  
“Uh, why aren’t you with the others?”  
  
Matt smirks. “Might ask the same of you, Val.”  
  
“Well, I just needed to be by myself, Master.” I look down, feeling a little anxious. He cups my chin and tilts it up, frowning at me. I bite my lip gently. He brushes his thumb slowly across my lower lip.  
  
Then he says, “You never had a lot of time to yourself, did you.” It’s not quite a question.  
  
I blink hard, stomach rolling slightly, before giving a tiny nod. “No, Master.”  
  
Matt sighs, tilting his head back against the large pillow. His dark hair contrasts against the white of the cover. He breathes deeply then swears softly, before meeting my gaze again.  
  
“Well, I have a proposal then.”  
  
I look curiously at him. “A proposal?”  
  
“Yeah. A couple of hours a day which is solely for yourself, without me, to do whatever you wanna do.” Matt quirks his eyebrows at me. “What do you reckon?”  
  
For some inexplicable reason, tears begin to fill my eyes. One drop finds its way from the corner of my eye down my left cheek. Wiping furiously at my face, I try to smile at him. His brow furrows.  
  
“Val?”  
  
“I’m okay,” I sniffle, rubbing at my eyes. “I...just. No one’s ever...”  
  
“Yeah,” Matt interrupts firmly, “I’m not any of those jerks.  _I’m_  your master. And I say you get some ‘Valary’ time. Every day.” He strokes his thumb along my left cheekbone. “Starting from now. So, if you want me to leave, I will.”  
  
I stare at him, a little awestruck. His lips curve in a tender expression, and he rubs the tip of his nose against my cheek. I shiver a little, but then shake my head.  
  
“No, want you to stay, please.” I place my hand against his, holding on for a moment. He looks at our linked hands then nods, settling back against the pillow again.  
  
“Sure. I’ll stay.” He breathes out slowly, wrapping his arm around my waist, and tilting his head so he can watch me. Relaxing into his side once more, I pick my pen up and go back to writing.  
  
Several minutes pass before I stop, giving my hand a rest. “Are they still here?”  
  
“Nah.” Matt rakes his fingers through his hair. “They left.”  
  
I nod slightly, then murmur, “Get any work done, Master?”  
  
Matt chuckles. “Yeah, we got some rad ideas going ‘round between the five of us. Even Johnny had a couple of song ideas, which isn’t usual. He usually leaves the initial song ideas to Jimmy and I.”  
  
I nod again; he adds quietly, “A lot of things have happened in the world, y’know...I’m figuring the new album’s going to take us all on a pretty...dark journey.” He sighs softly. “Anyway, we were starting to go in circles over a point...so we decided to call it a day.”  
  
Glancing up at him, I tilt my head. Matt smiles at me, and then frowns slightly.  
  
“Um...before he left, Zacky said he’d see if he could find something on that card.”  
  
“Oh.” I purse my lips. “So, you didn’t find anything online?”  
  
Matt shakes his head. “Nope.”  
  
Shifting, so as to lay across his stomach, I peer up into his face. “Well, it might just be nothing.” I’m hoping it’s nothing, because for once I want my premonitions to be proven unfounded. I don’t want every little thing I suspect to actually be true. Because, it’s usually bad for me. I always end up getting hurt. And, I don’t want to be hurt anymore.  
  
Matt closes his eyes for a moment, resting them. Then he slits them studying me, I assume. “What if it is something?”  
  
“I don’t know, Master. Guess we’ll just have to figure it out if that’s the case.” I twirl my pen between my thumb and fingers.  
  
He nods, and then asks, “You see my message?”  
  
Sliding my other hand over the pages of my journal, I nod. “Yes.” I don’t trust myself to say anything more than that. The words he wrote are still hard for me to fathom. I can’t believe he wrote them. No man has ever let me know how they felt about me in such an intimate and personal manner. Sure, I might be able to formulate a response in writing, but to say anything more out loud is kind of unsettling to me.  
  
Matt rubs a thumb across the back of my neck. Then he dips his head down, pressing his lips into my hair. Shivering, I shift a little, gazing up into his face. The corners of his mouth turn up, dimples appearing on either side. I feel my cheeks going pink and lower my eyes again.  
  
He chuckles softly before resting his head back against the pillow. I sit up a little, observing his face. He notices me looking, and wrinkles the bridge of his nose and crosses his eyes. I burst into a fit of giggles. He looks...cute...when he does that. That thought stops my laughter. Matt looks at me and uncrosses his eyes.  
  
“You okay?”  
  
I stare at him, and then blurt out, “I’m not beautiful.” I gasp realising seconds after what I just said, blushing right to the roots of my hair. I duck my head down suddenly unable to look Matt in the face. There’s a moment’s silence, filled only by our breaths, mine shallow, and nervy, his calm, steady.  
  
To his credit, Matt makes no comment; instead, he tilts my chin, making me meet his eyes. Then he smiles, the warmth somehow calming my jittery nerves.  
  
I breathe out slowly and whisper, “Forget I said that, Master.”  
  
Matt looks at me thoughtfully. He’s obviously formulating a response to my request. His eyes narrow slightly, eyelashes lowering over his stare. Then he speaks quietly, but firmly, “Val, I told you not to argue with me. I always mean what I say, or write, as the case may be.” He smirks faintly at that final remark.  
  
I blink, looking down. He sighs softly. Then he rubs his thumb against my cheek, before pulling my head to rest against his chest, lying back, and holding me in his arms. I curl into his body, resting my eyes. He trails his fingers from my face, down my neck to my shoulder, rubbing gently. I smile a little.  
  
I hear Matt inhale deeply, then let his breath out in what sounds like a sigh of contentment. Then he nuzzles into my hair, breathing steadily. I close my eyes, allowing myself to relax in his arms, drifting in a semi-conscious state, my breaths slowing.  
  
Matt holds me close, propping his chin atop my head. We remain like that for awhile, not moving, not thinking just resting in each other’s presence.  
  
After awhile, I finish scribbling in my journal; and, after handing it to Matt so he can read it, I curl up against his chest and allow myself to drift off.  
  
* * * * *  
  
 _Master, you think I’m beautiful? You’d be the first to ever tell me that in any form or manner. Most men put me down all the time...I was only ever there for them to use. To dump their seed into my body, onto my body. They didn’t give two hoots about the way I looked. As long as I obeyed them in every which way, they were satisfied. Definitely satisfied._  
  
No. I’m ugly. A waste of human flesh. Or so some of them told me. You have to understand why I’m hesitant to accept your evaluation of me. Men have lied to me to get me to do their every fancy. They wanted a blow job? They would tell me I was lucky I got to blow them because I was an ugly slut and no gentleman would want me to touch their cocks with my whore mouth. That hurt...it all hurt, but I got used to it.  
  
I never thought my life would get any better you know? You asked about Giovanni? I’d been with him for about two years when you bought me. He wasn’t too bad, really. He was just fat...and his breath stank...he was sleazy more than anything else. He never hurt me, not like other men who had me. He, Giovanni, represented the best of my situation at the time.  
  
Of course, because of the type of person he was, I began acting up. With my other masters I never dared truly to play up because I was so damned scared that they’d do me some serious damage. But, with G...I felt I could get away with a lot of things. And, I guess that’s why, when you showed up, he told you I was ‘damaged goods’. Because, I wasn’t the obedient little slave I should’ve been. That’s why he wanted to get rid of me too.  
  
I know I’m not all that submissive even now. I just don’t think I’m the type. But, somehow you make me want to try harder to be obedient. The rules help to an extent. They’re straightforward, not confusing. They give me something to base my behaviour on. My other masters ruled me by making me fear them. You...rule my...heart. There, I put it in words.  
  
I shouldn’t be admitting this and whether you make some comment or not...I don’t know. But, I...I’ve fallen for you, Master...  
  
Oh...God. I can’t believe I just wrote that...  
  
But, I need to be honest, don’t I? You hate dishonesty, I know that. But, I need to tell you this. If. If you feel you need to put me in my place...tell me I can’t fall for you, whatever...I understand. I’m the slave. You’re the master, what you say, goes. Always.  
  
Anyway. I was wondering something, Master. Why did you buy me? I mean, it takes all sorts to own a slave, but that doesn’t explain why you suddenly decided buying me was a good idea. You don’t seem the type to just go and buy a slave...or even need one?  
  
You don’t have to answer that question, by the way. It’s none of my business, right? You make decisions for yourself that I have no right knowing the why of. But, I can’t help being curious.  
  
All my other masters had had slaves before me and all for the same reason. Sex. But, we’ve hardly slept together...or at least if we do you’ve always made sure I get something out of it as well...and not just as an afterthought. And, not to humiliate me...or make me feel like a slut.  
  
I don’t think sex is the reason you bought me though. It’s something more than that. It can’t be because of the way I look. Yes, I know...we’re back to that. You think I’m beautiful. But, I don’t know about that...I doubt that it’s the reason you decided to fork over some money to some fat sleazebag to get me away from him, and make me your slave. No, that can’t possibly be the reason. It has to be something else.  
  
I guess I could speculate until I was blue in the face, only way I’d ever know is if you decide I deserve an answer. I’m not expecting one, though.  
  
You can respond, or not, as you like to this message...I don’t mind, Master. Whatever you say is enough for me.  
  
Just...know that I...I think I love you, Master...  
  
Yeah... that’s me done.


	15. "I don't want to read this...seriously."

It’s been a few days since I wrote that little message in my journal, and something’s changed between Matt and me. I wouldn’t say it’s bad, or good. More like Switzerland. Hah, if you don’t get that, then I have to ask you, were you under a rock your whole life? I mean, I’m a slave and even I know that Switzerland is neutral territory. Anyway, Matt’s just doing what he usually does...at least on the surface. The guys have been in and out, I’ve even hung out with Michelle again. But, there’s just something between us that wasn’t there before.  
  
There’s this...tension...and I have to admit, it worries me a little. I’ve been extra vigilant, y’know? Rule number three – pay attention. But, I can’t seem to pin down what he’s thinking or feeling. He’s like a closed book.  
  
He did something this morning that he hasn’t for awhile, though. He lost his cool with me, but there was no yelling or anything like that. He just shut me out. Not physically, I mean he’s actually sitting right next to me as I’m telling you this. We’re in the living room; he’s watching some game on the television. I’m writing in my journal, again. He hasn’t really acknowledged me all morning. I mean, he’s still gentle with me. Y’know? But, it seems impersonal, almost, as if he’s kind of detached himself.  
  
I don’t know. I don’t know how to go back to the way it was. I mean, it’s not like a huge change or anything, just a subtle shifting of emotions. And, I don’t even know whether it’s to do with what I wrote, or just a coincidence. I mean maybe he’s just in an off mood or something. But, usually if that’s the case, he’d be complaining and groaning, and getting me to do every little thing he can possibly think of. And then he’d fall asleep on the couch and snore away like a runaway motor. Then he’d wake up and be all dimpled smiles, and cheery words.  
  
But, he hasn’t even cracked a smile over the past few days. I think the guys even noticed it. Jimmy made some comment like he always does, and Matt didn’t say anything, when he usually, at least, calls the drummer a ‘jerk’ or a ‘dick’. All out of love, of course.  
  
I hope it wasn’t what I wrote, because if that’s the case...then...hell...awkward city. I can stand it if he tells me that he doesn’t feel the same, or whatever...but this whole not acknowledging me business is getting to me. I’m hanging out on a limb, just wondering.  
  
“Val.”  
  
I jump slightly. Matt’s actually looking at me. I blink at him, meeting his guarded expression.  
  
“Yes, Master?” I’m extra careful to address him properly. His lips twist slightly as he drapes an arm over the back of the sofa. Shifting uncomfortably on my seat, I wait for a response.  
  
He smears a hand over his jaw, pressing his lips together. His brow furrows, and I can see thoughts passing in his mind. I continue to wait, knowing not to push.  
  
Matt breathes out harshly and opens his mouth, speaking in a low voice, “Your message. In your journal. You want to explain to me what that was about?”  
  
I bite my lip and look down, then back up at him. “I...well...I mean...I thought it was clear, Master?”  
  
Matt lifts an eyebrow. “You tell me, Valary.”  
  
I shift beneath his cool stare. “I...well...” My cheeks feel flushed. I hate that he’s putting me on the spot now, considering his behaviour toward me the last few days.  
  
“Valary, talk to me.”  
  
I swallow hard, clasping my hands together in my lap. I look anywhere but at him. Matt groans softly.  
  
“Valary, talk to me. I can’t read your mind.”  
  
“I know, Master...I just...” I peek up at him. He meets my eyes.  
  
“Look, you obviously meant for me to read it. I just want to understand.” He takes his bottom lip between his teeth, pausing for a moment. Before he can continue, though, the sound of the door chimes echoes in the front entrance. I wonder who it could be; the guys didn’t say they were coming over today.  
  
Matt grimaces, standing to his feet. He looks down at me, expression unusually stern, focused.  
  
“Stay here, ‘kay? We’ll finish this conversation.”  
  
I nod obediently. He turns on his heel and walks out to answer the door. I sit and wait, feeling a little anxious. On the one hand I am hoping that it’s nobody important and that Matt will be able to come back so we can finish this discussion and move on. On the other, I’m hoping that it will be someone who can distract Matt from the whole issue because, in truth, I’m scared of his reaction to my written declaration of my feelings for him.  
  
After several moments, I hear Matt’s voice and that of another man rumbling from the front door. Their words aren’t clear, but they become evident as I hear their footsteps approaching the living room door. Obviously, it wasn’t just some random salesmen or doorknocker.  
  
The guy is speaking to Matt in a low voice.  
  
“So, how long has it been now?” I recognise the voice. It’s that guy who called from the Guild. A shiver runs through my body and I huddle into the couch, wrapping my arms around my knees. I’ve never even met the man, and he scares me. Just the tone, and quality, of his voice makes me think of a man who could easily cause me harm.  
  
“I don’t count. A few months, maybe more?” Matt’s response is wary.  
  
“You don’t count?” A hint of incredulity creeps into the guy’s voice.  
  
“No. Is it even important?” There’s tension in Matt’s voice; he’s not happy about the guy’s probing.  
  
There’s a heavy pause, then the man says, as they stop just outside the living room, “Yes, actually it’s very important. Because, what usually happens at around the two month mark, someone from the Guild is supposed to come and assess the situation, make sure everything is up to standard.”  
  
“Up to standard.” Matt repeats the guy slowly, and then adds, gruffly, “What the hell does that mean?”  
  
“There are rules and guidelines that one must follow when owning a slave, Mr Sanders. If those aren’t followed one is at risk of having their slave taken away.” The man’s tone is grim.  
  
I tremble at his words and peek toward the doorway. Matt walks in, brow furrowed even more than usual. The man follows him into the living room. I stare up towards him, taking in his appearance. He’s dressed in a suit, which seems a little out of place considering how casually Matt and I are dressed. But, then this is Huntington, you get all sorts of people living here. His eyes narrow on me; they’re a stark grey, almost steel in essence. I lower my eyes, shivering.  
  
He chuckles low. “Well, she seems to know her place.”  
  
Matt walks around to stand behind the sofa; I see his hands grip the back of the chair, his knuckles whitening. He’s pissed, and I can feel it. I glance up at him. His face is drawn taut, his jaw clenching, white lines appearing on either side of his nose. I look to the man.  
  
He glares at me. “Don’t look at me.”  
  
I drop my eyes.  
  
Matt growls. “Don’t tell her what to do.”  
  
More chuckling, his tone is dark, though. “Matthew Sanders, you may be her Master, but as a Guild representative it is my right, and responsibility, to ensure she behaves as she should.”  
  
A tremor runs the length of my spine. The man approaches the sofa, positioning his body directly in front of me. I can see the pinstripes on his pants, clearly, a dark stain on his left pants leg. I lower my eyes even more. After several seconds pass, he grips my chin and tilts my face to his. I am careful not to look into his eyes, keeping mine directed at the point of his chin.  
  
He clucks his tongue lightly, before releasing me and stepping away. He looks to Matt, I watch from the corners of my lowered gaze.  
  
“Tell me, how obedient has she been?”  
  
Matt’s jaw tightens; and I know why. My behaviour hasn’t ever really been an issue, but I know by Guild standards Matt has been lax. Of course, he doesn’t actually know this, because Giovanni never told him anything of the rules and guidelines. I wait to hear his answer.  
  
“You say there are rules and guidelines, but I don’t know anything about them. No one told me. So, by what standards are we basing Val’s behaviour?” Matt’s words are clipped, strained.  
  
The man smiles faintly before answering, “Instant and unquestioning obedience is the key. All masters are to expect nothing less. Even allowing the tiniest slip is a breach of standards.” I glance up and see him pin Matt with a hard look.  
  
Matt meets his stare evenly. “And if I allow her some leeway?”  
  
The man shakes his head. “Not acceptable. Any slip, and she must be punished.”  
  
I swallow hard at his statement and glance up at Matt. He looks down at me, lips pressing together as before. The man sees our shared look.  
  
“So, we come back to my question.”  
  
Matt sighs, leaning his weight against the back of the sofa. His biceps flex, the muscles in his forearms tighten in hard knots. He avoids looking at me, at him, just staring at the wall. I observe him in silence nervous as to how he’ll answer.  
  
He takes a deep breath, then speaks, slowly, “Since I didn’t know about the guidelines, you can hardly fault me.”  
  
“So, not as obedient as she should?”  
  
Matt stiffens, his eyes darkening, gaze shifting to the other man. “Never said that.”  
  
The man snorts. “No, but that’s the implication.”  
  
Matt gives a tight nod. I tremble. The implication can’t mean anything good for me. I can tell just by the look on the man’s face that this is not acceptable. I bite my lip and look at Matt. He rakes long fingers through his hair.  
  
“So. Exactly what does that mean?” He glowers.  
  
I realise all of a sudden that I don’t know his name. Perhaps it’s better that way, though? Nameless, he can’t be as much of a threat. Still, I am wary of him, as is natural.  
  
He casts a cold look at me then back at Matt.  
  
“Well. You are correct in saying that you can’t be held accountable for something you didn’t know. But, starting from today, I will have to ensure that you will begin to take your position seriously. She is your slave, and she should be treated as such.” He opens a briefcase that I only just notice propped at his feet. Removing several sheafs of paper, and holding them out to Matt, he continues. “These are a copy of the guidelines and suggestions as to what can be done to establish her submission. There’s also a contact list if you should need assistance with anything.”  
  
Matt takes the proffered pages without looking at them, keeping his stony glare fixed on the Guild rep. “Anything else?”  
  
The man straightens, snapping his case close, tucking it beneath his arm. “If you’ve written up some rules, make sure they align with the Guild guidelines, any that don’t, change them or get rid of them.” He glances at his wrist, a gold watch rests there. “I’ll return in a week to see where you’re at.” He looks at me then nods to Matt. “Good day. I’ll see myself out.” With that, he exits the room, leaving Matt and I alone to ponder the abruptness of his coming, and going.  
  
I blink rapidly as I swing my legs around and plant my feet on the floor. Matt moves way from the sofa and goes to stand by the window, staring out, face hard. Rubbing at my knees, I try to think of something to say.  
  
Matt speaks first though, his voice deceptively calm. “Has that happened before?”  
  
I bite my lip, trying to remember if it ever has, deciding that I can’t and shaking my head slightly. “Not to me, Master. But, I’ve heard stories. They say it’s always real quick...they go in, say what they have to say, then leave.”  
  
Matt turns his head slightly to look at me. “But, not to you?”  
  
I shake my head. “Maybe they do it randomly, Master. I don’t know. Maybe they do it when they think something’s gone wrong.”  
  
Matt rubs his thumb along his bottom lip then joins me on the couch. He reaches out, taking hold of my right hand, gently rubbing his thumb over the back of it. I fix my eyes on our joined hands. He sighs deeply; then he rustles the pages the man gave him. I give them a cursory glance, then away to the floor.  
  
Matt rumbles in his chest. “These guidelines. Do you know what they are?”  
  
I shake my head. “No. I’ve never been shown them.” I peek up at him. His expression is still close. I wonder what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling. He releases my hand and smooths his palm over the pages, it rustles at his touch. Then he shakes them slightly resting them on his lap.  
  
“Well, we’d better look them over, then.”  
  
For some reason that idea scares me. Shifting away a little and shaking my head, I murmur a little apprehensively, “You can look at them...I’d...rather not.”  
  
Matt frowns at me. “Val. You need to see them.” He takes my hand again, running his thumb over my knuckles. “We both need to know what they are, so we don’t have any problems.”  
  
Tucking my legs beneath my bottom, I curl next to him, peeking nervously at the pages. Matt smiles faintly at me, barely even a flicker of his lips, before looking down at the page and reading out loud.  
  
“ _The Guild of Dominants and Submissives has, for the purpose of maintaining strict standards of procedure and protocol, provided these guidelines for all who find themselves’ living as a Master or slave. To enable smooth running of a household, these guidelines are to be strictly adhered to. Any lapse in adherence to these guidelines is a serious breach of standards_.” Matt pauses from reading, lips twisting in a sour expression, like he’s tasted a lemon. He continues though, making no comment as yet.  
  
“ _Each guideline is lain out to maximise ease of interpretation, and one should make absolutely certain one is familiar with each one, perfectly_.” Matt shakes his head and glances at me. “Perfectly? What do they think we are? Robots?”  
  
I shrug, keeping my eyes on the page. He sighs, reaching up to brush a lock of hair from my face before continuing his reading.  
  
“ _The most important point that needs to be made, and which sets the standard for the rest of the guidelines is this: The Master controls everything. His word is final in every situation and hence the only word that the slave should adhere to_.” Matt snorts slightly. “Well, it’s not like we argue with that, right?” He eyes me.  
  
I shake my head, “No, Master.”  
  
He returns his eyes to the document, scans the rest of the front page, and then flips over to the next. For a long moment he stares at the print. I look also, taking in the rules written there. They’re written in terse language detailing in ruthless prose exactly how a slave should behave and what a Master should do to enforce such behaviour.  
  
Matt continues to read, not out loud anymore, though. Then, gritting his teeth, he grinds out roughly, a hint of disgust in his voice, “I don’t want to read this bullshit, seriously.” He tosses the pages on the coffee table.  
  
I stare at them then back up at his face. “That guy will be back next week...”  
  
“Fuck that,” Matt growls, standing up. “He can’t do shit.” He pauses, grimacing, looking down at me. “Right?”  
  
I shrug. “I don’t know, Master. Maybe...” I hesitate before continuing, “Maybe we should read the rules? Just in case...I mean...we could always pretend that we’re following them? Or tell him that we are?” I frown at myself, wondering where I just got the gumption to suggest such a thing.  
  
Matt catches my look and smirks. “Yeah? That might be an idea. But, ugh...let’s not do it now. I don’t think I can stomach any more of this shit, to be honest.” He glares at the document as if staring at it will make it disappear.  
  
I nod, not arguing with his sentiment. Not that I’d argue with him at any rate. Regardless of Guild guidelines, whatever they are, I know what I am and as far as I know and have been trained to do so, I will not question Matt in any way. At least not out loud. I still think the sooner we look at them the better we would be. However, Matt is already heading for the living room door, obviously wanting to go do something else.  
  
I sit there watching him. He moves to walk out but then he pauses in the doorway, one hand grasping the frame, before turning to peg me with a look. I bite my lip, tilting my head. He frowns deeply then turns to face me, crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
“What, Master?”  
  
Matt chews at his bottom lip, before answering, “Our discussion got interrupted, didn’t it?”  
  
I nod slowly. He rubs his jaw. “I hadn’t forgotten about it, if you were wondering.”  
  
I shake my head, I hadn’t forgotten either; just the abruptness of the Guild rep’s visit and then focusing on the guidelines had pushed it from my thoughts. “No, Master. Do you want to-?”  
  
He cuts me off, smearing a hand over his face. “Not now. I need to think about all this.” By ‘this’ I know he means the whole Guild thing. He goes on, “Watch TV or something; come to the bedroom in an hour.”  
  
He doesn’t wait for my response, turning on his heel and walking out of the room, leaving me alone. I blink at the spot he was just standing in, wondering again what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling. However, part of me is grateful that he’s postponing our little talk. Maybe in this next hour, I’ll have time to think how to respond to any questions he might have, and also how to answer the one he has already attempted to ask.  
  
Sighing a little, I decide there’s nothing I can do now but to do as he suggests. So, I grab the remote from where he usually leaves it, and flopping back on the couch, getting comfortable, I flick the television on and allow myself to immerse myself in whatever mindless soapie happens to be showing.


	16. “Why do you think I bought you?”

_Love is not part of a slave’s life. A slave can adore her Master, revere Him, and worship Him and the ground he walks upon. But, a slave must never allow herself to fall in love._  
  
Having gotten bored with the show on TV, I am looking over the guidelines myself. I’ve skimmed the main guidelines, mainly due to the fact that I know Matt will want to look at them with me. However, directly down the bottom of the final page is a disclaimer that I cannot believe is written there.  _A slave must never allow herself to fall in love?_  Well, that just screws everything doesn’t it? And what about the Master? Is he not allowed to fall in love with his slave? I scan the last part of the disclaimer.  
  
These are the words:  _A Master must remember that as Lord and commander He should maintain the balance of power. A Master may care for His slave, as much as one would care for any other prized possession. If a Dom feels anything more than this the balance of power will shift. A Master who loves His slave is no longer in control of her. She now has power over Him and that is not acceptable._  
  
I can’t continue. Tossing the pages back onto the coffee table, I stare at it feeling an uncomfortable prickling in my eyes. Tears. Hot, stinging, wetness. I wipe furiously at my eyes not wanting to go to Matt looking like I’ve been drowning myself. Taking several deep breaths, I sit back, tilting my head back, and blinking hard. Once I feel composed, I stand and move to leave the living room. Time to see if Matt’s ready for me.  
  
I walk to our bedroom and peer through the doorway. I can just see Matt; he’s sitting in darkness, on the chair by the bed. His ankles are crossed before him and he has my journal in hand. His eyes are focused on the pages, and he doesn’t look up.  
  
I clear my throat, walking in hesitantly. He doesn’t lift his gaze. Biting my lip, I halt just inside the door.  
  
“Master...?”  
  
He still makes no move to look at me. But, he does lift one finger slightly.  _Wait..._  
  
I wait, shifting on my feet. I can see his eyes moving as he’s obviously reading. I keep shuffling on one spot, nervous, feeling a little unsettled, wondering what thoughts are circling in his mind. After what feels like forever, Matt lifts his eyes to me. They’re unreadable and that almost undoes me. Pressing my lips together hard, I force myself to hold still until he says something.  
  
Matt stares at me then says, “Come here, sit down.”  
  
I nod almost to myself, shuffling over to sit on the edge of the bed, facing him. He leans forward, propping an elbow against his knee, resting his chin in his hand. His fingertips tap lightly at his bottom lip as he looks at me, thoughtfully.  
  
“So,” he finally says, “you want to explain this?” He holds up my journal so I can see what I wrote.  
  
This time I’m a little more prepared to answer the question, yet I’m still apprehensive as to his reaction. Breathing deeply, I sit back a little, staring down at my hands. Clasping them tightly in my lap, I twist them a little, while getting my words together.  
  
Keeping my gaze on my hands, I whisper my answer, feeling my voice shaking on my words. “Well, I was talking about why I felt that obeying you wasn’t the terrible thing it was with my other masters...”  
  
“Is that all?” Matt’s voice reveals no emotion as he questions me.  
  
I bite my bottom lip, chewing at it slightly. “No, Master.”  
  
“Go on, then.”  
  
I look up at him, feeling that same prickling sensation I did earlier. He tilts his head at me an anxious look creeping into his eyes.  
  
“Val, it’s okay. I’m not mad at you.” His voice takes on a warm tone. That completely does me in, and I just allow the tears that are forming to complete their journey from the corners of my eyes, cascading down my face.  
  
Matt gets up and moves to sit next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. I lean against him, wiping at my face.  
  
“I’m sorry...”  
  
“Don’t be.” He digs in a pocket and retrieves a scrunched up, yet clean, tissue, using it to wipe my tears away. He says quiet for a moment, giving me a little time to compose myself again.  
  
Then he murmurs low, “Talk to me.”  
  
Looking up into his face, I draw on the gentleness of his expression to give me courage to speak. “I think I...have feelings for you.” I take a deep breath before going on. “I...I don’t know where they’ve come from...I just...I’m falling for you...” I bite my bottom lip, preventing anymore words from exiting, feeling as if I’ll start waffling if I do.  
  
Matt is silent, he makes no move to respond, instead turning his head to look around the room. I shiver, again wondering what’s going through his mind. I don’t interrupt his contemplation though. He takes several moments before meeting my eyes, expression serious. He still says nothing, just studying me with a long thoughtful look. I tuck my chin down. He reaches out to cup my cheek, rubbing a thumb across the curve of my face.  
  
I bite at my bottom lip more, and then whisper low. “I don’t think I’m allowed to fall for you, Master...”  
  
“What do you mean?” Confusion darkens his eyes. I shiver and shake my head.  
  
“The rules...”  
  
Matt scowls. “Don’t tell me you looked at the rest of them without me?”  
  
“No, Master...just this last little footnote...on the last page.”  
  
Matt growls; I flinch, a little surprised by the anger I can feel coming from him. But, in an instant I realise it’s not me he’s angry at.  
  
“God damn those sonofabitches.” He sits back and balls his hands into tight fists. I hesitate before resting a hand over one of his. He is extremely tense. Slowly, I uncurl his fist, tracing my fingers over his palm. He shivers and looks down at my hand. “Val.”  
  
I stop and pull my hands back into my lap. “Sorry.”  
  
He lifts his eyes to mine, shaking his head. “Don’t, Val.” He sighs, rubbing his hands against his jeans. “Don’t be sorry. I’m just pissed off at them, is all.” He groans and bangs a fist against the mattress. “Someone should overhaul the system.”  
  
I blink at him. He cracks a wry grin. “If I had the know-how...” He trails off and pushes up off the bed. I look up at him. He looks back down at me, thoughts flickering in his eyes. “Tell me, if it weren’t for that rule? Would you...” he pauses.  
  
“Would I what, Master?” I rub at my arms, wondering where his question is leading. Even though deep down I know what he’s getting at. I mean, what have we just been talking about?  
  
Matt looks severely at me. “Would you consider being with me?”  
  
That is a weird question... “I am with you...”  
  
“No, I mean as boyfriend/girlfriend.” Matt cocks his eyebrow at me. I feel suddenly light headed.  
  
“What, Master?” He can’t mean that question; I mean he hasn’t even really reacted to my sort-of-declaration of my feelings toward him. I’ve just practically spilled my guts, and he hasn’t even raised a sweat, really. He is still somewhat detached; so, his question shocks me a little.  
  
Matt rolls his eyes. “Val. Pay attention.” His voice is mild. “I’m going to ask you again, but don’t expect me to repeat myself, we clear?”  
  
“Yes, Master.” I nod obediently, trying to force all my thoughts from my mind and focus my attention on him. “Crystal.”  
  
Matt smirks faintly then becomes serious once more. “Would you consider being my girlfriend? If the rules didn’t exist.” He reaches out to lift my chin. “Be honest.”  
  
I tremble, averting my eyes. Too many emotions are clamouring for attention inside me. I don’t really know if I can answer him. It’s one thing to admit to him that I’ve fallen for him. But, quite another to take it a further step and commit to a position.  
  
Considering that I’m his slave, his property, I have no right to answer that question. Yet, on the other hand, he is my Master and if he asks something of me, I must answer, because as his slave I have no choice. It’s the paradox of my life. And, to be completely truthful about what I think, it sucks. It just majorly sucks.  
  
“Valary, you going to answer my question?” Matt is frowning at me now.  
  
I blink. “Sorry, was thinking...”  
  
“About?” His voice deepens his expression even more serious than before.  
  
I shake my head. Matt glowers at me. I quiver beneath his stern look. “Just how much this sucks.”  
  
Matt folds his arms over his chest. “I see. Would you rather I didn’t own you.”  
  
Pressing my hands between my knees, I give a tight nod of my head. “I don’t want to be owned by anyone, Master...I just wish...” I stop, feeling something choke my words, and realising that tears are trickling down my face. Matt stares at me then shakes his head at me.  
  
“Answer my question, then I’ll leave you alone for a bit. I need to go see Syn and Zacky; they said they were going to get that guitar tech to come over to Zack’s place.”  
  
I look up at him, wiping the back of my hand over my face. I can taste the salt of my tears; I try to ignore it, meeting Matt’s unyielding expression.  
  
“Yes...if the rules didn’t exist...I’d...I’d consider it...” More than consider it, I’d want it so bad it would cut deep if he didn’t feel the same way. I swallow hard then complete the thought. “I’d consider being your girlfriend...but only...only if you felt the same way about me...” I look down once I finish talking, unable to handle looking at him as I wait for a response.  
  
Silence settles around us, as I wait. It is heavy, weighing down on me. I have to admit, I am absolutely terrified of how Matt will respond. I know if he shuts me down, shuts me out, it’ll ruin me. I know I’ve only been with him a short while, running only into months. But, and I know this sounds corny, he completes me, and makes me feel human, not just an object that he owns.  
  
The quiet stretches on and I wonder if he ever will say anything. I peek up at him. He isn’t even looking in my direction. He is staring out the window, lines furrowing his brow. Biting my lip, I think maybe I should repeat what I said. But then he turns to look at me. His face is clouded, eyes revealing nothing.  
  
“Val.” He rubs at his face. “Why do you think I bought you?”  
  
I tilt my head, thinking what exactly the relevance of that is. “Um...don’t know...”  
  
Matt eyes me then laughs roughly. “No. Guess you wouldn’t.” He turns away again.  
  
I lean forward waiting to see if he’ll go on. But he doesn’t. Matt walks over to the dresser and grabs his keys, wallet and phone, pocketing them. Obviously he’s not going to elaborate.  
  
He braces his palms against the dresser and flexes his arms absently then looks at me again. “I’m going out now. Stay here and don’t answer the door.”  
  
I nod slightly, lowering my eyes. I see his shoes moving across the floor as he walks out of the room, leaving me alone. I close my eyes and bite my bottom lip hard as I hear the front door opening, closing and then the sound of his bike starting up and pulling out of the driveway.  
  
And then, he’s gone. And I realise I’ve never felt so alone in my life. And it hurts. It really, really hurts. Rolling onto my back on the bed, I grab a pillow, wrap my arms around it and, burying my face into its softness, allow myself to let go of my emotions and just cry.


	17. "Life’s pretty damn sweet.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third person pov

Zacky opened the front door and peered out as he recognised the familiar growl of Matt’s Harley, rolling up the driveway. He stepped out onto the front porch, crossing his arms. Matt brought the beast to a halt, switching the engine off and swinging off the seat. Removing his helmet, tucking it under his right arm, he crossed over the driveway to step onto the porch.  
  
“You took your time,” Zacky smirked. Matt just rolled his eyes and pushed passed him through to the front hall. The guitarist followed him inside. “What’s up with you?” he asked, as if he could feel something was a little off with the singer.  
  
Matt shook his head, setting his helmet down on a table near the front door. “Nothing. Is Syn here?”  
  
“Yeah, he got here half an hour ago. Michelle’s with him.” Zacky rubbed at the back of his neck then added, “The new guitar tech hasn’t arrived yet. Should be here soon.”  
  
Matt nodded, absently, and made his way toward Zacky’s living room where he could hear voices; Brian and Michelle having what sounded like a heated argument. He paused outside just as he caught the tail end of Michelle’s sentence.  
  
“...unfair. I mean, no one should have to be in that kind of position.”  
  
Matt frowned as Brian responded. “Yeah, well it’s not like she chose it, is it? And I doubt Matt really likes it that much either.”  
  
“I don’t think he gives a shit. I mean...jeeze, he treats her....”  
  
Matt stepped into the room, interrupting their conversation in a gruff tone, “If you’re talking about Val, I treat her a lot better than any other asshole in her life ever has.” He glowered at Val’s twin.  
  
Michelle met his sharp look and sighed. “I won’t dispute that. But, you must admit, slavery’s a bit outdated.” She gave him a look which bordered upon disgust. Matt shrugged, taking a seat on a leather lounge next to Brian. Michelle sighed loudly, and then stood up and walked out.  
  
Matt watched after her then groaned, leaning back against the couch. “Damn it...she acts like this is easy for me...”  
  
Brian shook his head. “Man, she just doesn’t understand. Hell, I don’t think any of us does.”  
  
Matt grunted, effectively ending the conversation before it really got started. There was silence for a moment.  
  
Then the guitarist leaned over to give him a man hug then sat back, cracking a grin. “Well, anyway...how’re you, man?”  
  
Matt lifted his shoulders again. “Can’t complain.”  
  
“No?”  
  
“Nope. Life’s pretty damn sweet.” Matt forced a smile, his mind a million miles away. Brian narrowed his eyes on the singer’s face, but before he could argue the fact, the doorbell chimed and they heard Zacky’s voice calling out.  
  
“He’s here!”  
  
Matt rolled his eyes and leaned his head back yelling in response, “Yeah! We heard the bell...why don’t you go open the door, you freak!” Inwardly he was grateful for the interruption. He could feel Brian staring at him, probably not convinced by his nonchalant act. Yet, there would be no time for a heart to heart over it, because they could hear Zacky coming down the hall with their guest.  
  
“Hey guys, this is JD.”  
  
Matt and Brian turned their heads to look over the back of the couch. Zacky stood in the large double doorway a grin as wide as the Cheshire cat’s pasted across his face. He couldn’t be any more welcoming than a dog that had been separated from its master for five minutes. Standing next to him, practically towering over the guitarist was a man who could definitely rival Matt in the height and weight category.  
  
The guitar technician that their old friend Walter had highly recommended was nothing like anyone Matt had expected. He was a big, burly man, with cool black eyes, a stern visage, and a thick head of black hair, which stuck up in a haphazard manner.  
  
“JD?” Brian spoke up, lifting one eyebrow. Matt frowned slightly a niggling thought at the back of his mind; but, he made no comment as the big man smirked.  
  
“Jason Denmore.” JD tipped two fingers to his forehead in a salute.  
  
Zacky was still grinning as he said, “Guitar tech extraordinaire.”  
  
Brian snorted. Matt’s eyes narrowed, a strange feeling stirring in his gut, joining that lone thought. He clenched a fist on top of his left knee then allowed it to relax. Yet, the feeling didn’t go away. He liked to think he was a good judge of character, and even though the guy had barely walked into the house, Matt sensed that he was not exactly who he said he was.  
  
He wasn’t given time to ponder that, though, as Zacky was asking him a question. He blinked at his friend.  
  
“What?”  
  
Zacky rolled his eyes. “I said you want to show him what we’ve planned so far?”  
  
Matt rubbed at his cheek. “Yeah, sure.” He looked over at Brian. “You got your pad?”  
  
Brian nodded, reaching into a bag that was propped at his feet. Pulling a worn notepad from its depths, he turned to look at JD.  
  
“Find a seat. And take a look at this.” He held out the pad. JD took possession of it as he sank down on the chair Michelle had previously occupied. Matt’s brow furrowed as he noted, vaguely, that JD being heavier, would leave a bigger indent in the leather chair. He observed, as casually as he could manage, JD settle back into the seat and lift the notepad to eye level. His black eyes slitting as he scanned the document. Matt kept up the surveillance from the corners of his eyes trying not to make it too obvious. Brian and Zacky of course were engrossed in the tech for different reasons, and the three men began to converse over the notes the guitarists had made about the band’s upcoming album. Leaving Matt to just listen and watch.  
  
Matt felt left out on the one hand, but on the other he was thankful because it allowed his mind to focus on other things. Valary was of course top of his list of things to ponder. He could still see the pained expression that she had been sporting as he’d walked out on her. Part of him felt terrible for leaving her there without explaining things. But, the rest of him just wasn’t ready to deal with the whole situation.  
  
Buying her had been a huge commitment on his part, even more so than if she had been a girlfriend he was going to marry one day. Because with marriage the onus was on both partners to keep the relationship working. But theirs was an unbalanced relationship. They weren’t partners. Partners meant that each was in an equal position. Matt and Valary were far from being equals. However, the reason he had purchased her...well, he wasn’t ready to front on that particular point. Not to her, not to himself, even.  
  
He shifted on his seat, eyes flickering up from his absent staring game with the floor. He blinked once as he realised that JD was staring at him. There was a knowing look in the other man’s eyes, as if they could look right into his soul, his mind. Matt frowned faintly. JD’s lips twitched as if he wanted to say something but then Zacky got his attention and he was once again drawn into a discussion about amps and guitar technique.  
  
Matt muttered to himself, pushing up from his seat. Zacky glanced up at him.  
  
“Where you going?”  
  
“Getting a drink...want anything?”  
  
Zacky rolled his eyes. Brian laughed. “Whatever’s in the fridge, Shads.” He looked at JD. “Want anything?”  
  
“Got some juice?”  
  
Matt shrugged, “I’ll have a look.” He turned and walked out of the living room. Michelle was in the kitchen hands buried in a bowl of flour. She glanced up at him as he entered.  
  
“Why didn’t you bring Val with you?”  
  
Matt scowled at her question, but didn’t answer as he went to the fridge, opening the door and staring intently inside. The sound of her hands leaving the bowl reached his ears, and then she was standing right next to him, flour sprinkling all over the floor at their feet.  
  
“Matt, answer my question.”  
  
He grabbed a couple of bottles of Jack, and a small one of orange juice, popping the lids, before shooting a hard glare at Michelle.  
  
“What do you want me to say?” His voice was rough.  
  
“Why isn’t she here?” Michelle’s gaze narrowed suspiciously. “You haven’t done something to her? Lost your temper?”  
  
Matt stalked over the tiles to the bench, placing the bottles on the granite surface before turning to face her. He worked his jaw for a moment, while trying to formulate a response. Michelle stood opposite him her lips drawn together in a tight line.  
  
Matt sighed. “She didn’t want to come.” Not exactly true, but he didn’t feel up to explaining what was really going on. Well, that wasn’t true at all. He’d told her to stay while he went out. But, he had every right. He was her Master. Not that he was even really consciously thinking of that. He met Michelle’s stare gauging her reception of his statement.  
  
She sighed, shaking her head. “I don’t believe you.”  
  
He grunted. “Whatever.” Grabbing the bottles he left the kitchen going back to join the men.  
  
Brian looked up as he walked in. “Hey, JD says he can start straight up tomorrow.”  
  
Matt cocked an eyebrow as he handed the drinks to them; JD nodded his head in thanks as he took a long pull from the bottle of OJ. Matt gave a quick smile then looked at Brian.  
  
“I haven’t told Dad we’re gonna be crashing his place this week.” The guys did the initial demo recordings in the Sanders’ garage, which had been converted into a mini-studio set up back in the early days. They had decided to return there for their next album, because they always worked well there. Matt’s parents were always good company too.  
  
“Your studio is at your parents’ place?” JD gave Matt a sideways glance, curiosity evident in his eyes.  
  
“Yeah. We do all our prepping there. It’s kind of cozy...but, it’ll do, until we have to go do the final product.” Matt parked his ass back next to Brian, looking over at JD with a thoughtful expression. That thought he’d had before rose up again, flaring uncomfortably in his mind, and causing the skin at the back of his neck to tighten. “So, it probably won’t be super exciting for you, just yet.” Matt kept his tone light, not wanting to reveal his suspicion.  
  
JD just nodded, crossing thick arms over his chest. Matt had a vague thought that JD was not someone he would want to tangle with. Shaking his head, he pegged the big male with a curious look.  
  
“So? Who else have you worked with?”  
  
JD shifted on his seat, rubbing at his wrist before answering. “You’d be the first actually. I was sort of helping out a friend’s gig on the side of my other job. He told me I should get into the tech thing for money. Said I was good at it.” He shrugged. “He’s always got good advice and considering my other job’s gotten quiet. Thought I’d follow through.”  
  
Brian spoke up then, listening into their conversation. “What’s your other job?”  
  
Matt leaned forward just as interested as his band mate. Perhaps whatever JD revealed would explain the vibes he was getting from him.  
  
JD’s brow furrowed slightly, his eyes holding a shadowed look. “I don’t...like to talk about it.” He laughed darkly. “I mean...it’s not illegal, or some shit. It’s just...it’s a way to get money.” He tightened his arms over his chest, muscles swelling from the slight strain. Then he relaxed them, the smile becoming softer around the edges.  
  
“It’s a depressing job. But, I feel like I have to do it. I guess I just have a Good Samaritan complex.” He coughed gruffly, clearing his throat. “Anyway. If this guitar tech thing works out, I might switch to doing this permanently.”  
  
Brian smiled broadly, “Well, I can say we’re glad you’ve decided to do this. Right, Shads?” He looked over at Matt. Matt nodded absently in agreement, his mind still picking at what JD had said. None of it really explained what Matt was feeling, in fact it just added to the confusion. Still, he couldn’t really expect to learn every little thing about the guy when he’d just met him.  
  
Perhaps over the many long days of recording the album he would get to know him better and it would all become a lot clearer? He could only hope that would be the case. He didn’t like not being sure of people.  
  
Stretching, he looked across to his friends. Zacky had finished his beer; Brian was closing up his notebook. They both looked over at him. He forced a smile their way, as he rolled his head on his neck.  
  
“Damn, I’m stiff.” Matt stood, rubbing at the back of his neck.  
  
Brian snorted, standing as well. “You need to loosen up, buddy. I know exactly what you need.”  
  
“Yeah, get some Jack into your system,” Zacky laughed, levering his body out of his chair. Matt rolled his eyes at the other guitarist.  
  
“Jack does Jack-all for me.” He shoved a hand in his pocket reaching for the keys to his bike. “Goose works better for me.” He started to head for the kitchen. But then he caught JD watching him, and getting to his feet. He paused, looking back.  
  
JD blinked, pulling a baseball cap from his back pocket, jamming it onto his head as he asked, “Thinking of going somewhere to drink?”  
  
Matt smirked faintly. “Yeah, we’ll go downtown. Shoot some pool, have a drink.” Get to know each other better, and make sure this working partnership will actually work, Matt added silently in his head.  
  
Without waiting for a response from the other man, he cast a quick look at his watch as he left the living room. He had a couple of hours, and then he’d head home, back to Val. But, first he wanted to pick JD’s brain a little more.

 


	18. “It’s none of my business.”

“Val! I’m home!”  
  
The front door opens then shuts. I hear Matt’s heavy footsteps approaching our room. Glancing over at the clock, I register the time. It’s late. He obviously decided to go out for a drink with the guys before coming home. I bite my lip and shuffle about on the bed where I’ve basically been laying ever since he left earlier.  
  
I’d managed to compose myself after I don’t know how long I spent crying. But, I no longer feel like tearing up, for now at least.  
  
Matt appears in the doorway and frowns at me.  
  
“What are you doing?”  
  
Lifting my head, I meet his sharp look. Something’s got him on edge. I just hope he still isn’t stewing over our conversation. Or that he’s angry with me for some reason. I don’t think I could handle it if that were the case. He’s in a mood, though; so, answering him quick would probably be the best decision to make, right now.  
  
“Um, nothing, Master. Just...laying here.”  
  
Matt taps the fingers of his left hand against the wooden frame. His lips draw together in a thin lie, before relaxing a little. “You know what time it is?” His voice is toneless.  
  
I nod and swing my legs off the bed, planting my feet on the floor. “Yes, Master. Uh...what do you feel like eating?”  
  
His lips twitch and his gaze narrows. I tremble a little beneath his hard stare. But, I manage to keep composed, awaiting his answer. He gives a shake of his head.  
  
“Don’t mind. As long as it’s edible.”  
  
That could be anything at all. My heart starts racing. In my experience, when a master tells a slave he ‘doesn’t mind’ that, in actual fact, means the slave had better read her master’s mind and get him the only thing he really wants to eat and that she’d better not screw up or she’ll regret it, big time. That has been my experience in all other cases, with all my previous owners. The number of times I’ve been beaten because I couldn’t read my master’s mind...it’s almost criminal.  
  
Therefore, hearing that from Matt is unsettling. He has never raised a hand to hit me or anything like that. Usually if he gets angry with me he relies on proximity and voice to acquire my submission and/or contrition. I mean, jeeze, look at the man, he just has to enter a room and scowl, and that’s enough to scare me.  
  
Still, even after several months as his slave, he still manages to toss curve-balls into the mix and completely throw me off guard. Hopefully, he is nothing like my former owners in this regard, otherwise I’m in a bind. Because, I can never get it right.  
  
Moving to the door, I hesitate. Matt’s standing such that he’s blocking my exit. The only way I’ll get past is if I push between his big body and the doorframe. That won’t be easy. He’s as solid as a brick wall. And, this close, I can see how tense he is. But, I also notice the worry lines on his forehead. It’s then that I realise he’s not angry. No, something is confusing him, and it has nothing to do with me.  
  
Pausing, I lift my gaze to his, daring to meet his eyes. Normally, I would just mutter an ‘excuse me, Master’ and he would let me pass. But the expression on his face, it bothers me. I want to help ease him, if he’ll let me.  
  
“Master?” I decide to take the plunge.  
  
“Hmmm?” Matt lifts an eyebrow. I rub my hands over my arms.  
  
“Is everything okay? You look worried?”  
  
He folds his arms, shifting so the doorjamb is between his shoulder blades. Not that it makes it any easier for me to get past him, or anything. His posture screams ‘keep out of it’. I lower my eyes, hunching up my shoulders.  
  
“I’m sorry; it’s none of my business. I’ll...uh, just go and get dinner ready...” I squeeze past him making sure I don’t meet his eyes, even as our bodies brush tight against each other. As I’m about to duck down the hall, Matt stops me, the tips of his fingers resting against my left forearm.  
  
“Val.” His voice sounds raspier than usual.  
  
I turn my eyes up to his slowly. He scrunches up his face, looking, for all the world, like a little boy who is contemplating the wonders of the universe. He wants to say something; I can see it in the light of his eyes, in the tightening of his lips. But he says nothing, just stares at me.  
  
After a moment, a sigh escapes him and he jerks his chin down the hallway. “Go on. I’ll join you in a few.”  
  
My lips part slightly, as if I have something to say, but then I seal them and head for the kitchen without another word.  
  
* * * * *  
  
“This is really good.”  
  
I look up from the half-empty bowl of spaghetti that I’m absently dragging my fork around in. The metal tines tinkle against the porcelain bowl. Matt smiles at me a long strand of pasta dangling from his mouth. He looks comical, and I giggle a little. In response he flashes his signature dimpled grin, before slurping the spag into his mouth, the very end flicking and spraying a tiny bit of sauce over his top lip.  
  
I laugh outright. He chuckles, swallowing. I see the muscles in his throat flexing as he does.  
  
I flush and lower my eyes back to my bowl, murmuring in a low voice, “I’m glad you like it, Master...it’s the only thing I’m good at cooking.”  
  
There’s quiet for a moment then Matt scoffs, “Yeah right. What was that rice dish you made the other night?”  
  
My cheeks are really burning now. The only reason I can cook alright is because I used to snatch recipes from magazines lying around my former owners’ kitchens. Mainly Giovanni’s, though. For some reason he was actually quite a good cook. I think he might have been a chef in another life. I shake my head; I can’t really answer the question.  
  
Matt sighs, but doesn’t press, which I’m grateful for. Sometimes, I just can’t find words, and I feel terrible if I can’t explain myself. Luckily, he doesn’t seem to mind and just let’s it slide.  
  
I finish my pasta, keeping my gaze fixed on my food. I can hear Matt polishing off his share, his cutlery clinking as he rests them in his obviously empty bowl. He clears his throat several times. I look at him, head tilted. His brow creases as he leans back against his chair. The wood groans in protest as he settles his weight into the frame.  
  
He’s preparing himself to say something; I see the thoughts moving in his eyes. Remaining silent, I wait. He’ll start talking when he’s ready. I mean, I am curious to know what he has to say, but I will never prompt him. It isn’t my place. And, it doesn’t really matter what it is he’s going to say, either.  
  
I enjoy listening about his day, really. If it is that he’s going to talk about. Yes, part of me hopes that maybe he’ll broach the subject of our earlier conversation. But, that’s such a personal, intimate topic that it makes me a little uncomfortable, particularly because I don’t know how he feels about me. Like how he honestly feels. Because, as I keep mentioning, he does care...  
  
“Met the new tech today.” Matt’s voice cuts off my contemplation. I note the casual tone. Though he’s frowning again, which can only mean something is bothering him. This has been evident ever since he came home.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
Matt nods lips twisting. “Yeah, he’s interesting. I can’t figure him out though. The guys are into him. But, I don’t know.” He shrugs. “Guess I’ll get to know him better as we do the album record.”  
  
He tightens his arms across his chest. Then he looks me directly in the eye. “I want you to meet him.” No explanation why, but I don’t expect one.  
  
He continues. “Next time I go to Syn’s I’m taking you with me.” He smirks. “Need to get you out of the house. Shopping with your sister is one thing, but hanging with me and the boys somewhere other than here...you need to get used to that.”  
  
He leans forward against the table and reaches over it for my left hand. He takes it gently in his own, enveloping it. I tremble at the warmth of his touch. His hand is huge next to my slender appendage. He could so easily break my bones, but he’s always so gentle with me.  
  
I stare at the big veins standing out on the back of his hand. With a tentative touch, I trace my thumb along one; Matt shivers and shifts his grip, tightening it on mine.  
  
“Val,” his voice is firm, “have you thought any about what I asked you before?”  
  
I purse my lips at the change of topic, confusion settling in my mind. “What do you mean, Master?”  
  
Matt breathes out, the sound rough. “Why do you think I bought you?”  
  
I try to focus on him, but the question unsettles me. I couldn’t answer it before, and I don’t really think I  _can_  answer it. I’m not good at figuring out the motives of people. Passing strange, considering as a slave I should be good at that. Shaking my head hard, I tug at his hand. He doesn’t let go.  
  
“Valary.”  
  
“I don’t know!” I blurt out frustration obvious in the high pitched lift at the end. Matt raises his eyebrows at my outburst. I shiver and drop my forehead against the table and whisper in a hoarse undertone, “I don’t know, Master...I’m sorry...”  
  
Matt grimaces, squeezing my hand, his touch tender. “Don’t be. You have nothing to be sorry for. If you don’t know, then you don’t know. I was just wondering.”  
  
There’s something he’s not saying. His voice is tempered, careful, as if he’s refraining from telling me what he’s really thinking. But, I don’t mention my observation; I’m too embarrassed about my little outburst to even consider anything else.  
  
Quiet falls around us, tense, and uncertain, both of us busy trying to think of some way to fill the silence. Matt keeps his hand around mine, stroking the pad of his thumb against the pulse point on my wrist. I observe the slow motion as if it’s the most interesting thing I’ve ever seen. Anything to not have to think about my emotions, or his.  
  
Time passes, the patter of Bella’s claws on the outside porch, the breeze whistling through the branches of the trees, the waves on the shoreline, our soft breaths. There is nothing else between us, for now, just the calm.  
  
I continue to watch as Matt rubs his thumb against my skin, in steady strokes. The sensation of the calloused pad sends soft tingles along my arm. The feeling is almost sensual, even though his action is extremely casual. But then again, maybe he wants something from me and is just building up to the asking. Hah. He doesn’t have to ask, he can just order me to bed, if he wants.  
  
Peeking up at him, I try to decipher his expression. He catches my eye and the corners of his lips twitch into a tiny smile.  
  
“Yes, Val?”  
  
Eyes darting to the side, I glance at our empty bowls. “Uh...I should clean up.”  
  
Matt sits back, finally releasing his grip, crossing his arms over his chest. “So you should.”  
  
I start to stand up.  
  
“Valary...uh...” He clears his throat, causing me to halt and look at him. “Michelle was asking about you.”  
  
Wrinkling the bridge of my nose, I ask, “What did she say?”  
  
Matt shakes his head, looking away from me. But, he does give me an answer. “She wanted to know why I didn’t bring you with me.”  
  
I bite at my lip. “What did you tell her?”  
  
Matt brings his eyes back to mine, his brow tight, and his eyes too bright. He doesn’t speak for a moment. I occupy myself by gathering the plates and heading for the sink to wash them. He remains at the table, leaning his elbows against the surface, obviously mulling over an answer. Either that or he’s not going to tell me and is just waiting for me to clear up.  
  
Once I’m done I turn to look at him. He tilts his head to return my gaze.  
  
“I lied to her.” Matt grimaces like he has a bad taste in his mouth. “It’s way too personal, it’s just...none of her business.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
Lowering my eyes, I stand by the kitchen bench not sure what I should do now. Scraping on the floor signals that Matt is getting up from the table. He moves across the floor and stops in front of me. I lift my eyes up his length, stopping just before I reach his gaze.  
  
Matt sighs, the sound causing my chest to tighten. “Well, I didn’t think you’d appreciate me telling her about our discussion.”  
  
I manage a small smile at his statement. He’s right; I don’t really want anyone other than Matt knowing what goes on behind closed doors. I mean if we wanted everyone to know, we could just have these conversations when they’re around. But, considering we don’t...  
  
“Thank you, Master.”  
  
Matt smiles then rakes his fingers through his shaggy hair. “Right. It’s still early, so you can go write in your journal. I need to check my emails.”  
  
I glance askance at him. He doesn’t usually need to tell me to write about my day. I’ve gotten into the habit of penning a few lines every night before we go to bed. He never tells me if he needs to check his mail, either. Something is off.  
  
Well, maybe there’s nothing wrong, but something is occupying his mind that wasn’t before. Then considering he keeps asking me why I think he bought me, perhaps he’s trying to avoid telling me himself, and is deliberately making up excuses to not have to deal with the issue. With his emotions.  
  
Nodding, I let him take hold of my elbow and steer me from the kitchen to our room. He releases his grasp motioning with a tilt of his head for me to go in. I step into the room, but look at him. Matt gives a slight shake of his head as if he is answering a question that I’ve not asked.  
  
“Gimme a few.”  
  
He turns and heads for the study. I, sighing, turn and go to the bed, retrieving my journal from Matt’s night stand. Settling on my place on the bed I open to the next blank page and begin writing.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
 _Okay, this is a little random, but. Y’know, Master, I always wondered why people liked having pets. All of my masters prior to you coming into my life had had animals in their households. Not including me of course. Yes, I know that sounds kind of crass, but I was barely treated any better than a dog in the majority of cases. I was used to it, though. But, I always envied the coveted position that their pets had._  
  
There was this one guy, he had a poodle, pampered it no end, disgusting really. I mean, he treated it more like a woman than he did me. Strange person...but, hopefully I’m well shot of people like that...  
  
Anyway, watching Bella today, made me think of all that. She kept me company today while you were out. Yeah, I let her inside; please don’t be pissed about that. I was lonely...and I think she was too. So, yeah...I let her in.  
  
She was WHINING! Okay? I wasn’t going to put up with that. It was giving me a headache. I mean, I have to put up with a lot of things; it’s what I have to do, right? Well, okay...I don’t mind it since being with you, but with my previous owners, I had to ‘put up with it’. But, anyway, she sounded like a child who had been left alone by her parents...  
  
Great. No, I’m not crying, Master. I don’t think I’ve cried about that, not since I was really little. I can’t ever remember being little.  
  
Actually, that’s kind of a lie. Only kind of. I wouldn’t lie to you. I used to lie all the time. Saved my skin most times. Because most of my other...well they weren’t really very perceptive. Probably because they didn’t cared about me. Anyway, I do remember some things about when I was a kid. A very happy time, actually. I think I remember the feeling more than anything, being surrounded by people who cared...and loved me. Family, I guess. Friends, maybe.  
  
You know, when Michelle and I went shopping the other day...she told me about when she first got with Brian. Said that was a happy time for her. Even though she said that you were always trying to thwart her chances of being with him, at the time. I didn’t get that. She told me it was because you were jealous of what they had. Not that it’s any of my business [I feel like I’ve been saying that a lot...] so don’t think I was prying into your personal life, or anything. It’s just I’ve never had anyone to talk to, about random shit like that. Like, like sisters should do, right?  
  
I can’t talk about anything personal with her, though. You’ll be the first person I share anything with. Not just because you’re my Master or anything, but...I don’t really feel comfortable telling her, because I don’t know if she’d understand, or not. So, if I ever feel like telling about all the stuff that’s happened in my life, the good and the bad, you’ll be the first to hear about it. And probably the only person I’ll ever confide in...  
  
I’m rambling here, aren’t I? I guess that’s because I don’t know how to deal with the way you’re acting around me. There. I said it. It bothers me, Master because it makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong. Which I know I haven’t, have I? I mean, let’s forget about the Guild and everything...this is about us, right? I mean sure, we can’t forget...forget them. But, maybe we could try sorting things out to make it easier.  
  
Anyway, I don’t know what else to write, you’ll probably be finished reading emails now...and it’s getting really dark now. And I’m tired. Even though I didn’t really do anything tiring today. Did a bit of cleaning...things were a bit dusty. Made some lunch for you to take tomorrow...if you’re going to the studio...I guess after what you said at dinner you might be taking me too. But, I guess I’ll have to wait.  
  
So, here is me signing off...

 


	19. “How hard is it to cop to the fact that you might feel something?"

Jimmy is the funniest guy I’ve ever met. I just thought I’d tell you that. Every time I encounter the drummer, who is one of Matt’s closest friends, he’s always making everyone crack up. He knows countless jokes and one-liners that always, always, get everyone cracking up so hard you’d think an explosion was set off. Or perhaps just one of those fart-producers. Jimmy has a few of them lying around. Even here at Matt’s parents place.  
  
We’ve already been here five minutes and Jimmy’s already pulling pranks on people. He just got done telling Matt his parents have left and aren’t coming back, when Mr Sanders senior pokes his head out of the garage and waves a spanner at us. That’s one busted. Jimmy just shrugs and wanders into the garage, which is actually where the guys have set up their studio.  
  
It’s jam packed with amps, guitars, Jimmy’s first serious drum kit, ProTools rig and an assortment of gear I have no idea what they are. Not that I need to know, all I need to know is that the band is pretty awesome and not to get in the way when they’re working. Yeah, totally not connected, obviously.  
  
I’m standing outside by Matt’s bike, arms linked together across my breasts. Having never been here before, I’m a little nervous. I can see Matt talking with his Dad, obviously about me, because he nods toward me several times. Straining, I can almost hear what they’re saying; I lean forward more.  
  
“You spying on ‘em, Val?”  
  
I jerk around fast. Jimmy is leaning against the handlebars of Matt’s bike, a cheeky grin on his face. Blinking at him I find I can’t answer. My mouth just hangs open in a helpless gesture. He chuckles, not in an unkind manner.  
  
“You want to come inside and wait for him?”  
  
Shaking my head, I find my voice, “No thank you, I’d better just stay here.”  
  
Jimmy smiles faintly, before nodding and heading back toward the garage. “See you in there, then.” His voice disappears as he does.  
  
I look back across to Matt. He’s still with his Dad but he’s now looking directly at me. I tilt my head. He smiles and motions for me to join them. Gripping my elbows, I walk over to stand next to him. Matt rests a hand on my shoulder while glancing at his father.  
  
“Dad, I want you to meet Valary.” Matt looks to me. “Val, this is my dad.”  
  
Lifting my gaze, I find myself peering into warm hazel eyes that are identical to Matt’s. His father smiles at me, a soft expression which lights up his whole face.  
  
“Well, hello there, dear. I’m Gary.” He smiles more. “Matt’s told me, and his mom, a lot about you.” He holds a hand out to me. I hesitate, glancing toward Matt. He inclines his head encouragingly toward me. I take Gary’s hand; he squeezes mine in a gentle grasp.  
  
I bite my lip, before saying, “It’s nice to meet you, sir.”  
  
Gary quirks his eyebrows at me. Matt gives a low chuckle. His father shoots a sharp look at him. Matt shrugs and turns away, leaving me with his father. I blink then look at him.  
  
Gary sighs, “Just call me whatever you’re comfortable with, Valary. But, I wouldn’t mind if you called me ‘Gary’.” It is my name.”  
  
I nod a little, feeling somewhat tongue-tied. He smiles at me, a warm expression. Then he motions toward the studio.  
  
“Go join them. You’ll enjoy yourself. They are very good at what they do.”  
  
I nod again, as he nudges me through the doorway. Matt looks up from where he’s planted himself in front of a large computer monitor. He smiles and grabs a stool, pulling it next to him, and patting a hand on it.  
  
“C’mere, Val. Sit.”  
  
Carefully making my way to his side, I slide down onto the stool and tuck my feet beneath it. He smiles at me then turns his head to his other side where Jimmy has sat himself on a swivel stool. He must use it for when he’s behind the drums. Jimmy waggles his eyebrows.  
  
“So, Matt, is that tech coming today? I want to meet him.”  
  
I tilt my head. Matt shoots a look at me then answers his friend, “Yeah, Brian says he’ll be here a little later.” I lean my head on his shoulder, listening as he and Jimmy talk. The drummer is still wiggling his eyebrows, one eye looking directly at me. I try not to giggle, because Matt is still talking.  
  
“I’m not really sure about him. He strikes me as a little...I don’t know...odd.”  
  
Jimmy laughs, “You’ve only met him once, Matt.”  
  
Matt shrugs, acting all nonchalant; but, I sense tension beneath his cool facade. Jimmy just gives him a level look, then rolls his eyes and pushes himself around to a position at his drums. Matt sighs and absently drapes an arm around my shoulders, squeezing a little. Leaning more against him, I tuck my head down and nuzzle into his shoulder. He smiles at me as he taps his foot on the floor.  
  
Jimmy picks ups his sticks and does a roll across the heads, before glancing toward us and grinning.  
  
“By the way, he can’t be odd.”  
  
Matt scratches at his cheek. “What?”  
  
Jimmy chuckles. “He can’t be odd...because  _I_  am.”  
  
I lift my head to give him a curious look; he catches my gaze, winking at me.  
  
“Do you agree, Val?”  
  
Before I can answer, Matt says, gruffly, “You’re a crazy motherfucker, Rev. You’re not odd. Odd is something you’d call an uncle...”  
  
“No,” Jimmy retorts, “the word you’re looking for is ‘eccentric’. An _eccentric_  uncle.”  
  
He tosses a stick up in the air and then catches it, bringing it crashing down on a ride hat. I try to stifle a giggle; Matt picks up on it and squeezes his arm around me more. I peek up at him. His lips curve in a soft smile. I flush and look away a part of me feeling silly at my behaviour, but another still uncertain about everything that is between us.  
  
Matt still hasn’t said anything about...well just about everything. He’s just cool, calm...casual. He hasn’t really spoken much since yesterday, just necessary communication. And, it’s still bothering me. Then again, he’s obviously preoccupied with the band and the album record, so I can’t really complain. I’m not the only thing in his life he needs to deal with.  
  
Matt scoffs, “You’d be an eccentric uncle.”  
  
Jimmy gets this thoughtful expression on his face as he absently taps the plastic tip of his stick against his top teeth. I tilt my head at him. He grins my way then swings around on his stool letting out a loud whoop, the sound echoing in the relatively small space. Matt shakes his head and shifts round so he’s facing the computer.  
  
“Dumbass,” he mumbles half under his breath.  
  
Brian walks in then and cocks an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. I notice the bulge of his biceps and flush pink as he catches me looking. He lifts an eyebrow at me, lips twitching before he shoots a mock glare at Matt.  
  
“Who you calling a dumbass, Shads?”  
  
Matt leans back on his chair, having moved his arm from my shoulders and chuckles low. “You’re best buddy, Bri.” He nods toward Jimmy, who is still spinning on his stool.  
  
Brian looks over, just as the drummer comes to a halt and pretends to sway wildly. He rolls his eyes and goes to stand next to him.  
  
“Rev...for fucks sake...”  
  
Jimmy crosses his eyes, grinning like a madman. “Yeah?”  
  
Brian just shakes his head and looks back over at us. “Denmore’s on his way over. Wanted to have a look at some gear first.”  
  
I feel Matt tense up at the mention of the tech, and glance at him.  
  
“Master?” I whisper. He shakes his head at me, not smiling. I bite my bottom lip before placing a hand on his arm, a soft touch, barely noticeable. His jaw tightens the muscle bulging in a sign that he is becoming irritated. I drop my hand and shift around on my stool.  
  
Jimmy catches what’s going on and scowls. “Oi, what’s got up your ass?”  
  
“Hmmm?” Matt glances toward the drummer.  
  
Jimmy points his stick at him, lips twitching in vague amusement. “I said: What’s up your-”  
  
“I know what you said. What’s it to you?” There’s an edge to Matt’s voice. Jimmy isn’t fazed though and just gives another of his laconic grins.  
  
Hiding a smile, I turn away to look around the studio. Zacky waltzes in at the same moment as my eyes settle on the doorway. Full of life and energetic as ever, the guitarist flops over a pair of amps and waves toward us.  
  
“Hey, JD just arrived...he’s chatting up your dad, Shads.”  
  
Matt rolls his eyes and, hands gripping the armrests, pushes up out of his chair. I look up at him; he doesn’t meet my gaze. Instead, he focuses his attention on the doorway, pausing before striding out of the studio. Zacky turns to follow him; Jimmy springs up and sprints out after them. I frown, wondering whether I should follow, but I don’t get a chance as Brian flops in the chair beside me.  
  
“Hey, Val. What’s going on between you two?”  
  
I tear my eyes from the backs of the other men and turn to look at him. “Pardon?”  
  
Brian’s eyes are soft, warm, a hint of concern in their depths. “You and Matt? What’s going on?”  
  
Pursing my lips, I wonder where he’s coming from. Unless Michelle said something to him, I can’t fathom why he would even care. Or why he would even ask. He lifts an eyebrow, his expression gentle.  
  
“Val? You can talk to me. I won’t say shit.”  
  
My cheeks flush, and I lower my eyes, unable to meet his tender gaze. “Nothing’s going on...”  
  
“Bullshit. He’s been acting fucking weird lately.” Brian’s face is tight; the angular lines of his jaw and cheekbones appear to stand out more than usual. I shake my head. He grimaces. “Chelle notices it too...”  
  
Like that makes me any less reluctant to talk about it. I duck my head down more. Hoping he’ll take the hint, I wait for him to move away. But he doesn’t. Instead, he grasps the edge of my stool and tugs me closer to him. I let out a soft gasp and glance up into his eyes. They’re deep and dark, filling with a swirling hue of seriousness.  
  
“Valary, don’t pull this shit. You’re obviously stewing over some shit that’s going on between you, and it’s not healthy.”  
  
Trembling, I try to pull back, but he’s holding onto the stool in a tight grip.  
  
“Brian,” I swallow hard on his name. “Brian, please...just leave it alone...it’s nothing...”  
  
His eyes narrow into slits, so what gleams between his lashes is almost black. “Bull-fucking-shit. It’s not nothing. If it were nothing, you wouldn’t be avoiding looking at me.”  
  
 _Damn him. Damn him for being right_. I shiver, tucking my chin into my chest. My heart is aching and a heavy sensation settles in the pit of my stomach.  
  
“Please...” I whisper. “Please...just...just leave it...”  
  
But Brian won’t back down. “Valary...”  
  
Something inside me snaps, and I jerk away from him, raising my voice to get through to him, “It’s none of your business okay, so just leave it alone! Leave me alone...” My last words peter off in a pathetic whimper and I crumple into myself, feeling as if my world is crumbling down around me.  
  
Brian gets this anxious look on his face and I feel his hands on my shoulders, attempting to soothe me. But, I don’t respond, my breaths escaping in desperate sobs.  
  
“Oi? What the fuck?” Matt’s deep voice registers somewhere in the depth of my subconscious, but I don’t heed it, just rocking on the stool, clutching myself around my waist.  
  
Voices war around me, as Matt and Brian talk over me. I don’t hear anything they say, too wrapped up in my emotional wave. Next thing, I feel strong, warm palms grasping my upper arms, pulling me into a hard embrace. I cling to the soft, worn cotton of Matt’s top, nuzzling into it; a patch of moisture spreading from where my face rests.  
  
Matt moves one hand around a spot at the small of my back, murmuring soft, reassuring words to me. I tremble against him, and then shiver as Brian begins berating him over my head. I tune in then, listening to every word.  
  
“You have some fucking nerve, Matt.” The guitarist’s voice is low, tense. “You are so fucking dense. You can’t even cop to the way you feel.”  
  
Matt’s arms tighten around me, but he says nothing to defend himself against Brian’s tirade. Part of me wishes he would, but another is afraid of what I might hear. What I might find out. My heart feels as if it wants to explode out of my chest, from the fear of the unknown.  
  
Brian goes on, getting more wound up at each word. “I mean how fucking hard is it to say you care? How fucking hard is it to cop to the fact that you might feel something for her? I mean, fuck...look at her, man? You’re lucky to have her...she’s lucky to have you.” He pauses for just a single breath before launching onwards. “You should tell her how you feel, ‘cause it’s pretty damn obvious, to me at least, that you’re totally fucking mad keen on her.”  
  
I peek up, seeing a hard expression ghost over Matt’s face, but before he can answer, a voice speaks up from the door to the studio.  
  
“Because he knows he can’t.”  
  
I swing my head around as much as I can with Matt holding me. Brian glowers toward the entrance. Matt looks over too. I can’t see who is standing there because Matt’s big body is shielding me from view. But, I recognise the person’s voice and I can feel my blood freeze.  _That man from the mall...but...it can’t be? His name was something Douglas...not Denmore...right? Right...?_  
  
Matt, interrupting my thought, growls, “What the hell do you know, Denmore?”  
  
I try to peer around his body, but he shifts blocking my view. So, I lean into him and just listen.  
  
“What do I know?” There is a hint of amusement in his voice, deep, calculating. “That would be telling, and I’m not here for that. I was just making an observation.”  
  
I feel Matt tense even more than earlier. “Well, keep out of something that doesn’t fucking concern you.”  
  
Brian adds, in a stiff tone, “Yeah, ‘cause if you can’t we’ll have to tell Walter this won’t work. And we’d hate to have him think maybe his judgement isn’t so hot.”  
  
There’s an uncomfortable silence, then the guy speaks in a solemn tone, “Walter doesn’t know everything about me, but don’t make judgements on face value. I’m pretty serious about my work. And I want this to work out.”  
  
Matt doesn’t relax. But, Brian sighs and I see him nodding from the corner of my eye.  
  
“Right...well, come in. We’d better get to work.” He turns to sit in front of the computer. Zacky and Jimmy join him.  
  
Before I can protest, Matt shuffles me into a corner where I am hidden from view, and then he parks his ass on a stool in front of me. I can’t see over his back, but more importantly, I suppose, I can’t be seen. All I can do is listen, and I do so as the guy walks in and joins Brian by the computer, I assume, because I hear their voices as they begin to discuss the tracks.  
  
Sighing, I lean against Matt’s back and close my eyes. Nothing to do but wait...maybe after they finish Matt will introduce me, but then again judging by how antsy he seems about the guy...maybe not...  
  
I’ll just have to wait and see...

 


	20. “Y’know, sometimes you’re not as dumb as you act.”

“Valary...Valary...Valary... _Vaal_...wake up!”  
  
Someone is poking me in the side of my head. I groan in protest, rolling over, wishing they’d just let me alone, I’m very comfortable here in... _thud_.  
  
“Hey...don’t fall off the stool, Valary...”  
  
 _Too late_. I blink and find myself staring up into Jimmy’s stunning blue gaze. “Uh...hi? What happened?”  
  
Jimmy smirks, not unkindly. “You fell asleep back here...getting bored, already?” He tilts his head at me, and then makes to poke me again. I hold my hands up and back into the corner.  
  
“Stop, please...I’m awake...” A soft giggle slips past my lips. He grins at me, blue eyes sparkling.  
  
“Good. ‘Cause someone wants to meet you.”  
  
I frown; if he means the guitar tech, I’m not really sure I want to put myself anywhere near him. I still have this niggling thought that he is the same guy from the mall, and if he is then I don’t know whether that should scare me, or not. I don’t easily trust people...particularly if they seem suspicious. Like Jason Denmore. If that’s even his real name.  
  
Jimmy waves his hand in front of my face, drawing my attention back to him. “Val, you still with me?”  
  
“Yeah, sorry...just thinking...”  
  
“Well, stop thinking and come meet Denny.”  
  
 _Gee that was quick...he’s already got a nickname for him.._. “Uh...well does...”  
  
“Does Matt know? Yeah, he’s over with him. Don’t worry, he’s not gonna bite you.” Jimmy leans in close, squinting at me, and then it’s as if something seems to dawn on him. “Hey, you’re not scared are you? We’re all here, we’d never let anything happen. I mean, you heard Matt before, right? He’d stick up for you, no fucking worries.”  
  
I look away, biting at my bottom lip. I find I do that a lot these days. After a moment, I give a slight nod.  
  
“Okay...but, uh...why would he want to meet me, anyway?” I know, I’m acting all reluctant, but it’s just a habit, for the sake of self-preservation. It pays to be cautious, and to know what’s going on. Always.  
  
Jimmy rolls his eyes and holds his hand out to me. “Because he’s being friendly.”  
  
Yeah, right. He just wants to be a sticky-beak. But, I guess I should give him a chance. I mean, if Matt’s over there with him, it can’t hurt, can it? But, then Matt doesn’t know that the guy is who I think he is...because he wasn’t at the mall with us. He’s just suspicious because he has some kind of intuition about him. Well, if I go over there...the truth will most likely out. And maybe that will make all of this a lot easier.  
  
I sigh, finally taking hold of Jimmy’s hand. He grins as he tugs me from the corner over to where the guys are lounging in front of the computer. Matt is the first to look up; a tight expression dominates his face. He isn’t comfortable with the situation, but he doesn’t say anything. He just nods to me and glances at the others. Brian lifts a hand; Zacky grins, but I don’t have eyes for them.  
  
Time seems to freeze as my gaze settles upon the man sitting between the two guitarists. Deep black eyes stare at me from beneath the peak of a ball cap. His gaze seems all-knowing as if he can look into my soul and figure me out with a single glance.  
  
Yep. It’s definitely him. I’d recognise those eyes anywhere. I mean, sure...I’ve only met him once, but sometimes it’s the ones you meet just in a single fleeting moment that imprint on your memory the strongest. And, at any rate, his eyes are so damn intense it feels like he’s drilling a hole into you when he focuses his gaze in your direction.  
  
I swallow hard, but he speaks first. “Hey, you’re that girl from the mall. Don’t you have a twin?”  
  
From the corner of my eye I see both Matt and Zacky stiffen, faces darkening. For a second I wonder if they’ve figured it out. The connection. Because I definitely have.  
  
Before I can answer, Matt shifts on his chair and answers for me, “Yeah, she does. What’s it to you?”  
  
A frown flickers across JD’s face as he turns his head toward my master. “I just thought I recognised her. She was with another woman who looked helluva lot like her.” He shrugs, speaking casually. “I was with a buddy of mine, just taking a break from work.”  
  
Matt gives a terse nod, his mouth set hard. “Right. Yeah, she has a twin. Brian’s girl.”  
  
The tech tilts his head, glancing at Brian. Brian lifts a shoulder, but doesn’t speak. JD looks back at Matt, crossing his arms over his chest. I try not to stare. He’s bigger than Matt, which says something, doesn’t it? I don’t know many men who are, y’know...bigger...more powerful looking... Before Matt, I didn’t think anyone could be that muscled. But, obviously, JD tips the scales there. Not that he looks like one of those wrestlers or body builders. He’s just taller, and more built...okay, I should stop thinking about that now...  
  
“Yeah, anyway, I just saw them at the mall. No big deal.” JD rubs a hand against a bicep, before unfolding his arms and leaning forward.  
  
Jimmy, who’s still standing next to me, snorts. “Of course it’s a big deal; it’s always a big deal.”  
  
JD gives the drummer a weird look. Brian lets out a bark of laughter.  
  
“Everything’s a big deal to Jimmy.”  
  
“Very true,” Jimmy chuckles, then walks back over to his drums.  
  
JD smirks, the corners of his lips twitching upward, but he says nothing, just inclines his head toward me tilting his fingers to the peak of his cap. I blink at him in answer. He just smiles more, and then swivels round on his stool back toward the monitors. I stare at his broad back then look at the others. They all have various different expressions on their faces, but it’s Matt I focus on. His eyes are dark, and it’s nothing to do with their colour. Whatever thoughts are going through his mind can’t be pleasant.  
  
He stands pushing back his chair in an abrupt motion then jerks his head at me toward the exit. Brian frowns.  
  
“Where’re you going?”  
  
Matt shakes his head, but says, “Need to talk to Val about something; won’t take long.”  
  
He looks to me then at the door. I get the hint and head for the exit, not arguing and ignoring the curious glances the other guys are giving the both of us. Matt follows me out, dismissing the guys’ questions, telling them just to get on with their work, before joining me outside.  
  
Closing the door over, he approaches coming to a halt in front of me; his eyes stare downwards, one eyebrow lifting a little. I peer up at him, unable to gauge his expression.  
  
“What is it, Master?”  
  
Matt works his jaw for a moment, and then answers, “He’s the guy who gave you that card, isn’t he?” The end of his phrase curls up in question.  
  
Biting my lip, I incline my head to the side, before giving a single nod. Matt sighs, smearing a hand over his face.  
  
“Fuck, what does this mean?” His tone is low, as if he’s speaking more to himself, than to me. I wait, not responding.  
  
He eyes me, face serious. I look away, rubbing at my arms. He reaches out to me; I see the movement from the corner of my eyes. I lean toward him as he strokes a finger down the side of my neck, his touch tender. Shuffling closer, I let myself relax into the soft caress of the calloused pad against my skin. His lips twitch in a warm smile. But then it disappears and he drops his hand to his side.  
  
I blink at him, not comprehending his actions. He averts his gaze and stares back toward the garage. “Do you think I should talk to him?”  
  
“I don’t know, Master.”  
  
No one has ever asked my opinion on anything. As a slave it’s not my place. I’m sure if that man from the Guild heard Matt asking me this, he’d say that was against regulations. But, then again, I doubt Matt cares for rules. Jimmy told me one time that he and Matt were always getting trouble in high school, even got kicked out a couple of times.  
  
“Talk to who?”  
  
We turn our heads to see Zacky leaning out of the doorway eyebrows raised in curiosity. I tilt my head; I don’t remember hearing the door open. Matt scowls at his friend.  
  
“JD.”  
  
Zacky comes out, shutting the door behind him. “Why you need to talk to him?”  
  
Matt begins to shake his head, before changing his mind, and shoving his hands in his pockets. I see myriad thoughts pass over his face while he decides how to respond. But, Zacky seems to be thinking as well, because he comes to a sudden conclusion.  
  
“You think he’s the guy who gave Val that card.”  
  
“He  _is_  the same guy, right, Val?” Matt looks to me. I nod ‘yes’. He glances back at the guitarist.  
  
Zacky rubs his jaw, thinking. Then he leans back against the wall staring hard at Matt. Neither of them says anything, though. They’re both pondering the implications of the information. At least, that’s what I assume they’re doing, ‘cause that’s what’s going through my mind. I mean, for one, the fact that he calls himself Jason, but it says on the card that his name is Joshua Douglas, who’s to say he’s trustworthy? It calls him out for being a liar. And I know for a fact that Matt hates any form of deceitfulness.  
  
“Well, fuck...I don’t know what to say to that,” Zacky finally mutters.  
  
Matt rolls his eyes. “That would make two of us, V.”  
  
They fall quiet again. I shuffle my feet about. Matt looks at me, his eyes shadowed. Halting in my motion, I lower my eyes then hear him sigh a little.  
  
“What do you think, Val?” He repeats his earlier question.  
  
I tilt my head, looking incredulously at him. “What do I think?”  
  
“Yeah, should I talk to him?”  
  
Zacky is looking at me as well, his green eyes intense, causing my skin to tingle beneath his gaze. I look anywhere but at either man, eyes darting around the yard. But, then I decide to say something, even if it doesn’t make any real sense. Because, to be honest, I know what I would do if I had the choice.  
  
“I don’t think so, Master. I think...maybe you should just wait. Um...let him mention it.”  
  
Matt nods, slowly. “Yeah, that would make sense. Zack?” He looks at the guitarist.  
  
Zacky toys with the labret on the left side of his bottom lip, brow creasing in an uncharacteristic frown. I glance at him wondering how he’ll answer.  
  
He looks between us, before nodding. “I agree. He’s the one who said he’d seen Val and Chelle at the mall. If he thinks it’s important enough, he’ll mention it.” Folding his arms, he smirks as he adds, “At any rate, since we know he’s the same guy, perhaps if we search the name ‘Jason Denmore’ in connection with the card...maybe we’ll find something on the net.”  
  
Matt chortles. “I hadn’t thought of that. Y’know, sometimes you’re not as dumb as you act.”  
  
Zacky gives him the finger, pushing away from the wall. “Don’t stay out here too long. Brian was wondering what the fuck you two were doing.”  
  
I giggle a little as Matt smirks and states in a mocking tone, “Tell him we’re out here fucking. That’ll shut him up.”  
  
Green eyes taking on an amused glint, the guitarist snorts, lips curving in a smirk. “Yeah, or he’ll rib you on it for days.”  
  
Matt shakes his head. “Get back in there, Baker. We won’t be long.”  
  
Zacky wiggles his fingers at us and heads back into the studio, leaving us alone again. I peek at Matt who is frowning to himself, dragging his fingers through his hair. He lowers his hand and looks back at me.  
  
“This is going to be awkward. But, we’ll manage, won’t we?”  
  
I tilt my head. He frowns more.  
  
“I mean, pretending that nothing’s doing.”  
  
I nod in understanding.  
  
He sighs, the sound heavy, tired. Holding his hand out to me he forces a smile on his face. I place my hand in his, gripping it firm. He pulls me close, into his arms, wrapping me up in his warm embrace, nuzzling into my hair. I lean into his body, feeling secure in his strong arms.  
  
He keeps nuzzling then lifts his head murmuring low, “We’ll work all this out...”  
  
I smile in answer, relaxing into his hold, comforted by the contact between us.  
  
And, for a long while we just stand there, knowing that the guys won’t miss us, and will come and get us if they really need to.


	21. "It's nothing worth being curious about."

He sat watching her as she nestled into the singer’s side. Matt had one arm wrapped firm around her shoulders, chin resting against the top of her head. His other hand was resting against the top of the drum kit, fingers tapping an impatient rhythm. But, Jason wasn’t really interested in  _him_. No, he was focusing upon the young woman. When she and Matt had come back into the studio, he had kept half his concentration on her, the other on what the guys were doing.  
  
Valary was not your typical slave. That much he was certain of. But, then he had had little contact with them, slaves that is, in the first place. Ever since he and his friend had started their business things had been disconcertingly quiet. The Guild was very tight on where slaves were sent and were reluctant to let loose cannon officers know the ins and outs of the association. This didn’t help matters, frustrating Jason’s efforts to track down any particular slave or sub within California.  
  
His buddy wasn’t so unlucky in that department, but then he worked directly within the Guild. And he was a bit of an asshole about it. But then, being hard was the order of the day when one had to enforce rules and regulations. Enjoying it was another thing entirely, though, and neither man was willing to show any commitment either way.  
  
Still, somebody had to do the dirty work. And being a mean bastard was more up his buddy’s alley. Even if there was no ‘umph’ behind it. Jason gave a wry smirk, shifting on his seat.  
  
“Whatcha smirking at?”  
  
Jason turned his head to meet the suspicious gaze of the rhythm guitarist, Zacky. Bright green eyes stared at him with an astute expression. He leaned back, crossing his arms.  
  
“Nothing, Zachary. Just thinkin’ that my buddy’ll be jealous when he hears who I’ve been working with.”  
  
“Really?” Zacky’s tone suggested he didn’t believe Jason.  
  
He smirked some more. “Yeah, he’s bit of a bastard like that.”  
  
Zacky shook his head. “I got a question.”  
  
Jason lifted an eyebrow, tilting his head to the side, hair falling into his eyes. “Yeah?”  
  
“Yeah,” Zacky drawled, “I know we already kind of asked you this, but. What’s your other job?”  
  
It became tense all of a sudden; Jason felt the atmosphere shift between them. He also noticed Matt and Val looking across at him, an expectant air gathering. Rubbing his palms against his jeans, Jason worked through the choices that he had. He could lie, make something up, but then wasn’t that what he was doing anyway? He could be honest and tell the whole truth, but then that would open up a can of worms he didn’t think he was quite ready to reveal, just yet. He would have to settle for the middle ground.  
  
“Working for the government. Nothing too exciting.”  
  
“Is that right?” Matt had shifted his focus completely, now, frowning at him.  
  
Jason nodded. “Yep.”  
  
The singer narrowed his eyes. “That’s funny. The other day you said it was depressing.”  
  
Jason snorted, his response somewhat bitter, “Oh, and what? When a job’s depressing, it’s exciting?”  
  
Matt rolled his eyes. “ _Touché_. But, what exactly is it you did for the government?” He was running his palm up and down Val’s spine, as she leaned her head against his shoulder, also listening to the conversation.  
  
Jason went quiet again, rubbing at his knees, glancing at the singer and the guitarist, expression a little strained. Then he finally asked, “Why do you want to know?”  
  
Zacky tugged at a lip ring, voice low when he answered, “Curious, I guess.”  
  
Jason leaned back on his chair, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jeans. His eyes were shrouded, hiding his thoughts. The corners of his lips twitched at the guitarist’s statement, but shaking his head, he sighed a little.  
  
“Curiosity killed the cat, y’know.” He watched Zacky for his response, but it was Matt who spoke next.  
  
“Never seen a dead cat yet.” He squeezed Val’s shoulders gently; she nuzzled against his shoulder, still watching. Jason shot a small smile her way, before meeting Matt’s sceptical gaze. They stared at each other for a long moment; Jason could sense the singer’s unease. He had felt it from the first day of joining the guys at Brian’s place days earlier. Matt was suspicious of him, and he couldn’t really blame him.  
  
It wasn’t as if he had given the man any reason to trust him. However, on the other hand he hadn’t done anything worthy of suspicion either. At least he didn’t believe he had.  
  
Smirking, he said, “It’s not something I talk about, much. I prefer to do this shit, y’know? Being a guitar tech.”  
  
“Really.” Matt leaned back on his chair, removing his arm from around Val’s shoulders, and crossing both over his chest. Jason noted the tensing of the other man’s muscles, the sleeves of his tee straining at his tattooed biceps.  
  
He folded his own arms, conscience of how defensive he must look. “Really.”  
  
Matt stared hard at him, attempting to read him, but Jason knew he was good with his poker face, because the singer finally grunted and swung away.  
  
“Right, well...perhaps we should get back to work.”  
  
“I’m still curious about Jason’s other job,” Zacky said, frowning at the big man.  
  
Jason shook his head. “It’s nothing worth being curious about.”  
  
“Oh, really?” The guitarist stood up and leaned his hands against the back of his chair. “I think I’ll be the judge of that.”  
  
Jason kept shaking his head. “It’s not even important. I’d much rather be a guitar tech full time, at any rate.” He felt as if he were a broken record, repeating himself, continuously defending his position.  
  
Brian, who was sitting at the drums with Jimmy, going over several drumbeats, looked over toward them, frowning. “Why don’t you guys give it a rest? He obviously doesn’t want to talk about it.” He rubbed at his forehead. “By the way, Matt, you have any idea when Johnny’s coming around? He’s been kind of AWOL the past few days.”  
  
Jason leaned back on his chair again, observing the singer as he shook his head without answering. Instead he pulled Valary closer to his side and focused his attention on the screen in front of him.  
  
Jason then turned his attention to Brian who rolled his eyes before glancing at him in return. “Johnny’s our bassist. Pretty damn good too. But, he hasn’t been over for awhile...guess he’s making up for all the vacation time he missed.”  
  
Jason snorted. “Some people don’t realise that touring in a band isn’t a permanent holiday, right?”  
  
“Exactly. It’s our fucking job,” Brian said. “I mean, it can be a party sometimes, but other times, it’s just hard work. So, I can understand why he hasn’t shown. But, still...” He shook his head.  
  
“And, out of all of us, he doesn’t really write much,” Jimmy added as he flipped his sticks in the air.  
  
Jason lifted his eyebrows, casting his eyes toward each one of them. “Right. So, who out of you actually...?”  
  
Brian pointed toward Matt and then at Jimmy. “These two write most of the lyrics, or at least the rough ideas. On the last album we all collaborated on lyrics, though. Adding verses and choruses where necessary.” He shrugged a little. “But, Matt and Jimmy come up with a lot of the musical lines before we get together.”  
  
Jason chewed on his bottom lip, leaning back more into his chair. “Your last album was pretty sweet. Lyric wise.” Rubbing his jaw, he added, “The whole record was awesome...but the lyrics...there was just something about them. Kinda gives me hope...y’know? What with all the lack lustre music coming out these days.”  
  
Matt glanced over again, face drawn, eyes narrowed. “What would you know?”  
  
Jason, shrugging his shoulders, gave the singer a disarming smile. “Just stating an opinion, Matt.”  
  
He stood, stretching his arms over his head, and wandered over to lean against the wall next to the computer desk. His gaze settled on Val again, where she was by Matt’s side, resting against his shoulder once more. Her dark hair, hid her expression from him, but he could read her body language well enough without it.  
  
As he observed Val, she happened to catch him looking, and she cocked her head slightly, a questioning look appearing in her eyes. He just gave her a soft smile before finally turning toward Brian again. The guitarist held a couple of beers, one of which he offered to Jason.  
  
“Here. Get that into you. Got more work to do.”  
  
Jason took the cold one from him and moved to sit, preparing his mind for another long session of work. It was time to put aside thoughts of his other occupation, no matter how important it was, and get down to what he  _really_  wanted to be doing. Because, as much as his other work was a challenge and was never boring, he much preferred enjoying what he was doing than not. And having fun at work never killed anyone.


	22. "Do you trust me?"

It’s been two days.  _Two days_. And, I can’t shake this feeling of unease that has come over me since meeting JD at the studio. I can still see his eyes staring at me. Feel them, burning into my skin. Talk about the heebie jeebies. He gives me the creeps. I hope I don’t have to see him again anytime soon. Even if that means convincing Matt not to take me with him next time. Maybe I’ll ask Brian if I can hang out with Michelle again. Unless she’s busy working, or something.  
  
Talking of Matt. He’s outside right now, in the back yard, cleaning the swimming pool. I don’t think I’ve ever described the backyard, have I? I don’t go out there much. But, when I have...it’s massive. Like...I’ve never seen a yard so big. Plenty of space for Bella. And the pool...I’m not kidding you, it’s big enough to fit almost twenty people in it.  
  
Anyway, I can just see Matt through the large sliding doors; Bella is racing around him trying to get his attention. He’s laughing at her; I can see his shoulders shaking, and the dimples on his face. Love those dimples; they make him look less serious, less, forbidding. Love everything about him really, physically that is.  
  
Oh, by the way, did I mention? He’s shirtless. A pair of shorts is hanging on his hips, but other than that his tattoos, and his muscles, are all on display. Which I absolutely have to salivate over. Seriously, he’s just too...perfect. The way his biceps tense and relax as he’s plying the scoop into the water, the play of muscles in his back as he leans down to pluck larger leaves from the surface. It’s just so totally, mesmerising...  
  
Jeeze, I can’t believe I just said that... I’m not supposed to think things like that. I’m his slave, not his girlfriend.  
  
Looking away from the back door, I stare down at my journal, which I’m currently attempting to write in. Nothing is really coming, though. Too much to think about. Well, actually, I’m just too distracted by thoughts of Matt with no top on...leading to images of him with no clothes on at all...  
  
Crap, I need to quit thinking about him like that. I’m not allowed... not allowed. Closing the journal, I curl up on the seat and prop my forehead against my knees. Every time a thought like this pops into my head, it feels as if my heart will break. Not being permitted to feel certain ways about my master never was an issue before; but, with Matt, everything is different.  
  
I  _want_  to be able to love him. Never before have I ever wanted something so much. Ever. It hurts, that’s how badly I want this. Months ago, if someone had told me I’d feel this way about one of my masters, I’d have laughed it off, or at least given them a look as if to say that they’d gone mad. But, being in the middle of the situation is a different beast altogether.  
  
Sighing, I rock my body on the chair, halting only when I hear the door sliding open and Matt’s footsteps on the tiled floor. He doesn’t speak, just approaches my chair, crouching down in front of me. I peek at him through my crossed arms. There is an anxious expression in his eyes, as he tilts his head at me. I try to smile, but fail, dropping my eyes to the floor.  
  
He sighs, reaching out to tangle his fingers in my hair, stroking in a light, soothing motion. I lean into his touch, letting it comfort me. Just having him close is enough to calm my nerves, really. But, I drink up any contact he gives me, because, I guess I’ve been starved of tenderness. And it’s like a thirst that I never even knew I had is being quenched by any attention he gives me. And in a way, I think it shows me how much he cares...more than any words.  
  
After several moments, Matt clears his throat. I peek up at him again. His brow is furrowing, thoughts flickering in his eyes. Before he can speak, though, the phone begins ringing in the kitchen. With a soft curse, he stands and heads for the other room, grabbing the phone.  
  
While he plants his ass on the kitchen stool, he answers in a brusque tone, “Matt speaking, who’s this?”  
  
I remain curled on my seat, watching and listening. He’s still in my line of sight, which is obvious as he glances toward me, an echo of a smile on his lips. The smile disappears in a matter of seconds though, a scowl taking its place. Whoever is on the other end of the line is causing the change in his demeanour, and I wonder who it is.  
  
“What? You said you’d give us a week.” Matt’s voice is tight, his words rasping at the ends. “Yeah, it’s only been four days...barely even that.”  
  
Stiffening, I realise who it must be; that guy from the Guild. I feel a shiver of apprehension course down my spine. I’m not ready to face that guy again...he scares me more than JD does, and that’s definitely saying something, considering how much he creeps me out.  
  
I watch my master as he rants at the Guild guy, not listening to the words, just observing Matt’s actions. His right hand is resting against the bench. But, he’s far from relaxed. His fingers are curling into his palm, over and over, forming into a hard fist before relaxing. Then flexing once more. If looks could be transferred down the phone line, and if looks could kill, the guy on the other end would probably be dead by now.  
  
I don’t think I’ve seen Matt so angry before. It’s not like he’s lost his temper. Even though he does have one. A temper that is. No, this is a white hot rage; he’s absolutely seething, but he is ultra-calm. Apart from the whole fist-clenching action he has going on.  
  
“Fine,” his tone stiffens, as I listen to the final part of the call, “we don’t have anywhere to be today.” He hangs up without bothering to give the guy a ‘fare thee well’. Not that I blame him. And then, what he just said registers on my mind, and I start shaking.  
  
“No,” I whisper to myself. “No...no...”  
  
I can’t handle having that guy near me, not so soon after his first visitation. Just the mere thought of him sends a sensation of utter terror through me. It honestly gives me the urge to hurl. He just gives me this uneasy, sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Fear of what he can do to me if the Guild decides things aren’t right...  
  
Matt looks toward me from the kitchen bench, frowning. Something shifts in his gaze, and then he crooks his finger at me. Trembling, I force my body off the chair, and drag my feet to where he’s sitting. He gives me a long, steady look.  
  
Then he says in a low voice, “Do you trust me?”  
  
I stare at him, trying to get my head around the question. “What, Master?”  
  
Matt groans, rubbing a hand over his face. “Fuck. Val, do you trust me?”  
  
Do I trust him? Do I trust the only master who has ever given a shit about me? Yes, I guess I do. I’ve never had anyone in my life I could trust...but Matt is definitely one person I can rely on to be there, and to never let me down. Even if it’s only been several months...yes...the answer is...  
  
“Yes, Master. I trust you.” I feel a certain sense of conviction behind my words. And I see in Matt’s eyes that he senses it too, because he appears to relax; the set of his shoulders becoming less hard; mouth curving in a tender smile.  
  
“Good...uh...great. Well, um.” He rubs at the back of his neck, the muscle in his right arm moving beneath the skin. “You can probably guess who that was.”  
  
I nod, biting at my bottom lip. Matt sighs, the sound rough, exasperated. “We’ll have to finish looking at the guidelines. Fuck...” The curse is drawn out long, ending on a low groan. “I really wanted to spend today writing for the record.” He leans an elbow against the bench resting the side of his head against his hand, staring up at the ceiling, brow drawn in tight lines.  
  
I wait, figuring he’s trying to decide how to go about this. His chest moves as he breathes, sweat beading all over his ink covered torso. Shifting his weight more on his elbow he brings his eyes back to my level.  
  
“Go and get that file. It’s still in the living room.”  
  
Nodding, I go and get it, coming back and setting it down on the bench in front of him. Matt flips it open, turning to the pages we have yet to look at. He lays his palm flat over it, glancing sideways at me.  
  
“Ready?”  
  
I mutter in response, “Doesn’t matter if I’m not, Master...we have to do this.”  
  
Matt snorts derisively, but makes no move to disagree. Instead, tracing a fingertip over the print, he sighs and runs his eyes over the words. I lean in close, next to him, reading them, following the exact path his index finger is moving along.  
  
The Guidelines, following from the introduction we have already read, lead on as follows: _  
  
1\. The slave is property, hence must expect to be treated as such.  
  
a. Care should be taken that the slave is kept in prime condition; it is an asset worthy of resale.  
  
b. No more care should be given a slave as one would any other precious item in one’s household.  
  
c. The slave should behave befitting property and not expect anything more than mere interest in their wellbeing from their Master.  
  
2\. The slave must not speak unless spoken to.  
  
a. A slave should be seen but not heard at all times  
  
b. The slave must defer to the Master at all times  
  
3\. The slave must do everything it is told, instantly and without question  
  
4\. Slaves are expected to service their Master in any conceivable way, including, but not limited to: sexual, food, and comfort needs.  
  
5\. A slave is for life, or until one wishes to sell them. The slave must never attempt to escape.  
  
6\. If the slave should break any rule, they must be punished accordingly  
  
a. A slave who seeks affection from their Master must be either, ignored or given a verbal reprimand  
  
b. A slave who speaks out of turn should be given either solitary confinement or physical punishment of any form deemed appropriate  
  
c. A slave who refuses to obey is to be given physical punishment of any form deemed appropriate  
  
d. A slave who does not serve her Master well is to receive whichever form of punishment befits the misdemeanour.  
  
7\. If a slave attempts to escape, the penalty is death by lethal injection._  
  
Matt slaps the page shut, not bothering to read the final disclaimer, which I already saw, anyway. The one about slaves not having permission to fall in love with their masters. There’s really no need for either of us to go over that again, considering that it’s the biggest contention between us at the moment.  
  
I peek up at Matt, gauging his immediate emotion. His jaw is tight, lips pressing together in a thin line. His expression is sour, and his eyes are dark, rage seething in their depths.  
  
I shift a little, watching him, a little nervous. Wondering what’s going through his mind. Matt pinches the bridge of his nose, breathing deep, obviously calming himself down before he explodes.  
  
“Fucking hell.” He growls, tossing the file away across the bench, watching with anger in his eyes as the pages scatter across the kitchen. I flinch away from him, an automatic reaction to the vicious tone that is evident in his voice.  
  
Matt doesn’t notice, though, as he braces his forearms against the bench top, bending his head down and digging his fingers into his hair. A groan escapes his throat as he tugs at the dark roots. I don’t know how to respond to this, but my mind involuntarily flits to the fourth guideline. And somehow it makes me move closer to him.  
  
Hesitantly, I lay a hand on his back and begin to rub it in slow circles. Like he has done for me in different circumstances. His skin is warm against mine, yet a little sticky from his earlier exertions. I keep rubbing over his taut muscles, easing the tension from them. Inexplicably, he relaxes at my touch, a deep sigh issuing from deep within him. His fingers ease their grip in his hair, both hands lowering to the bench.  
  
And he sighs again.  
  
I pause, leaving my hand resting against his back.  
  
He murmurs his words barely audible. “Don’t stop.”  
  
Complying, I move my hand more over his back, shifting even closer, so I can lean against his shoulder. He twists a little so he can reach my free hand with one of his. I let him hold on to it; anchoring me, and linking the both of us together. He strokes his thumb across the back of my hand like he does almost every time we do this.  
  
I smile a little leaning more into his shoulder. He eases up more, turning his head so he can look at me.  
  
“Val...” his voice is soft, something I’m not quite used to. Blushing a bit, I avert my gaze, my hand going still again. Matt smiles, the corners of his lips twitching. But his eyes are all seriousness. I let my eyelashes flutter. He squeezes my hand.  
  
“Val.” He repeats my name. “I won’t let anything happen to you. You, uh...realise that, don’t you?” The earnestness of his expression is almost cute, it’s kind of endearing. However, his manner is solemn and I know what he’s really getting at is that I can trust him to keep me safe.  
  
Moving my head against his shoulder, I mutter, “Yes, Master...” It doesn’t quite come out as a rote response, due to the small smile that sneaks an appearance on my lips.  
  
Matt shifts on the stool, wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me close against his chest. Inhaling, the scent of the cologne he uses drifts into my nostrils, a spicy, yet cool aroma that calms my nerves. I snuggle into him, eyelids sliding shut. He nuzzles into my hair, stroking a hand up and down my back.  
  
“It’s going to be okay,” Matt whispers.  
  
He sounds so sure of himself, and I hold onto that, knowing if I don’t I’ll fall apart. Peering up at him, I search his eyes for any sign that he’s uncertain, but his gaze is steely, filled with determination. That’s a huge relief to me. Closing my eyes again, I breathe out feeling secure in his arms.  
  
No matter what happens now, I know that Matt will do everything in his power to protect me. Even if it ends up being futile, or better yet unnecessary, at least he’s here for me. I smile at that thought, mind drifting...  
  
Matt nuzzles then moves me back a little. I blink, pulling out of my thoughts, looking up at him.  
  
“What is it?”  
  
He shakes his head. “Can’t have him walking in on us like this.”  
  
I cock my head to the side, guessing exactly where this was heading. “So...where do you want me?”  
  
Matt’s lips quirk at my intuition. “Bedroom. Stay there ‘til I call you.”  
  
Hesitating, I rub at my arms, feeling goosebumps rise in anticipation. He narrows his eyes at me.  
  
“You  _do_  trust me?” It’s still a question.  
  
I swallow hard, before answering. “Yes. I do.”  
  
Not answering right away, Matt stands, and moves around the bench, retrieving the pages of the guidelines where they landed after he threw them. Putting them back in the file, he sets it back on the bench, placing the side parallel to the edge of the countertop. Then he looks at me.  
  
“Go on, then. He’ll probably be here soon.”  
  
I nod, turning to make my way to our room, only glancing back once to see Matt walking through the door that leads into the living room. Watching his retreating figure causes a part of me to lose heart. I know he hasn’t gone anywhere; he hasn’t left me, but sometimes being in separate rooms gets to me. Separation anxiety, eat your heart out...  
  
Taking a deep breath I turn back around and continue walking down the corridor. And as I steel myself for the coming encounter, I repeat like a mantra in my head,  _He’ll keep me safe...he will...he will...because I trust him._  
  
I trust him.  
  
I trust him.

 


	23. "What were you saying no to?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning

“No. No.  _No_.”  
  
I can hear Matt’s voice and the tone is hard and angry. Obviously the guy from the Guild is pissing him off. He’s only been here ten minutes by my reckoning and it’s been going downhill since then. I can’t really hear what the other guy is saying; he isn’t a quiet man, but he’s not as loud as Matt when he’s in a temper – and I have the door closed. So, considering I can’t hear the Guild guy, I have no idea what Matt is saying ‘no’ to.  
  
There’s a moment of quiet, where I can only catch a low rumble of voices then Matt’s rises again, tighter than before. His words send chills down my spine.  
  
“ _What the fuck? No. I can’t do that!_ ” More soft mumbling, then, “No. No. Damn it. No. She...it hasn’t been like that with her.” Pause. “So what? Just because she hasn’t... No. No...”  
  
I really wish I could hear what the other guy is saying; it would help clear things up for me. Then again, either way I guess I’d still be anxious. Anything to do with the Guild scares me. The fact that they have the power to take me away from Matt if they think it’s necessary...terrifies me. I mean, I don’t think they’d remove me just because Matt is being lax with me, but...well they could.  
  
Stiffening, I sense that it’s become extremely quiet and then I hear Matt again, his voice is much closer and then I realise I hear footsteps coming down the hallway, ahead of my master’s voice.  
  
“Look. You don’t understand how it is with us. She’s always obedient. I don’t think any of this is necessary.”  
  
The bedroom door flies open. I shrink back against the headboard of the bed as the guy, who came before, strides into the room. Matt is right on his heels, expression dark. But for the first time in awhile I don’t take any notice; my eyes are wide upon the Guild guy, and I can feel my body beginning to tremble. He glares down at me as he approaches the bed.  
  
“Stand up,” he demands. I don’t hesitate. He’s from the Guild, hesitation could get me punished.  
  
Scrambling off the bed, I stand beside it, eyes lowered to the floor. I’ve never forgotten the training I was given. Just because Matt’s easy on me doesn’t mean I can’t act this way for preservations sake. Still, I can feel the tension in the air. I don’t dare look toward Matt, because I know he’s furious. Judging by the coolness of the Guild guy’s tone when he next speaks, he knows this too.  
  
“We have to do this, Matthew. It’s normal procedure.”  
  
With my head down, I can only hear Matt’s response.  
  
“Doesn’t mean I have to agree with it, Robert.”  
  
I blink, still with my eyes fixed to the floor. So, that’s his name...Robert. Not that knowing his name makes me warm to him or anything. Definitely doesn’t make me any less frightened of the situation. The atmosphere is heavy between us now. The Guild guy, Robert clears his throat.  
  
“Whether you agree, or not, is unimportant. This has to be done.” Then he says to me, “Turn around and lean over the bed.”  
  
I shiver, this time darting a look toward Matt; his features are drawn in a cold mask, revealing nothing. He is keeping a tight rein on his emotions. He meets my eyes, though, and nods his head, an indication that I should obey.  
  
Trembling, apprehension building inside my mind, I turn and brace my forearms against the bedspread. In this position, I am uncomfortably aware that my ass is sticking out behind me. I have never felt so vulnerable before. Except for when I had first slept with Matt.  
  
There’s a moment of stillness and then Robert walks over to the bed. I see from the corner of my eye his left knee propping against the bed beside me. Biting my bottom lip, I wait fearfully for what’s about to happen. He pauses for a moment, then grips the back of my neck and shoves me forward against the bed, pinning me in a single rough motion. I gasp out in protest, grabbing at the bedspread, and twisting involuntarily beneath his hand.  
  
He subdues me easily, digging his thumb into a pressure point.  
  
“Master...” I whine out, turning my gaze toward Matt, pleading with my eyes. Robert tightens his grip before looking toward him as well, one eyebrow raised.  
  
“Well, Matthew? You need to do this. Make sure she understands fully who is Master here.”  
  
I see Matt scowling, but he doesn’t answer just looks at the two of us. Robert’s fingers are digging into my neck, and it hurts; I whimper softly, but hold still, hoping he’ll let go soon. But, more pressing right now is the fact that I have no idea what the hell he means. How exactly is Matt supposed to show me that he is Master? I mean, I know that already. And I understand that. Nothing could make me forget that I’m the slave...and he’s the master.  
  
Robert presses me down more, sliding his other hand to my pants. I stiffen up, but remain still, shivering more. Matt growls low an almost possessive note to it. I guess he is willing to tolerate the other guy holding me down. But, I am his property, so for Robert to go any further than that...  
  
He stalks forward, glowering at Robert.  
  
“Fine. Let her go. And I will.”  
  
I breathe hard, waiting, wondering; and then Robert releases me, backing away. I make to get up, but don’t get far, because next I know, Matt is pinning me to the bed, a knee firm against the small of my back. That shocks me; I twist my head a little and peer up at him quizzically. Matt’s eyes narrow as mine meet his. My curiosity turns to fear when I see the look on his face. His features are set in stern lines.  
  
“Master...?” I hate the fact that my voice shakes, but I’m afraid, and a voice in my head is telling me that right now, Matt is not going to ease my fear. No, he’s going to make it worse.  
  
This horrible feeling churns in my stomach, and my eyes begin to get wet. My breath hitches in my throat, which is tightening up. The room seems to be closing in on me. I can’t concentrate on anything but how close Matt is to me, everything else, including Robert seems to fade from existence.  
  
I didn’t think this would ever happen with Matt. Even though I know he said he’d punish me if I ever disobeyed him. But this isn’t the case now. I haven’t broken any of  _his_  rules, or made him angry. No, this is all due to Robert, and the whole Guild thing. But, that’s not even the real issue. The thing is, I never thought I’d feel like this even if Matt was seriously punishing me. This feeling of absolute terror. It’s caught me off guard, and I don’t know how to deal with it.  
  
Matt leans forward, over me, and places his hand where Robert’s was moments ago. I tremble, breathing faster, heart racing. Wondering what he’s going to do to me. Whatever it is, it’s obviously something they were talking about out in the kitchen. And perhaps it was what Matt was reacting so negatively to, before.  
  
His thumb begins to rub slow circles over the pressure point at the side of my neck; a soft sob escapes that I can’t prevent. Matt inhales sharply, but then he moves his other hand to my pants and tugs them down. I whimper again; he keeps rubbing gently.  
  
“Master, what’re you doing?”  
  
Matt growls, “Don’t talk.”  
  
He moves his hand over my bottom. I tense up, biting my lip hard. Tears threaten to spill over onto my cheeks. I don’t want this to happen. Whatever this is...I just want this to be over...for that Robert guy to be gone. I want...I want Matt to hold me and tell me he...he loves me...I want him to hold me and make every bad thing go away...  
  
The tears fall and I let out a choking cry. “Master...please...”  
  
Matt doesn’t reprimand me this time. Instead I hear a sound that sends a tingle down my spine. The jingle of his belt buckle, then the noise of his fly being undone. A shudder runs through my body as it dawns on me what he’s going to do to me. Tensing, I squeeze my eyes shut, tears beading thickly between my eyelids, a couple escaping, and trickling down my face.  
  
Matt moves his knee from my back, between my legs, forcing them apart. I clench my jaw to stop my objection, it will do no good. He is going to do this, because he has to, and because Robert is standing there watching us. But, I wish I could tell what he was thinking, knowing that might make this easier to take...  
  
He grasps my hip with one hand, lifting me a little; his other hand must be guiding himself into place. I whine out as I feel the head of his cock nudging up between my legs. No...not like this...I don’t...I don’t...no...  
  
I hear Matt exhale in a rush. Then he pulls me back onto his cock, hard. He sinks into me in a single thrust. And it hurts. He’s big...and the last time we slept together he eased into me. This is only the second time ever... and for him to just shove into me like that...  
  
I start to cry, sobs wracking my body. He ignores me, as he shifts his grip on my hips, holding me tight as he proceeds to fuck me into the bed.  
  
Hoping that he might listen, I begin to beg him, even though Robert is there. “Stop. Please. Master, stop...” He doesn’t. He just keeps moving, harder too.  
  
My heart feels like it’s breaking, at the same time as I’m attempting to block it all out. I can’t handle this, I want this to end. I clutch at the blanket, burying my face into it, soaking it with my tears. Eventually, as he keeps pounding into me, I shut down completely, distancing myself from my predicament... blanking out...  
  
* * * * *  
  
Sobbing softly, I huddle into myself, back pressed against the wall of the shower. Hot water shrouds me from the outside as I try to wash everything away. Matt is in the bathroom as well, pacing; Robert is long gone. I try to ignore him, wiping at my eyes.  
  
“Val.” He’s looking at me now, though the curtain of water. I blink at him, but say nothing.  
  
He clears his throat, hard. “Val, I’m sorry...”  
  
I shake my head, averting my eyes. But I do respond. “You...you hurt me, Master...” I swallow hard and go on, voice cracking. “I...I was...I was so scared...but...you...you wouldn’t stop...”  
  
Matt groans, and whispers, “I never meant to harm you...”  
  
Peering out at him I can read the remorse in his eyes. But that doesn’t ease the ache in my heart. I feel that he’s betrayed my trust. He said he wouldn’t let anything happen to me...and look what’s happened. I still got hurt. It’s no wonder I don’t usually trust any man I come in contact with.  
  
He grimaces and looks down at the floor, sinking to a crouch, raking tense fingers through his hair. I bite my lip, watching him.  
  
He breathes out hard, speaking to the tiles in earnest. “He said if I did this the Guild would look favourably upon it and not interfere as much.” He glances at me again, jaw clenching. “I didn’t know whether to believe him on that, but I wasn’t willing to test him.”  
  
I give him a long look, still hearing his initial protest, wanting to know what that was about; not knowing if I dare to ask. Matt tilts his head at me. I shiver, rubbing at my arms and dropping my head down against my knees. I hear him get up, and go over to the bathtub; peeking over I watch as he leans his ass against the edge of it.  
  
He doesn’t speak, giving me a little breathing space. I am grateful for that. Trying to formulate the question I want is taking all my concentration. Breathing in and out, I count to ten. Then I peer up at him.  
  
“Master?”  
  
Matt nods to me that he’s listening.  
  
I chew on the side of my cheek. “What...what were you saying ‘no’ to?”  
  
His eyes meet mine, and the look in them shocks me. There is such a depth of sorrow and guilt in them that I can’t fathom it.  
  
“Master...?”  
  
Matt grips the edge of the tub, hard; his knuckles are white and the muscles in his forearms are tight. He leans forward slightly, pegging me with a hard look.  
  
“What do you think, Valary?” He grits out, “Did you think I wanted to do that to you? Fuck, Val...I’d kill to take back what I just did to you. You think I didn’t notice how frightened you were...? Fuck. Val... I wish I could take it all back...I wish...” He pauses, chin resting against his chest. He takes several long breaths, nostrils flaring as he exhales. “Saying that won’t change what’s happened, though. Will it? I could wish as much as I like, but we’re stuck in this position. I made a decision and went with it, and you suffered because of it.”  
  
Matt clenches a fist and presses it to his chest, just where his heart is. I blink at him; he stares back at me. “It hurts me here. Y’know that? It practically tore my heart apart to hear you cry like that.”  
  
I continue to look at him. He groans, lowering his hand back to the edge of the tub, squeezing his fingers around it. He bends his head down, eyes glaring down at the tiles. I tilt my head then slowly stand, shutting off the water. Walking forward, pushing the door open, I step out of the shower onto the mat. Ignoring the fact that I’m dripping with water, I slowly approach him. He doesn’t look up until I’m standing directly in front of him. Even then, it takes several long minutes before he lifts his head, his gaze meeting mine.  
  
“Master?”  
  
Matt’s eyes flicker over my face. I wait not trusting my voice. He presses his mouth together in a thin line but then lets it relax a little.  
  
“Val...” His voice is low, almost hesitant. Closing his eyes for a moment, he appears to be gathering his thoughts. I continue to wait. His eyelids lift after a few moments; his eyes are clear and bright. He shifts, reaching out to rest his hands on my hips; the contact is light the tips of his fingers brushing against my skin.  
  
“Val.” Matt repeats my name, so much meaning in that one word. He draws in a deep breath before he says more. “Val, I...shit...this shouldn’t be so hard to say...” He tilts his head back, blinking hard.  
  
“Master, what is it?” I try to look him in the eyes.  
  
He scrunches up his face, myriad expressions flickering across his features; then he must decide something because he gives me a look. “Could I ask a favour?”  
  
I nod.  
  
“Call me Matt.”  
  
That surprises me. “What?”  
  
“Matt. Call me Matt...”  
  
“But, Master...I shouldn’t...” I start to say; he cuts me off with a sharp shake of his head.  
  
“Just for now...we can go back to the whole Master thing later...but, right now I need to hear you call me Matt...okay?” He lifts a hand and gently strokes a finger across my cheek.  
  
I quiver, still trying to get my head around the request. The fact that he’s asking me is such a shock. I mean, it was different when we had sex for the first time, because I said it first...and then he demanded I say his name. This, this was a much different situation.  
  
Still, he was asking it of me, and I was not going to deny him, especially if it helps him say what he needs to say.  
  
“Okay...Matt...” My voice croaks on his name. The corners of his lips twitch faintly and he slides his hand back to my hip, closing both hands on my sides. I tremble as he pulls me a little closer to him.  
  
He murmurs, “I’m sorry...” He leans his forehead against mine, searching my eyes. I blink, carefully; he’s so close we could almost get our eyelashes tangled. He closes his eyes for a moment, then opens them again looking straight into mine. There are so many emotions swirling in his deep gaze that I can’t recognise any of them. But when he starts to speak, I forget that and see only one emotion burning in their depths.  
  
“Val...Val...damn, there is so much I should say.” His brow creases before smoothing out. “But, none of it matters right now, ‘cept this...” He looks me in the eye. “I love you.”  
  
All the colour rushes away from my face, well at least it feels that way; I feel light-headed as if I might faint. I grab hold of Matt’s shoulders, afraid that if I don’t I’ll slide to the floor. He senses this and wraps both arms around my waist. Leaning into him, I start shaking, unable to respond to his statement. He nuzzles into my hair and murmurs.  
  
“I know it might be hard to believe. Especially after what’s just happened...but...it’s true.” He begins stroking my wet hair. Obviously, I’m getting his clothes soaked, but he doesn’t seem to care about that. He keeps talking as he holds me close. “It might be hard for you to accept, right now...but...I just needed to tell you...I love you...”  
  
His voice thickens and he buries his face in my hair. “I am so fucking sorry for what happened today...”  
  
My throat chokes up at his admission. I press closer into his solid body, wanting to feel him as close as possible. His arms tighten around my trembling body. I begin to cry again, but this time there’s a different quality to my tears. I’m not afraid anymore, I’m just utterly exhausted. Matt notices this and, without a word, eases us both away from the edge of the bathtub.  
  
Holding me in one arm, he grabs a towel. He turns me gently, drying me carefully. Then he wraps it around me, and lifts me in his arms, carrying me out to the bedroom. Placing me on the bed, he climbs up next to me, lying on his side. I blink at him. He smiles brushing the backs of his fingers against my cheek.  
  
“Sleep, Val...I’ll stay here.” He sucks at his bottom lip, nodding a little as if to an unanswered question. “We’ll talk once you’ve rested.”  
  
I don’t think I can, though. But he keeps stroking his fingers over my cheek and the repetitive motion begins to lull me. My eyes slide shut even as I fight to keep watching him. The last thing I hear as I slip off is Matt murmuring, ‘I love you’, one more time...


	24. "We all have choices."

I’m brought awake by the sound of a familiar voice screeching out in the hallway.  
  
“You shit! How could you do that to her?” It’s Michelle, my sister. I blink, sitting up, the towel which is still wrapped around me, slipping a little. I tug it back up, noting that I’m still naked beneath it, and then turn my attention to the voices, listening. The sound of something hitting flesh reaches my ears and then Matt’s raspy voice.  
  
“Quit it! I didn’t have a fucking choice.” His tone is pained.  
  
“Yeah, right...you...you...shit I can’t even say the words...you...just...you  _asshole_.” Michelle sounds pissed; obviously Matt has just got done telling her what happened. But, I wonder what she’s even doing here?  
  
“Hey, fucking stop that! It’s not my fault!” Matt is protesting against something; sounds like she’s hitting him with a shoe, or something, I can’t hear very well.  
  
“Yeah, right. You’re just too damned...ugh...stay there. I’m going to see how she is. No, just stay there, Sanders. I’ll be right back.” There’s a moment’s pause, and then she adds, “Brian, sit on him if you have to.”  
  
Oh, so that’s why she’s here. Brian probably needs to see Matt about the album, or something. I rub at my face just as Michelle’s sharp footsteps arrive outside the room. She pushes the door open and steps in, gaze zeroing in on me almost the instant she walks in.  
  
“Val?”  
  
Drawing the towel closer around my body, I look down at the mattress, vision blurring. I feel the bed dip down next to me, shuffling as she gets comfortable. She says nothing more than my name, just waiting, giving me time to receive her. Brushing the back of my hand over my eyes and taking several deep breaths, I finally manage to look at her.  
  
“Hey.” My voice is hoarse, from all the crying. I cough and try again. “Hey, what’re you doing here?”  
  
Michelle cocks her head to the side. “Oh, Brian had to come see Matt about some song...but I don’t really think that’s important, right now.” She looks at me for a long moment, obviously trying to figure out how to broach the subject without upsetting me.  
  
I shake my head. I don’t really want to talk about what happened. It’s still too fresh, too raw. And even though I’ve physically washed myself of what Matt did to me...I still feel dirty... I mean, I feel really shitty...just...like I can’t get myself clean enough after that. I know talking about it will probably help. But, I just don’t feel up to it. Ironically, I’d much rather be sitting with Matt, just being with him, than talking about what he did to me.  
  
Crazy, right? I mean, shit, most people would want to get away from the person who...forced themselves upon them...as far away as possible. But for me, it’s different. Besides the fact that I can’t get away from him... Maybe it’s because I’m a slave, and I’ve been through much worse? Maybe it’s because I know Matt would never do something like that in normal circumstances. I don’t know.  
  
I look at Michelle, biting my lip. She shakes her head, anger simmering in her eyes.  
  
“I can’t believe he’d do that to you.”  
  
I look down again. “He didn’t have a choice...”  
  
“That’s what  _he_  said.” Venom drips from my sister’s voice. I sigh, meeting her sharp gaze.  
  
“It’s the truth. A guy from the Guild came and told him he had to do it.” I play with the folds of the towel, pulling it between my fingers. She watches me, shaking her head again.  
  
“He could’ve refused.”  
  
Shivering, I mutter, “No. He might have done something worse.”  
  
“Who? Matt?”  
  
“No. The guy from the Guild.” I swing my legs onto the floor and wiggle my toes, staring down at them. The towel slips down again; this time I don’t bother pulling it back around me.  
  
Michelle clears her throat. “Right.” I can tell she doesn’t know what to say to that, so she changes the subject. Well, sort of. “How ‘bout you get dressed and we go out there and talk to Mr Douchebag.” There’s a hint of laughter in her tone, there’s still anger beneath the surface, though.  
  
I look at her, forcing a smile. I don’t think Matt’s a douche for what he did. I know it hurt him to do that. Not that it excuses what was done to me. I just can’t hold it against him. He was doing what he thought was right at the time, to give the impression he was following Guild protocol, and to get them off our backs.  
  
She rolls her eyes at me, “Come on.”  
  
Sighing, I get up and go to the closet, rifling through the new clothes. Michelle joins me, looking as well.  
  
“What about that one?” She is pointing to a simple white blouse and a pair of dark pants. I take them from the closet, grabbing some underwear, and quickly slip into them, not really thinking about what I’m doing. Dressing is such an automatic thing for me. It’s usually just a way for me to cover myself up, hide my body away from the men who always stare at me.  
  
Michelle surprises me though; once I’m done, she grabs me by the shoulder and turns me to the mirror.  
  
“Damn, sis...look at yourself...you make that look stunning.”  
  
I blink at my reflection in the mirror. I don’t see anything special, just...myself. Shrugging, I turn away, looking at her.  
  
“Let’s just go out there...” I let out a tremulous breath, tugging self-consciously at the waist of my pants, shifting on my feet.  
  
She gives me a long, measured look, as if she sees something I don’t. “You seem different.”  
  
It’s like a switch has been flipped in my head, because I can’t help but snap at her, “I’ve just been raped by the man I love,  _then_  been told by that same man that he  _loves_  me. So, yeah...something’s different. Forgive me for changing.” Glaring at her, I wait for her to say something. Part of me can’t believe I just said that, but another feels a sense of relief that I got that out.  
  
Michelle stares at me, pupils dilating. Then as if the message only just reached her ears, she says in a shocked tone, “Say what? Matt said he _loves_  you?”  
  
I shiver, rubbing at my arms, nodding slowly. There is quiet after that. Not that I’m surprised, or anything. I’m still not quite in the same place, either. I mean, rules aside, it’s a shocking revelation at any level. And, I doubt my sister ever thought Matt would fall in love. She’d told me he was quite a player when the band was first getting on its legs. And at high school even though he hadn’t been hugely popular, he’d always played himself up to the girls at school. One reason why she hadn’t been a fan of him.  
  
“Holy shit,” her voice is a mere breath from across the room. I look to where she’s now standing by the door.  
  
“What?”  
  
She shakes her head. “Unbelievable. The big, bad, M Shadows has finally found someone he says he loves...first sign of the Apocalypse, did you know that.”  
  
I just stare at her. She sighs, shaking her head some more.  
  
“Come on.” She says nothing else just pushes open the door and walks out into the hall. I follow slowly, biting my bottom lip in a nervous gesture.  
  
Matt and Brian are in the kitchen, sitting at the small table. Matt has his head in his hands, not looking at his friend. The guitarist is leaning back on his chair, arms across his chest a tight expression on his face. I can feel the tension in the room. Michelle raises her eyebrows at her boyfriend.  
  
He sighs, shaking his head, eyes flickering toward me. “Hey, Val.”  
  
I give a tiny wave, just as my master lifts his head and looks over at me. The pain in his eyes is unmistakeable; I’m guessing he’s still kicking himself over the whole incident. He looks like a dog who’s been kicked by his master. Pretty ironic, considering he is  _my_  master. But, anyway, the expression on his face makes me want to just go over and hug him. And, something inside me compels me just to do that, and really, what’s the point in ignoring that?  
  
Matt starts slightly, as if I surprise him by slipping my arms around his shoulders from behind, leaning my cheek against his back. I catch Brian rolling his eyes at us, and I lift my head up to look at him. But Michelle starts in before either one of us can say anything.  
  
“Matt, Val says you told her you love her.”  
  
Brian does a double take; Matt just looks at my twin with a tired expression. She folds her arm, glaring at him.  
  
“Is it true?”  
  
I feel his shoulders rise and fall as he breathes deeply, before answering in a gruff tone. “Yeah.” His voice takes on a defensive edge. “It’s not like I could lie about something like that, Chelle.”  
  
“No, really? You love Val?” Brian cuts in, with a snort. Matt shoots a hard look at him. The guitarist lifts his hands. “Hey, just ‘cause I figured out you cared about her doesn’t mean I was actually sure of what you felt, Matt.”  
  
That’s true. All that stuff Brian said at the studio the other day...I don’t think he was calling him out on that.  
  
Matt sighs, shaking his head. “Right.”  
  
Michelle frowns. “I don’t get it.”  
  
I turn my head to look at her; Matt does too, twisting his torso around. He touches my hair briefly, as he raises his eyebrows at her.  
  
“What’s there to get?” He gives her a quizzical look.  
  
She points a finger at him. “If you love her. Why did you...?” She waves her hand at me, unable to finish the question. I don’t blame her, what Matt did was awful.  
  
I peek up into his face, watching as his brows draw together in a deep frown. He’s thinking, the thoughts obvious as they flicker across his face. He rubs fingers against his eyes, shaking his head again.  
  
“I didn’t have a choice, Michelle. I already told you that.”  
  
“We all have choices.”  
  
“No.” Matt looks toward her, and I see something akin to pain flash in his eyes. “Do you know what might have happened if I’d refused? Do you?” He doesn’t let her get a word in, answering his own question. “He said it would be grounds to take Val from me. And I’m not gonna fucking let that happen.” He shakes his head even more. “Never, Chelle. I can’t let that happen. I won’t...” His voice trails off and, turning on his chair, he pulls me into his arms, burying his face in my hair.  
  
I blink a little surprised, but then I wrap my arms around his waist, holding on to him.  
  
Michelle huffs, but doesn’t say anything more. Brian shifts about on his chair, clearing his throat several times, but he says nothing, either. Letting Matt and I have our little moment with minimal interruption.  
  
We need this; I need to feel safe in his arms. I need the reassurance that he’s here for me. Regardless of what it might look like to other people. I mean, he’s just done the one thing, that if I were a free woman, he could be charged for, should be charged for. But, because I’m a slave...the consequences are much different. And, at any rate, it doesn’t change how I feel about him.  
  
It’s not like being an abuse victim, even though those who are on the outside looking in might see it that way. They might ask why I want to be anywhere near him, after the fact. But, gee...one, I don’t have a choice in the matter, and two...it’s not like he’s some psychosexual deviant who enjoys doing such a thing. He said it killed him; I believe him.  
  
Leaning into Matt’s body, I sigh softly. He breathes deeply, then lifts his face away from me and glances over at Brian. I peek over as well, noticing that he’s found the Guidelines and is skimming over the pages with an expression of utter incredulity.  
  
Matt groans. “Brian...”  
  
Brian grimaces at him. “What kind of shit is this?”  
  
“The Guild,” Matt states, “they’re in control of the whole...slave trade business.”  
  
“Fuck...that’s crazy.” He looks through the pages scowling, then his pupils dilate. “Uh...buddy...it says here that you can’t-”  
  
“I know.” Matt sighs, hugging me tighter. I shift a little; he relaxes his grip and murmurs an apology. I smile a little, leaning into his hold. He shakes his head at his friend. We both know we can’t feel this way about each other; that it’s against the rules. But feelings can’t just be argued with. Rules might say no. But, our hearts are another matter altogether.  
  
Brian slaps the guide shut and stares at us for a long few minutes; then he shakes his own head. “Well, anyway...there’s one other thing I needed to put passed you.”  
  
Matt lifts an eyebrow. “What? Apart from that change for the demos?”  
  
Brian nods as Michelle moves to stand behind him. “Yeah. JD called me earlier, wondering whether he could bring his buddy around next time we get together. He’s on leave as of the rest of this week and the next, apparently.”  
  
Matt shrugs. “Sure, whatever. The more the merrier.” His tone is nonchalant revealing no emotion in any way. I’m not even sure whether he actually means it or not. But, he gets like that sometimes, unreadable, unknowable.  
  
Michelle smirks. “Does that mean I can come as well? I’m free.” I peek at her; she winks at me. Matt catches our mutual looks and nods.  
  
“Yeah, maybe you and Val can hang out.”  
  
I nod against his shoulder, liking the sound of that. That way I won’t have to worry about JD. Michelle gives Matt a hard look.  
  
“Yeah, that was kinda the idea. I don’t want to hang out with  _you_.”  
  
Matt glares at her. “I know you don’t like me...”  
  
Her eyes widen as she pretends to act all offended. “What a load of bullshit, Sanders. I just want to hang with my sis.”  
  
He chuckles low; Brian snorts. “It’s not news, darling.”  
  
My sister laughs, tossing her hair out of her face. I can’t help but giggle at the overtly dramatic pose that she strikes as she glowers at my master. With her hands on her hips, one jutting out toward Matt, her eyes are glaring daggers at him.  
  
“It’s still bullshit,” she retorts, poking at the air with her right index finger.  
  
Matt flips her off in a mock gesture of irritation, but I note the hint of a smirk playing across his lips. Whatever is between the two of them is no more apparent than it has ever been, and I’m still wondering the full reason behind their animosity toward each other.  
  
Brian sighs, rolling his eyes. “Chelle, lay off him.” He stands, tugging his keys from his back pocket. “Come on, we’ve intruded too long, and we have an appointment.”  
  
Michelle turns her laser-glare at her boyfriend. “Brian!”  
  
He just gives her a long suffering look. She sighs and turns back to us. I smile at her, mouthing ‘thankyou’. She shakes her head, smiling back. The look in her eyes tells me that there’s no need for thanks. We’re sisters, after all. She waggles her fingers at Matt then flounces out of the kitchen. I watch her go. Matt doesn’t, looking to his friend instead.  
  
“See you in a couple of days?”  
  
Brian nods coming over to clap a hand to Matt’s shoulder. He then looks at me, a soft expression on his face.  
  
“Take care, the both of you.” He pauses looking at the cover of the Guidelines, before shaking his head some more and walking out with a cheerful ‘bye’.  
  
Matt sighs, sitting back more against his chair. I look into his face.  
  
“Master?”  
  
His lips twitch. “We need to talk...but...ugh...I’m so not in the mood, right now.” He looks wrecked, and I don’t blame him. A faraway look passes over his face and he seems to disappear from me for a moment. I bite my lip trying to come up with something we can do to occupy our minds. Then I hear the low mournful whining of Bella coming from the backyard. Perfect timing.  
  
“Master?”  
  
He tilts his head, coming back from wherever his mind just went. “Yeah?”  
  
“I think Bella wants a walk.”  
  
Matt rubs at my hips, nodding slowly as if it’s taking a while for my statement to reach his brain. “Right. A walk. Yeah...” He hugs me close again. “Sounds like a plan...”  
  
He eases me away from him then, standing. He still looks tired, but I think some fresh air might do some good. For both of us. He stands there for a moment still nodding, almost to himself now. Then he looks at me, a small smile on his face. I smile back, a hesitant movement of my lips. He sighs, reaching out to take hold of my hands.  
  
“I’m sorry,” the words are spoken in a whisper. I shake my head at him. He’s already said that enough. I know that he’s sorry for what he’s done.  
  
“Let’s just go for a walk, Master.”  
  
Matt squeezes my hands in a tender gesture. “Alright...talk after...”  
  
I nod, just as Bella starts howling. Matt laughs. “She definitely needs a walk.” He shakes his head muttering as he releases my hands, “Crazy mutt hasn’t been the same since she ate those Brownies...”  
  
I follow him out to the backyard, smiling as Bella greets him, all sloppy licks and wiggling body. He chuckles, hooking the leash on her collar. Then he holds his hand out to me.  
  
“Come on.”  
  
I place my hand in his and we head out, looking for all the world, like any other young couple spending some quiet time together. If only they knew...

 


	25. "But, it's the main thing."

“Can I ask you something?”  
  
Leash off, Bella is racing along the water’s edge, tail flagging nineteen to the dozen, as we walk along the beach front. Matt is holding my hand, his thumb tracing circles against my palm. The end of Bella’s leash is hanging out of the back pocket of his shorts. I peer up at him, thinking on his earlier interactions with my sister. He looks down at me, lowering the shades that are covering his gaze.  
  
“What is it?”  
  
Meeting his eyes, I mull over my thoughts. “Well, you and my sister...I don’t get why she’s like...that, with you.”  
  
Matt gives me a long look then sighs. “It’s not just her. It’s me too.”  
  
I flush, lowering my eyes. I wasn’t going to mention that, after all it’s not my place to comment on his conduct. My sister is one thing, but Matt’s a no go zone, as far as I’m concerned.  
  
Matt squeezes my hand. “Val, it’s a long story.” He gives a short laugh, no trace of amusement evident. I wonder at that, and peer up at him again. His brow is furrowing and he pinches at the bridge of his nose, this time pushing his shades up his face.  
  
I shuffle my toes in the sand; I took my sandals off earlier, hiding them under a bush back up the beach. You’d think that people might steal them, but Matt says he used to always hide things there and no one has ever found them. The sand is cool on my feet and I give us both time to consider Matt’s statement. Then I glance at his face again.  
  
“We don’t have to be anywhere right now...you could tell me.”  
  
Matt cocks an eyebrow at me, the dark arch rising above the top of his Aviators. “Are you  _asking_  me?”  
  
I blush, realising he’s gently correcting me. Lowering my eyes, I murmur, “Sorry, you don’t have to, if you don’t want to...” There’s silence then and I shiver, wondering if he’s mad at me. He says nothing more, for now.  
  
We keep walking; Bella bounces back toward us, shaking her body, spraying water and sand over us. Matt laughs, releasing my hand and lunging at her. She dodges him then stands still several feet away, tongue lolling from her mouth. Matt growls at her. Bella barks back at him, tail wagging so hard I’m surprised it doesn’t fall off the end of her body. Matt pauses, as she runs back toward him, and allows her to jump up on him. He dances around with her, and then begins chasing her along the stretch of sand.  
  
I hang back, watching them. Bella seems to be laughing at Matt in that familiar irrepressible way that all dogs have. I think dogs always look perpetually amused with humans. He’s laughing too, yelling at her as she twists and turns, avoiding him.  
  
“C’mere, you crazy bitch!” Matt’s laughing so hard he can’t keep up with her and eventually collapses on the sand, several feet from where I’m standing. Bella rushes up to him, standing all over him, and licking him all over the face.  
  
“Stop, stop...Bella...quit it...” He’s pushing at her, chuckling deep in his chest, finally managing to get her to move aside so he can sit up. Wiping his sleeve against his face, then bracing his palms against his shins, he looks over to me. “Whew...crazy dog...Val, come over here.... Bella, sit.” The last he shoots at the still wiggling Lab who’s trying to pounce on him again.  
  
Bella whines, he glares, pointing at the sand. “ _Sit_.”  
  
If a dog could pout, I’m sure she would be, but she obeys him, laying her head between her paws and gazing at him with that look of adulation I think only dogs can pull off. He smirks at her then swings his head back to me.  
  
“Val.” Matt pats the spot beside him.  
  
I blink at him, adjusting my pants, before joining him. He rubs gently at my arm then wraps both his around his knees, clasping his hands in front of them. Shuffling into a comfortable position, I lean my cheek against his shoulder. He smiles at me before gazing out at the small waves that are breaking on the sand.  
  
We sit in silence for a long while watching as other people pass by. A group of teens race pass kicking a ball between each other; a young woman jogs along the water’s edge; an older couple walk by heads together, hands linked together in a sign of their love. A family: mom, dad couple of kids and a dog appear near us. Bella takes an interest and springs up, dashing over to the other dog.  
  
Matt calls out to her, a stern note in his voice, “Bella! Get back here!”  
  
She barks once at the other dog, who whimpers and races back to its owners. But after a moment, Bella obeys, dashing back and sprawling out on the sand beside him. He smirks, reaching over to ruffle her ears. She wriggles her body, bumping her head up against his hand. He chuckles low and begins to stroke her fur. I smile a little, observing the way he treats her. He’s firm, yet gentle. Kind of like how he is with me.  
  
Matt catches my look. “What’re you thinking, Val?” He removes his shades, hooking them on his shirt. The whole time he keeps his level gaze on my face.  
  
I flush a little. “Oh...just that some people would probably be surprised how gentle a man you really are...”  
  
He tilts his head, bemusement in his eyes. “Oh?”  
  
Lowering my eyes, I strain some sand through my fingers. I really have no idea what made me answer him that way; the words just came out of my mouth. Matt shifts his weight so he’s looking at me. I peer at him. He continues to give me that quizzical stare.  
  
I bite my lip. “Well, y’know your whole stage persona...”  
  
Matt’s dimples come on show then, lips curving in a broad smile. “Yeah. I’m a right motherfucker.” He shakes his head, expression becoming sombre. “Most people don’t get to see the real me. I reserve that person for those closest to me.”  
  
He brushes a finger against my cheek, smiling softly. My cheeks glow from the attention; I duck my head down in embarrassment. The thought that he’s including me in that statement makes my throat tighten a little. I mean, he’s said the words, but it’s still so fresh. And after what happened...before. I can’t handle the intimacy of the situation right now. I know that makes no sense. But, it’s one thing to hold his hand, or walk next to him, but the close, tender touches which are so much more intimate, that’s not as easy to cope with.  
  
Matt tilts my chin up so he can meet my gaze. There’s a look in his eyes that I can’t decipher, but it sends tingles down my spine.  
  
He leans in closer and nuzzles against my cheek, murmuring, “I’m nice to fans...and...y’know, they deserve that, ‘cause they’re what keep the band out there.” He sighs, sitting back a little, looking at me. “But, they’re not family.”  
  
Matt looks away again, but leaves his hand resting against my cheek for a long while. I lean into his touch, wanting to maintain the contact between us. What he’s saying makes perfect sense to me. I know that bands like to connect with their fans, but that the truly successful ones are the bands who manage to keep their private lives from encroaching on their professional ones. And the fans respect that.  
  
I know there are a small minority who go out of their way to slag off the partners of the guys. I’ve even seen, recently, a couple of things about  _me_. Not the truth mind, because no one other than the guys and management know that I’m a slave, that Matt bought me. But, still it’s a little sad how much time some people, especially teenage girls, spend on pissing all over the guys’ private, personal lives. Though, part of me is curious as to the reaction that would occur if the fans found out about our relationship.  
  
Matt clears his throat, drawing my focus back to him. I open my mouth to speak. “Ma-”  
  
“Shhh.” He presses fingertips to my lips. “Don’t talk.” He runs his thumb along my bottom lip. “I wanna tell you some things...so, just listen. ‘Kay?” I nod.  
  
He sighs, withdrawing his hand, raking his fingers through his hair. Whatever he wants to say isn’t coming easy, which becomes obvious when he mumbles in an absent tone, “Gotta get rid of this shit...” The corners of his lips quirk a little. “Might get Jason to shave it off for me.”  
  
I tilt my head. He looks at me. “Berry.” His brow furrows. “You didn’t think I meant Denmore?”  
  
Shaking my head, I look down at the ground. Matt huffs. “Anyway.” He leans back in the sand, folding his arms. “Did I mention I have a sister?”  
  
Moving onto my side, I shake my head in the negative. I can’t remember if he has or not. He might have, but I probably wasn’t paying attention. Bad Valary.  
  
He glances at me sideways a proud smile gracing his lips. “Amy. She’s a pro basketball player. You’ll have to meet her sometime.” He rubs at his cheek. He’s leading to something important; I can tell by the way his eyes are focussing on a spot in the distance.  
  
I wait, curled on my side, watching, listening to him. He heaves a sigh.  
  
“She and Chelle were best friends, back in elementary school.” Matt lays a forearm over his face, breathing deeply before continuing. “They were in the same year, a couple below me and Syn.”  
  
He tenses up at some memory that must come to mind. I reach out to lay a hand on his bicep; it’s tight. Kneading gently, I ease the tension. He shifts his arm and smiles at me. My stomach does back flips at the warmth in the expression. It makes me wonder at what he’s actually doing. No other master I’ve had has ever told me anything of their personal lives. They’ve never opened up to me. But then, I wasn’t there for that, was I? I was nothing but a sex slave to them. Once again, Matt is proving the difference between him, and them, to me.  
  
He goes on. “Michelle tolerated me back then whenever she came over to hang with my sis. She just thought of me as Amy’s annoying big brother.” He gives a harsh laugh. “Then she started going out with this punkass. Can’t remember what year that was.”  
  
Matt turns his eyes to mine; there’s darkness in their depths. Whoever this guy was he obviously didn’t like him. I’m curious to know what happened, but I keep quiet, knowing that he will tell me.  
  
“Amy thought the guy was bad news. She told me that she was worried for Chelle. And, anyway, I’d heard rumours about him.” Matt clenches his jaw. “Syn and I both tried to talk some sense into her...but she wouldn’t listen.” He grinds his teeth together. Scratch that, I think he must’ve hated the guy.  
  
Matt groans. “She forgave Syn for interfering. I don’t really know why...”  
  
“Maybe because Amy hadn’t told him about the guy?” I hazard a suggestion.  
  
He snorts, but nods in agreement. “That’s probably it.”  
  
He stops for a moment; Bella is shuffling forward then flops her belly over his feet. He smirks at her. Then he looks at me again.  
  
“She stopped talking to my sister...and well, she couldn’t wait for me to drop out of school.” He laughs sardonically. “Which I did. Dropped out at Grade Ten. Couldn’t hack it anymore...” He chortles. “Not that you can really learn how to be in a famous band at high school.”  
  
He becomes serious again. “Anyhow. That punk...ended up dumping Chelle. And just a few years ago he was arrested in Long Beach, for killing someone in a drive by shooting.”  
  
I shudder at that. He wraps an arm around my waist, drawing me closer to him. We fall quiet after he finishes talking. The mood is darker than before, and I notice Matt withdraw into his mind, mulling over things. Bella is dozing at his feet, tail twitching every now and again. I snuggle into his side, relaxing and watching as the waves break against the shoreline.  
  
Time passes, as do a lot more people; most of them I recognise from other forays out on the town. Several I’m sure I must’ve have seen when I went shopping with my sister. Huntington Beach is small enough for everyone to know just about everyone else. So, the fact that Matt and the band have managed to keep my identity under wraps is nothing short of a miracle.  
  
Matt shakes his head, squeezing me gently.  
  
“Anyway,” he says, continuing as if there was no break between his earlier words, “Chelle and I haven’t seen eye-to-eye ever since. I mean all that shit that went down...it’s not the only reason she didn’t like me...but, it’s the main thing.” He rolls his eyes. “Only reason she doesn’t talk shit to me now, or vice-versa, is ‘cause she and Brian are together.”  
  
He looks down at me. “She’s been a great support for him with the band and everything. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he popped the question, any time soon.”  
  
I smile at the thought of my sister marrying the guitarist. Yes, Matt and Michelle aren’t really friends, but she’s my sister and I can see how content she is with Brian. So, if...when it happens I will be very happy for both of them. Part of me wishes I could have something like what she has with Brian, with Matt. But, I’m a slave, so that’s a no go. Which really sucks.  
  
If only...  
  
Matt removes his arm from my waist, stretching both above his head. “We should head back.”  
  
He tilts his head up to the sky. I follow his gaze. Clouds scuttle across the wide blue expanse. The sun is inching its way across the stretch of sky, signalling the passing of time. I nod a little.  
  
He smiles at me, sliding his Aviators back on. “We can have an early dinner...’cause I think we missed lunch, somehow...” He gives an amused snort. “Ever had Japanese?”  
  
“No.” I’ve never had anything much, really. Only since being with Matt have I ever had anything other than really plain sandwiches or broth...or whatever shit my former masters bothered to give me.  
  
“Well, you’re in for a treat.” He strokes my cheek. “We can pick some up on the way home.”  
  
I nod some more. My mind is too full with everything he’s just told me to really concentrate on the idea of food. But, my stomach is rumbling, so my body obviously is taking note.  
  
Matt pushes up off the sand, dusting sticky grains from the backs of his shorts and legs. Then he holds his hand out to me. I grasp it tightly, and he pulls me to my feet. He dusts the back of my pants; a tingle runs up my spine, but I lean into his touch. A small smirk touches the corners of his mouth. He then nudges Bella with his foot.  
  
“Wake up, crazy dog.”  
  
Bella jumps up in an instant, tail flagging furiously tongue hanging between her canines. I can’t help but laugh at how comical she looks. Matt joins in, shaking his head.  
  
“Silly mutt. C’mon, let’s go.” He squeezes my hand; a tender gesture. Then he turns and heads back along the sand.  
  
I stay close by his side, smiling as Bella races ahead of us, impatient to get home.

 


	26. "Get our mind off things for awhile."

_I can still remember the first real meal I’d ever had in my life. It was when I was two years old. Mom stood at the kitchen stove stirring a huge pot of Carbonara sauce. I sat in my highchair, next to my twin, waiting for it to be ready. While I sat quietly, Michelle was banging her spoon against the side of her chair; she was always much more impatient than me. The youngest of our older brothers, he was three, was trying to tell her to stop, in that typical three-year-old manner. Yelling, basically.  
  
Mom looked over and just smiled. Our other siblings were milling around her trying to put their fingers in the sauce while she wasn’t looking. At two, I didn’t really understand what was going on, all I understood was that I could smell something really tasty and I wanted it in my mouth. That sensation of having something fulfilling, and nourishing inside me was something I always held onto. At that age though, I had no real idea how important it was to me. It wasn’t until I was torn from my comfortable family life that I realised how much I’d taken it for granted.  
  
Becoming a slave, set me on a whole different course, and other things became much more important to me. Self-preservation, surviving became foremost in my mind. Nothing else ever really mattered. Not the food I ate, or the clothes I wore. Not that I wore anything much with any of my previous owners.  
  
Being here with Matt, though, is different again. And that brings me to the point I want to make now. I’m eating properly again. I’m still really slimmed down. But, I like to think I’m a lot more healthy with it. When I say I’m eating properly, I don’t mean I’m on some fandangled diet or anything like that. Unless of course you call it a ‘see-food’ diet.  
  
I don’t think I’ve eaten such a variety of meals since I started to eat solid foods. Mexican, Chinese, BBQ, Italian, French, you name it. And then Matt went and added Japanese to the mix. I’m not so sure about the raw fish, sashimi, but everything else he ordered was, well to put it the way he did, ‘divine’. Now, that’s a ringing endorsement if there ever was one, and I know for a fact that if he offered to order Japanese again, I’d be the first to say yes. Oh, and my favourite was that dish with the battered vegetables and seafood...tempura? That’s what it was called, I think.  
  
I was so full after the meal, last night, that I felt bloated. Matt had obviously felt the same way because once we were done, he’d collapsed on the sofa and stayed there until he decided it was time for bed. Surfing the sports’ channels he’d just held me next to him and murmured random comments about nothing much at all. We both just relaxed in each other’s company. I’m sure the guy from the Guild, Robert, would probably bust a nut if he had seen the way we were cuddled up like lovers.  
  
Of course, I doubt Matt gives a shit anymore, not after what he was forced to do to me. After that, I don’t think the Guild could possibly do anything worse, short of taking me away from him. But, I’m confident Matt would fight tooth and nail to keep me with him if that ever occurred. They’d probably have to throw him in jail before he willingly relinquished me from his care. Actually, they’d have the right to do that...but, I’m hoping things never get that far.  
  
Maybe we’ll be able to fool them into thinking that we’re following rules. After all, this whole him loving me thing... he didn’t say he was_ _ **in**_   _love with me, just that he loved me. It’s not like he’s going to marry me or anything. That would be a huge fuck you to the establishment, but we couldn’t afford to go there. That would definitely be grounds for them to separate us and then...shit, I can’t believe I’m saying this... then terminating my life...  
  
Yeah, that’s not a happy thought. I don’t think I’ve ever said anything of the sort out loud, or written it down as the case is, right now. I guess the words were just too final for me to ever think on, but the way things are going, if we get caught out that could be the outcome. And that terrifies me. It scares me if he leaves me alone for any length of time, actually. Those times when he went over to Zacky’s or Syn’s without me, I holed myself in our room because I feel safer in a confined space when I’m alone...._  
  
Right now, I’m not alone. We’re sitting in the kitchen, I’m at the bench with my journal, and Matt is at the table going through the bills. Jason Berry is here as well, fussing about in the kitchen. I think I’ve only ever mentioned him once or twice. But, he’s one of two brothers. The Berry’s have known the guys in the band for as long as Matt can remember. They all kind of grew up together at school and stuff.  
  
Anyway, Jason is a friendly guy and if I ever encounter him he always has an open face and ready smile for me. Right now, he’s in the process of trying to find a power point; he’s holding an electric razor in his hands. Matt did decide to call him about his hair. First thing this morning, after breakfast, he rang him and told him to get his ass over here.  
  
Shaking his head, Jason looks toward me. “Hey, Val? Are there any free points?”  
  
I crane my neck over the bench, looking. “I think there’s one next to the kettle. Otherwise, you might have to use the one in the bathroom.”  
  
Jason nods, poking his head behind the kettle. “Hah! You’re amazing!”  
  
I flush red. Matt glances up from the bills. “Who’s amazing?” He catches my eye. “What’s he going on about?”  
  
Ducking my face down, I don’t answer. Jason grins, holding up the razor. “Ready to lose your Goldilocks do?”  
  
Matt’s eyes narrow, and he growls, “I do not look like Goldilocks.”  
  
Jason gives my master a bored look. “I didn’t say you looked like Goldilocks, just your hair.”  
  
“Whatever.” He pushes up off his chair and walks over to join his friend in the kitchen. Grabbing a stool on the way he gives me a look as he passes the bench. “Put that away and grab the dust pan.” He nods to my journal absently as he parks his ass on the stool, in front of his friend.  
  
Shutting the pages of my journal, I do as he says, going to the pantry to see where the pan and brush are. Finding them, I come out just in time to hear the whir of the razor, and see Jason leaning over Matt’s bowed head. I stand there, watching as he quickly detaches the long locks of hair from Matt’s scalp, shearing it close to the skin. Once he’s done, Matt runs his palm over his skull a small smile pulling at his lips. It’s not quite as short as when I first met him, but it’s pretty close.  
  
He glances at me; I go over, dropping to my knees next to him. Jason steps out of my way so I can brush up all the bits of hair. He leans against the bench, folding his arms. I keep brushing as the two men talk to each other. Their voices rumble above me; I listen as I clean up.  
  
“So, Zacky told me about JD.”  
  
Matt snorts. “What’d he tell you?”  
  
“That he’s some kind of trouble.” Jason coughs. He smokes, not as much as some people I’ve met, but more than Matt. Which really isn’t saying anything because I’ve never seen Matt smoke. Jason goes on. “I had a look at that card he gave Val, and tried to search something for you.”  
  
Matt shifts on the stool; I peek up at him. His brow is drawn tight. “Did you find anything?”  
  
Jason shakes his head. “Not on either name. It’s like he doesn’t exist. At least in cyberspace.”  
  
My master scowls. “What? You mean Denmore might not be his real name, either?” I tremble at that thought. But, it makes sense, if he does have anything to do with the Guild, giving out his real name could be counterproductive to what he does for them.  
  
“It’s possible.” Jason shrugs. “Anyway, Zack says he’s gonna be at your dad’s place today...and he’s bringing a buddy, apparently.”  
  
Matt nods. “Yeah, Brian mentioned that to me.”  
  
I look down again, finishing with the brush and pan. Getting up, I go and dump the hair in the trash, and then, after putting the pan and brush away, I go to stand next to Matt. He smiles faintly at me, wrapping an arm around my waist, and drawing me close to him.  
  
Jason smiles at the both of us then gets serious again. “Zacky seemed a little off about that. But, I said Matt and I would keep an eye on things. We can come and kick them out if anything goes wrong.”  
  
Matt Berry is Jason’s twin brother. Lots of twins in the life of Avenged...well okay, only me and Chelle, and the Berry’s. But that’s more twins than lots of other people know in a lifetime.  
  
My master chuckles. “I don’t doubt that.” He glances at the clock on the wall. “Well, thanks for the shave, dude. I think we gotta go soon.”  
  
Jason also looks, nodding in agreement. “Yep, half an hour. See you down at your dad’s?”  
  
“Yeah, definitely.” Matt gently eases me away, murmuring, “Go get ready.”  
  
I bite my lip; I’m in no position to argue with him, but I really don’t want to go anywhere near that JD guy if I can help it. He must pick up on my apprehension, though, because he says in a low voice, “Michelle will be there. You two can hang out.”  
  
Flushing, I try to hide my relief as I hurry out of the kitchen.  
  
* * * * *  
  
On the way over, I can sense this storm brewing. The tension in Matt’s body is increasing, the closer we get to his parents’ place. I can see it in the set of his shoulders, in the way his fingers are tight on the steering wheel. We’re taking his SUV, by the way, not the bike. Which I’m grateful for, because considering his mood, he’d be like to get into an accident on it. Much safer to be inside a vehicle than on top of one. Not by much, though. Usually, Matt’s really laidback when he’s driving, but with this added tension, his attitude toward the other drivers on the road is a lot coarser than normal.  
  
“Fuckin’ Sunday drivers...” Matt growls, cursing at the vehicle he’s practically riding. I must point out, it’s not Sunday, by the way...  
  
I can almost see the individual hairs of the driver in front of us. Who just so happens to notice us in his rear-view mirror. The guy rolls down his window and yells back obscenities at us.  
  
Matt slides his own window down and flips the guy the bird. I hunch down in my seat, feeling a little embarrassed by his actions. Matt glances sideways at me, brow creasing a little. I look away, gazing out my window.  
  
He sighs. “Sorry, I’m a little pissed.”  
  
He squeezes the steering wheel. I feel kinda sorry for it; yes, I know it’s an inanimate object...but he’s practically strangling it. I shake my head softly. He doesn’t need to explain himself to me. I can’t control his moods. And, at any rate, I can probably figure out what’s got him so worked up. He’s obviously as happy about seeing JD as I am. Personally, I’d rather have my teeth pulled out than have to be anywhere near the guy.  
  
Matt returns his gaze out the windscreen; the line of his jaw set hard. I settle back in my seat just allowing the hum of the tyres to lull me into a sense of comfort.  
  
* * * * *  
  
“Val! You’re here! Yay!”  
  
I blink, just as Jimmy tugs my door open and literally drags me by the arm out of the car. He gives me no time to protest before he’s pulling me toward a small group of women who are standing outside the house. I recognise Michelle but the others are only vaguely familiar. I think I must’ve seen photos of them somewhere...maybe?  
  
Before Jimmy can introduce them, though, Matt walks over and shakes his head.  
  
“Jimmy, you shit. You’ll freak her out.”  
  
Jimmy rolls his eyes. “She doesn’t seem freaked.”  
  
“ _She_  has a name,” Michelle snaps, defensively.  
  
I blurt out, “I have a voice.”  
  
Jimmy cracks it, laughing so hard it sounds like he might burst. I just stare at him, not really sure how to react.  
  
Michelle groans, but then glares at Matt. “You have some nerve suggesting Val will freak after what  _you_  did to her.”  
  
Matt glares at my twin, but remains tight-lipped, not wanting to air our issues in front of the other women. Thankfully, none of them ask what my twin is going on about. Instead the one standing to her left, a short woman with bronze tinted skin and a huge grin that rivals Jimmy’s, steps toward me and introduces herself.  
  
“Hey, I’m Leana.” She points at Jimmy who’s wandered off to wait for the other guys. “I’m attached to him.”  
  
I smile softly, nodding. Then Leana points at the other two women. “This is Gena, Zacky’s girl.” A woman with platinum blonde hair and a soft smile, waves to me, a friendly spark in her eyes. I can tell why Zacky would like her; she seems classy, just perfect for someone as sophisticated as he is.  
  
“And, this is Lacey, she’s with Johnny.” Leana indicates the final woman of the group.  
  
Warm eyes take me in as Lacey smiles at me. “Nice to meet you, Val.”  
  
I nod, feeling strangely shy. Matt who is still standing there, squeezes me around the waist. “Now that’s nice...you can stay with the girls. I gotta get to work.”  
  
Peeking up at him, I nod. He smiles at the others, the expression faltering a little as his eyes flicker over Michelle then he walks away to the garage. I watch him for a moment but then Leana speaks up again.  
  
“Right. Jimmy says we need to get you out for a girly day.” She flashes her pearly whites at me. I drag my eyes away from Matt’s retreating figure and look at the smaller woman.  
  
“Girly day?” Michelle snorts.  
  
Leana rolls her eyes. “Jimmy’s words. Not mine.”  
  
I smile. Jimmy is kind of crazy like that. “So, uh...what’re we going to do?”  
  
Lacey answers my question with a grin. “We’re going to a day spa. Get pampered and basically treated like queens for a few hours while the boys work.”  
  
That sounds really good to me. But then anything sounds good to me, considering what my life has been. I just nod, happy to go along with any suggestion they make.  
  
Michelle smiles stepping close and hooking an arm through mine. “It’ll be fun. Get our mind off things for awhile...”  
  
 _Translation:_  Get my mind off the shit that I’ve just been through, with Matt and the Guild etcetera, etcetera. Sounds like a very good plan.  
  
I nod at my twin, still feeling too shy to respond to the other girls. But, I’m sure they’ll cure me of that by the end of the day. I’m not sure how I feel about that, though.  
  
I guess we’ll just have to see.


	27. "Yeah, I said he was an asshole."

“Jimmy, you’re a fucking genius. How do you come up with this shit? For real?” Matt leaned forward, elbows pressed against his knees. Jimmy sat on a stool, swinging absently as the demo he’d laid down at home blasted through the speakers. Brian sat opposite with an appreciative grin to match the singer’s.  
  
The drummer smirked. “Easy. I sit down and attack everything. Comes up pure beast.”  
  
“You’re a fucking beast,” Matt, whose smile didn’t last as long as Brian’s, muttered as he settled back on his chair, crossing his arms.  
  
Jimmy glanced across at his friend, lifting an eyebrow. The drummer was very perceptive and always seemed to know when any of the guys was feeling a little out of it. Right now, he could sense the tension in the singer, could almost see the big man’s brain churning over.  
  
“What’s with you, Shads?”  
  
Matt frowned. “Nothing. Just trying to figure out why I like this so much.” He nodded toward the speakers.  
  
“Bull. Shit. Something’s got up your nose.”  
  
Brian grinned. “His nostrils are big enough to fit something up there.”  
  
“What the fuck? No.” Matt made a face. “Nothing’s up.”  
  
The guitarist laughed. “I see you didn’t deny my comment.”  
  
“Just...fuck you, Syn.” Matt shot a hard look at his friend. “I’m really not in the mood for your shit right now. And you  _should_  know why.” The expression on his face was dark, lips drawn tight together. His mood since arriving hadn’t improved by much.  
  
Brian held both hands up to the singer in a placating gesture. “Dude, sorry.”  
  
Jimmy, who was now on his back on the stool, spinning around, glanced up at his two friends and scowled.  
  
“What’s with the love fest?”  
  
“Huh?” Matt cocked an eyebrow at the drummer.  
  
“You two are bickering like a married couple.”  
  
There was silence after that statement. Brian stood and went for the fridge. Matt shifted so he was facing the speakers more, shoulders tensed up. Jimmy sighed but didn’t press, returning to swinging on the stool tapping the floor with his sticks. In time to the music filling the space.  
  
After a moment or two of uncomfortable quiet from his friends, Jimmy decided to break it. He could never stand silences. He liked noise and the atmosphere was way too tense for his liking. Springing up from his stool he turned and without further ado lobbed one of his drumsticks at Matt. The singer didn’t see it coming and the end of the stick caught him a glancing blow across the side of his head.  
  
“What the hell?” Matt turned daggers on the drummer, but couldn’t hold the look as his gaze fell upon the madly grinning countenance of his friend. “You fuck!” he exclaimed, bursting into a guffaw while rubbing the side of his head.  
  
Jimmy slapped at his thigh as he fell onto the floor, cacking himself. Brian, who now had a bottle of Jack in his hand, walked back over and stood staring down at his friend with an amused expression on his face.  
  
“What  _are_  you doing?”  
  
The drummer quit his laughter, long limbs splayed out on the floor as he looked up at his friend.  
  
“Laughing at Shads. I got him a good one on the noggin.”  
  
“With his fucking stick,” Matt added, gruffly. There was a glimmer of mirth in his eyes, though. He could never really be mad at Jimmy. No one could. A hint of a smirk hovered at the corners of his mouth. Jimmy grinned at him. Brian shook his head at his friend’s antics. Then he cocked his head to the side just as the sound of a car pulling up into the drive drifted through the door.  
  
“Must be JD.”  
  
Matt expression hardened, the smile disappearing from his face. Brian didn’t notice, but the drummer did and he raised his eyebrows at the singer, mouthing  _what’s up?_  Matt shook his head, leaning back in his chair, folding his arms tight over his chest.  
  
Brian went out of the garage, and they could hear his voice as he greeted JD, and what sounded like another person. Matt tuned out their voices, by jacking up the speakers and replaying the demo track they’d been listening to. Jimmy sighed, slumping down next to him, twirling his other drum stick in an absent manner, humming along.  
  
After a moment, Matt turned the song down and looked at the drummer. “Where’re Zacky and Christ?”  
  
Jimmy glanced up at him. “They’re getting food from your Mom.”  
  
“Oh, right...why didn’t I think of that...?” Matt snorted, rolling his eyes. The drummer just shrugged, flopping back on the floor, his eyes drifting toward the doorway. Matt followed his gaze. Brian was just about to walk back in; JD was behind him.  
  
Jimmy jumped up, grinning madly again. Brian walked in and propped his ass against a stool, JD following suit. Matt ignored him, though, his eyes still fixed on the doorway.  
  
“Where’s your buddy?” The question almost came out as a growl.  
  
JD gave the singer a weird look, and then looked toward the doorway. “Oi, Rob! Getcha ass in here.” He looked at Brian. “I thought he was right behind me.”  
  
Matt stiffened at the name. But, said nothing. He didn’t want to come across as a suspicious ogre, just over some guy’s name. Plenty of people called Rob lived in Huntington. Still, he couldn’t get passed the thoughts of what he’d done to Val and the why of it.  
  
His focus intensified as footsteps approached the doorway. Part of his mind, the rational side, was berating his irrational side, telling him that it couldn’t be the same person, he was being stupid, and that just because he was suspicious of JD didn’t mean he had to be crazy nervous over his buddy.  
  
All those thoughts were wiped out of existence as the guy appeared in the doorway. Before Brian or Jimmy, or even JD could say anything, Matt’s voice filled the room in a burst. Unexpected and very loud.  
  
“No. Fucking. Way. You goddamn,  _sonofabitch_.” One second, he was sitting on his stool big body tensed up, the next he was at the door with his hands latched onto the front of Robert’s shirt. Jerking him into the room and slamming him up against the wall, Matt felt a pained satisfaction at the way the plasterboard shook at the contact.  
  
Robert blinked, but made no real protest, save grabbing hold of Matt’s wrists, squeezing them hard. Matt responded by shoving him harder into the wall.  
  
“Matt, what the  _fuck_?” Brian’s voice barely registered on his radar, his focus all on the man in front of him.  
  
Matt’s breathing deepened as he leaned into Robert’s face. The other man’s pupils had dilated, and he still had his hands lightly grasping Matt’s wrists. But, there was no real fight in him. Partly because Matt had the advantage, even though Robert was a big man, packing about as much muscle as the singer, possibly more, though Matt  _was_  taller. The other reason being he knew there was no point in objecting; he knew what Matt was pissed for, and he wasn’t willing to dispute it.  
  
The guitarist was trying to get Matt’s attention; Jimmy was unusually quiet. And then, JD was right next to them. Not making any contact, just trying to intervene as calmly as possible.  
  
“Sanders...let go...he hasn’t done anything wrong.” JD’s voice was low as if he were talking to a wild animal. An animal that might lash out at any given moment, without warning and with devastating consequences. Matt clenched his jaw, muscle bulging along the hard line.  
  
“Fuck. That. You have any idea what this  _asshole_  made me do to Val?” At the word ‘asshole’ his grip tightened into angry fists on Robert’s shirt. Robert swallowed hard, his gaze fixed on Matt’s furious one, watching a wash of red, flash across the bigger man’s face.  
  
“Matt,” Brian got into the mix as well, stepping close to his friend’s other side, his voice soft, cajoling. “Let him go...and let’s talk this out...” He was obviously confused by what was going on; his tone was questioning, but at the same time keeping as steady as possible.  
  
Matt gritted out, harshly, “No. Fuck you. I wanna beat his fucking face in...” He punctuated each word with a thud to the wall. He didn’t feel like being reasonable. He just wanted to smash the guy into a pulp. He wanted to make him feel the way he made Val feel when he’d forced himself onto her. He wanted him to hurt all over.  
  
Brian sighed, heavily. Matt didn’t see the look that passed between the guitarist and the tech, but the next thing he knew two sets of hands hooked onto his biceps, dragging him away from Robert. He ended up on the floor with Brian parked on his chest, holding him down.  
  
He didn’t bother trying to throw his friend off, just lay fuming in silence. Which in itself was unusual. Considering Matt’s red hot temper, he would normally still be raging, and fighting to get a hold of whoever was in his sights. But, the close quarters of the garage were not the best possible space to lose control of his big body in, and he didn’t want to damage any of the equipment. It took a conscious effort for his mind to explain this to him as he remained still beneath his friend’s ass.  
  
Meanwhile, JD remained by  _his_  friend making sure he was alright. Robert waved the bigger man away though, turning grave eyes toward Matt, who was still glowering dangerously up at him.  
  
“Look. Getting pissed at me isn’t going to change the situation. And,” he paused looking at the bemused looks that Jimmy and Brian were giving him. “Your buddies have no clue what you’re losing your head over. So, I think we should just sit down and talk this out like mature adults...okay?”  
  
Robert was so reasonable that Matt felt like banging his head against a wall, but he settled for cursing the other man instead. He didn’t want to hear anything he had to say, even if it would help clear things. He just wasn’t in the mood. This, obviously, wasn’t the sentiment his friends shared, because Jimmy started throwing questions at Robert as if they were missiles. And Brian directed his gaze down at him, one eyebrow cocked in a ‘what the fuck is going on?’ pose.  
  
Matt sighed, swivelling his neck so he could keep his eyes on Robert, and JD who was hovering behind him. He scowled at the two men, angry thoughts swirling through his mind. He couldn’t get rid of the images of Val beneath him on their bed, crying while he....  
  
“Fine,” he managed to grit out, forcing the thoughts back, so he could focus. “Talk.” Then he flicked his eyes at his friend. “And get your ass off me, Syn...I’m not gonna do shit...”  
  
Brian grimaced, not convinced that it was safe to let his friend go, because judging by the glint in his eyes he was likely to lose his cool any moment now. Matt actually growled in response at his reluctance to move. Sighing, the guitarist got up, but ready to latch onto the singer at any sign he was going to lunge at someone. Matt made no move to do so, though. He just sat up, resting his elbows on his knees, and gave their guests hard looks.  
  
“Well?”  
  
Robert sighed, rubbing hands over his face. “Shit. This wasn’t something we factored into our...plans.” The hesitation on the final word was evident.  
  
Jimmy caught on and asked, “Plans? Whaddya mean? Plans?” He was frowning, an unusual occurrence for the usually ebullient drummer.  
  
“Jase and I have a business, I s’pose you’d call it. Or maybe...more a public service?” Robert cast a glance over at JD. The dark expression on the other man’s face was giving nothing away. “Bud?”  
  
JD shook his head. “Public service? More like a private service. No one’s meant to know any of this.”  
  
Robert snapped, “Yeah, but no one’s ever caught us out before.”  
  
“So? That doesn’t mean crap. No one is s’posed to know. We can’t afford the-”  
  
“You’re not explaining this shit,” Matt interrupted gruffly.  
  
They turned to look at him again, twin expressions of irritation on their features. They were both reining in their own tempers, minds churning over how they could respond best. It was there written all over their faces.  
  
“We’re part of the Government Anti-Corruption Unit. It’s highly classified.” Robert began pacing, chin tucked into his chest as he talked, voice strained. “Jase and I run a shadow business under the ACU called  _Hearts Rebels_.” He shot a look toward the others; Jimmy and Brian both letting out disbelieving grunts. “Yeah, I know it’s a corny name, but we needed to come up with something that sounded innocent, so no one would suspect us of anything.”  
  
JD added, “Officially we don’t exist, so if you’ve been trying to find anything...”  
  
Matt scowled. “I found zip. Zacky and JB had no luck either.”  
  
“That doesn’t surprise me. Being under government auspices does that for one.” JD crossed his legs at the ankles, leaning back against the wall where moments earlier Matt had pinned his friend. He continued, in a rough voice. “HR is responsible, specifically, for keeping tabs on the Guild.”  
  
The singer’s stomach clenched and he felt the muscles all over his body, tightening. “Keeping tabs, how?” He didn’t know if he really wanted to know the answer to that question. He had an awful feeling it had to do with why Robert had shown up on his doorstep and made him hurt Valary. So, he was understandably apprehensive as to the response he would get.  
  
Before JD could answer, though, Jimmy interrupted, “What’s the Guild? And what the fuck does it have to do with Matt?”  
  
JD looked the drummer dead in the eyes as he answered. “The Guild is the governing body that rules over every slave that lives in the US. I think you can figure out what that has to do with Matt.”  
  
“Oh...right...Val...” Jimmy trailed off and sank into his own little world, tapping his sticks absently against his knees. When it looked like he had no more questions, JD turned his attention back to Matt.  
  
Brian was sitting in silence near his friends, listening intently, taking it all in. Matt raised his eyebrows at JD’s black stare.  
  
“You were saying?”  
  
All this waiting for an answer was doing nothing for his temper. He was getting more and more wound up as the moments passed. Both JD and Robert picked up on this, and so they went on, alternating between who spoke.  
  
“Like I said before, it’s classified, so we can’t tell you. Short of killing you, after the fact. Or wiping your identities from existence and giving you new names and shit.”  
  
“But, what we can tell you is that what we do is s’posed to make things a lot better for society.”  
  
“Exactly.” Robert nodded, firmly. “People shouldn’t be bought or sold like cattle. And even if it doesn’t end, people should still be treated as people, with equal rights.”  
  
“Yes. I mean, where the hell is Abe Lincoln when we need him?” JD snorted. “He called it. Too bad The Guild ignored him.”  
  
Matt’s eyes were darting between them attempting to process their speech. His brain sifted through the information that they were firing at him.  
  
“Wait.” He held up a hand to stop the flow of words. They both paused for breath, meeting his evident confusion. “Let me get this...you’re... _against_  the Guild?”  
  
Robert rolled his eyes, chuckling. JD smirked, eyes darker than ever. But his verbal response was guarded.  
  
“We’re not for it. I’ll admit that much.”  
  
Matt tasted bile in his mouth. “Right. Classified shit.”  
  
“It’s safer for all concerned,” JD murmured.  
  
“Just answer me one thing. Jason Denmore isn’t your real name, is it?” The singer’s heart was pounding in his forehead, the bile rising and making him want to evacuate everything he’d put inside him since breakfast.  
  
“You called it. But, Robert is Robert’s real name.”  
  
Matt shot a cold look toward the other man. “Right. So...tell me, _Robert_. If you’re not for the Guild why did you make me hurt Val?”  
  
His question resounded in the small studio. Jimmy snapped out of his stupor, his eyes fixing on Robert like lasers. Brian tensed on his perch; he knew what Matt had done, so he was interested to hear what excuse...or reason Robert could come up with.  
  
Sighing, Robert shook his head. “I’m sure JD’s mentioned I can be a jerk sometimes.”  
  
“So, what’re you saying?” Matt asked, eyes narrowing into dangerous slits.  
  
“That I’m a jerk...and sometimes I just do things because I can.” He excused himself then, knowing if he didn’t he was liable to get attacked.  
  
Matt was right on the edge of his seat, just about ready to launch himself at anyone who set a foot wrong. But, instead of actually lashing out, he turned his livid stare to JD.  
  
“You wanna explain that?”  
  
“Yeah,” JD drawled. “I said he was an asshole.”  
  
Matt began grinding his teeth. “You’d be right, there. Can you give me any other reason, for what happened? I’d be most-”  
  
“Grateful? Look. We gotta keep covered. The Guild can’t know what we’re doing. That means sometimes we gotta force people into situations we’d rather not. What happened with Val is  _not_  something I agree with.” JD shifted against the wall, shaking his head hard. Then he stopped and pegged Matt with a level glare. “But, like I’ve said, this is dirty work, and Robert works directly  _inside_  Guild HQ. So, he can’t front. They can’t know what we’re about. So...he gets to do the shit work. And, being the compulsive bastard that he is...that often means being the bad guy.” JD grimaced as if he had a bad taste in his mouth. He didn’t need to say the words though. It was quite obvious to all concerned that Robert didn’t really care about that.  
  
Matt groaned. “Fuck...I don’t think I can get around this...”  
  
JD nodded slowly. “I can understand that. Look, I only have to really have a quick chat with Zack and Brian about some things, then I can get Robert and leave. If that’ll make you more comfortable?”  
  
The singer shrugged, it wouldn’t matter in the long run. Short of finding someone else to do the tech job, he was stuck with JD. And to be honest, JD wasn’t a big problem, he was more irate at Robert than anything. He looked up at JD, though and decided he had to say something. Jimmy and Brian were looking at him expectantly.  
  
“No. It’s fine. Just...keep him away from me.”  
  
JD nodded again. “Okay. Well...” he leaned his head out the door, then relaxed against the wall. “Looks like he’s gone for a smoke, which means he’ll be awhile.” He glanced at Brian. “We should get to work.”  
  
As the others got to work, Brian popped into the main house to find Zacky and Johnny. And Matt slumped onto his stool praying silently to whatever God there was that as long as the girls didn’t get back until after JD and Robert had left, everything else would be fine.


	28. "Thanks for the support."

The girls are so nice. I don’t think I’ve ever met a nicer group of females in my whole life. Then again, I’ve never had the chance to meet anyone, really, so that’s not really all that surprising. But, if I’m going to set any benchmark, they are definitely what I’m basing my criteria on. They don’t know everything about me, only what Michelle has told them, which judging by the things they have asked me, is not a lot.  
  
Right now, I feel like I’m floating away from my body. We’re sitting in a large marble spa, the warm water soothing against our freshly cleansed bodies. I’ve never had a bath where it’s not about cleaning yourself. Usually, a bath to me is where I get the soap and lather myself up to wash away the dirt of my life. But, this is different. It’s relaxing, and the bath salts that the staff here at the spa, soaked in the water are refreshing.  
  
We’ve had about everything imaginable done to us, massage, pedicure, manicure, whatever-cure. Some of the things I have no idea what their names are, but whatever they were it was refreshing and I feel like a totally new woman. I guess that’s kind of a cliché statement, but...whatever.  
  
The girls are chatting to each other, laughter spilling around me. I listen in, smiling at all the right places. After awhile the focus of the conversation drifts toward the guys. I perk up, listening more closely as the girls’ tones change from just mere laughter to a different quality that I just can’t quite grasp. If I was to pin something down, it might possibly be that these women have known their men for so long that for them there are no secrets and they know exactly where they stand.  
  
“Jimmy dotes on you Le,” Lacey was saying.  
  
Leana giggles, shifting her back against the edge of the bath. “He does. And vice versa...seriously, that man is my world. I mean...he’s a crazy shit most of the time, and you girls know that. But, people who don’t know him...they think he’s just plain insane.”  
  
“They don’t have to live with him, though,” Michelle points out.  
  
A ripple of laughter passes through the girls, and I can’t help but join in.  
  
Leana brushes at her eyes then goes on. “When he proposed to me...I gotta tell you, it was odd how un-crazy that was. Which, I guess was madness in itself.”  
  
“What do you mean?” I realise after a moment that I’m the one who asks the question. However, the girls don’t stare at me as if I’ve intruded or anything; Leana and the others just smile at me.  
  
And she answers, just as if I were any of the others. “We went out for dinner and he did the whole getting down on one knee and showing the ring thing. Simple and sweet. And, to be honest, exactly how he’d do it.” Leana shakes her head, looking at all of us. “He’s crazy mad...but, his heart always knows where it’s at.”  
  
The girls all nod and I find myself joining in agreement with them. The short time I’ve known Jimmy, I can totally see where his heart is. That man wears his heart on his sleeve.  
  
Lacey speaks up again; she seems to be the one unofficially mediating this conversation. “Gena, is Zacky a romantic?”  
  
Gena rolls her eyes. “There’re two things Zacky is. Romantic, and a big eater. Because, y’know, the way to a man’s heart is his stomach.”  
  
“Wouldn’t have anything to do with his, uh...Italian blood?” Michelle asks, lips curling.  
  
“Says the chick with Italian blood in her,” Leana comments.  
  
I giggle at that. DiBenedetto is definitely an Italian name. There’s no denying that. But, Zacky does look like he’s at least part Italian.  
  
“Well, yeah...” Michelle smirks. “Still, with a name like Baker.”  
  
“Which is more English, than Italian.” Gena crosses her arms over her breasts. Just to make a note, we are all naked, by the way. Being in a spa and all.  
  
“Yeah, but... _Baker_.” My sister sounds almost agitated, in a mocking kind of way.  
  
“Bakers make bread, Chelle. They don’t eat it.” Again, I shut my mouth tight, blinking at my own audacity. Michelle looks at me, warmth showing in her eyes. Then she giggles, rolling them.  
  
“True, Val...true.”  
  
“Anyway!” Gena speaks above us. “Quit with your twinfest...I’m talking about Zack.”  
  
Michelle snorts; I smile, leaning back more, enjoying the way the water laps around my shoulders. Twinfest? Nice to know they give the connection a name of sorts. Makes me feel wanted. Strange because I’ve never had anyone I could really associate with. Having my sister, though, it’s like a gift. An unasked for blessing.  
  
“Go on then,” my twin murmurs.  
  
Gena sniffs at the pretence of permission granted. “He’s got a heart of gold.”  
  
“All our boys do,” Lacey interjects voice soft. She is the youngest of us all, but then Johnny is also the youngest of the guys. But, that doesn’t stop her from including herself in everything that is going on. Like I already said, she’s the one who seems to be steering the conversation.  
  
“Not going to argue there,” Gena smiles.  
  
“Chelle?” Leana cuts in. “What about Brian?”  
  
Michelle smiles. “I think he’s gonna propose soon.”  
  
The girls don’t even seem too surprised by that. Honestly, I don’t think that’s surprising at all. It’s obvious how much in love they are. I know it’s silly, but I envy what my twin has with Brian. Because I know I’ll probably never have anything like that with Matt...even though he says he loves me...even though I love him. I’m a slave, so I can’t ever hope that I’ll be anything more than that.  
  
“Yeah, we totally didn’t see that one coming,” Leana snorts, shaking her head. “Jimmy and I were betting how long it’d take, y’know?”  
  
“Johnny was too,” Lacey giggles.  
  
Gena sighs, “Yeah, he likes gambling. So does Zack, he reckons Brian might pop the question in less than a month.”  
  
“What about, Matt?” Lacey looks over at me.  
  
I feel my stomach clench a little. What he said down on the beach several days ago comes back to mind. But, somehow I can’t bring myself to repeat it. So, I just shrug and murmur, “I don’t think Matt’s a betting man.”  
  
Michelle coughs as if she’s trying to hide something. I look at her; she gives me a serious look. I frown, tilting my head. But she doesn’t explain, just shakes her head. But, she’s got me curious now and I feel confident enough to interrogate her, a little.  
  
“Chelle, what do you know about Matt that I don’t?”  
  
My twin gives an exasperated noise. “He likes going to the casino. Well, he went quite a bit when the guys were writing their last album.”  
  
“Zack got inspiration for Scream from when they went to one, remember,” Lacey comments to my twin.  
  
Michelle nods then looks at me again. “All I’m saying is that Matt would definitely be thinking about when his best friend’s gonna pop the question to me. He didn’t like that I got between them in high school.”  
  
I frown, my mind churning over what Matt’s already told me about their past and the whole thing with his sister and that other guy Chelle went with for a while. However, I decide now is not the time to bring that up. Instead, I just nod in response. I just want this conversation to shift.  
  
Obviously, the others think the same thing, because Gena pipes up.  
  
“Val, tell us about Matt.”  
  
“Yeah, it’s your turn.” Lacey runs her hands through her damp hair.  
  
My mind goes blank for a frightening second or two. What the hell am I supposed to say? I don’t even know if they know what my relationship with Matt really is. I have no clue what Michelle has told them. I dare a look at my twin. But, to my surprise, it’s Leana who comes to my rescue.  
  
“Jimmy told me about how you’re Matt’s...sub.”  
  
Thank God for Jimmy. He’s obviously a lot more perceptive than I realised. And. Thank God that the Guild created that softer term. It’s the one most people use in mixed company. A lot of today’s society would baulk at the thought that there were slaves in the Western world. So, the Guild came up with the concept of the submissive. Of course, submissive is also a specific kind of slave, but in the general population the word is interchangeable with slave.  
  
Shaking my head, I lower my eyes, muttering, “Yeah. It kind of sucks...” Those words leave my mouth before I can stop them, before I even realise I’ve spoken them. I shake my head, feeling like I have to justify my statement. “I mean, being with Matt is great...he’s...great. But...” I pause and look up at them.  
  
Michelle is regarding me with a sad expression. The other girls are looking at me with a mixture of curiosity and sympathy. The former I can understand, the latter...saddens me. I don’t want, or need anyone’s sympathetic thoughts. No matter how well-meaning they are.  
  
Crossing my arms and leaning my head back, I speak to the ceiling. Not having to meet their eyes makes it a little easier to talk about what I’m feeling.  
  
“You’re all lucky, y’know? You can have real relationships with the guys...get married...make decisions together...have kids, even. If you want.” I bite my lip, but go on. “I can’t do any of that. I can warm his bed...and maybe his heart...but all I’ll ever be is maybe just a little higher on the ladder than his dog.”  
  
“But, he loves you,” Michelle interjects. I glance over at her; she’s frowning deeply, her eyes sharp. “Shouldn’t that count for something?”  
  
I sigh. “It’s against the rules...”  
  
“Rules?” Leana scowls. “There are  _rules_? Jimmy never mentioned that.”  
  
I shake my head again. “That’s ‘cause only Chelle and Brian know about that.”  
  
Michelle scoffs, “Only ‘cause we came barging in after Matt hurt you.”  
  
“True, I don’t think either of us was really ready to talk about it. To anyone.” I look down at the surface of the water.  
  
“Matt hurt you? What’s that got to do with rules? I’m confused.” Leana seems to be the only one capable of asking questions now. Gena and Lacey remain silent just taking it all in. Maybe it’s better that way. Le is the eldest of the girls and she has the qualities that I believe will make her a good mother. A random thought, I know...but, it’s just what I think.  
  
I smile sourly her way. “Long story short. As a slave,” I’m not worrying about calling myself what I am, “I’m not allowed to love Matt...and he’s not allowed to love me. The Guild made that rule. And some guy came around to our place the other day and forced Matt to prove his mastership over me.”  
  
“The Guild is shit,” Michelle mutters. “Or at least that’s what I think of them.” What she knows of them, at least.  
  
I send a grateful smile her way. “Thanks for the support.” My twin nods slightly.  
  
Leana rubs at her arms and murmurs, “Christ...that’s awful.”  
  
“Speaking of Christ,” I say, ready to turn the topic away from me, because I’m not willing to open any further about my situation, for now. “Lacey?” I look over at the younger woman. “Tell us about Johnny?”  
  
My twin gives me a knowing look. I knew Michelle could figure out why I was so hasty to steer the chat away from me. Thankfully, she just nods to me and picks up from where I asked my question, smirking toward Lacey as she does.  
  
“Yeah? How can you tolerate being with a guy who’s shorter than you?”  
  
Lacey laughs, shaking her head. “I just never wear heels. Simple.”  
  
“Oh, come  _on_.” Michelle laughs. “That can’t be the solution.”  
  
“Yeah, we’ve seen you in heels,” Leana says, with a grin.  
  
Lacey just shrugs, taking the jibes in good humour. Pretty admirable, I must say. The girls evidently rib her as much as the guys fool with Johnny. Goes with the territory, I guess. Michelle sighs next to me, shaking her head. I glance sideways at her.  
  
She lifts an eyebrow then looks at her hands, holding them out in front of her. “I’m getting wrinkly.”  
  
Gena smirks. “Time to head back, hey?”  
  
An uneasy sinking feeling settles in my stomach. I try to quash it by telling myself that they guys will probably be close to finishing and that JD and his friend, whoever that is, won’t be there anymore. I know it’s stupid, but I don’t want to go home. I really don’t have anything to look forward to. Especially after the whole fiasco with that Guild guy, Robert, I just don’t feel comfortable. I  _know_  that Matt feels remorse for what he did, but I am a little afraid of being alone with him.  
  
Yeah, I know that’s kind of a turnaround from just after it happened. But, looking back, I think that’s because part of me was numb to it all. It happens, people swing from one extreme to the next. Wanting closeness to being afraid of it. Then again, maybe that’s just because of what I am. As a slave I always tend to swing through the whole gamut of emotions.  
  
Anyway, what I’m really saying is that I don’t want to go back just yet. But the other girls are already starting to get out of the spa, grabbing towels that have been left folded on chairs nearby.  
  
Michelle notices me sitting still, the last one in the tub.  
  
“Val? You okay?”  
  
I glance up at her, all ready to nod and tell her yes, I’m fine thank you absolutely dandy. But I can’t, something prevents me from doing so. And then out of nowhere, it seems, I just start to cry. Tears well and roll unbidden down my face. I lift my hands, pressing them over my eyes.  
  
“Chelle...” I choke out, my voice cracking. “I don’t...” A sob, escapes. Michelle kneels down next to me, resting a hand on my shoulder.  
  
“Sis? You don’t what?”  
  
Trembling, I shake my head. I can’t formulate my thoughts into coherent words. I know what I mean to say, but I can’t say what I mean. It’s too hard. I can’t even think properly. I mean, I don’t want to go back, but at the same time I really can’t stand being away from Matt. Though, at the same time I’m anxious about being near him. Yes, it’s crazy...I can’t figure it out...but there it is.  
  
A shiver runs through my body, but I force myself to get up out of the spa. Michelle, thankfully, doesn’t press. Instead she grabs a towel and wraps it around my shoulders, giving them a supportive squeeze. I smile softly at her as the others mill around us. They also don’t try and pressure me into explaining my sudden mood change and that somehow warms me on the inside.  
  
I have never been in a situation where there are people around me who are not demanding something of me, and it’s refreshing. It gives me hope that things might slowly get better. Hah. I’m sure nothing worse can possibly happen, not after what I’ve already been through. But who can tell, really?  
  
“Val? Your clothes.”  
  
I blink as Michelle holds my jeans and blouse out to me.  
  
“Oh, right. Thanks.”  
  
Pulling them on, I try not to think too much. This day is meant to be a day of not worrying about all the stuff going on. But, it’s difficult to not have real life encroaching on even the smallest moments of peace. Though, I guess it’s okay, considering we’re going back. I’ll need to have my wits about me. It’s just that, I really want to just hold onto the serenity that I felt while sitting in the spa.  
  
I know I will cherish today for the rest of my life, until I have another like it. Which, judging by the way the girls are already discussing another day out, might not be that far away into the future. But, for now, life is going to go on, and new challenges will probably crop up.  
  
After today, though, I think I can face them with a little more courage than before. And, that means everything, doesn’t it?


	29. "I think I should tell you."

It’s been a week since I went out with the girls. Life with Matt seems to keep getting better each day; he’s not at home much, though. He spends a lot of time down at his parents’ with the other guys working on the album.  
  
He leaves me here alone. For two main reasons. One, Denmore. Matt doesn’t want me anywhere near him; even though I get the impression he doesn’t appear so worried about him. Two, he thinks I distract him too much. Hah. I guess that’s a two way street, though. Matt distracts me, as well. Especially when I’m trying to do something he’s instructed me to do. Then again, maybe he’s just testing my resolve.  
  
Speaking of that, my twin seems resolute in her belief that Brian is going to propose to her, any day now. She’s called a few times, gushing about how amazing he is. How much he loves her, dotes on her. Like I’ve already said, I envy their relationship a little. Not just for the little romantic things, but ‘cause of the bigger picture. Matt will never propose to me. I will never have any hope of being asked to marry someone. I’m a slave...and no slave has ever...  
  
Anyway, I think she might just be right. Matt’s been saying similar things, except he hasn’t been as nice about it. Then again that seems to be the story of his relationship with my twin. Tolerant is the word I think I should use to describe the way they are toward each other. Nothing more, nothing less. I wish I could do something to change it, but it’s not really my place. Besides, they’re both grown adults, so they should be able to sort themselves out.  
  
And I have my own issues to deal with.  
  
Nightmares. I never remember my dreams. Or at least I didn’t prior to the day where Matt...hurt me. I mean, that’s not entirely true, I do remember my dreams, but usually only vague afterthoughts and impressions. No, the one I’ve experienced several times, now; this one I remember vividly. It’s not something I wish to repeat, though. Suffice to say that it involves me being forced to... Ugh, I can’t even say it. But, I think it’s obvious what it’s about.  
  
Right now I’m sitting outside by the pool, dangling my feet in the water. Bella’s sitting next to me her muzzle resting on my shoulder. It’s quiet, peaceful. Matt’s been gone a few hours now; he didn’t give me any instructions, just hinted that Michelle or one of the other girls might pop around sometime. Don’t know who it will be.  
  
Before he left I got the feeling he wanted to say something to me, but didn’t. He’s been treating me with kid gloves the past few days. It’s a little awkward between us. I mean, he’s no less firm with me, no less tender either. It’s just a different atmosphere. Tense, anxious. I’m sure we’ll get through it, though. I mean sure, what we feel for each other is illegal, and if anyone, i.e. the Guild, finds out well we’ll be in a lot of shit.  
  
Part of me is believing for good things, though. Being positive is the only way I’ll let myself be. I know Matt is trying to stay optimistic, as well. There is one thing we haven’t done since then. He hasn’t asked for anything sexual of me. I have a feeling he’s been spending a lot of time with his right hand, at least he’s been using the bathroom in private a lot more. Oh and he avoids brushing up against me...and he wears his boxers to bed...  
  
I don’t know how to feel about all that. That’s never been something that’s come to mind when I was with my other masters. Then again maybe it did and I never noticed. Who knows whether it’s true, or not, that men think about sex all the time. From experience, I’m sure that’s not the case. Well, with Matt I’m sure that’s not true. At least fifty percent of the time he’s thinking about music. Hah. Yeah, that wasn’t funny.  
  
It’s comforting on one level, that he’s taking great pains to not pressure me too much, but at the same time we both have needs. Sexual needs; it’s a biological imperative and I know, sooner or later he won’t be able to ignore them. And just doing it with Mr Hand won’t be enough for him. I know this for a fact, considering the number of men I’ve serviced in my life.  
  
No man can last for too long without a woman to fuck. It’s the truth. Unless they’re gay, then they can’t go out with sleeping with another guy. Oh, and just a random point, there are male slaves. Not many...but y’know the Guild caters to all sorts of people. And, yes, some of them have male owners. Oh and some female slaves have mistresses....and I really have no idea why I’m saying all this. It’s not even relevant to my situation.  
  
Bella interrupts my contemplation, bumping the tip of her very wet nose against my left cheek. I giggle, grabbing at her collar and trying to push her away from me, telling her to leave off. She doesn’t obey me, but that’s no surprise. She has one master. Only listens to him. The same man who happens to be mine.  
  
I guess I’m like a play buddy for her, or something. Don’t get me wrong, I think she’s great. I believe all the hype about how pets are good for one’s health. Aside from getting you out for a walk once or twice a day, every day of the week, having a pet boosts energy levels and oddly enough, happiness levels.  
  
Which, I’ll take a bucket load of, right now, thanks very much. She seems to agree with my sentiment, because she lets out a soft yip, and then bumps up against me again, licking me all over my face. I giggle, grabbing at her muzzle and wiping at my face.  
  
“She giving you a bath, Val?”  
  
I jump at the voice, and turn my head; Bella peels away from me and dashes toward the person who’s just walking out of the house. It’s Michelle. She laughs and lifts a knee slightly as the blonde dog jumps at her.  
  
“Down, Bella.” Surprisingly she obeys my sister, flopping down at her feet. Michelle reaches down to scratch behind her ears then she straightens and looks over at me. I smile at her. She joins me at the edge of the pool, kicking off her sandals, dipping her toes into the water.  
  
“This is nice.” She wiggles her toes. “Whatcha doing out here on your lonesome?”  
  
I shrug. “Just thinking...Matt’s with the guys...”  
  
“I know, I just came from his parent’s place, dropped Bri off.” Michelle leans back on her hands, tilting her gaze up to the sky. She goes on, while I admire her profile. “They’re getting on well with the new material... they reckon it’s going to be the best they’ve ever done.”  
  
I nod.  
  
She glances at me. “I guess you wouldn’t know about that, though?”  
  
Shaking my head, I look away from her.  
  
There’s a pause then Michelle sighs. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make it sound like-”  
  
“It’s okay,” I interrupt her apology. “You’re right. But, y’know, it’s exciting, even though I don’t really understand what’s going on.” I look at her. “I think they’re amazing as a band. I saw them live...just before Matt...bought me.” Yes. I just went there. I mean, it’s no revelation to my twin. She knows. I just don’t like to mention the ‘b’ word too much.  
  
Michelle’s lips twitch. “I still wonder how that guy...what was his name?”  
  
“Giovanni.” The thought of that fat man still nauseates me. Ick.  
  
“Yeah, him. I still wonder what he was even doing at that gig with you.” My twin looks at me the expression on her face making me laugh a little. A mixture of confusion and gratitude flicker across her eyes.  
  
I shift my weight, kicking my feet against the surface of the water, watching it ripple in the sunlight. “No idea. Maybe it was fate.”  
  
“Well, whatever it was, I’m glad.”  
  
We share a smile with each other. She’s glad. I’m glad. We’re both glad. It’s an emotion I’m not accustomed to, but I like the feeling.  
  
We let quiet settle on us, just enjoying the warmth of the sun’s rays streaming down on us. There’s a light breeze that sets the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck to tingling. After awhile, Michelle changes position so she’s on her side observing me. I can feel her eyes on me.  
  
I tilt my head. “What is it?”  
  
Michelle tugs at her bottom lip. Then says, “You know Matt has a sister?”  
  
I blink, wondering at the randomness of her comment. She gets a little pink and lowers her eyes. I tilt my head more.  
  
“Chelle?” When she doesn’t answer, I say, “Matt told me she was your best friend...a long time ago.”  
  
Michelle lifts her chin, her mouth getting a set look to it. “So, I guess he told you about our falling out.” It’s not a question.  
  
I bite my lip not really sure how to answer that. Matt telling me about it, he was extremely raw over it and I know it’s not my place to comment on it.  
  
My twin saves me the trouble, groaning softly, shaking her hair out of the tie that’s holding it back. She slides the tie over her hand leaving it to hang around her slim wrist.  
  
“I miss her. Being friends with her. Amy and I were so close.” Michelle glances at me, to check my reaction, I guess. I just nod, she continues. “We talked about everything. I guess she was the sister I was missing...”  
  
I can understand that sentiment. I always felt that way even when I was around lots of people. Just a missing part inside of me that I didn’t think I would ever fulfil.  
  
Michelle crosses her arms under her breasts. “But, I didn’t get along with Matt.”  
  
I give a little smirk. “Yeah, I couldn’t tell.”  
  
She rolls her eyes. “I know. It’s hardly a secret. Amy never knew, though. I mean short of the whole ‘your big brother is annoying’ thing.” She huffs. “Guess it’s better than the ‘oh my God your brother is so hot’ deal.”  
  
I grimace.  
  
Michelle smiles as she says, “Social mores. A girl can’t lust over her best girlfriend’s brother, and a guy can’t lust over his best guy friend’s sister...it’s just etiquette.”  
  
See, that’s something else I don’t have any knowledge of. Being a slave sort of secludes you from what’s the norm of society. For me, what’s normal is being owned by men and used for sex. That’s normal to me. And being lusted over is the norm too.  
  
I shake my head. “So, you pretended for her sake?”  
  
“Exactly. And then I fell for some crack-head and basically alienated her and Matt.” Michelle lifts her shoulders. “Didn’t give a shit about him, but...it killed me when she blabbed behind my back to him and his friend.”  
  
“Brian...” I murmur.  
  
“Yeah. My Bri...” Michelle gets a wistful look then shakes it off. “I think I secretly liked him, even way back then...but my head was up in the clouds. Y’know? That guy...the one I went with. He was rich. Had _everything_  you could ever imagine. I wanted that, y’know? I mean we were doing okay. Mom and Dad raised us kids the best they could.” She frowns, chancing a look at me.  
  
I wave at her to go on. I’ve long since forgiven our parents for giving me up. It’s not their fault how my life turned out.  
  
“Yeah, but...this guy. Damn, he wanted for nothing.” Michelle laughs bitterly. “Little did I know what kind of person he really was...” She rubs at her face. “Matt and Brian both saw it...Amy did too. I mean...he was older than us...” She sighs. “Anyway, I’m sure Matt’s told you what happened...”  
  
I pull my feet from the water, wiggling my toes to dry them. “Yeah...but...” I hesitate.  
  
“But?” She quirks an eyebrow.  
  
I note how neat she manages to keep them, and absently run a finger over mine. “Matt says that’s not all...”  
  
“Not all?” Michelle purses her lips. “Oh.” It dawns on her. “You mean us not getting along?”  
  
“Yeah. You don’t have to say, though...”  
  
“Nah. I think I should tell you.” Michelle sits up, lifting her feet out of the water as well. She brushes at her legs, water drops catching the light and shimmering. Getting comfortable, she takes a couple of moments before meeting my eyes again.  
  
I wrap my arms around my knees, propping my chin against them, ready to hear whatever she has to say.  
  
Michelle exhales a rough sound. “Well.” She clears her throat. “It was when we first moved into their street, actually. It wasn’t even anything that had to do with school.” She looks toward me. “Mom and dad said we had to downsize...couldn’t afford the place we were living in. So we upped and moved to the same street where Matt’s parents still live now.”  
  
I nod, wondering how that was. Then I’ve moved so many times...I know how it is to be torn from one place and shunted to another.  
  
“Anyway, I met Matt in the street one day and, uh, I think it was mutual hatred at first sight.” She gives a sharp laugh. “I don’t know what he saw...maybe he thought I was some stuck up bitch. I know I thought he was just some lame ass loser kid.” Michelle smiles sadly, shaking her head. “Every chance he got he’d rib me about everything he could think of...the way I dressed, the way I talked...the fact that we were a large family crammed into this tiny house.”  
  
She pauses, a faraway look coming to her eyes. I don’t press, just continue listening, waiting.  
  
“And then I met Amy at school.” A smile passes across her lips, softening the sharp edges of her face. “I couldn’t believe she and Matt were even related. She was too sweet to me.”  
  
“And Matt wasn’t,” I say. Stating the obvious, but I just want to clarify.  
  
Michelle inclines her head a little. “Yeah. He was an asshole to me...to put it kindly.” She rubs a finger along her left arm then sucks at her bottom lip. A habit we seem to share. “I don’t really know why. I never did anything to him. At least not back then.” Which obviously means since then she’s given back as much as he gave.  
  
Michelle smirks as she goes on again. “He wasn’t too bad if I was hanging out with Amy...guess he didn’t want to upset her, or something.” She chews on the inside of her left fingernail then looks at me. “When I went out with that guy...he was even nice enough to his sister to try and convince me the guy was bad news. I mean...Brian was part of it too...I’d met him through school...and aside from him being Matt’s friend...I thought he was okay.”  
  
I rub my cheek and point out, “They both tried to get you away from that guy. ‘cause Amy told them about him.”  
  
“True. I was so pissed at her. I kind of lost my way there. And then, well you already know what happened, right?”  
  
I nod, “Yeah, Matt told me.”  
  
Michelle sighs. “Yeah...after that, I quit having anything to do with any of them...and Matt quit bothering me.” She stops speaking for a moment, frowning at her hands, rubbing them together. Then she says, “But then I...” She pauses again, dragging her fingers through her hair. It’s obvious she’s trying to figure out how to continue.  
  
“You got with Brian...” I prompt, figuring that’s the most likely cause of any other contention between them.  
  
“Yeah, Matt hated that.” Michelle exhales a soft sigh. “It was all very well that we weren’t acknowledging each other, anymore. But when I fell for Brian... Matt claimed I stole his best friend from him.” She rolls her eyes again. “I have to say, I could never get between the guys and their friendship. They have the band. If I’d actually done any lasting damage to their relationship, the band could never have happened. But...your man...he likes to hold a grudge.”  
  
I flush. “He’s not my man.”  
  
My twin gives me this disbelieving look, which tells me exactly what she thinks of my statement.  
  
“Chelle...he’s my  _master_ ,” I protest.  
  
She continues to glare at me. I sigh, lying back on the concrete. I don’t want to argue with her. Takes way too much energy.  
  
Bella bounces over and starts licking me again. I can’t help but giggle, breaking the tension. Michelle laughs too, grabbing at her collar and pulling her away from me. Bella settles down as my twin begins to stroke her between the ears.  
  
Then she looks at me, face serious. “Say what you like, sis. But he  _is_ your man. I mean, if he didn’t own you, you’d totally go for him, right?”  
  
I sigh. “Can’t lie there...” Pressing my hands over my face for a moment, I mumble, “But we were talking about you and Brian.”  
  
Michelle moves so she’s sitting closer to me. Reaching over, she rests a hand against my shoulder. I gaze into her sincere face.  
  
“Look,” she says, “Honestly, whatever happened in the past doesn’t matter. I’m willing to put all my shit to bed if it means you get to be happy.”  
  
I cock my head at her. She’s just spent the last half an hour spilling her guts about all that and she tells me it doesn’t matter. I don’t know if I can believe that. But, at the same time, I can’t really argue with her.  
  
She doesn’t give me a chance to, as she states, “You love Matt...I can tell.”  
  
I flush a little, ducking my head down. Hearing it from her makes me realise how true it is, and that even though he’s said it to me, I have yet to say it out loud, like really say it, to his face, up front.  
  
I bite my lip, keeping my eyes on the ground. “You can?”  
  
Michelle purses her lips, nodding slowly. “Yeah.” She pauses for a moment then adds, voice low, “Y’know? I think you fell in love with him very early...before either of you even knew it.” She smiles warmly at me. “You two are good together.”  
  
A tingle runs down my spine at her words, as if she has just said something extremely prophetic. It’s like what she’s saying is that this is meant to happen. I’m meant to be where I am, right now. That this is right. And everything is going to be okay.  
  
I close my eyes for a moment, nodding in agreement at her declaration. “Yeah...we are, aren’t we?”  
  
Michelle smiles, pulling me into her arms for a hug. I embrace her, tight.  
  
Then she murmurs as we rock a little. “I’m so glad you’re home, sis...”  
  
I choke up at her words, thinking,  _home...yeah...it almost feels like that...almost..._  
  
But all I say in response, as we remain holding onto each other, is, “Me too, sis...me too...”


	30. "I look like a monkey's uncle."

_When I was really little, we – the family – went to a party. It was for somebody’s wedding, a cousin, or an uncle. I can’t really remember. However, I do remember the colours. There were so many different shades of the rainbow that it was extremely overwhelming to my young eyes. I knew my colours, you know the old acronym? ROY-G-BIV? That was one we learned really early, I think one of my brothers taught me that.  
  
The one dress that I have a vivid impression of was this stunning pink summer gown that my mother was wearing. It had these lace frills around the neck, which I can remember wanting to play with whenever she held me. Which incidentally, wasn’t as often as I would’ve liked. She doted more on my brothers, and Michelle than me.  
  
But, I was talking about the colours, wasn’t I?  
  
That uncle, or cousin, whose party it was, he was wearing a pale blue dinner suit. Yeah, it was kind of the fashion, apparently. The colour of the sky. Honestly, I don’t think men should wear pale blue suits. It looks too much like someone stole the sky and made it into thread to make clothes out of. And he was wearing a fuchsia cummerbund which really did not match the rest of his suit...  
  
Okay, what the hell; where did THAT come from? I don’t even know. And, even though I told Michelle and Matt and everyone else that I didn’t remember much about my life with my family...I remembered something like this? I have no idea of the significance of this memory. But, I guess the human mind is weird like that.  
  
Maybe it’s supposed to remind me that life isn’t always about the significant drama-filled moments. That life is just as much about the other experiences that we have, that we should savour every part of it and try to remember it all.  
  
Or maybe I’m just reading too much into my own thoughts. Maybe...  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~_  
  
“I am not going to wear that. You can’t make me wear that, are you _fucking serious_?”  
  
Jimmy is raging in the background somewhere. Gena and I can hear him lamenting Leana’s choice of clothing for an appearance the band’s going to do for the local radio station. Zacky’s girl and I are sitting in the living room. She’s reading a novel, the sound of turning pages somewhat soothing.  
  
I have my journal in my lap, pen in hand, scribbling away. After a moment, I pause from my writing, and glance at over at her.  
  
“Why is he complaining? It’s not like people will be able to see him.”  
  
Gena just laughs, shaking her head. “No idea. I think he just enjoys whining at her.”  
  
“Who enjoys whining?” Matt’s deep voice enters the room, moments before the man himself does. I peek up at him and smile faintly. He joins me on the sofa, sinking down into the leather as he drapes an arm along the back of the seat. A small smirk tugs at the corners of his lips as he looks expectantly at me.  
  
I lean back and he shifts his hand to rub at my skin, his thumb moving in slow circles against the nape of my neck.  
  
“Val? Who’re you talking about?”  
  
I give him a weird look and dart my eyes toward the kitchen just as Jimmy’s voice floats out through the door.  
  
“No. I’ll look like a fucking  _peacock_. Zacky’s the peacock. I can’t be the fucking peacock!”  
  
Then Zacky’s voice joins the fray. “Hey! Get off my dick.”  
  
Then the two men alternate, their voices getting louder as they rail at each other, punctuated by raucous laughter.  
  
“I’m not on your dick, V. What the hell?”  
  
“I thought you were talking about my-”  
  
“ _No_. I said I’m going to look like a peacock. You’re supposed to look like a peacock.”  
  
“I don’t  _have_  a pea-cock.”  
  
“Go take a piss with your cock.”  
  
“Ha ha ha...” Zacky mocks, “that was funny?”  
  
Matt snorts, shaking his head, amusement glimmering in his eyes. But he says nothing about his friends’ antics. Instead he looks across at Gena then returns his gaze to my face. I bite the inside of my cheek, sensing he’s about to say something. His expression is a little more serious than a moment ago. Brow furrowing, he’s obviously thinking hard on something.  
  
But before he can say anything, Jimmy flounces into the room his hair flying everywhere a look of exasperation all over his face.  
  
“Fu-uck! I look like a monkey’s uncle!”  
  
I blink rapidly at the tall man. Leana and Zacky appear behind him, the former looking as flustered as any woman possibly can; the latter appearing highly amused.  
  
Matt shifts so he can look over toward his friend, and then he lets out a loud bark of laughter at the other man’s appearance.  
  
“What the  _hell_  are you  _wearing_ , man?”  
  
I stare at Jimmy. He’s wearing a bright red smoking jacket over a pale blue shirt. On his head, perching precariously is a black and red top hat. Hanging over the brim is an explosion of colour. A rainbow-coloured feather boa is draped around the hat the end dangling down over his shoulder. He looks like a ringmaster from a circus. He looks...like my uncle did...that one time. I blink slowly taking it in.  
  
Jimmy notices me staring and beams at me, the annoyance that was there a moment ago, disappearing in characteristic Jimmy speed.  
  
“Whaddaya reckon, Val? Do I look crazy as shit, or what?” He spreads his arms up and out, as if modelling himself.  
  
Unable to form words, I hold a hand in front of my mouth as I giggle softly.  
  
Matt scoffs, “You look fucking ridiculous.”  
  
“Blame Le,” Jimmy jerks a thumb at his fiancée, who is slowly shaking her head at us from behind him and mouthing that it isn’t her fault.  
  
Matt, of course, is right on top of that and just gives his friend a disbelieving look. Jimmy sighs and flops down on the other couch splaying his long legs out in front of him, while adjusting the hat on his head. Leana shakes her head and disappears back into the kitchen. Zacky comes out and leans against the back of the sofa Matt and I are on.  
  
“So, when do we have to leave?”  
  
Matt glances at the clock on the wall, his thumb still kneading lightly at the back of my neck. I lean into his touch, eyes half open. He smiles at me, hazel eyes warm. Then he looks up at his friend.  
  
“Half an hour. Where’re Syn and Johnny?”  
  
Zacky crosses his arms, rocking against the back of the sofa as he answers, “Meeting us there.”  
  
Jimmy pipes up, “I thought Syn wasn’t even coming? He said something about surprising Chelle at work...or something?”  
  
“Oh?” Matt cocks an eyebrow, eyes narrowing. “What the hell for?”  
  
I tilt my head giving Jimmy an equally quizzical look. The drummer chortles, clapping his hands together.  
  
“What do  _you_  think, Shads? He’s gonna pop the question, duh.”  
  
Matt just stares at him. Then scowls, pulling his hand away from the back of my neck, lurching up off the couch and stalking out of the room. Jimmy’s smile falters for a second but then settles as he rolls his eyes.  
  
“Asshat,” he mumbles a hint of amusement in his voice. He obviously doesn’t think much of Matt’s attitude toward my twin.  
  
Gena puts a finger in place in her book and looks at me. “Go after him, Val...”  
  
I bite my lip, feeling uncertain. I don’t really want to go check on him. Guess I’m a little anxious how he’ll react. Jimmy catches my wary look and points toward the door.  
  
“Go, Val. Talk to your man.”  
  
I scrunch my face up his statement. That’s the second time someone’s called Matt my man...but this time I don’t bother trying to correct him. Jimmy doesn’t listen to anyone.  
  
Hesitating, I tug at the hem of the skirt I’m wearing, and brush at a lock of hair that’s dangling in front of my face. Then I stand, slowly, rubbing at my arms.  
  
Zacky, who’s still leaning against the back of the couch, smiles kindly. “He’s just pissy about Michelle...”  
  
I shake my head at him and murmur cautiously, “That’s no news...”  
  
“True.” The guitarist grimaces, sucking on his piercings.  
  
I force a smile to my lips then head out of the living room, peeking down the hall to see if he’s down there. He’s not. I inhale deep, before making my way down it, looking in each room I pass. The laundry, couple of spare rooms, Matt’s gaming room, the office... I’m about to walk past the office, not thinking he’d be in there; he never goes in there during the day...  
  
“Valary. In here.”  
  
Scratch that thought. I back track and pop my head around the door. Matt’s sitting on his large leather swivel chair, arms hanging loose over the armrests. One foot is resting against what looks like a rolling stool that looks out of place in the room. It probably should be behind a drum kit. His other shoe is planted firmly on the floor.  
  
Before going in, I pause for a moment just taking in his appearance. His expression is stern; the dark clothes he’s wearing giving him an almost inapproachable aura. He’s in M Shadows mode. Guess it goes with the territory, since this interview today is the first one for awhile. The guys are going to be talking up the writing process so far for their new album. He crosses his arms, flexing them absently. I swallow hard, stepping into the room.  
  
“Master?”  
  
He frowns, pushing the stool away from him, causing it to roll toward me. “Sit.”  
  
I do so, perching on the top of the stool and bracing myself for whatever he might say. Matt continues to frown, jogging his left knee up and down in an irritated motion. I press my hands together between my knees gazing at the floor, counting the small diamond patterns on the carpet. Silence settles heavily in the room, and I wonder whether this is all we’re going to do, considering we’ll have to go to the radio soon.  
  
But then Matt clears his throat and asks, “What’d you and Chelle talk about, yesterday?”  
  
I lift my eyes to his. His face hasn’t changed. His eyes are still dark. For a second I contemplate not answering his question. But his expression is so severe that I decide not to push it.  
  
“Um...about you and her, Master...” I bite my lip then add, “And your sister...and Brian...”  
  
Matt gets this look like he’s just tasted something really bad. “Is that all?”  
  
Blinking at him, I feel a soft flush spread across my face. I duck my head down unable to meet his questioning gaze.  
  
“Valary?”  
  
“Um...no...there was something else.”  
  
“And that was?” Matt’s voice is low, but I know by his tone that not telling him is not an option. But I feel a bit embarrassed telling him.  
  
His voice softens as he prompts me, “Val, I’m just curious...”  
  
I blink hard, realising my eyes are a little wet. I give a little laugh, while wiping at the corners of my eyes.  
  
“Me...and you, Master...”  
  
Matt smiles then, his features losing their hard edge; rolling forward so he can place his hands on my knees. He gently pries them apart and takes my hands in his. His hands are so warm around mine, his touch so tender. I feel my breath catch in my throat. And, not for the first time, I wonder on how lucky I am to have ended up with him.  
  
I lower my head an upwelling of emotion catching me and causing tears to start prickling at my eyes.  
  
“Hey...hey...it’s okay...” Matt lifts a hand and gently brushes a tear away from my cheek with his thumb. “I’m here, hun...”  
  
That just about undoes me. A sob escapes.  
  
“Aww, Val...” Matt shifts even closer and pulls me into his arms, sweeping his hand up and down my back. I cling to him, tucking my head into his chest.  
  
Sniffling, I try to speak into the solid warmth of his body, but words won’t come. Matt ‘shushes’ me gently, rocking me. I take several deep breaths letting myself relax into him. He nuzzles into my hair, stroking at my back before shifting us so we both end up on the floor. I wriggle into a more comfortable position, leaning into his body.  
  
He smiles at me, caressing the back of a finger along my cheekbone. I bite at the inside of my cheek. He tilts his head at me.  
  
“Whatcha thinking?”  
  
I keep chewing nervously. He raises his eyebrows at me. I blush. There are far too many things going on in my head right now.  
  
Obviously, sensing that, he chuckles. “Val?”  
  
I shake my head, not sure I want to go there. “You asked a question.”  
  
Matt smirks. “You answered.”  
  
I mumble, “Not really...”  
  
“Really? Well then, what’s the answer?” He tilts my chin up so he can look me in the eye.  
  
There are so many ways I can answer that, but I can’t really formulate words. At least, not enough to articulate my thoughts. Instead, trembling, I murmur, “I love you...” And then I promptly burst into tears. That took all of me to say that, and something in me breaks.  
  
Matt’s arms tighten around me, but he says nothing, which I’m grateful for. I don’t think I can handle all that typical ‘shush it’s gonna be okay’ spiel. Not after announcing my feelings to him. Talking is not something that helps in a situation like this, I think. Better to sit in quiet and let everything wash over us.  
  
I snuggle into him; Matt begins to rock me, stroking a hand down my back, rubbing softly. You know, it’s those small touches of his that do much more for me than any words can. I know it’s his way of showing me how much he cares for me. How much he... loves me. He’s very tactile, so am I. I can’t go without being near him so if I reach out to him I come into contact with some part of him. He grounds me, gives me something to support myself. And that’s something I’ve always needed in my life.  
  
We remain close like that for several long minutes, until we hear footsteps approaching down the hall.  
  
Zacky pokes his head around the doorframe and raises his eyebrows at us. “Oi, lovebirds.”  
  
Matt frowns at his friend. “What, V?”  
  
Zacky leans in the doorway, folding his arms in front of him. “We gotta head out. What’re you two doing in here?”  
  
I flush and look down, feeling a little nervous at being caught out in such an intimate moment.  
  
Matt growls, obviously not happy about the interruption either, “Talking.”  
  
The guitarist smiles faintly, nodding. “Right. Well, we have to go.”  
  
Matt sighs, “’Kay, give us a sec...”  
  
Zacky smirks, “I’ll give you two secs...enough time to steal a kiss or two.”  
  
I blink at that.  
  
Matt snorts, “Fuck off, Zacky.”  
  
His friend winks at me and leaves. I bite my lip, peeking up at my master. He has an odd expression on his face. He catches my eye, cocking an eyebrow at me. My cheeks flush, and I lower my eyes again.  
  
The corners of Matt’s lips twitch upwards in a small smile as he cups my chin in his hand, tilting my face back up. I shiver as he brushes a thumb over my bottom lip. Then he leans down to press a kiss to my forehead.  
  
“C’mon, we should get going.”  
  
He helps me up, pushing up after me. I can’t help but stare at his arms as he gets up. Looks like he’s been working out again. He smirks, catching my eye again. This time I don’t look away, just continue admiring him. Matt chuckles low in the back of his throat, wrapping an arm around my waist, and squeezing. I lean into his side, letting him walk me out of the office.  
  
The others are waiting at the front door. Jimmy is fiddling with his hat, staring off into space. The girls are chatting with each other and Zacky is leaning against the wall, keys jingling from his hand. They all look over as we join them.  
  
“’Bout fucking time,” Jimmy says with a grin.  
  
“He was getting bored,” Leana comments, shaking her head.  
  
Matt rolls his eyes. “Well, we can’t have that.” He looks over at Zacky. “I’m driving.”  
  
The guitarist tosses the keys to him. Matt catches them then looks down at me. I peer up at him. He smiles, eyes warm. Then, without another word, he leads me out to the SUV, the others coming out behind us.  
  
Time for the band to put on their public hats. A couple of interviews, and I think even a meet and greet with fans...  
  
First time since the tour when Matt bought me and I’m sure it’s going to be an interesting day.


	31. "We're all into honesty here, right?"

“So, Matt. I’ve heard some rumours about you.”  
  
“Rumours?”  
  
“Yeah, I mean asides from the ones about how you can bench press a thousand pounds...and are ten feet tall.”  
  
Matt snorts, shaking his head. “Those are real old...I can bench double that.”  
  
The radio host chuckles then continues. “Anyway, what I hear is that you have some chick chained up in your basement...”  
  
Zacky laughs, chiming in, “What? Shads has a basement? That’s news to me.”  
  
“Yeah, it’s for if we get hurricanes, Zack...you should get one.” Matt rolls his eyes then turns his gaze to the host. “As to that rumour...” He pauses, glancing over to the corner of the studio where I’m sitting quietly, watching and listening.  
  
We’ve been in the studio for over half an hour already and Matt insisted I come into the booth with them, because he didn’t want to leave me waiting outside. The host doesn’t seem too put off my presence, though he hasn’t actually acknowledged me or anything. But, I didn’t think Matt was expecting to deal with any questions about the whole slave thing...or even just having it alluded too.  
  
I tilt my head at him, curious as to how he’ll answer it. Part of me is wondering how that rumour even eventuated, but another is just wondering how Matt will field it. The question, that is.  
  
The host catches Matt’s quick look towards me and raises his eyebrows. “Is that..?”  
  
Matt frowns, and I see thoughts passing across his eyes. “We’re all into honesty here, right?” he finally speaks up.  
  
The host nods. “Of course. I detest liars.” He smirks to soften the statement.  
  
“Me too,” Matt says. Shifting his weight, he leans in to the microphone. “That’s Val...sitting behind us. And she  _is_  my...” he hesitates on the word, darting a look at me again. I bite my lip, but try a smile, wanting to support him in any way I can.  
  
“She’s your...?” the host prompts.  
  
Matt grimaces but manages to get out, “She belongs to me.”  
  
“Belongs to you?” the host blinks, an expression of incredulity appearing on his face. “Is that some kind of macho controlling ‘she’s _my_  girl and no one else is allowed to look or touch’ thing...or...?”  
  
My master clears his throat, roughly. “I don’t wanna say the word...”  
  
It dawns on the host, though. I can even imagine the tiny light bulb flashing above his head.  
  
He keeps blinking as he says, “You mean she’s literally your...your _slave_?”  
  
I look down at the host’s shocked question, only just catching Matt’s scowl toward the other man.  
  
“Yeah, but I don’t ‘chain her up in the basement’...where’d you hear that?”  
  
The host seems a little taken aback by Matt’s initial response, but manages to gather himself to answer the follow-up question. I lift my eyes again as he speaks. “It was probably just a joke...I’m sure the person who told me, meant nothing by it.”  
  
Matt props his elbows against the table the guys are sitting at across from the host. Johnny, Brian and Jimmy are all there as well, but it seems to be more the Matt and Zacky show, because they’re doing most of the talking. Jimmy is actually spending more time with his back to the table, facing me and pulling faces. I try to ignore him, keeping my focus on Matt.  
  
“Who said that?” There’s a hint of steel to his tone. He’s upset. Not that surprising, really. The whole thing of him owning me is extremely private, and usually personal questions of this nature aren’t asked by interviewers. Guess this one is a little more ballsy...  
  
The host holds up a hand as if to placate Matt. “The caller gave no name. Just said he’d heard it on the grape vine...” He leans forward against the table, looking at him. “Anyway, I don’t know much about this whole...slave thing. Got any comments you want to make on it? I’m sure the listeners would be interested.”  
  
“Abraham Lincoln should’ve outlawed it,” Zacky mutters, fiddling with his piercings.  
  
Matt nods to him. “True. But no one listened to him, obviously.”  
  
The guitarist scoffs, “That’s because they’re fucking idiots.”  
  
“Yeah, there is that,” Matt sighs, looking back at the host. “I think it’s fucking crazy, really. The only reason I even considered getting Val was because her previous...owner,” the word catches at the back his throat; he coughs, shaking his head then continues, “brought her to a gig...and he was...y’know trying to sell her off.” He glances over toward me; I look down at the floor.  
  
He goes on. “She looked so...I don’t know...lost.”  
  
The host smirks slightly, “You decided to be her knight in shining armour?”  
  
“That’s so fucking cliché.” Matt shrugs. “But, yeah. Guess so.”  
  
“That’s admirable. Y’know? That’s what I like about you guys.” The host grins. “You’re all for the good in the world. I mean, your music is a bit twisted...sometimes, but you’re all genuinely great guys. There’s not enough people like you in the world.”  
  
Zacky chuckles, rolling his eyes. “We try.”  
  
“Yeah, we do. And we don’t do bullshit, either,” Matt points out, rather needlessly from my point of view.  
  
I know from experience that Matt absolutely detests people who bullshit all the time. If it’s meant in fun, it’s okay...but those who do it and mean it...Matt can’t, or maybe won’t, hack that. I know I’m always as honest as I possibly can be around him. Perhaps not entirely open, but I try not to ever lie to him. Withholding information is one thing, outright lying is another.  
  
The host settles back in his chair, nodding sagely at Matt’s statement. “Yeah, I hate bullshit as well.”  
  
Jimmy, at that moment, decides to chime in. He’s still facing me, so I can see the mad twinkle in his eyes as he says, “How do you know you hate bullshit? You ever tasted it?” He says all this while waggling his eyebrows at me. I have to look away.  
  
There’s this split second of maddening ‘what the hell’ silence, and then Matt cracks up laughing. Zacky, too, gives a snort before breaking into his characteristic giggle. He doesn’t sound like a girl, mind. It’s a masculine chuckle, but not a full deep-chested belly laugh. Johnny and Brian follow suit until they’re all attempting to hold themselves together, wiping at their eyes, shaking their heads. Meanwhile, I’m still attempting to stifle mine...  
  
“What the fuck, dude...” Matt slaps a hand against his thigh. “Jesus, Rev...”  
  
As the others quieten down, Jimmy swings around and glowers at them. “You two were being too serious.” He points a mock accusing finger at the singer. “You’re all, fucking like... ‘this is such a serious topic I gotta act all sombre and shit...’” He turns the digit to the guitarist. “And you... you’re all ‘yeah...I gotta be serious like Shads... frown, frown, frown...’”  
  
With my hand over my mouth, I fight not to burst into even more fits of giggles. The drummer does this to me every time. Luckily the others are focusing their attention on Jimmy as well, so I’m safe from any questioning looks they might give me.  
  
“Well, it’s a serious subject, Rev,” Matt murmurs. “It’s not something to joke about.”  
  
Jimmy snorts, shaking his head, the top hat falling off his head onto the floor. “Never said that it was. Just...” he throws his hands in the air and yells, “ _let’s change the subject!_ ”  
  
I jump a little at his outburst; the others groan rolling their eyes at the drummer. I hear Brian mutter under his breath, ‘fuckin’ A...’. Johnny slumps in his seat, smirking at the taller male. Matt and Zacky just sigh. Jimmy pouts at them all. There’s a brief pause where all the guys are just looking at each other.  
  
Then Matt laughs, breaking the tension, as he reaches down and grabs the drummer’s hat, jamming it back on his head.  
  
“Here. Quit losing shit and calm down. We’ll change the topic...’kay?”  
  
Jimmy gets this big grin on his face. I giggle again; he catches my eye and winks at me. Matt notices and smirks faintly. I flush and lower my gaze.  
  
The host chuckles deciding that it’s time to move the segment along. “Well, we’re actually almost done here guys... _but_ , as you may know, we ran a comp a little while ago for fans to come in for a meet and greet.”  
  
“Yay! Let’s meet the people!” The drummer springs up from his seat and dashes, all long legs, to the door.  
  
Matt laughs some more, shaking his head. “Dude, you’ll scare them all away.”  
  
“Oh, but...” Jimmy pouts then his eyes light up as a thought comes to him. “No they won’t! They love me best! You’ll scare them away, you big meanie!”  
  
The others groan. Zacky lifts his eyebrows, leaning forward. “You didn’t just call Shads a ‘meanie’?”  
  
“He did,” Matt says. “He definitely did.”  
  
Jimmy turns to look at me directly, once again, an imploring expression on his face. I glance at him, seeing the look and sensing what he might be just about to ask me, and wondering exactly how I will respond, when he does.  
  
“You agree, don’t you, Val? Matt’s a big meanie. Right?”  
  
I knew it. Why does he have to ask me that? I mean, I know he’s kidding around, but Matt’s my  _master_. Jimmy waggles his eyebrows at me like he was doing before. I can’t help but giggle again, but I don’t dare look over at Matt. Instead I shake my head hard.  
  
“No...he’s not.”  
  
Matt chuckles softly. “She’s got you there, big guy.”  
  
Jimmy glowers back at him. “She’s only saying that ‘cause you own her.”  
  
I catch the tensing of Matt’s shoulders, the narrowing of his eyes. That infamous temper of his is simmering right at the surface. I have a feeling that even though the drummer is half-joking, Matt is right on the verge of losing his cool. Then, I guess me being a slave isn’t a laughing matter as he has already mentioned.  
  
The host picks up on the growing tension and I notice that he’s standing now, making his way to the door, and joining the drummer. Jimmy, though, won’t let it alone.  
  
He moves back toward us and waves a hand at me while looking at Matt. “Fuck, Shads. If you didn’t own her, I’m sure she’d be agreeing with me.”  
  
Matt grits out, “That doesn’t even fucking matter.”  
  
“Of course it does.” Jimmy folds his arms and pouts at him.  
  
“No it doesn’t,” Matt groans. “You want to know why?”  
  
“Why, Shads?”  
  
“Because it’s different with us.”  
  
Jimmy snorts. The others are now glancing between the three of us: me, Jimmy and Matt. I shift forward on my chair, looking toward Matt now. He’s actually glaring at the drummer now; his eyes are intense.  
  
Jimmy’s reaction is to keep laughing. “Different? How? You’re her master. I don’t see what’s different about that.”  
  
There’s a split seconds pause then Matt practically growls, “Because I love her, you douche.”  
  
The look on Jimmy’s face after  _that_  is absolutely priceless. His jaw literally drops and he just stares at Matt like he’s grown a second head, or something. I mean, it’s not really a news flash, or anything. I think everyone realises that there are feelings between us. I think he’s more shocked by the fact that Matt is openly admitting it. Because we all know Matt’s usually a closed book when it comes to his emotions. Unless of course something’s made him angry. And then, well, watch out...  
  
“Wow. Just. Fucking, wow.” Jimmy closes his mouth and shakes his head at Matt. Then says, “That’s...weird.”  
  
“Weird?” Matt asks, standing up. “How is that weird?”  
  
Jimmy just shakes his head some more, looking over at me, catching my eye. I look away, biting the inside of my cheek. There’s another pause then I hear footsteps and I recognise Matt’s shoes appearing in my line of vision. He crouches down in front of me and rests his hands lightly against my knees. He says nothing, though, just stays there, close to me.  
  
I peek up at Matt; he smiles then looks over his shoulder at Jimmy who’s staring at us. “You gonna tell me, Rev?”  
  
“No.” Jimmy smirks then dashes for the door. “Lemme out, I want to meet the fans!” The host laughs, opening the door and letting him pass.  
  
Matt rolls his eyes, moving his thumbs in lazy circles against my knees. The others get up to follow Jimmy out the door.  
  
Zacky, pausing in the doorway, looks back at us, and raises his eyebrows. “You two coming?”  
  
Matt shakes his head. “Give us a minute.”  
  
“Right.” He turns and follows the others. The host goes out behind him, meaning that Matt and I are the only ones left in the room.  
  
We’re quiet for a moment, just letting the silence settle us; then Matt speaks. “Val,” his voice is low, “you don’t have to go out there, if you don’t want.”  
  
I shiver a little, looking down at his hands. He keeps stroking his thumbs against my skin. Hunching slightly, I lean into his touch. He lifts his left hand to stroke the back of his finger against my cheek. I turn my face into his hand, craving the tenderness he’s giving me.  
  
Then I murmur, “No...I’ll come with.”  
  
“You sure?” Matt slides his hand to the nape of my neck, playing with the short hairs, causing my skin to tingle; I breathe in deeply then exhale softly. He adds, “You can just stay in here, mind our shit?”  
  
I shake my head. “I’m sure, master...”  
  
The corners of his mouth twitch in a smile, his dimples not quite showing. “Alright then. But if you get uncomfortable, tell me. And we’ll just leave.” He squeezes the back of my neck, gently. “’Kay?”  
  
I give a small nod. He smiles more as he stands, holding his hand out to me. I grip it tightly; he pretends to wince. Giggling, I lean into his side. He wraps his arm around my shoulders, hugging me close. We walk out of the radio studio like that, and somehow I feel that this is just right; nothing bad can happen if we just stick together.  
  
Nothing. Bad. Ever.  
  
But, this isn’t fantasy. Though, it’s nice to hope.  
  
Guess we’ll just have to see.


	32. “It’s not a request, Val."

“You didn’t seriously fucking just announce to the whole of the US that you love Valary?”  
  
I don’t know what’s going on right now, but JD is standing in the middle of our living room, practically yelling at Matt. We’ve been back five minutes and he was waiting outside with a face as dark and threatening as storm clouds. I’m kind of hoping Matt will tell him to leave, or kick him out, but that doesn’t happen. Which confuses me, no end. Instead he lets him in and then he proceeds to start berating Matt, his voice getting louder with every passing moment. And with me just getting more and more confused.  
  
Matt doesn’t seem to be having the same problem as me, though. He’s just taking it, head down, fingers dragging over his short hair. Probably struggling internally over whether it was the wisest thing he’s done, or the stupidest.  
  
I sit, staring at the bigger man who is pacing tight figures of eights around us, speaking in a low, angry tone.  
  
“What the hell were you thinking? Do you realise what could happen? Fuck! If  _they_  find out, you  _know_  what will happen. Do you want that to happen?” This last JD says as he comes directly to a stop in front of Matt. He glares at the top of his head.  
  
It takes me all of a second to realise what he’s talking about, but at the same time I don’t want to believe it. And, at any rate, why would he even be talking about it, unless I was right in my suspicions all along?  
  
Matt slowly lifts his gaze to the other man, a deep furrow in his brow, his eyes darker than I’ve ever seen them. I swallow hard, wondering how he’ll react. He works his jaw for a long minute just glowering darkly at JD.  
  
Then he grits out, “There is no  _way_  I am going to let anything happen to Val. I’ll fucking kill anyone who touches her.”  
  
I blink at that. Even JD looks taken aback by Matt’s declaration.  
  
“Murder’s illegal, Matthew.”  
  
Matt clenches a fist then jabs a finger in the air in JD’s direction. “No one is doing anything to Val. The Guild can bite my ass.” That famous temper of his is simmering beneath the surface; obviously he’s confident in his ability to keep me safe, and doesn’t like that JD is insinuating otherwise.  
  
JD sighs shaking his head and finally sinks down on the sofa opposite us. “They might just do that...”  
  
I shiver knowing that he’s absolutely right about that. The Guild is powerful, and they can do anything to the slaves that come out of the system. And if there is any chance at all that they heard what was broadcast earlier today...then the proverbial shit will most definitely hit the proverbial fan.  
  
Matt rolls his eyes, scoffing, “They can try.”  
  
“This is serious, Matt.” JD’s voice is hard. “You don’t want to take this lightly.”  
  
“No shit,” Matt says, quietly. I sense he knows how serious a situation we’re facing. He’s just annoyed that JD’s the one telling him all this. And I can’t blame him. I still don’t get what’s going on with the supposed guitar tech.  
  
“Matt-”  
  
“I get it, alright?” Matt growls at him.  
  
JD holds his hands up in defence. But, he’s succeeded in pissing him off.  
  
Matt works his jaw, before saying in a dangerous tone, “I’m not stupid, Denmore. Give me a little credit here.”  
  
The other man nods, evidently deciding he’s said enough. “Right.”  
  
“Is that all you wanted?” Matt slides an arm around me, nudging me to lean against him. I snuggle down next to him, tucking my head against his shoulder.  
  
JD observes us for a moment, before standing again, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Yeah, I’m off to see Brian, now.”  
  
Matt looks pointedly at him, while absently rubbing small circles on my shoulder. “You know where the door is, then.”  
  
JD sighs and walks out. I watch him go then peek up into Matt’s face. His brow is tight, his jaw tense. I reach up and run a finger along the hard line. He tilts his head down, his eyes finding mine. The expression in his eyes is difficult to decipher. They’re murky, filled with myriad emotions.  
  
He exhales roughly. “Val...” He pauses, taking hold of my hand. Then he removes it from his face, placing it gently in my lap. I blink at him in confusion. He shakes his head at me. Then gets up and just walks out of the room.  
  
I sit there, unsure of what to do now. Should I follow him, or leave him alone? I need to figure out the best course of action. One, because I’m supposed to know whether Matt needs something or not, and two because I don’t want to make him mad.  
  
Taking a moment to think, I cast my gaze around the living room; something catches my eye as I do. It’s my journal. On the coffee table. Wonder what it’s doing there. I reach over to grab it, flipping through the pages, skimming the entries. I don’t know why, but it feels like forever since I’ve written in this. My pencil happens to be stuck in the ring-binding, though so I take it out, and sit back, opening to a clean page.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
 _I can’t remember ever being so conflicted. Maybe the last time was when I realised my parents were never coming back for me. I knew I bore no grudge, or ill-will toward them, but I was lonely and confused. I was in an unknown situation, the youngest of many other children who were all a little more knowledgeable of where they were and what was going on._  
  
Huntington Beach orphanage was alright. I had no gripes with the place. They treated me okay, fed me, clothed me. It was just the one person in the institution that I did not trust. And it was that one person who made my life what it became today. I can’t to this day remember who that person was. It was a man, I know that much. And I always had a feeling that he probably was paid by the Guild. But, he never stayed on my radar long enough for me to memorise his name or his face.  
  
I guess it never really mattered. Even though he forced me into the slave industry, he never played a major role in my life. Unlike some of my former masters. And never more so than Giovanni. If it hadn’t been for him, I wouldn’t have ended up with Matt. And I would never have been reunited with my sister. I guess in some weird, twisted way I was grateful to him. If one could ever be grateful to someone who owned them. Then again, I’m extremely grateful to Matt as well, so that’s not too hard to imagine.  
  
Perhaps, in the long run all this would mean being reunited with the rest of my family. I have no idea if they’re even still in Huntington, or whether they would want anything to do with me. I always thought when I was younger, for better or for worse it would be best if I just forgot about them.  
  
Having Michelle back in my life is like a gift. A gift that I never want to take for granted. And, I know that I won’t. But, meeting my family again, seeing the rest of them? I’m not sure how I would feel about it. I guess time will tell whether that will happen or not. Maybe I should talk to Michelle about that.  
  
I think having Matt as my master was a gift too. Someone up above must have been watching out for me. Or at least had a little bit of a soft spot for me. Part of me wonders what would have happened if Giovanni had never taken me to that gig. Where would I be now? Maybe back at the Guild, waiting to be bought by someone else. Because as it stood, he wanted rid of me, either way.  
  
None of this is even making any sense, is it? It seems like I’m just pulling all this out of nowhere. I should be writing about what happened today, right? About what just happened...between him and JD, and earlier at the station... But, maybe that’s too close to my mind. And, maybe I’m just bored. And worried. And just rambling.  
  
It’s good to write though, considering I feel like I haven’t done it in awhile.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
“Hey?”  
  
I look up from my journal, kicking my feet against the edge of the sofa. Matt is standing in the doorway, hands digging into the pockets of his jeans. I’m not sure how long he’s been standing there, or for that matter how long he’s been gone from the room. He seems tense as he was after JD left, but is hiding it better. Or maybe I’ve lost my touch, and am not reading him as well.  
  
“What’s up, sir?” I put my pencil down, stand up and walk over to him. He looks at me a funny expression on his face. I can’t quite explain it. His eyes are dark; his lips are twitching as if he’s trying not to smile. “Master?”  
  
He exhales sharply. “Stop, Val.”  
  
I blink, a little confused. “Stop what?”  
  
“Calling me that. Just...fuck.” He shakes his head. “Call me ‘Matt’.”  
  
I purse my lips; that’s come out of left field. “But, I’m not supposed to...”  
  
Matt sighs, glowering at me. “It’s not a request Val.”  
  
Well, that’s a twist isn’t it? I guess the Guild can’t come down on him for that, if he makes it a direct order.  
  
Lowering my eyes, I murmur, “If that’s what you want, Matt.”  
  
Matt tilts his head at me then next I know he’s slid his arms around my waist, pulling me in close to his body. I shiver, before wrapping my arms around his waist, leaning into him. I must admit, it feels so good to be held by him.  
  
He whispers into my hair, “It’s not just what I want.”  
  
Funny, he’s right about that. I don’t like being a slave. I’m not sure if that’s ever been evident, but I really resent it. Guess I’m just good at not letting my bitterness show; probably because in the past it wouldn’t have gotten me anywhere. I feel though, it’s a lot different with Matt. I almost reckon I could voice my thoughts on my position. Not that I’m that daring.  
  
Matt cups my chin, lifting it up so he can meet my eyes. I stare back at him, not entirely sure what’s happening. The corners of his lips twitch in a soft smile.  
  
“You have a good time?”  
  
For a minute, I have to think about what he means. It feels like forever since we were at the radio station and everything. But it’s only been a few hours. I guess when other things happen to take away the good feelings you have about something it does funny things to your memory.  
  
Gathering my thoughts, I nod slowly. “It was different.”  
  
Matt laughs. “To you maybe. It’s all the same to us. No less enjoyable, but it’s really just what we do. Not as much as some bands, but.”  
  
He rubs a thumb against my cheekbone. I lean into his touch; he smiles more.  
  
“What’d you make of the fans?”  
  
I take a moment to think about his question, before answering. “They were really nice. Pretty dedicated to the band...are they all like that?”  
  
Matt nods a wistful expression appearing in his eyes. “Yeah. Our fans are fucking awesome, I gotta say.”  
  
Smiling, I lean into him more; he tightens his arms around me, rocking me gently. We stay like that for awhile, neither of us speaking, just taking comfort in each other’s presence. It almost feels normal. You know as if we were just like any other couple. Because normal for me, isn’t really normal for everyone else, but I think you know what I’m trying to say.  
  
The phone rings, snapping us out of the quiet spell.  
  
“Crap,” Matt groans, releasing me and stalking over to the phone, which is attached to the wall.  
  
Lifting it off the hook, he answers in a rough tone, “Yeah, what do you want?” After a second, his voice changes, eyebrows lifting in what looks like surprise. “Sorry, you what? That’s great. Yeah, sorry about that...mind’s a million fucking miles away...that’s...yeah, I figured you would. Of course we will.” He pauses then smirks. “I’ll never pass that up. Sure. See ya, Syn.”  
  
I tilt my head as Matt hangs up.  
  
He grins at me. “That was Brian. He says he’s having a party tonight.”  
  
I blink, that’s a surprise, you’d think the guys would just want to relax after a day of interviews and stuff. But, then again come to think of it, they think the best way to wind down is to get drunk and go crazy. Well, at least Jimmy thinks that.  
  
“What for?” I ask, even though part of me thinks there’s probably no real reason.  
  
Matt shrugs in response, but I really want to know, so I just stare at him. He blinks back at me.  
  
“What is it, Val?”  
  
“Why is he having a party?”  
  
The smile fades from his face, his expression darkening. “He proposed to your sister and she said ‘yes’.”  
  
The look in his eyes is disconcerting. Even though I now know a little bit of the history between him and Michelle, it’s still kind of a mystery as to why he still holds the grudge that he does. And, I can’t for the life of me, figure out why it is such a huge issue to him that Brian and Chelle would want to be happy together. Or not. It’s just confusing. I don’t think I even know what I’m meant to think.  
  
I don’t say anything, just nod my head. Matt frowns slightly as he walks back over to me. He pulls me close to him again.  
  
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them, I really am,” Matt says into my hair after several minutes.  
  
I nod against his chest; he doesn’t have to explain himself to me. Right now, I’m willing to accept anything he says. Must be the submissive in me. That tiny part of me which I know isn’t really who I am... that’s deep, isn’t it?  
  
I peek up at Matt; he catches my eye and smiles softly before pushing me away with a sigh.  
  
“Go get changed.” He rubs his hands over his biceps. “We’ll leave in half an hour.”  
  
I nod, getting up to head to our room. He stops me for a moment though, catching hold of my upper arm. Looking at him, I wonder what he wants. His gaze is serious, yet unreadable.  
  
“Matt?”  
  
His lips twitch and then spread into a soft, dimpled smile. Then he does something that completely scrambles my brain. Sliding his hand to my chin, he tilts my face up and places a soft kiss to my mouth. After which I just blink at him incomprehendingly, jaw going a little slack.  
  
He smiles more, and murmurs, “Love you...”  
  
A flush spreads over my face, and I pull back from him, before hurrying away to our room.

 


	33. "I really, truly, got lucky."

Michelle looks absolutely stunning. She’s wearing this white top that accentuates her body shape perfectly and a dark jacket over the top which gives her a sophisticated air. Her hair. I am so jealous of her hair. I can’t believe I just said I’m jealous of someone’s hair, but what the hell. It’s just, beautiful. It’s long and blonde and silky...and everything mine is not. Of course, Matt would beg to differ, but this is _my_  opinion.  
  
On the other hand, Brian looks ridiculous. He’s wearing a multi-coloured, knitted poncho. Talk about tacky. But, then again, it kind of suits him. Not that I’m saying he’s tacky... He’s just in a goofy mood, running around and hugging everyone and going crazy. He’s even tried to plant a sloppy kiss on Matt’s mouth. He’s acting more like Jimmy than Jimmy is.  
  
Speaking of, the drummer is surprisingly subdued. He’s sitting over in the corner of the dining room, smoking a cigar, I think. Leana is over with my twin checking the food. She keeps looking over at Jimmy, though who is just staring into space like he’s trying to figure out the answers to the big questions.  
  
Matt is across the other side of the room, drinking a beer and talking to Brian. Johnny is with them, just nodding his head at either one of them, whoever is talking. The Berry brothers are here as well, somewhere. I haven’t seen Matt Berry, but Jason is sitting with Zacky at the dining table picking at some raw vegetables and dip. I’m sitting near to them, not really listening, just observing them all. Because, that’s something I’m good at.  
  
Little bits of conversation drift toward me, but I just filter them out, as my gaze finally settles back on Matt. He’s talking in a low voice to Brian, a strange look in his eyes. I can’t quite catch what he’s saying, but I become even more curious as Michelle goes over to him and interrupts their conversation. The look on Matt’s face gets even darker, if that’s at all possible and he literally glares daggers at my sister.  
  
Michelle glares back at him, snapping, loud enough for everyone to hear, “Don’t you look at me like that, Matthew. I didn’t invite them, they’re my parents. They just decided to come. And they’ll be here soon.”  
  
I sit up, eyes widening slightly. Her parents?  _My_  parents...  
  
“They’re her parents’ too, Michelle. What the fuck were you thinking,” Matt growls in response, anger obvious in his voice; he’s right on the edge. He’s definitely not happy with my sister. “She’s not ready for this, Michelle. You should’ve told her.”  
  
“Told her what, Matt? Something I didn’t even know until this morning? That’s rich. I can’t tell her shit I don’t know. I’m not some kind of psychic.”  
  
Matt leans into my twin’s face and practically spits at her, “You could’ve called us after you found out, Michelle. You have that freaking phone glued to your ear half the time.”  
  
“I do not!”  
  
“And anyway, what about  _them_ , Michelle?” Matt goes on, ignoring my sister’s outburst. “What the Hell are they going to say when they see Val? And don’t even start about what kind of questions they’re going to ask. Because I sure as Hell am not going to lie to them about how I met your sister.”  
  
Michelle scowls. “Do you really think they need to hear about that?”  
  
“Yeah, I think they do. They have the right to know.”  
  
“I don’t think Val would appreciate you telling them that she’s a slave, do you?”  
  
“I don’t think she’s ready to meet them right now, Michelle, let alone me telling them that.” Matt crosses his arms over his chest, glowering at her.  
  
I bite my lip, watching them. They’re standing toe-to-toe arguing over this, while I have no idea how to feel. It seems a bit weird, considering I was just thinking about if I’d ever get to see my parents earlier today. Maybe  _I’m_  the psychic one. That’s actually kind of funny.  
  
“Well, I can’t tell them they can’t come over, Matt. This is my engagement party, and they want to show their support.” Michelle’s voice is getting louder.  
  
Matt’s is getting softer, but there’s a definite edge to the tone. “Well, I won’t be held responsible for anything that happens.”  
  
“No one is expecting you to.” My twin sighs. “Look, I’ll explain everything to them, okay? It’s the least I can do.”  
  
“You’d better. Otherwise,  _I_  will.” He stalks away from her, grabbing a beer on his way out of the room.  
  
I watch him go then look at my sister. She’s also staring after him an irritated look on her face. Brian is by her side a hand on the back of her neck, rubbing slowly. She leans back into him and sighs loudly. Johnny, who is still standing there, looks a little shocked by the outburst and is just shaking his head slowly.  
  
“Hey, Val...”  
  
I turn my head to see that Jimmy has shifted his chair next to mine. Blinking, I avert my gaze to the floor, wrapping my arms around myself.  
  
He speaks right next to my ear, but I manage not to jump in response.  
  
“Maybe you should go after him?” Jimmy phrases it as a question as if he’s not so sure of the merit of his suggestion. I peek up at him, shaking my head. He tilts his, eyebrows wiggling in a ‘why not’ sort of gesture.  
  
Lowering my eyes again, I murmur, “Not a good idea.”  
  
“Why not, Val? You seem to be the only person who can get him to calm down.”  
  
I blink at his statement, looking up into his anxious stare. “You really think so?”  
  
Jimmy’s lips curve in a soft smile. “Yeah. I have to say you coming into his life...you’re a fucking godsend. Not sure what god sent you, but you’re a godsend.”  
  
My face burns at that and I duck my head down.  
  
“For serious,” Jimmy insists. “You make him a better person. Not that he was an ass or anything before you came along, but...” He shrugs, smiling more at me, which I only just catch from the corner of my eye.  
  
I sigh, shaking my head. I still don’t think it’s a good idea to go after him. I don’t want him to get mad at me. I don’t say this, though. I just sit with my head down, chewing nervously on the inside of my cheek. Jimmy reaches over to squeeze my shoulder. He says nothing else just sits back and lights up another smoke.  
  
Matt reappears moments later, looking a little more composed, but still tense. I can tell by the tightness around his eyes. He searches the room, his gaze falling on me. He lifts his right hand and crooks his finger at me –  _come here_. I swallow hard, before obeying the summons. He’s obviously still upset about the whole thing about Michelle’s parent... _my_  parents.  
  
Shit. They’re going to be  _here_. Anytime soon. And I haven’t seen them since I was four...five. Matt’s right. I really am not ready for this. Then again, if I’m not ready now, will I ever be? Perhaps it’s better this way. A big shock, yes. But then we can get past it, right?  
  
Who knows?  
  
I look up at Matt as I get closer. He’s frowning now, but he’s focussing inward, not really seeing me.  
  
“Matt?” It still feels a little strange, calling him by name that is. I’ve been so used to calling him ‘master’ that it almost feels awkward saying anything else. But, it seems to do something, because he snaps out of his mental cloud, gaze fixing on mine.  
  
“Val,” he murmurs as he wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me close. I blink at this obvious sign of affection, wondering vaguely what everyone else thinks of this. Incidentally, the others have moved away, gathering around the dining table, picking at the food. Leaving Matt and I basically to ourselves.  
  
Leaning into his body, I let my breath out slowly, only just realising that I was holding it.  
  
He runs his palm up and down my spine in a slow sweeping motion before murmuring low, “You know I’m gonna be here for you.”  
  
I nod against his chest.  
  
He tilts my chin up, his expression grave as he adds, “If you want to leave, just let me know, ‘kay?”  
  
I feel like one of those bobble toys, still moving my head up and down in response. Having no words, I feel this is the only way I can let him know I’m listening. Matt sighs brushing his fingers against my cheek, before stepping away and walking back toward the table.  
  
Watching him go, I wonder what’s going through his mind. Aside from any and all promises he’s just made to me, I know there are other thoughts that are worrying him. To do with my sister, to do with his friends. But, as ever, he’s a closed book to me.  
  
Turning away, I find my gaze locking with Jimmy’s again. His bright blue stare flashes at me, and he grins around a mouthful of smoke. I blush a little, and lower my eyes. The effect he has on me is kind of surprising. He makes me feel special. Like I matter. Not that Matt doesn’t do that. It’s just, since he’s my master it makes sense on one level that he will ease my fears and what not, through trying to keep me comfortable, or feeling good about myself. I mean that in a general sense, because even my previous masters did that to some extent. Though most of them were just assholes to me.  
  
With Jimmy it’s different. Heck with all the guys, Matt’s friends, it’s different. They treat me just like I’m one of the other girls. As if I’m just Matt’s girlfriend. Don’t get me wrong, I love that fact about them. It’s odd, but it makes me feel warm on the inside. But, I can’t lose sight of what I really am, so it always makes me a little nervous as well.  
  
But a part of me takes note, and it gives me some hope that they’ll be there for me, whatever happens. Not just Matt who’s explicitly promised, but them as well. I guess I count them my friends. And I can tell you the number of people I give that honour too. Can count them on two hands.  
  
Jimmy keeps smiling at me; I feel colour creeping up into my face, so look away again.  
  
There’s only so much of him I can handle. Then again, there’s only so much of anyone I can handle. Even Matt becomes too much for me sometimes, but with him I don’t have any choice but to put up with it. Of course, as luck would have it, he seems to know and gives me space. None of my other masters ever did that for me. Ever cared enough to give me that.  
  
And now, in this new situation, this…waiting to see whether my parents show phase, I’m grateful for him, for his friends… and just the fact that I got lucky. I really, truly, got lucky.

 


	34. "Matt..."

“Well done. You succeeded in destroying the afternoon with your fucking stupidity, Michelle. Val won’t talk to me now.”  
  
Matt was livid.  
  
The Dibenedettos had come and gone in a whirlwind of shock and chaos. To say that confusion had dominated their short-lived visit was a massive understatement. They barely got done congratulating Brian and Michelle for their engagement when Mrs Dibenedetto had laid eyes on Valary. Her shocked exclamation at the presence of the younger of the twins left little to the imagination.  
  
 _What the Hell is she doing here? I didn’t think I’d see her again…_  
  
Her mother hadn’t even deigned to call her by name. Mr Dibenedetto had been no less accommodating in his reaction toward his youngest daughter. The elder siblings had no real idea how to respond so had completely ignored the fact that she was even there, conversing solely with Michelle.  
  
Val was left feeling awful, heartbroken, and shut herself into the guest bedroom, locking the door so Matt couldn’t get in. In turn, he had threatened and cajoled her to open the door, but she was refusing to budge. And now he was back in the dining room, speaking angrily with her sister.  
  
“What the fuck were you thinking, Michelle? Tell me, if you can.”  
  
Michelle sighed, watching the big man, a wary look on her face. “I didn’t think Mom would react that way, you have to believe me, Matt.” She shook her head, pain ghosting across her features. “I really thought it’d go okay…”  
  
Matt snorted, his tone scathing, “Yeah, well you got that wrong.” He crossed his arms, and glared at her. “They acted like they didn’t want anything to do with her.”  
  
“I know.” Michelle ran a hand through her hair, a nervous gesture. “And I feel like crap. I didn’t think they had any bad feelings toward Val…I mean…I always thought they…well that it was ‘cause we weren’t well off that they left Val at the institution the way they did.” She lifted her gaze to meet Matt’s furious one. “I never meant for any of this to happen.”  
  
He groaned, smoothing a palm over his shorn scalp, but said nothing more, just turned away to look at the others. Brian, surprisingly, was quiet and not interrupting their discussion. He was obviously just as stunned and upset about the way his fiancée’s parents had acted toward Val. The sour expression on his face told that story clearly.  
  
Jimmy was more sombre than he’d ever been. He was seated at the dining table, smoking still, and frowning at the food spread before him as if it could explain to him what had just happened. Johnny, Zacky and the Berrys were talking softly amongst themselves, not willing to allow their voices to rise above a murmur.  
  
Matt blinked slightly, noticing for the first time that JD was there as well. He was slumped in a chair, next to Johnny. He was subdued, though, his big body held still, his mouth sealed tight.  
  
Matt knew he shouldn’t have been surprised to see the tech there. Brian had become quite close to him in the time they’d spent in the studio. But, at the same time, Matt was leery of his presence. Especially after what had happened with the big man’s friend. Still, it wasn’t as if  _Robert_  was there, and Matt was beginning to warm to JD, anyway. He hadn’t done anything to cause him any real alarm. Most importantly, though, he hadn’t done anything to make Val uncomfortable. Then again, her parents had done enough of that to last a life time.  
  
Matt grimaced, swinging his gaze toward the dining room door. He needed to go try getting her to leave the guest bedroom. It pained him to see her so devastated. He could see the hurt in her eyes when her parents had distanced themselves from her, right there, in front of her. It was as if they hadn’t wanted to deal with the reality of her existence. That really pissed off Matt. He couldn’t understand their attitude toward Val. In his eyes, there was no need for it. She hadn’t done any wrong.  
  
“Matt?” Michelle spoke up again, drawing his attention back to her.  
  
He lifted an eyebrow at her, but didn’t answer. He didn’t trust himself to be civil if he did.  
  
She cleared her throat several times before she said, “I’m sorry.”  
  
He frowned. “I’m not the one you need to apologise to.”  
  
Michelle sighed, looking down and nodding slowly in agreement.  
  
Grabbing a couple of crackers, chewing on them, Matt then went for the door, not speaking to anyone else as he made his way across the room. As he reached the door though, he caught JD glancing his way, a dark look crossing the other man’s face. Matt wondered at his expression, but then shook his head to himself, figuring it wasn’t worth worrying about. He had Val to think of; if JD was having issues then it wasn’t his problem.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Pausing at the threshold of the guest bedroom, Matt gathered his thoughts, still unsure of how he was going to coax Val out. The door was firmly locked and Matt knew the first thing he had to do was convince her to let him in. No easy task, considering she hadn’t responded to him earlier. He pressed his left ear against the door to hear whether she was moving around or anything. There was no obvious sound coming from inside the room, though.  
  
Matt rubbed at his face, before knocking softly. “Val?”  
  
For a pause there was no response, and then the sound of shuffled footsteps reached his ears. They halted just in front of the door. A moment later, he heard the soft click of the lock then creaking as the door slowly opened. He cocked his head to the side as Val appeared in his view.  
  
“Hey?” he said in a gentle tone.  
  
Val blinked at him. There were dark circles beneath her eyes, tear tracks still evident on her face. It looked to Matt as if she’d been pulling at her top because it was skewwhiff, one shoulder pulled down.  
  
She just stood there, looking at him.  
  
He stepped toward her, gauging her reaction since he didn’t want to make her feel any more uncomfortable than she probably already was. Val made no move, though. Just followed his movement with tired eyes.  
  
Matt, not knowing what else to do, opened his arms to her. She looked at him, blinking still then she shuffled into his embrace, leaning her weight into his solid body. He wrapped his arms around her, one about her waist the other up and around her back. She clung to him, hands gripping the soft cotton of his shirt.  
  
He said nothing to her, just eased both of them into the guest room and over to the bed. Val shifted in his arms so as he fell back on the bed she ended on her side, next to him. Matt rolled onto his side managing to keep one arm around her, while he propped his head up with the other one. They just stared at each other for several long minutes, not moving, or saying anything.  
  
As silence settled over them like a comforting blanket, Val moved closer, cuddling into Matt’s big body. He ran his fingers through her hair, lifting strands up, and rubbing them between his thumb and fingers.  
  
Finally, as they lay there, Val found her voice; it was scratchy though, as she murmured into Matt’s chest, “They hate me…”  
  
Matt grimaced, tracing his fingers lightly over her cheek. “I don’t know about that, Val.”  
  
“They do…did you see the way they looked at me?” Val met his gaze, more unshed tears shimmering in her eyes.  
  
He had and couldn’t argue with her assumption. Her parents hadn’t looked upon her favourably. Yet, a part of him wanted to believe it wasn’t because they felt any animosity toward her. However, Matt wasn’t going to defend their behaviour. He just thanked whatever powers-that-were that he hadn’t mentioned anything about Val being his slave. That would not have gone down well. Sure, Matt was all for being honest, but they hadn’t even bothered to ask how she’d come to be in his company, so there was no need for him to elaborate on something they obviously cared little about.  
  
Matt sighed. “Yeah…I’m sorry you had to go through that.” He rolled his eyes. “Your sister…” He didn’t bother finishing the sentence, just hugged her close.  
  
Val leaned into him, and said quietly, “She means well.”  
  
Matt snorted, not responding to that statement. Instead, he occupied himself by running his left hand along her arm, palm pressed lightly against her skin. Val tilted her head a little brow creasing into a tiny frown.  
  
“What’re you doing?”  
  
He paused, meeting her eyes as a soft smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “You feel so soft…” His voice was husky. And as he observed her reaction to his comment, he felt his cock harden in his pants.  
  
Matt allowed a low growl to escape as he continued to stroke her arm.  
  
Val shivered, lips parting as her eyes widened at the sound. It had been almost two weeks since Matt had even attempted to touch her in any way other than in comfort. But the contact now definitely had sexual undertones. They could both feel the tension increase.  
  
She swallowed hard, grabbing hold of his hand.  
  
“Master…”  
  
“Matt,” he gently corrected, as he kept moving his palm up and down her arm.  
  
Val chewed at the inside of her cheek, before she said, “Matt, please…”  
  
“Please?”  
  
“I…I don’t want…” her voice quavered on the words. Matt stopped his motion, just leaving his hand on her arm. She pressed close and he sighed, wrapping his arms about her smaller body.  
  
He whispered into her hair, “I’m sorry.”  
  
Even though he was now as hard as a steel rod, he wouldn’t pressure Val into doing something she didn’t want. And in all honesty, it probably wasn’t really a good idea to get into anything when they were both still upset. Better that he waited. Still, it was hard to ignore his needs.  
  
Groaning, he withdrew his arms from around Val, sitting up. “I’ll be right back…”  
  
She lifted her head, squinting at him as he swung his feet down to the floor and stood up. Matt smeared his hands over his face before walking to the  _en suite_ , closing the door behind him, to shut out the view of Val lying on the bed.  
  
Matt stood for a moment in the middle of the bathroom absently studying the white tile that lined the walls. Then he walked over to the tub, unbuckling his belt and pulling himself free from the confines of his pants. As he braced his right foot against the edge of the bath, Matt took himself in hand, grunting softly.  
  
He was burning, so intense was his need. His skin was hot to the touch. Closing his eyes, and gritting his teeth, he began moving his hand in long hard strokes.  
  
It didn’t take long for him to reach release. He was so on edge that it could only have been a matter of minutes. Breathing out roughly, he wiped himself with the face cloth that was hanging on the tap, and then tossed it in the clothes basket.  
  
Putting himself away, he then turned to lean against the vanity, and frowned at his reflection in the mirror. Brow furrowed, eyes heavy-lidded and dark, he knew he didn’t look particularly happy. He quickly wiped the expression away though. He’d been wearing that look far too much, in his opinion, and he was sick of being grumpy. Of course, it wasn’t his fault, but by the same taken it was a choice he could make. To remain in a black mood, or to lighten up, was ultimately in his power.  
  
Matt glanced toward the closed door, picturing Val on the other side. She needed him to be there for her and he knew the best way to do that was probably not while he was in a bad mood. From previous experiences that had scared her and he had vowed to himself he wouldn’t be like that toward her. He did not plan on breaking that unspoken promise, either.  
  
Squeezing the edge of the vanity, Matt could feel the hard surface dig into his palms. He closed his eyes for a moment thoughts turning over in his head. Though there were many only one of them took up most of the space in his head. Matt clenched his jaw overwhelmed by the truth that filled his mind. None of what had happened truly mattered, because it paled in comparison to what he felt. He loved Val. And no matter how trite or cliché that sounded his feelings for her were all that were of any real consequence.  
  
With a sigh, he forced his body away from the sink and made for the door. It was time to make good on his promises. And he would start by going to Val and just being there for her. Nothing and no one would prevent him from doing that. Not now, not ever. He smiled at that thought, as he walked back into the bedroom.  
  
Val looked up as he approached the bed. Myriad emotions passed across her face; he could read the question in her eyes. Climbing back on the bed, mattress protesting beneath his weight, Matt settled next to her and reached over to stroke her cheek.  
  
“I’m okay, Val…” an answer to her unasked question.  
  
She nodded as she snuggled into his side again.  
  
Matt smiled more, nuzzling into her hair as he held her close. And, they stayed like that, together, letting stillness settle over them once more.

 


	35. "I'd rather stay here..."

_I wish Matt had pushed me a just a little harder earlier. I know that’s a crazy thing to say, but because my emotions were all over the place, I needed some sort of stronghold to clutch onto. I know some would say that sex isn’t the answer, but having been in my position for so long, it’s something I’m familiar with. Much more familiar than say my family. Meeting them was not what I expected. Neither did it end up the way I wanted it to.  
  
I thought it would be easy, that they would accept me. But, it obviously wasn’t to be. I don’t really know how much it hurt me to go through all that. All I know is that I don’t want to have a repeat of what happened. It killed me to be so out and out rejected by my parents. I don’t understand how they could be that way. I know they must have had a reason for why they did what they did, but I was always of the mind that they had done so out of necessity and not for any other reason.  
  
The day they left me at the orphanage is still as vivid as if it were yesterday. It had been an unusually chilly October evening; Mom handed me over to the wards, bundled in a bright pink jacket and she had promised that if the situation got better, she’d come back for me. She had promised…_  
  
* * * * *  
  
“Val…Val?”  
  
I blink, realising that tears are dripping from my eyes onto the page of my journal. Matt’s hand is resting gently on my shoulder. I peek up at him. His anxious gaze is fixed on the words I’ve just been writing.  
  
“You want to talk about it?” It’s actually a question. There’s no demand in his voice at all. I look down at the pages of my journal and blink slowly, wondering whether that’s what I really want to do.  
  
He doesn’t press, just sits by me, his hand moving in circles over my back. I lean into his touch, breathing slowly. I’m not sure how long we’ve been sitting here for. We’re at home, by the way. It took a while, but I guess I calmed down enough for Matt to bring me home. We didn’t speak to anyone, I couldn’t look at Michelle… still too hurt, I guess. Me that is. I’m not sure how she feels about all this.  
  
By no means do I blame her for what happened. It’s not like she knew how our parents would react to me being there. But, she knew they were going to be there, and part of me feels almost as if she was being disloyal to me in some form. I know she didn’t do it to cause me any problems, but it turned out that way and it hurts. It really hurts.  
  
I close my eyes, relaxing as Matt continues to rub my back. His presence is comforting. Enough so that I feel calm, safe. Peeking at him with one eye, I gauge his mood. His face is smooth, quiet, his eyes the only part of him that reveals any of his emotions. He’s still anxious, and seems to be waiting for something. Me, I guess.  
  
I lick my lips a little, before saying, “Mom promised to come back for me…”  
  
Dropping my chin against my chest, my breath hitches in the back of my throat. The heartache that comes over me scares me a bit. I can still hear my mom’s voice in my head, echoing through the years. Can still hear what she said to me. The knowledge that perhaps she hadn’t really meant it hurts more than I want it to.  
  
Matt sighs, wrapping his arms around me, and pulling me into him. I turn to snuggle into his chest, pressing my face against his shirt. He rocks me gently, nuzzling into my hair. We stay like that for a while, quiet, still. He murmurs sweet nothings into my ear; I relax at his words, smiling a little as he tells me how much he loves me and that he’ll always be here for me. The last I hang onto because it’s exactly what I need to hear. Having a constant in my life is something I’ve been missing, and it’s been a huge surprise, finding it in my master.  
  
Squeezing me gently, Matt sits back just as his cell phone buzzes from the night stand. He grabs it off the stand, holding it up to his ear after pressing the answer button.  
  
“’Lo? Oh, hey…sure, I can come round…just give me a few.”  
  
I tilt my head at him. “Who’s that?”  
  
Matt glances at me, mouthing, “Brian.” He nods and speaks into his phone. “Yep…okay. See you soon.”  
  
Hanging up, he looks at me a tiny frown marring his features. His lips twitch a little as if he doesn’t really want to say what he is about to.  
  
“I have to go back over to Syn’s. Something’s come up.”  
  
I blink a little then nod, looking down to hide my disappointment. I was kind of looking forward to just settling down to spend time with him. Relaxing, and not having to think about anything. But, I guess whatever it is Brian wants is more important than anything I want or would like. Not that I’m going to complain. Can’t forget who wears the pants in this relationship. Hah.  
  
Matt sighs, running his fingers through my hair. “You can come…or stay…whatever…”  
  
I shake my head and murmur, “I’d rather stay here, if that’s okay with you?”  
  
He smiles a little and brushes his thumb against my cheek as he replies, “Of course. I probably won’t be too long, anyway.”  
  
I nod slightly. Matt squeezes my shoulder before getting up off the bed. He wanders over to the dresser to grab his keys then with a smile toward me, he leaves the room. I sit there and listen as he heads out, the familiar growl of his bike echoing through the house as he takes off.  
  
Sighing, I flop back on the mattress and close my eyes for a few minutes. But, I can’t relax, so rolling over, and sliding off the bed, I get up and head out to find something to do with my time.  
  
* * * * *  
  
It’s been a few hours since Matt left and Bella is following me around the house as I do a little bit of dusting. Matt let her in, to keep me company he said. I’m sort of grateful for that, because it can get lonely here. Especially when it’s as quiet as it is now. I mean the building creaks and groans sometimes and I find that somewhat comforting. But, it’s weirdly silent right now. Apart from the ‘swish’ of the feather duster on the wall, which I’m just trailing along, not really doing anything with it, the house seems almost dead. Like the calm before a big storm.  
  
That’s actually kind of a creepy thought.  
  
I pause at one of the large windows that look out into the garden. Bella stands right next to me, her wet nose leaving condensation on the glass, as she breathes and pants in contentment. But then as I begin to move away, I notice her hackles go up slightly, and she gives a low rumbling growl in the back of her throat.  
  
“What is it, Bella?”  
  
I crouch down next to her, and run my fingers along the scruff of fur at the back of her neck. She responds with a soft whine, and lifts a paw to scratch at the window frame. Then she barks loudly. That scares me. She hardly ever barks. Matt reckons she’s the best guard dog ever, because she only ever makes a warning sound if there’s actually something worth barking at.  
  
Right now that causes me to worry. I’m basically alone here, and I’m not really well-versed in self-defence. I can only hope that it’s just someone who’s accidentally come into the yard, or even just some random who Bella’s detected from a long distance.  
  
Taking a deep breath, I force myself away from the window and head for the living room. Just as I set foot inside the room, I hear the chime of the doorbell. That sets Bella off, and my nerves just about feel ready to fray and collapse.  
  
Grabbing the doorframe, I ponder the merit of ignoring it. But, the chiming is insistent as if someone has their finger jammed against the buzzer. I glance down at Bella; she’s crouching now, that deep rumble still going. She’s not happy. I swallow hard, gripping the duster tightly, the plastic moulding to my palm, which is becoming moist with sweat. I can’t stay here, though. I was brought up to be polite; I at least have to go look and see who is at the door.  
  
Reaching down, I shake Bella by the scruff of her neck, more to calm myself than anything else. Then I head for the front door, barely shuffling along the corridor. The yellow lab stays right by my side, fur bristling, body tense.  
  
When I get to the door, I peer through the peephole. Blinking, I recognise the person on the other side. It’s Robert…and he seems to be alone. He must catch me peeking, because he flashes a grin at me. I don’t know why, but his smile makes me even more wary than I was a second ago. But, that small part of me that has stuck with me ever since I was little wins out, as it usually does. Of course, I am really not sure what he’s doing here, outside Matt’s house, without Matt being around. And Matt has said for me not to answer the door…but, I just can’t help but feel that he wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t important.  
  
And so, I go for the deadlock, twist it and swing the door open…  
  
* * * * *  
  
It’s dark. That’s the first thing I notice. Yes, I know, that’s an extremely cliché statement to make in this kind of situation, but screw that, it  _is_  dark. I shift in my spot to find I can’t move far; there’s something blocking my way. For a moment I wonder what it is, but then an insistent ache behind my eyes and the parched feeling in my throat draws my attention from that back to my body.  
  
I wriggle about realising that my hands are tied behind my back. Moving too much pulls at my muscles. I go still for a moment, breathing out roughly. My mind is too fuzzy with whatever I was knocked out with to remember how I even got wherever the Hell I am. I take several deep breaths and swallow hard to try and get the saliva working, but all I manage to do is gag a little, and start coughing.  
  
There’s a sudden banging and a voice, “Shut up in there!”  
  
 _Robert…shit_. That’s not good. Not that it’s good at all, anyway…but…whatever’s going on must have to do with the Guild. Oh, God…what if they found out about what Matt said on the radio… My breath hitches at that thought, and finally a spark of clarity hits me. Everything just comes back to me in a rush and a sob escapes me.  
  
Robert grabbed me, that’s what happened…and there was someone else…stuck me with a needle…some kind of tranquiliser. And then everything went black. I definitely don’t remember what went on between then and now.  
  
Rolling over a little, I figure out the thing blocking my way is a partition in a vehicle. The engine noise is obvious now as my mind clears. I twist around and press my ear against the barrier trying to hear what’s on the other side. There are voices speaking in a low rumble. I can’t understand what’s being said but I do recognise Robert’s stern tones.  
  
I close my eyes tight as a shudder runs through my body.  
  
This can’t be happening…after everything else…  
  
Tears threaten as I lay there; a feeling of dread washing over me as I start wondering what’s going to happen. If it  _is_  the Guild all manner of things could happen, and if they’ve found out about how Matt feels about me, or  _worse_  how I feel about Matt…there’s only one thing that could possibly happen. And that’s just shitty all round.  
  
Sniffing softly, I mentally kick myself. I should’ve gone with Matt to Brian’s…of all the times to turn him down and ask to be left at home… The tears fall then, wetting the carpeted floor beneath me, and I curl up as much as my bound wrists will allow without hurting too much.  
  
I know I can’t blame myself for this…how was I to know this would happen? But a part of me wishes I was with Matt. Squeezing my eyes shut I try to feel his presence, imagining that he’s there with his arms around me, holding me, protecting me, telling me he loves me. My heart breaks at that last thought. The way things are going, and knowing the Guild, if it is a Guild thing…I may never get to hear that again.  
  
My eyes snap open, and I force my mind to quit that line of thinking. Instead I start hoping that maybe someone saw what was going on, or maybe heard Bella barking. I mean, that dog has some lungs on her…when she really gets worked up she can drown out anything else with her bark. Yes, that’s some hope…someone had to have heard her… I vaguely remember her still barking as I was dragged away from the house…  
  
Then again, Matt lives on a large block and sound doesn’t carry too far unless there’s a breeze blowing in the right direction.  
  
Ugh, way to put a dampener on my hopes. I need to try and think positively, no matter what happens. Think of the best case scenario and hope for the best.  
  
That’s all I can do now. That and pray that Matt will come looking for me.

 


	36. "Help me get her back."

“Where’re you going?”  
  
Michelle paused at the front door and looked back as Matt appeared in the kitchen doorway. He and Brian had been sitting in there discussing some lyrics while she was rushing around cleaning. She’d had enough though and decided she needed to get out of the house.  
  
She frowned slightly. “I’m going out, why?”  
  
“No reason.” Matt rubbed at the side of his head, before he said, “Could you do me a favour?”  
  
Michelle’s brows drew together. “Depends.”  
  
“It’s not a big deal…”  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“Check up on Val for me?” Matt kept rubbing at his head.  
  
Michelle noted the anxious expression in the big man’s eyes. It wasn’t obvious, but she’d known him long enough to be able to read his face. It surprised her a little that he would ask her, considering their past. Still he was probably thinking more of Val than what he thought of her. He definitely cared more about her twin than he had ever done anyone else.  
  
She nodded. “Sure, I can do that. Was thinking I’d maybe drop in to see her anyway, since you’re here.”  
  
“Thanks.” The worried look subsided from Matt’s features. “I just don’t like that she’s there by herself.”  
  
Michelle snorted, unable to help herself, “Why didn’t you make her come then?”  
  
“Because I’m not an asshole, Michelle,” he snapped before he turned and stalked back into the kitchen. She followed him and stopped as he leaned against the kitchen bench, glaring at her.  
  
Michelle sighed, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that, Matt.”  
  
He folded his arms, his brow furrowed. “I know,” he conceded in a low tone. “I’m just worried about her. After what happened this morning, with your parents, and everything.”  
  
Brian, who was seated at the kitchen table, looked over and added, as he had heard the conversation through the doorway, “If you’re going over there, you should apologise to her, Chelle.”  
  
Michelle gave her fiancée a look. “I know, Bri.” She turned to grab her purse where it was lying next to the coffee pot. She went through it, looking for her keys. “Is there anything else you wanted me to check while I’m there, Matt?” She didn’t look at him while she asked; knowing if she did it would throw her off.  
  
Matt shrugged, “Val’s pretty good with Bella and shit, so no…just make sure your sister’s okay.”  
  
Michelle nodded. “Okay, well, I’ll be back soon.”  
  
Brian got up and walked over to her; she leaned into him as he wrapped his arms around her.  
  
“Take as long as you need,” he murmured into her hair. She nodded, squeezing his bicep. Then she moved away from him, giving Matt a nod before heading out.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Matt yawned, his jaw cracking a little as he settled back against his chair. Brian looked up at him from the notebook that was opened in front of him.  
  
“Time to call it a night?” he asked, his own voice hoarse.  
  
Matt stretched his arms above his head then crossed them on the table, resting his chin against them. He nodded, his eyelids drooping a little.  
  
“What time is it?”  
  
“Just past nine,” Brian mumbled as he shut the book and rocked back on his chair.  
  
Matt closed his eyes for a moment, breathing deeply, and then said, “Wonder what’s keeping Chelle?”  
  
His friend lifted his shoulders in a nonchalant gesture. He wasn’t worried about the fact that his girlfriend hadn’t returned. Even though she had told them she wouldn’t be all that long. He trusted Michelle to do whatever she needed to then come back when she was ready. Then again it wasn’t as if he owned her.  
  
“They probably got to chatting about whatever girls chat about.”  
  
Matt frowned at Brian’s statement. “Val doesn’t really know all that shit, though. She’s a slave, remember?”  
  
“Of course, but who better to learn that stuff from, than Chelle?”  
  
“True,” Matt said with a quiet smirk. “She’s the ultimate chick, right?”  
  
“Exactly, she’s the best there is.” Brian had a proud smile on his face. It was obvious he was pleased he’d managed to snag quite a catch.  
  
Matt shook his head at his friend, amused by his comments. He sat up and stretched his arms above his head again, his jaw cracking as he yawned.  
  
“Well, good thing you met her, then.”  
  
Brian cocked an eyebrow at the bigger man. “You think?”  
  
Matt sighed; he recognised the disbelief in his friend’s voice. They both knew how he’d been about the two of them getting together years back. Their friendship was tested to the limits, and they hadn’t talked to each other for a bit. That had relaxed after Matt figured Brian wasn’t going to change his feelings just because it annoyed him.  
  
“Yes,” he finally answered. “I do. Forget what I feel here, Bri.”  
  
“True, I don’t give a shit what you feel about her, anyway.”  
  
“You’re such a good friend,” Matt sneered.  
  
“Always, Shads. Always.”  
  
“Fuck you,” Matt was laughing though, he couldn’t be mad at his friend. Brian rolled his eyes, then frowned, glancing toward the door. “What, Syn?”  
  
“Chelle’s back…” The sound of footsteps had obviously signalled the guitarist and Matt wondered why he hadn’t heard them. Before he could question him though, Brian went on, “But, there’s someone with her.”  
  
Matt leaned back on his chair to see if he could confirm his friend’s statement for himself. The front door opened with a creak and the sound of two sets of shoes echoed on the tiled entrance. Hushed voices filtered toward the kitchen, though he couldn’t discern what was being said. His brow furrowed and then his expression darkened as Michelle entered the room with a person Matt had not expected to see.  
  
“Denmore,” he growled in a questioning tone, as his eyes narrowed at the big man.  
  
JD removed his cap, tossing it on the kitchen table as he parked his ass on the chair opposite the singer. “Sanders. I have some bad news.”  
  
Matt cocked his head to the left. “Bad news?”  
  
“Yeah, Michelle went over to your place and called me straight after.”  
  
“Why the fuck would she be calling  _you_?” Matt asked in a hard voice.  
  
Brian added, sharply, “And how is that bad news?”  
  
JD glanced at the guitarist and said, “That’s not the bad news. What she  _told_  me wasn’t too good, though.”  
  
Michelle had gone over to the pantry and was going through the shelves trying not to get drawn into the conversation, but Matt turned toward her and asked, “What’s going on, Michelle?”  
  
She looked over at him and shook her head. “Better he tell you.”  
  
Matt turned his gaze back to the guitar tech. “Talk.” A sense of foreboding had snuck into his mind, but he didn’t want to succumb to it, hoping that whatever he was thinking was not actually the case. If something had happened to Valary…  
  
“Val’s gone,” JD said, his tone was dark. The colour drained from Matthew’s face and his pupils dilated as he tried to get his head around what he’d heard. Though a tiny part of him had thought it were a possibility, he still wasn’t prepared to have that notion confirmed. The guitar tech continued before he could speak. “They left a note.” JD shifted his weight, pulling the item from his pocket and pushing it over the table toward Matt.  
  
Matt just stared uncomprehendingly at him, jaw fallen slack. The only sign that he had taken anything in was the fact that his left hand was balled into a fist so tight that his knuckles were white.  
  
“Shads?” Brian, leaning over, brought his hand in front of his friend’s face and waved it up and down. Matt blinked several times before glowering down at the note. He scanned it several times, taking his time to read the words.  
  
“Who the fuck left this?” Matt bit out, his jaw clenched hard.  
  
JD kneaded at the back of his neck, a nervous gesture. “The Guild…”  
  
Matt’s gaze shot to the other male. “ _Who_ , though?”  
  
“Read the signature, Matt.”  
  
Matt did so, and his expression changed even more as his lips drew together in a thin line. “Robert…” his tone was dangerous on the name. JD nodded. Matt relaxed the fist he’d made and slammed the palm of his hand against the table; the wood protested at the rough treatment. “Fuck. I’ll kill him.” He glanced at Brian and Michelle then glared at JD. “I’ll really kill him.”  
  
“Matt, you’re forgetting something.”  
  
Matt growled, “I forget nothing.” He clenched his hand again, banging it against the table top, before he stabbed his finger toward the other man. “Robert’s an asshole, he admitted it himself. I’ll fucking kill him for this.”  
  
JD shook his head. “There’s more to this than you realise, Matt. You just have to trust me on that.”  
  
“Hah, trust  _you_?” Matt rolled his eyes as he rocked back on his chair, giving a disdainful snort. “I don’t fucking think so.”  
  
“Jesus, Sanders, I told you what Robert and I were doing.”  
  
“You didn’t tell me shit, Denmore. Just a lot of crap that I don’t know if I can trust.” Matt rose out of his seat and leaned across the table, his hands planted firmly against the surface. The wood protested beneath his weight as he pressed his palms into it, as he fought not to reach over the table and lash out at the other man. He continued his voice filled with contempt, “You  _said_  he worked for The Guild.  _And_  he made me hurt Val.”  
  
“It’s a front, Matt,” JD groaned. “We’re on  _your_  side. How many times do I need to tell you that?”  
  
Matt’s lip curled as he responded harshly, “You’ll have to keep reminding me, considering I don’t trust you enough.” There was a moment of silence after his statement where JD looked away from the singer only to meet the sharp gaze of the guitarist and then Michelle’s worried face.  
  
“You could try convincing him, y’know,” Brian commented. JD lifted his shoulders in a nonchalant gesture.  
  
Then said, “If he doesn’t want to believe me…”  
  
Matt grunted shaking his head hard. “It’s not that I don’t want to, JD…I just…” He sank back down into his chair and closed his eyes before he finished, “I’m fucking worried about Val. She doesn’t need this shit.” He tilted his head back and looked up at the ceiling as if the white-washed surface held the answers to the current situation. Then he lowered his gaze, rubbing a knuckle in the corner of his eye. “She doesn’t need this…” he repeated in a low voice.  
  
JD scowled, “Did I say she did? I’m just saying you don’t need to get all worked up.”  
  
“Don’t you fucking say that,” Matt snarled back at him.  
  
JD held his hands up to placate the singer. “Look, I understand that you’re worried, and pissed at Rob…but this isn’t all bad. She’s been taken to the Guild which means I can find out what’s going on and do something about it.”  
  
Matt scoffed, “Like what? What the fuck can you do? You said if the Guild found out about how things were with us it would mean disaster for Val.”  
  
JD had no answer to the singer’s angry statement. He knew, and Matt knew, what the rules were. And after the outburst on the radio there was no way the Guild didn’t know about the relationship that was blooming. He shifted his feet on the floor and the soles of his shoes squeaked on the lino. Matt glowered at the sound.  
  
“You can’t do shit, can you?” The accusation in Matt’s voice was evident and again JD had no response, he could only shake his head.  
  
“There’s no legal out. Not yet, at least.”  
  
Matt snorted, but made no other comment. Instead he looked over to Michelle again.  
  
“Why didn’t you call me when you first got there?”  
  
She sighed turning to lean against the kitchen bench. “I had to chase after Bella. She was out the front running around like a mad thing.”  
  
“They left the door open?”  
  
“Obviously. She was really upset. Barking and wouldn’t let me grab her.”  
  
Matt grimaced. “She’s gotten attached to Val.” He propped an elbow against the table, as he thought about that for a moment. Dogs were funny creatures. They showered love on everyone, but they picked up on everything and somehow had the intuition to know when something was wrong, at least within their world. And the fact that someone who was not in Bella’s sphere of influence had removed Val from that same sphere that was not right.  
  
He blinked at his thoughts before laughing at himself. “She’s stupid, though.”  
  
“And not a very good guard dog, either,” Brian pointed out.  
  
Matt nodded absently, smearing his hands over his face. “Fuck.” He lifted his head to look at his friend. “So what do I do about this?”  
  
Brian shook his head, uncertainty in his eyes. Michelle folded her arms but didn’t answer.  
  
JD shifted on his seat and muttered in a low voice, “Just sit tight….”  
  
Matt groaned and placed his head in his hands. “JD…fuck…” He peered at the other man through his fingers; his mind was working overtime, processing the entire conversation. Latching onto what JD had said about being able to find out what was going on, he whispered, voice barely audible, “Help me get her back.”  
  
He hated that he sounded so weak, but having no clue what to do he knew it would be stupid just to flounder in his inadequacy. Didn’t mean he had to like the feeling, but he would accept help if it would bring Val back to him.  
  
JD was apparently sensitive of how the singer felt, because all he said in reply was, “I’m onto it.” Standing, he pulled his cell phone from his back pocket, punched in some numbers then walked out of the room as he spoke to whoever answered his call. “Yeah, Denmore here. I need details on Valary Dibenedetto.”  
  
Matt dropped his head in his hands and exhaled on a rough note. Until JD found out what the deal was, he didn’t want to think about how Val was feeling, but it was hard not to. After the little she had told him of the Guild and his own experience he was anxious as to her state of mind. He could imagine that she’d be terribly afraid, and it angered and saddened him that he couldn’t be there for her.  
  
What Matt really wanted was to find where the Guild was and go down there and kick some asses, particularly that of Robert’s. Actually, Matt wanted to do a whole lot more than that to Robert. Images of the man in pain, caused by him, flashed through the singer’s mind. He felt justified in feeling that way, after being made to put Val in her place, after all the shit that Robert had said about the guidelines… Matt groaned and laid his arms out on the table, and just stared down at his hands, imagining them around the other man’s neck…  
  
Meanwhile, Brian settled his weight back in his chair, observing his friend in anxious silence. Michelle joined him, leaning behind him with her arms around his shoulders. They could only wait now. And hope that everything would be alright.

 


	37. “You really love him, don’t you?”

Confusion. That’s the state of my mind right now. Of course the stark white walls of the room I’m trapped in, doesn’t help matters. It’s like a blank canvas allowing my thoughts to run rampant across it. I’ve no idea where I am – save that I’m at The Guild – what’s going to happen to me, and when or if I’ll see anyone else, other than Robert and that other man who was with him when he grabbed me.  
  
Robert gave no indication, either, which scares me. He just shoved me in this room and left, without saying a word. My mind is running wild with possible scenarios. I know that isn’t helpful and will most likely just end up depressing me, but I can’t do anything else right now. Short of praying, and I’m not a prayerful person, all I can do is just sit tight and…  
  
Wait… I shift on the bed and slip my hand in the back pocket of my jeans. My fingers touch the plastic casing of my small voice recorder. Blinking, I pull it out and stare at it. I can’t even remember sticking that in my pocket. After Matt so thoroughly reprimanded me for wasting my time with it, I barely touched it.  
  
Closing my fingers around the solid object, I grip it firmly for a moment then I flick absently at the buttons. Glancing down at the screen I notice that the battery is full and smile a little at the random thought that pops into my mind. At least this isn’t some cliché movie scene where the hero or heroine realises there’s only moments left to record a message…  
  
I shake my head as I lay back on the bed and hit the play button, expecting to just hear my own voice as I’m the only person to actually use it. For a couple of minutes, though there’s a bit of static and then the gruff sound of a throat being cleared, before a husky, familiar voice issues from the tiny speaker.  
  
 _“This is weird…it’s just like talking to yourself…wonder why you bother with this…anyway…hi…thought I’d leave a message here for you. Just found this on the bedside table with your journal.”_  
  
Blinking, I look at the recorder.  
  
“No way,” I murmur.  
  
Matt must’ve picked my recorder up again at some later stage. Maybe he put it back in my jeans pocket for some reason. First my journal, now this… I wonder what he had to say. I turn down the volume, shifting into a comfortable position while bringing the speaker to my ear so I can listen to his voice.  
  
Tears prickle at the corners of my eyes, and my breath catches in the back of my throat as his voice washes over me, speaking words of encouragement, tenderness and all those things that I love about him. Shit, I don’t want to seem so dependent on him, but he’s my master and the only one who’s ever given a shit about me. I mean, he loves me…I love him, that’s got to be the ultimate level of emotion anyone can reach. Forget all the Master slave stuff, everything that’s been going on the past few…days is what really matters.  
  
Moaning, I rub at my face and set the player down next to me, leaving it on loop so I can hear his voice. My mind drifts as his rough tones alight on my ears and I think about what he might be doing right now. Routine things, because I can’t cope with the truth of what’s happening to me…  
  
“Valary.”  
  
I jump, torn rudely from my reverie, eyes slewing across to the door. Robert is leaning against the frame a frown marring his features. Swallowing nervously, I quickly shut the player off and slip it back into my pocket.  
  
“Um…hi…” My voice is cracking a little. Can you blame me, though? I’m anxious as all heck, and everything seems to be falling apart around me. I mean,  _this_  wasn’t meant to happen. And we were so careful…then again that radio show…  
  
Robert folds his arms, eyes narrowing on me. “JD called. Says he was at,” he pauses, glancing back over his shoulder before returning his gaze to mine, continuing, “Brian’s place.”  
  
I blink a twinge of hope causing my heart rate to increase. I don’t dare respond, though, not wanting to jinx the situation. Robert continues to glare at me as he pushes away from the doorway and approaches me. Tracking him warily, I hold still on the bed, waiting.  
  
He sighs, sitting on the end of the bed the mattress creaking as he does so. Tilting my head I observe as many different expressions pass across his face.  
  
“Sir?”  
  
Robert rakes tense fingers through his hair, shaking his head. “I can’t tell you much, Valary…but you won’t be here long.” He looks at me the corners of his mouth twitching into a tight smile.  
  
There’s not much I can say to that statement, so I just continue to look at him.  
  
He rubs at his face before going on. “You’ll just have to sit tight for a bit. The Guild still has no idea what’s really going on here.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
Robert rolled his eyes, “They don’t know about me and JD…”  
  
I’m not sure what he means by that, but can’t find the nerve to ask him so I nod before looking down at my hands. Clasping them in my lap, I continue to wait trying not to think too much about what might or might not occur in the near future. Or on my feelings. I especially don’t want to start crying in front of Robert… I’m stronger than that. At least, I like to think I am.  
  
Robert, sighing again, says in a low voice, “I’m sorry I knocked you out…you were going to hurt yourself.”  
  
I peer up at him, sucking at the inside of my cheek. But, I give a slight shake of my head; I don’t blame him for doing that. I did thrash around quite a bit when he and his colleague grabbed me. Lowering my eyes again and pressing my hands between my thighs I just sit there in silence. Really want him to leave me alone again. But, it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen any time soon.  
  
Robert shifts on the large bed, sprawling out along the left side. It’s a full-size Queen bed so even with his big body spread out I am able to avoid any contact with him. He turns his head to look at me a small frown creasing his brow.  
  
“Tell me something, Valary.”  
  
I nod hesitantly, “Yes, sir?”  
  
“You really love him, don’t you?” Robert’s voice is low, no hint of any emotion there. I pause, wondering whether it’s safe to respond. He smiles faintly and says, as if reading my mind, “I’m not gonna tell anyone. Just colour me curious.”  
  
My cheeks flush and I tuck my chin down against my chest. Admitting my feelings for Matt isn’t something I really want to do in front of this man. I can’t trust him. The short history between us suggests that it’s not a good idea. Even so, he can probably tell by my reaction how I feel. It’s not like I’m going to deny it.  
  
Robert chuckles softly. “Stupid question, hey? Well, don’t worry. I’m not gonna blab.” He yawns; I hear his jaw crack. “I’d better go. JD might contact me.” I glance at him; his lips curve into a smile that’s almost sincere. “Better yet, maybe Matt will call.”  
  
Closing my eyes, unable to meet his gaze, I give a slight nod, mumbling, “Maybe…”  
  
Robert pats the mattress then gets off, the bed bouncing slightly as he does. I keep my eyes shut, trembling a little. There’s silence for a moment then Robert speaks again.  
  
“I’ll be back, ‘kay? Just…” he pauses, then finishes in a firm tone, “Trust me, ‘kay?”  
  
I don’t respond; there’s nothing I can say to that, and I know I don’t know him well enough to believe what he says. I hear him sigh and then the sound of his footsteps as he leaves the room. The door click shuts behind him and I’m alone again. Alone and no less confused than I was earlier. Guess all I can do is sit here and wait.  
  
And maybe listen to Matt’s voice some more. Lying back on the bed again, I retrieve my audio recorder and switch it onto playback once more. Then, closing my eyes, I listen, allowing a tiny smile to play over my lips as I settle into a light doze.

 


	38. "He won't sleep."

Matt closed his eyes and took several deep breaths. He was having a hard time trying to get his head around what he had just been told. Valary was now at the Guild. JD had no idea what was going to happen, and Robert was not willing to let anything slip while in the presence of the other Guild officials. This left only one option open to them. And it was not one that either he, JD or Brian relished. Matt had to go to the Guild, with JD and confront them himself.  
  
That fact in and of itself wasn’t an issue. No, the problem was that it was now midnight and there was no way they could get into the Guild until at least eight in the morning. And Matthew did  _not_  want to have to wait that long. There was no knowing what state of mind Valary would be in and he didn’t want to leave her there any longer that she could cope.  
  
The not knowing was killing Matt. He hated it. And his frustration was wearing the others down as well. Michelle had gone to bed earlier, not that she needed to sleep, but because of Matt’s increasing agitation. JD was seated at the kitchen table, Brian next to him half asleep in his chair. Matt paced the room, a caged animal ready to explode.  
  
“Matt, honestly. Go to bed,” JD finally said in a weary tone. The singer shot a hard glare at the bigger male. JD frowned back at him. “There’s nothing any of us can do, right now. You might as well sleep.”  
  
Matthew groaned as he finally quit his stalking and slumped on the chair opposite Brian. “I can’t sleep, man. Can’t stop thinking about Val…” He pressed the heel of his palm against his forehead. “Dammit…”  
  
Squeezing his eyes shut tight, he slid his hand down to rub against his eyelids. He was tired. But, he couldn’t even think about sleep without worrying about where Valary was. Images of her curled up in a cell somewhere, scared shitless, filled his mind and he couldn’t stop the pained moan that escaped him.  
  
“You really love her,” JD observed quietly as if the notion had only just dawned on him.  
  
Matt lifted his eyes to the other man, and scowled. “No shit.”  
  
“You know he does,” Brian mumbled, being roused from his semi-asleep state by their voices. “You tore him a new one for saying as much on the radio.”  
  
JD sighed, “True that.”  
  
Matt rubbed at his eyes some more then braced his elbows against the table-top. Brian looked at him. He met his friend’s worried gaze. Then he dragged his fingers over his head, shaking it slowly.  
  
“I never thought I’d fall in love with her.” He gave a soft laugh. “Y’know, she was always asking me why I bought her.”  
  
“Yeah?” Brian tilted his head to the side. “Why did you?”  
  
JD was also interested to hear what Matt had to say regarding that. It wasn’t often he learned why a man would buy a slave. So, it was a new thing for him to hear. Matt glanced at the two men before looking down at the table top. He traced a finger along the surface gathering his thoughts before he responded.  
  
Matt licked his lips as he started slowly, “The slave trade has been on my mind for a long time. It’s been common place for almost the whole history of our country, yeah?” He raised his eyebrows in question at the two men.  
  
Brian nodded slowly, wondering where his friend was leading with this. JD indicated in the affirmative with a soft grunt.  
  
“Right, so…yeah…it’s been on my mind. Long before I even…met Val.” Matt frowned, as he avoided the words. He scratched at his cheek feeling the beginnings of some stubble before he continued. “I’d always thought something had to be done about it. Y’know? Because people shouldn’t  _own_  people.” He laughed roughly. “I didn’t really think I could do anything about it, though…not until that Giovanni character showed up at our gig.”  
  
“ _Giovanni_?” JD asked, surprise in his voice.  
  
Matt looked at him. “You know him?”  
  
“He’s a disgusting fat cunt. ‘Scuse my French,” JD snapped, venom dripping from his voice. “Worst there is. The Guild employs him.”  
  
Brian shivered. Matt scowled. “That’s interesting. He said Val was damaged goods.”  
  
“He would,” JD sneered. “Never has anything nice to say about anyone.” He shook his head angrily. “Especially not slaves.”  
  
Matt rolled his eyes, “That was pretty obvious.” He sat back on his chair, crossing one knee over the other. “Anyway, I have no clue why he was at the gig. No clue why he had Val with him, but as soon as I set eyes on her I knew I had to get her away from him. No matter what it took.”  
  
JD coughed a little before he said, “So, you bought her off him.”  
  
Matt nodded and muttered sharply, “She looked so sad. Beaten down.” He cleared his throat. “It was in her eyes.” He smirked faintly. “Though there was a spark of life there, too.”  
  
“I bet,” JD smiled. “It’s only the slaves who are practically dead that don’t share that same thirst for a real life.”  
  
“Not something I want to think on,” Matt pointed out. “Anyway, I guess I just wanted to save her.” He allowed his chin to drop against his chest as he pressed his hands over his eyes again. His breaths were heavy as he paused and just thought for a moment. Brian and JD remained silent, giving him some mental space.  
  
He pinched at the bridge of his nose as he remembered everything that had gone on in their lives in the last few months. The rules he had made, the way he had treated her. Granted it had still been a Master-slave relationship, early on, but his intent had never been anything more than to make her comfortable with him. He had saved her from someone, something, he thought she needed to be free from. Though it hadn’t ended the way he’d wanted it to.  
  
Matt snorted in derision, breaking the quiet. “Guess I gotta go save her again, now.” He slapped his palm on the table. The sharp sound made the other two men jump a little. “I’m going to call Jimmy.” Matt stood abruptly and walked over to the bench where his cell phone was laying on top of the closed guidelines. He paused glowering at the cover before picking up his phone and hitting up the drummer’s number.  
  
While he waited for Jimmy to pick up, JD leaned over to Brian and murmured, “Jimmy obviously isn’t bothered about being woken at this time of night?”  
  
Brian shook his head with an amused chuckle, “Rev hardly sleeps. He can run on two hours a night.”  
  
“Why would he call him?” was JD’s next question.  
  
“He’s our best friend. He’ll probably be over at Zack’s which will mean they’ll both come over…if that’s why he’s calling him.” Brian frowned then added, “But, Jimmy’s been pretty close to Val in his way. We all have. He’ll most definitely want to be in on this.” He fell silent as Matt’s voice rose, strained and filled with anger.  
  
“I know, Jimmy! It’s not my fucking fault. I didn’t want to be an ass to her.” He was leaning against the bench, phone clutched hard in his left hand. “Listen. I didn’t call to have you accuse me of not watching her.” He groaned and slid down to the floor and began to speak rapidly, his words tumbling over one another. They were barely intelligible and then all present, in the room and on the other end of the line, heard the hitching of his breath. Matt dropped his hand, the phone falling to the floor next to him as he finally allowed his guard to fall. “Shit…”  
  
Jimmy’s voice could be heard, yelling from the speaker, but Matt didn’t move to pick it up, just stared down at it as his vision blurred. “Shit,” he repeated harshly. “I fucking love her, man…”  
  
Brian got up and retrieved the phone pressing a couple of buttons to put it on speaker. The end of Jimmy’s sentence filled the otherwise quiet space, loud and unusually angry.  
  
“-an idiot! For once maybe you should’ve made her go with you, what the fuck’s up with that?”  
  
Matt just shook his head without responding.  
  
Brian answered for him voice sharp, “He wasn’t to know something like this would happen.”  
  
“Hah, maybe he should’ve. Seriously, I oughta hit him for that,” Jimmy snorted. “In fact, I might just do that. Give me a few.” He hung up before anyone could respond. Brian blinked then looked over at Matt.  
  
Matt sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “He can come with…” He looked over at JD, who shrugged in response.  
  
“Sure, but I’d suggest only him, ‘kay? Can’t have too many hangers-on. No offence to you or your girl,” JD nodded to Brian. The guitarist just smiled tiredly and waved a dismissive hand.  
  
Quiet settled over the three men, broken only by the sound of their breathing. The heaviness in the air hadn’t dissipated, though. They each knew it was unlikely to get better as the night drew on. Especially due to Matt’s growing anxiety.  
  
He leaned his head back against the front of the kitchen counter, eyes closed. He breathed out roughly. Brian slumped back on his chair, smearing a hand through his hair. JD slouched opposite him, sinking into thought.  
  
This was how Jimmy found them when he arrived. In a grim silence, none of them moved to acknowledge him as he let himself in. The front door was unlocked because Brian never bothered to secure it if he was at home. It wasn’t like anyone would risk tangling with him or his friends.  
  
Jimmy raised his eyebrows at them then cleared his throat loudly.  
  
Brian slowly turned his head to him. “Hey…”  
  
Jimmy cocked his head to the side at him then allowed his gaze to travel across the room to where Matt was sitting. “Shads?”  
  
Matt lifted his head but said nothing, just looked wearily at his friend. Jimmy frowned, all the harsh words he’d wanted to say to the singer draining away at the pain in his eyes. He walked over to join him, crouching down beside him.  
  
“So, we gonna go get Val back?” he asked softly.  
  
Matt nodded a tight motion that was barely perceptible. It was almost as if he dared not respond for fear that it would make matters worse. Jimmy could tell his friend was not confident, which was a surprise. The singer was one of the most fearless people he knew and for him to be all edgy like he was, was not normal. Which only highlighted the seriousness of the situation.  
  
Matt looked up at his friend and answered his voice a growl, “I’m not going home until I have her with me.” He curled the fingers of his right hand into a hard fist and pounded it into the palm of his left. “Even if it takes all night…uh…all day.”  
  
Jimmy snorted. “Gonna be a beat down, yeah?”  
  
Matt shook his head. “I want to hit someone. Preferably Robert.” He blinked at his friend. “Fuck it, I’ll kill him.”  
  
“Understand the sentiment,” Jimmy sighed. He looked at JD. “We really gotta wait?”  
  
The big male nodded. “Yeah, been trying to tell your friend to get some shut eye.”  
  
“He won’t sleep,” Jimmy countered softly, as he cast his eyes back to his friend. Matt had his eyes closed again one hand pressed over his face. “If something’s bothering him. He doesn’t sleep.” He smirked faintly, as he included Brian in the discussion. “Remember when we were starting out? Before we released Sounding?”  
  
Brian chuckled, a sad sound. “Yeah, he refused to rest until we knew how it had been received.” His brow darkened. “Can’t imagine how much worse this is for him.”  
  
“I’m right here, y’know,” Matt said, without opening his eyes. Jimmy placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. Matt brushed at his hand and groaned. “Don’t…” The drummer grimaced, recognising the exhaustion written all over his friend’s features. Maybe he wouldn’t sleep, but he figured he had to try and get Matt to relax at least.  
  
“Come on, dude.” Jimmy nudged him. “I’ll get you to bed. Guest room’s tidy, Bri?” This last he said to the guitarist who appeared to be close to nodding off. Brian inclined his head in acknowledgement. Jimmy hooked a hand under Matt’s arm and tugged at it. “C’mon, Shads. Just to lie down, ‘kay?” Matt groaned but allowed his friend to pull him up and lead him from the kitchen.  
  
Jimmy poked his head into several rooms while Matt followed, dragging his feet. He finally got to the guest room and shoved the door open and went in moving aside to give his friend room to enter as well. Matt shuffled in and sat on the edge of the bed.  
  
He glowered up at his friend. “I’m not sleeping.”  
  
Jimmy leaned in the doorway arms crossed over his chest. “Don’t sleep then.”  
  
Matt let out a moan and lay back, sprawled out over the mattress. “Fuck. What time is it?”  
  
“Not even one yet.”  
  
“Ugh. I can’t…” Matt pressed his forearm over his eyes as his breath hitched again, and he shivered a little. His thoughts were crowded in his mind and he didn’t know whether he could handle them. “Val…” he muttered. “God, I hope she’s okay…” His words were turned inward. Jimmy knew he wasn’t talking to him.  
  
He shifted against the door frame, brow creased. As Brian had stated, he couldn’t imagine how hard this really was for his friend. He’d never seen him so hung up over a woman before. Matt could have any pick of the women in Huntington Beach, or LA, or wherever; however, he obviously had fallen hard for the slave that had come into his life. For that matter, Valary held a special place in all their lives. Jimmy definitely felt some sense of closeness to her. He cared that was for sure, and he would definitely do whatever he could to assist his friend.  
  
“Jimmy,” Matt’s voice rumbled, tiredly. Jimmy blinked and brought his attention to his friend.  
  
“Yeah, Matt?”  
  
“She’ll be okay, right?” There was a weary undertone laced through his question. “Val will be okay…” He wanted reassurance; Jimmy couldn’t answer his friend’s query and he shook his head.  
  
“Matt, I can’t tell you that.”  
  
Matt closed his eyes and turned his head away as he mumbled, “I know. I’m sorry, Rev.” His chest rose and fell steadily, as he went still, and Jimmy realised that his friend, regardless that he said he wouldn’t, was just about falling asleep.  
  
He leaned more against the frame and didn’t respond as he observed his friend. He could see the shift from alertness to slumber come over Matt as his breaths slowed and his bottom lip went slack. A tiny trickle of drool pooled at the corner of his mouth and he gave a soft snort. Jimmy smiled sadly at the sight before he moved away from the door and backed out, carefully closing the door over.


	39. "Please..."

There’s a commotion outside my room. I can’t really hear what’s going on, but I can sense it. The tension is absolute. Robert was here moments ago, telling me that things were looking up and for me to just sit tight – I’ve heard that before – I’ll be out of here soon. I don’t know whether to believe that, or not. My luck, it won’t happen. I’m a slave after all; at the end of it all nothing much good ever happens to me. And, that’s not being down on myself or anything, it’s just a fact of life.

  
Sure, Matt happened, but even that seems to have gone ass over heels. I know pinning my hopes on something as fleeting as a single master is probably the silliest thing I’ve ever done. I guess I got complacent, living with him…and the fact that…  _damn it, I love him…._  
  
Pressing the heel of my left palm over my eyes I rub furiously as the familiar sting of tears begins to overwhelm me. My breath catches as I fight not to succumb.  
  
“Please,” whispering out loud, wishing someone will come, hoping someone is listening. “Please…”  
  
And then it’s as if there is really someone up there who hears me because my door seems to just swing open – Robert mustn’t have locked it when he left. There’s no one there, but I can hear what’s going on now. Loud, angry voices are echoing along the corridors and the sound of what might be fighting reach my door. I don’t dare to get up to investigate. The whole self-preservation part of me at work. Instead, tucking my hands beneath my thighs, sitting frozen on the edge of the bed, I just listen.  
  
Running feet approach and then Robert reappears, red in the face, shock in his eyes. He grips the edge of the door frame and looks in at me. I blink at him, wondering at the confusion in his expression.  
  
“Val.” He frowns faintly, glancing back over his shoulder then back at me. “Come with me.” He disappears again without waiting for me to react.  
  
I shake my head and gingerly get to my feet going to the door and leaning out into the corridor. Robert is at the end peering up and down an adjoining hallway. Stepping out of the room, I wrap my arms around myself as I head to where he’s standing.  
  
Robert casts his gaze down at me as I come up next to him. “They’re here.”  
  
It’s all he says, but it’s all I need to hear. Swallowing hard all I can do is nod in response. My stomach drops to somewhere in the vicinity of my nether region and my heart rate increases. It’s almost too much to hope for. That Matt, and the others, whoever they may be, are here…at the Guild. To… rescue me?  
  
“You  _fucking_  son of a  _bitch_!”  
  
I gasp at the voice, as there’s this sudden blur of motion.  
  
Next I know I’m on the floor on my ass and Robert is being swung away from me and against the wall. The heavy thud as his body hits the solid plasterboard reverberates under me and I shudder. Warm hands grasp me by the shoulders and urge me to my feet. I look up into the anxious blue eyes of Jimmy. Biting my lip, I can’t find words so just nod to him and let him pull me back out of the way of the other figures that are filling the corridor.  
  
JD is standing to one side a dark scowl on his face. Then there’s Robert against the wall, arms up covering his face. Blinking hard I recognise the man that Robert is attempting to shield his head from.  
  
 _Matt…_  
  
Matt has a fistful of his shirt in his hand and is pounding him, fury evident in each blow he manages to connect. No one is moving to stop him, not JD, not any of the officials who have appeared at the end of the hallway. Even Robert isn’t really trying to fight him off, just wanting to minimise the damage. He grunts as a particularly hard punch gets through his ineffective defence and glances across his left cheek.  
  
I can’t stand to watch anymore, and turn away hiding my face against Jimmy’s chest. He obviously senses my discomfort and leads me away from the scene into one of the offices at the end of the corridor. He closes the door over and steers me over to the large desk that dominates the space. I plop myself down on the swivel chair behind it and look up at him, still unable to voice the thoughts speeding through my mind.  
  
Jimmy leans against the edge of the desk and tilts his head at me, lifting his eyebrows, the corners of his mouth curving into a soft smile. I flush and look down, fiddling with my hands in my lap.  
  
“Val, you okay?” his question sends a jolt through me, and I peek up at him. There’s real concern in his eyes. And that breaks my heart. Matt’s friends really do care about me. I swallow hard wiping the back of my hand across my eyes and nodding.  
  
He raises his eyebrows, but before he can ask anything further the door swings open and an extremely dishevelled, angry looking Matt stalks in.  
  
“Fuckin, ay. That bastard,” he growls, but then cuts his words short when his gaze settles on me. “Val.” My name comes from him in a strangled tone.  
  
I peer up at him, unable to speak, feeling too much. Matt blinks then strides over and before I know it he has his arms around me, pulling me into a bone-crushing embrace. I gasp softly then just lean into him wrapping my own arms around his waist. He’s muttering unintelligible words into my hair, his breaths harsh and filled with an emotion I can’t fathom. Clinging to him, I inhale his unmistakeable scent, a mix of masculine odour and that spicy cologne he always uses. It brings more tears to my eyes.  
  
Matt shivers then steps back a little, holding me at arm’s length a deep frown creasing his brow. “Are you hurt?” His voice is hard, promising pain to anyone if I have been. I shake my head and look down. “Are you sure?”  
  
I nod slightly, “I’m sure. Nothing hurts…” Peeking up at him I try a smile. “Just glad you’re here.”  
  
Matt’s lips twitch as he pulls me close again and exhales roughly. “Me too, Val.”  
  
Jimmy speaks up then, drawing both our eyes toward him, “What happened with Robert?”  
  
Matt grumbles and shakes his head, but then he obviously decides he has to say something because he grits out, anger still clear in his voice, “I hope I cracked a rib or two…bastard deserved it.”  
  
“Yeah, well you might have got your wish there, Sanders,” the gruff voice that comes from the doorway causes me to jump a little. Matt’s arms tighten around me, but I’m still able to peer around him to see JD leaning against the doorframe.  
  
“He’s a bit worse for wear, but it’s nothing he didn’t deserve,” the big man is surprisingly amused by the fact that his friend got beaten on by Matt. Matt blinks at JD then looks down at me in his arms.  
  
He murmurs, “Guess there’ll be trouble?”  
  
“None that we can’t handle,” JD promises with a grin. Matt seems about to protest, but he goes on in a firm voice, “Rob and I have had to deal with everything in our line of work. You and Val are not the first.” He grimaces. “And you sure as shit won’t be the last.”  
  
Matt snorts, “Has he been beaten to a pulp before?”  
  
JD laughs as he answers, “We’ve both gotten shot at a few times. Rob’s had one bullet miss a lung. So, a broken nose and a couple of cracked ribs are nothing.”  
  
“Just a couple?” Jimmy interrupts scathingly, “He deserves more than that.”  
  
The atmosphere becomes heavy once more after his statement. JD looks at the drummer and tilts his head in acknowledgement, expression grave. I can see he actually agrees with Jimmy’s sentiment. I know I do. Or at least, I think I do. Being a slave, I can’t really have an opinion on that. Or, I shouldn’t. Matt can, though. And judging by the darkness in his eyes, he probably is thinking along those lines.  
  
He scowls then sighs, as he absently runs his fingers through my hair. “So, what happens now then?” His eyes are trained on JD again.  
  
“Take her home. I’ll clean up the mess here.”  
  
Matt’s brow furrows, “But won’t the Guild insist she stay here? Technically what I’m doing now is illegal.”  
  
JD grunts, barely disguised disgust in his voice as he answers, “No, technically what the Guild did, by taking Val from your place, is illegal.”  
  
“ _What_?” I can’t stop the word from flying out of my mouth. The three men look at me, all of them with expressions of surprise. Obviously, they think I’m too out of it to say anything. And I guess I still am, JD’s revelation just shocks me. Trembling, I repeat my question, but in a lower voice, “What do you mean, sir?”  
  
JD crosses his arms as his eyes narrow at me, probably gauging how much he can say without confusing me. “Well, for them to lawfully remove you from your Master, the Guild is actually meant to produce paperwork stating their intention and for him to sign you over to them. They can’t just snatch and run. Everything is meant to be documented.” He glances at Matt as he adds, “Just in case the Courts need to be involved at any stage.”  
  
There’s quiet for a moment before Matt growls, “So, you mean, I could sue the Guild for not following protocol?” I feel the tension in his body increase; his arms tighten around me. I wriggle a little and he relaxes his hold, muttering, “Sorry, Val…” I just turn and nuzzle into his chest. He strokes my hair as he asks again, “You’re saying they could be in the shit for this?”  
  
I turn my head back around curious to hear the other male’s answer and catching JD’s lips twist in a cold smirk as he nods slowly.  
  
“Very much so.” He chuckles the sound holding no mirth whatsoever. “Rob and I have actually been waiting for them to make a slip-up like this. Gives us some ammunition against them.”  
  
Matt nods, but then frowns more, “But, they know about the whole love issue, right?”  
  
“There is that,” JD murmurs, “but, the Guild still has to do things by the letter of the law, even in that regard.” He pushes away from the doorframe, entering the room to lean against the edge of the desk. Jimmy shifts to give him room. He flashes a smile at him before he sighs and continues, “Of course, we’ll still have to sort things out concerning…that. But, you don’t need to worry about it for now. Just take her home, Shads.”  
  
“Alright…” Matt’s not happy but I can tell that he knows there isn’t really anything he can do about it. The tightness of his muscles is still very evident to me though, and I have a feeling he’ll want to relieve himself once we get home.  
  
 _Home_. That word has never meant much to me before, but right now… it means everything. I mean, of course I’ve always wanted to have a home, but it has never rung so true as it does now. Peeking up at Matt, I watch as several different emotions struggle for domination, his eyes are dark as he works his jaw furiously. Then he groans as he squeezes me, meeting my gaze.  
  
“Come on, Val. Let’s get out of here.” He takes my hand, stroking his thumb along the back of it as he says over his shoulder to Jimmy, “You can drive.”  
  
The drummer rolls his eyes as he moves away from the desk, nodding to JD as he follows us out of the room.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Matt is silent the whole way back to the house; I can’t help but think he is being unusually quiet. Of course, it’s probably partially due to exhaustion. I can tell you  _I’m_  absolutely beat. Leaning into his side, I’m fighting to keep my eyes open. I don’t want to sleep until we get back. Matt’s obviously battling the same thing because he keeps blinking hard as his arm tightens around my shoulders.  
  
Jimmy, who’s driving, is also quieter than normal. He’s only said about five words since we left the Guild. All of them to do with how much he thinks the Guild are dicks and need to be castrated…or something like that. I’m not really listening…  
  
Before too long we’re home and Matt is bundling me out of the car and inside. I can vaguely hear Jimmy talking, saying something about going back to Brian’s to tell them I’m back, but it all fades in the back of my mind as I’m just about falling asleep on my feet.  
  
Next I know, Matt is setting me down on the bed and pulling the cover over me. He must’ve carried me in at some stage, I can’t even remember. He collapses next to me not bothering to undress; just wraps himself around me and mutters something about sleep and dealing with shit tomorrow and stuff...  
  
Tomorrow… the fact that we even have a tomorrow together to think about… my mind can’t wrap itself around that thought…and I’m too out of it to really think on it… tomorrow… tomorrow we can deal with it all. My mind flickers as I drift off, snuggling in closer to Matt’s big body, warm and safe.


	40. "He's all about you."

“He was out for  _ten minutes_  that was it. I was about to  _leave_  the room to go back to Syn and JD, and he just fuckin’ woke up again. Mad as Hell, Val. He wanted to come get you right there and then.”  
  
Jimmy is regaling me with last night’s-this morning’s events that lead to them coming to get me. To  _save_  me. We’re in the kitchen at the Sanders’ house. Matt’s parents are out and it’s just us…us being Jimmy, Brian, Matt, JD and me. I’m sitting next to Matt at the breakfast counter, eating breakfast. No surprise there…considering it’s called a…. Anyway, what was I saying? Jimmy was telling me about last night…with the others interjecting on the way.  
  
“Yeah,” Brian speaks up, “so we kinda gave in and got to the Guild as if there was a fire in our pants.”  
  
“There was a fire in Shads’ pants,” Jimmy smirks.  
  
Matt, who has one arm slung around my shoulders, snorts as he retorts, “What the fuck? No.”  
  
“You know what I mean, Matt,” Jimmy grins at him. Matt just rolls his eyes. I lean my head against his shoulder as he gets his piece in.  
  
“Yeah, anyway, it was just frickin’ madhouse. Security guards didn’t want to let us in, but then JD flashed some plastic at him and we were in, just like that.”  
  
“Advantage of being on their payroll,” JD comments drily.  
  
“True…how much do you get?”  
  
“Enough to be worth the risk.”  
  
“Oh.” Matt looks surprised then he frowns. “So, a shit load?”  
  
JD actually grimaces as if he’s tasted something bad. “Yeah, it’s risky business doing what we do.” I glance at him curiously. But, it’s Matt who asks the pertinent question.  
  
“You and…Robert?”  
  
“Yeah.” JD nods carefully; he knows, as we all do, how much anger Matt feels toward the other man.  
  
“Damn…”  
  
“Yeah, it gets that way. Still, we’ve done good. So, I always think as long as that happens, I’ll keep at it.” JD scratches at the back of his neck, glancing up at the clock on the wall. “Speaking of which…I’d better go. There’s some things I need to sort out.” He pushes away from the wall where he’s leaning and nods to Matt. “You’ll be hearing from me soon. And don’t worry, I’ll be back in the studio whenever you need me next. That isn’t just a front.” He smiles as he makes that last statement.  
  
Matt chuckles, “Good to hear. Think you might do that fulltime, ever?”  
  
“Maybe if the other stuff wears me down. Maybe.” JD tips his fingers in a salute and leaves.  
  
I watch him go, my mind still too full after last night’s events. Still not sure how I’m supposed to feel after everything. But, I guess it’s good that Matt, Brian and Jimmy are here, and JD to an extent. They can do all the thinking about it. I can just rely on them, for now.  
  
“Val. Val?” Matt’s trying to get my attention; I stop my pondering and glance at him. He smiles. “Wanna get out of here? We could go to the beach.”  
  
Jimmy interjects before I can answer, “Maybe you should swim in the pool…might not be the greatest idea to go wandering out in public after our little rescue operation.”  
  
Matt looks at his best friend with a grimace as if he’s tasted something sour. I can tell he doesn’t like being told what to do, but as his brow furrows the drummer just gives him a pointed look. Matt sighs and nods.  
  
“Yeah, you’re right.” He looks at me again, a sheepish grin touching the corners of his mouth. “Sorry, Val. Looks like we’ll have to finally use the pool.”  
  
I giggle, “Well, you did clean it out…seems such a waste not to.” He laughs and squeezes my shoulders. I wiggle out of his hold and head for the door. He gets up and follows leaving Jimmy in the kitchen. Brian follows us as well, heading for the front door saying he’ll catch up with us at the studio.  
  
* * * * *  
  
I gasp, spluttering as I’m caught off guard by Jimmy who has just literally thrown me into the pool. Surfacing, I start to glare at the drummer but instead find myself laughing as Matt shoves the taller male in next to me. Jimmy flounders next to me and mutters curses at his friend. Matt just smirks as he wades in from the steps.  
  
“That’s for throwing Val in,” he chuckles. Jimmy splashes him and swims over to the other side. Matt joins me in the middle, treading water as he wraps his arms around my waist. I lean back against him, feeling secure in his grip. He smiles and nuzzles into my neck; I shiver at the contact.  
  
Jimmy rolls his eyes and laughs, "Go get a room!"  
  
"You get out!" Matt retorts. "This is  _our_  pool." I blink at his use of the word 'our'. The fact he's including me makes me feel warm inside; I smile up at him. He flashes his dimples at me, wriggling my body gently. Then he looks back over at Jimmy. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”  
  
Jimmy snorts, “Studio in your dad’s garage? You should be too.”  
  
Matt rolls his eyes as he rocks me gently from side to side. I lean back into him, allowing my legs to float a little. The drummer lifts his eyebrows.  
  
“We need to get this album done…”  
  
“I know, Rev,” Matt sighs as he smooths a hand along one of my arms. I peek up at him, noting the distant expression in his eyes. His mind is far away, and the little crease in his brow is evidence enough that he’s anxious over everything.  
  
“Matt?” I ask softly. He blinks and meets my eyes. I smile at him. “It’s going to be okay, sir…” I know, I can’t help but address him that way. He smiles and nuzzles into the back of my neck. He says nothing though and then the quiet is broken by Jimmy splashing us and Bella barking from the side of the pool.  
  
I laugh as Matt breaks away from me and attempts to tackle his friend in the water, the two men going under in a tangle of limbs. Bella keeps barking, her voice getting louder. I frown looking over to her. The tone is changing, that deep protective sound coming through. Matt’s head breaks the surface of the water and he grimaces, also looking over at the blonde dog.  
  
She’s run over to the gate and is jumping up at it, growling now.  
  
“What the fuck’s up with her?” Jimmy asks. Matt shakes his head and springs deftly out of the pool and goes to her, pulling her away from the gate and peering through the latch hole. His expression darkens and he pulls back.  
  
“Get Val into the house, Jimmy…it’s…” Matt scowls, peeking through again. “I’m not sure…but it doesn’t look good.”  
  
Jimmy nods and without ceremony scoops me into his arms and carries me out of the pool. I cling to his shoulders, making no noise to ask what’s going on. I’m bound to find out soon, and as it is, I probably don’t even want to know.  
  
We go into the living room; Jimmy sets me on the sofa where my journal happens to be laying. Jimmy notices it and picks it up, handing it to me. I smile softly at him and settle down, opening it to the last page, and blinking to see another message inside, not in my handwriting.  
  
 _Valary,_  
  
We love you. All of us. You gotta trust us when we tell you this. And, Matt…he loves you more than he’s willing to admit. If he could, he’d spend the rest his life with you. No kidding. He’s seriously in deep. He was a fucking mess when he found out you were gone.  
  
I’ve never seen him like that over a girl before. I mean, he had girlfriends…and…well…your sister. Your sister and him…they had a thing once. Not sure if he ever told you that? When we were in school. Only lasted about two months, but. God knows why they even got together in the first place. Then Chelle hooked up with some rich jerk…and Matt was cut, but he just started acting like a bigger ass to her to hide it.  
  
And then she fell for Syn…I think Matt resented her for that. But, he was happy for Syn…we all were. But, yeah…Matt didn’t go out with anyone else after that, really…just casual flings. And then being in the band…who the fuck wouldn’t wanna be with a guy in a band? But, to be honest, he wasn’t happy. Not until you came along.  
  
Funny that you’re Michelle’s twin…full circle, I reckon. Full circle.  
  
Jimmy  
  
I stop reading and blink hard in surprise. Jimmy notices my look.  
  
“What is it, Val?”  
  
I swallow hard before whispering, “Matt had a thing for my sister?”  
  
Jimmy flushes but to his credit doesn’t deny my question. “Yeah…he did. I think he was kinda attracted to the fact that she was a bitch to him. But…he was young and immature then. We all were.”  
  
I look down, unsure of how to process this piece of information. “What about now?”  
  
Jimmy smiles, “You read the rest of that message?” I nod. He goes on, “Then you don’t need to worry about that. He’s all about you.”  
  
I feel my cheeks go pink, then murmur, “But…it’s no wonder he and Chelle don’t like to talk about what went on between them…” I trail off and look toward the door as Matt comes back into the house. He’s looking a lot more relaxed than before. “Sir?”  
  
He gives me a look, “Valary, stop calling me that.”  
  
“Sorry, habit…”  
  
Jimmy adds, “Give her time, man…anyway, what was the problem?”  
  
Matt shakes his head as he goes to the window and looks out. “It was Robert.”  
  
I shiver and set my journal down, watching him. He glances over at me and smiles. “He wanted to say how sorry he was about all this. And that he understands why I…lost it.”  
  
“We all understand that,” Jimmy retort. I nod in agreement. Matt grimaces and returns his gaze to the window.  
  
“He thinks we won’t be bothered by the Guild for a while, at least. He and JD have enough to start the next phase of their assignment…whatever that means.” Matt rubs at his scalp then turns and joins me on the sofa. I shift a little as he sits next to me. He tilts his head at me; I just smile at him. He exhales, in a rough sound then hugs me close again.  
  
Jimmy smiles at us then glances at his phone. “So…when’re we heading to your parents?”  
  
Matt flaps a hand at him, pulling me closer in the circle of his arms. “Later, Rev…”  
  
Jimmy nods and gets up. “Well, I’ll give you some privacy, then. See you later.” I peek over at him and give a little wave. He winks at me, nodding to Matt before walking out.

 


	41. "Cute nose."

_I don’t really know how to feel right now. Too many emotions. Michelle and Matthew. Two months. It’s a bit much to even think on. But, maybe writing it down might help me process it a little more. I can’t even begin to imagine what that would have been like. I mean, they don’t even really like each other now…as we are all well aware of…  
  
I can’t even figure out how that must make him feel now, seeing as my sister is now engaged to one of his best friends. I mean, sure…they were together barely any amount of time and who knows what their relationship was actually like, but…it worries me a bit. Because, you know, maybe the reason he’s attracted to me has something to do with her. I mean, we are identical twins…so is it me he…has feelings for, or the fact that I remind him of Chelle?  
  
I don’t even know what to think…my thoughts make no sense right now. This journal entry is probably incoherent and pointless…  
  
Anyway, we’re at the studio right now, JD’s here and all the guys. I’m just trying to let the music wash over me, and their laughter and voices and just…everything. It’s oddly comforting to know that they’re there for me. _  
  
“Val? Val, come listen to this,” Matt’s smiling down at me where I’m sitting on the single couch in the corner of the tiny studio. I close my journal and get up to join him and the others in front of the computer. Jimmy grins at me and hits the play button as Matt comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. I lean back into his big body as the first chords fill the room.  
  
“Really cool,” I murmur softly, tilting my head to look up at Matt. He smiles and presses his lips to my forehead. A shiver runs through me and inexplicably a sudden tingle between my thighs. I pull away from Matt, causing a look of confusion to pass across his face. I shake my head at him as his brow furrows.  
  
“Val?”  
  
I keep shaking my head and go back to my seat, grabbing my journal. Matt frowns and joins me, sitting next to me.  
  
“Talk to me.” His voice low, anxiety evident. I shake my head more, refusing to answer.  
  
My emotions are all over the place again. I’m still not entirely comfortable with my body’s reactions to him. My brain is telling me one thing –  _I want him!_ – yet, my emotions want me to run away from him and never come back. Arousal really is not what I want to be feeling right now; yet, at the same time I really want to feel his hands all over my body. I can’t sort my thoughts out, or make sense of them. I know I wanted him to push me…that one time after my parents’ rejected me…but now I don’t know what I want…or what I need.  
  
Matt sighs softly and wraps an arm around my shoulders, squeezing gently. “When you’re ready…”  
  
I peek up at him and smile softly, thankful that he cares so much for me. He smiles back and gets up again, going back over to the others. I watch as he walks over, marvelling, not for the first time, that I ended up with him and not with some asshole. I mean…how lucky am I, really? Very lucky, I’d say. Though, I do have a niggling worry that something might go wrong; then again after the whole Robert debacle, maybe I’ve been pre-disastered now. You never know, though. After all, life is unpredictable.  
  
“Val!” Jimmy plops himself next to me. I only jump slightly and manage a small smile. He gives me an apologetic look. I just shake my head not really in the mood to talk to anyone. He squeezes me gently around the shoulders. “What’s doing?”  
  
“Nothing,” I mumble and look down. I must look like I’m worried about something because Jimmy makes me look at him. His usually twinkling blue eyes are softer, warmer concern in their depths.  
  
“Val…”  
  
I bite my lip. He’s genuinely anxious for me. I start to shake my head but he gives me a look. I sigh, glancing over to Matt who’s talking quietly to Johnny. I gaze at his profile for a moment then look back at Jimmy.  
  
“I’m scared that I’ll…lose this…everything good in my life always ends in shit happening. Always.” I look at him with a pained expression on my face; I can feel the tension in my brow.  
  
Jimmy mirrors my look then pulls a face. “Not this time. We’re all here committed to making sure of that. I mean, fuck…Matt’s even willing to face charges for interfering with the Guild. I mean…you’ve told us it’s…kinda against the rules for you two to be in love, right? Shads could be arrested or some shit, right?”  
  
I flush looking away and muttering, “That’s what I’m afraid of…”  
  
Jimmy hugs me gently then leans back on his seat. “It wouldn’t stick. We’ve the best lawyers in town.”  
  
I can’t help but smile at that. Then shake my head. “The Guild are a multi-national corporation…it’s worldwide…how could you beat that?”  
  
Jimmy laughs softly, “Don’t you worry your cute nose about that. We’ve got you covered.” I blink at him, wrinkling my nose.  
  
“My nose isn’t cute…and why do you care anyway? I’m just a slave.”  
  
Jimmy grimaces but it isn’t him who answers.  
  
Zacky sits on my other side and says in a somewhat sharp voice, “You’re  _not_  just a slave. You’re Michelle’s twin which makes you _family_. And, your nose  _is_  cute.”  
  
I blush at the last, then frown at my sister’s name. “Chelle…” I look over toward Matt again. Zacky and Jimmy follow my gaze. Then the guitarist frowns at Jimmy.  
  
“You told her about?”  
  
Jimmy nods, “I thought she should know…Shads wasn’t going to say anything.” I look at them both.  
  
“You all knew?”  
  
Zacky chuckles, “Everyone knew. Those two…it was an odd matchup. But, it was serious. As much as a two month thing can be serious.”  
  
Jimmy nods, “They were just together one day, like that.” He snaps his fingers together; I shiver. He goes on, “It shocked all of us. Everyone at school too. I mean it wasn’t sappy or anything like that. But, they sat at school together, and held hands…shit like that.”  
  
Zacky adds with a murmur, “They never slept together, though.” I blink at his statement realising maybe he’s trying to reassure me it wasn’t that deep.  
  
I look away not wanting him to see the look on my face. Part of me is relieved to hear that. Even, though if he had it wouldn’t have been my business or my place to get jealous. Matt can sleep with whoever he wants. I have no power over that. Jimmy catches my look, though and smiles.  
  
“Matt had morals, y’know? He was a virgin until he was twenty-one…”  
  
Zacky snorts. “You sure you should be telling her that?”  
  
“Well, it’s true,” the drummer retorts.  
  
“True or not…”  
  
“True or not,” Brian cuts in causing the three of us to jump and look at him. He smirks and continues, “Maybe you should let Matt finish telling her about that.”  
  
Jimmy scoffs, “What, that Chelle dumped him and went out with some jerk then fell for you?”  
  
Brian rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “I think you owe him a bit of loyalty, she knows enough.” I bite my lip sensing that he’s not particularly happy with them talking about Michelle.  
  
“It’s okay…I did ask…” I murmur. Brian’s expression softens as he meets my eyes and he nods slightly before going back over to Matt and Johnny. Zacky rolls his eyes after his friend but then returns his eyes to me.  
  
He says softly, “Anyway, back to you, Val. You’re family. So that’s why we care. Screw the slave shit.” Jimmy nods in agreement; I smile shyly, lowering my eyes to the floor.  
  
“Thank you,” I have no other words. What else can I say? I’ve never felt accepted like this before. I’m so used to having to be strong for myself.  
  
I peek up at them they just smile back at me; and the thing that moves me most is that there is no pity in their faces. Those smiles are real, happy smiles ones that family share. The kind of familiar looks that I only have vague memories of. I shiver a little at the sensation of feeling like I belong. Because that’s what their looks give me. I can’t fathom it, but at the same time it feels just the way it should.  
  
And how weird is that?  
  
“Anyway, we love you and want you to be happy.” Jimmy is talking to me and I only just realise and start laughing. He blinks at me and for some unexplainable reason I can’t stop. The sound just roils out of me and I start shaking as I laugh more. Matt notices and comes over, leaving his discussion with Johnny, who also glances over a bemused look showing. JD has joined him and is watching as well, eyebrows raised.  
  
I can’t stop, doubling over slightly, almost winded. Matt pushes Jimmy aside and sits next to me.  
  
“Val…Val?” He touches my shoulder. I stop instantly, looking up at him, panting. He tilts his head confusion on his face. “You okay?”  
  
“I…I’m fine…just…I don’t even know…” I blink at him then my eyes cloud and next I know I’m clinging to him, sobbing my heart out. “Matt…” I whimper into his chest, feeling pathetic. He just holds me, rocking me gently.  
  
The others get up, moving away to give us some privacy. I lean into Matt and sigh softly finally calming down. He smiles at me, stroking my hair.  
  
“Better?” I nod, smiling back. He nuzzles gently. “Good. Still got a lot to do. Wanna come sit with me now? JD wants to show us a few things.”  
  
I nod again, feeling more relaxed now. But then I think about what Jimmy and Zacky said about Michelle and I place a hand on Matt’s arm. He looks at me expectantly.  
  
I bite my lip. “Um…before we do…can I ask you something?”  
  
“Sure?”  
  
I hesitate, not sure how he’ll respond but really needing to go there. “Jimmy told me something about you and Chelle…and I want to talk to you about it…later, if that’s okay?” For a minute it looks like he won’t answer and his expression darkens slightly, but then he smiles and nods, shooting a look towards Jimmy as he responds in a gentle tone.  
  
“Of course. Later.”  
  
I relax as if a great weight has lifted from my shoulders. “Thanks…we can go listen now?”  
  
He grins and kisses the top of my head again. “Come on, back to work.”  
  
I giggle and follow him back over to the others and we sit and wait for JD to start his spiel.

 


	42. "Because it isn't enough."

Robert shook his head glowering at the documentation in front of him. JD leaned over and prodded at the top file.  
  
“We have everything we need, why do you look like someone vomited all over your favourite shirt?”  
  
“Because it  _isn’t_  enough.” Rob braced his elbows against the desk that he was seated at. JD observed his partner in crime with a scowl. Rob glared at him, anger in his eyes. “Would that it were. We can’t hope to pin shit on the Guild if we don’t have the right information.”  
  
“So, what do we do?”  
  
“We need concrete proof.”  
  
JD blinked. “Such as?”  
  
Robert sighed and looked at him hard. “You think you could talk Sanders into bringing Val in with him?”  
  
“Jesus, no,” he groaned. “What the fuck’re you thinking? We can’t drag them through the mud like that. And we can’t bring them here. It’ll jeopardise the case.”  
  
The other male growled, “Then what do you propose we do? I would think using them would work in our favour.”  
  
“You do remember he hates you.”  
  
“Yes, but you could convince him.”  
  
JD started to shake his head. “I couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t trust me again and y’know that’d fuck up our working relationship.”  
  
“Yeah? How’s that doing?” Robert glanced askance at his friend, noting the flush to his cheeks. He knew that JD was enjoying the whole music tech thing. It was actually doing him some good. Made him a lot more pleasant to work with.  
  
JD smirked. “Pretty good, spent the afternoon working through tracks.” He shrugged. “It’s been a learning curve.”  
  
“I bet. But, you gotta focus on this. And I know I’m right. Bring them in.” Robert’s voice hardened on the last words his expression letting the other man know he wouldn’t budge on it.  
  
JD relented with a sigh and pulled out his phone to make the call.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Matt frowned as he hung up with JD and glowered at the ceiling above him. He and Val were curled up in the living room, watching some random music channel. He hadn’t been expecting any calls as they’d arrived back from the studio about an hour ago and were winding down for the night. No one ever called so late, usually. Except JD.  
  
He sighed a little, trying not to make it too obvious. But, Val who was ever vigilant glanced up at him an anxious look appearing on her face.  
  
“Matt?” She was still not quite used to using his name when addressing him, but he could tell it was becoming easier because the usual edge wasn’t there.  
  
He shook his head and crossed his arms, jaw clenching hard. He was too shocked by the audacity of the other male to explain what he was thinking to her. But then he noticed the way Val seemed to shrink back and realised he must have been glaring at her. He rubbed at his face and groaned.  
  
“Fuck, Val…it was JD.” Matt squeezed her around the waist then pushed to his feet and looked down at her, eyes dark. She gazed up at him the trust in her expression so clear, so filled with guile that he knew he had to be completely honest with her. “He wants me to bring you down to the Guild.” He paused, gauging her response.  
  
Val swallowed hard and shook her head slowly. “No…I can’t go back there…I…” Her voice faltered and she wrapped her arms around herself, beginning to tremble. Matthew frowned and sat next to her again, pulling her into his arms. “I can’t,” she whispered into his chest. He stroked a palm over her back gently.  
  
“We might not have much choice.”  
  
“Why?” She looked up at him, brow furrowed in consternation.  
  
Matt grimaced. “He says it may be the only way to catch the Guild out for their wrongdoing.” Val frowned even more.  
  
“I don’t see how us being there could help?”  
  
“Neither. But, I’m not willing to risk not going.”  
  
Val inhaled deeply then shook her head again. “What about us…the whole…you know?”  
  
“Being in love?” Matt snorted. “If they were going to arrest me…or do anything to you they should’ve done it while you were there. I’ll not let anything happen to you.” His arms tightened around her in a protective gesture. She smiled softly and relaxed into his body as she returned her focus to the TV. He followed suit burying his serious thoughts for the moment.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Later on, Val sat in bed writing in her journal. Matthew was getting ready for bed, the usual routine, shower, brush teeth then checking to make sure all the lights were off in the house. Bella snuck in and lay on the rug on Val’s side of the bed as Matt returned from his rounds and flopped next to her with a sigh. Val glanced up from her journal, pen paused over the page.  
  
“Hmm?” Matt looked at her, one eyebrow lifted. She shook her head as her cheeks flushed and she lowered her eyes. He frowned. “Valary…”  
  
Val stared at the page in front of her and shifted uncomfortably beneath the sheets. Matt frowned more.  
  
“What’s wrong?”  
  
She chewed on her bottom lip then shook her head again. “I’m not ready…”  
  
Matt tilted his head to the side. “Not ready? For what, hun?”  
  
Val blushed deeply and muttered almost under her breath, “Need you…”  
  
Matthew blinked hard and reached over to turn her face to his. “What do you mean?”  
  
She trembled, eyes wide and too bright. He could read the fear in her eyes and understood what it was that she wanted. He exhaled roughly, also understanding what she was saying. He sighed and let go of her chin. Once upon a time he would have acted upon the look in her eyes. Taken what he wanted, been excited by the fact that she said she needed something…but now he listened to her plea and knew he couldn’t do that to her. She wasn’t ready and he wasn’t going to force himself on her. Because that’s the way it felt. It was still too soon.  
  
“Val, I don’t think we should go there.”  
  
She glanced up at him, surprise evident in her eyes. He smiled softly.  
  
“You still need time. And I can wait.” He stroked her cheek gently then lay back with a sigh. She set her journal aside and looked at him.  
  
“But…you have needs…”  
  
Matt chuckled. “Don’t you worry about me.”  
  
She narrowed her eyes, thoughts flashing across her eyes. He groaned, squeezing her hand.  
  
“My left hand’s been getting a work out. Don’t worry…you’re the only woman for me.”  
  
Val blushed at his confession and looked away but then she frowned slightly. “Can I ask you something?”  
  
Matthew nodded as he shifted on his side. “Sure.”  
  
“You and Chelle…” Val hesitated, uncertain how he would respond. He sighed heavily.  
  
“Really want to know?”  
  
She nodded. “Please…I just…”  
  
Matthew’s tone darkened as he said, “No, I get it. You’re worried that my feelings for you come from the fact that you look like her.” He raked tense fingers over his hair which was starting to grow again. “It was only two months, Val…a fling. I was enamoured with her. She was way outta my league, though.” He chuckled, sourly. “Our personalities clashed. And I really think we only dated because she thought it was cool to be with the captain of the basketball team.”  
  
“But, you were hurt when she called it off?” Val asked tentatively, thinking on what Jimmy had told her.  
  
Matt rolled his eyes. “Well, I had strong feelings for her. And she was a bitch about it.” He shook his head in self-disgust. “I was immature then…couldn’t handle shit like that.” He gave a tight smile. “And you know the rest…”  
  
Val nodded. “I still don’t understand, though…”  
  
“She was attractive, smart, funny…cared about her friends, would do anything for them. I wanted to be with someone like that.” Matt sighed looking at Val. “I never thought she was all bad. She just didn’t trust people easily. I guess I can understand why now…having you in my life.”  
  
“Oh?”  
  
“Well, you’re her twin. You being abandoned obviously affected her.” Matthew nuzzled into her neck gently, pulling her close. “And, then finding out what happened to you…”  
  
“Wait…what do you mean?” Val pulled back and looked at him. “She didn’t know until I showed up with you?”  
  
Matt sighed, shaking his head. “She actually knew a long time before that. But, she never talked about it. Only once…and she was drunk off her face. Otherwise she wouldn’t have been talking to me.”  
  
“When…?” Val was shocked.  
  
“When she got with Brian the second time…just before we started getting serious with the band.” Matt frowned. “I know…it came as surprise to me too. Went a long way to understanding her bitterness. Don’t really know why she directed it at me, though.” He laughed softly. “Guess she needed a scapegoat.”  
  
Val nodded then yawned as she snuggled into him. Matthew smiled gently.  
  
“I think someone’s sleepy…”  
  
“Mhm…” Val closed her eyes. He stroked her hair tenderly, sighing softly.  
  
“Sleep, hun…”  
  
“But…”  
  
“I’m not going anywhere. We can continue this conversation in the morning.”  
  
Val murmured assent as she drifted off to sleep. Matt remained awake, watching over her.


	43. "The money's all there."

Michelle is the best. I can’t even explain how, really. She just is. She told Matt that there was no way I was going into the Guild unless everyone…all the guys…the girls came as well. I can’t even fathom the amount of love she has for me. I guess it’s a twin thing, hey? Matt’s laughing at her; he actually seems genuinely relieved about it all.  
  
It’s been a week since JD called and told Matt we had to go in. In the meantime, the band has been working hard on their album and I’ve been hanging out with the girls. Oh, guess what? It’s my birthday soon. My _real_ honest to God birthday. I mean…I never celebrated my birthday…always remembered the date, always made a wish that everything would get better.  
  
“So, what do we want to do, girls?” Lacey is flipping through a party organiser a serious expression on her face. We’re at Brian and Michelle’s house going over plans for my, well mine and Michelle’s, birthday. The girls have decided that a big party is in order. Invite all the relatives…including my parents. _Our_ parents.  
  
I glance at Michelle who is sitting opposite me, a thoughtful look on her face.  
  
Matt who wandered in to ask if we all wanted a drink and is now sitting next to me piped up, “We could have it at The Palms in Vegas.”  
  
“I don’t know…would everyone fly to Vegas just for a birthday party?” Michelle frowns.  
  
Leana adds, “And we don’t want to overwhelm Val.” She nods to me and smiles. I flush and look away, leaning against Matt’s shoulder. He holds me gently and shrugs.  
  
“Just a suggestion.”  
  
“Shouldn’t you be helping the guys?” Lacey asks with a raised eyebrow.  
  
Matt shakes his head; I feel him move against me. “They’re talking with JD…about the whole Guild thing. I can’t…” He trails off and nuzzles into my hair.  
  
“So, you’d rather sit here and listen to us girls organising a party,” Gena chuckles. “Forgive us if we bore you.”  
  
Matt lifts his shoulders again. “I can tune you out.” I peek up at him and he smiles, giving me a light squeeze. “Anyway, I’ll get your drinks and come back.” I get up as he does and head for the door. He follows me out and hugs me from behind as we walk to the kitchen.  
  
“You should go back and talk with them.”  
  
I shake my head. “I’m worried.”  
  
“About?” Matt stops me and turns my body so I’m facing him.  
  
“My parents.” Biting my lip. He squeezes me again expression serious.  
  
“If they do anything to make you uncomfortable, we’ll ask them to leave.”  
  
I blink slowly then shake my head. “No…I’d rather leave…it is Chelle’s birthday too and I’m sure she’ll want them to stay.” And part of me wants them to stay too…I really, really want them to be part of my life. No matter the circumstances. I don’t say any of this, though, just look at him.  
  
Matt frowns. “I’ll talk to her.” His tone suggests that I shouldn’t argue with him. I don’t. I know there’s no point. I just nod as he keeps walking, steering us into the kitchen.  
  
Brian and JD are there, talking in low voices. I jolt slightly because Rob is there as well. He glances over at us a grim expression on his face. Matt heads for the fridge, pointedly ignoring them. I stand near the door, uncertain whether to leave or stay.  
  
“Val?” I turn my head as Michelle appears behind me. I smile slightly as she rests a hand on my shoulder. “Can I talk to you, sis?” I nod slightly, glancing across at Matt. He catches my eye and smiles faintly as he shuts the fridge, several bottles of orange juice in hand. I point toward my sister; he nods and waves his hand at me as he turns to join the men.  
  
“Alright,” I nod to Michelle. “We can go outside and talk.” She smiles slightly and we head out the back sliding doors and stand by the pool. The water looks inviting so I sit at the edge, kicking off my shoes and dangling my toes in it. Michelle joins me and lets out a soft sigh.  
  
“So…Mom and Dad…” she says softly. I nod, glancing at her. She smiles faintly. “I spoke to them about our birthday. They say…they want to make up for what happened at the engagement party.” She bites her lip.  
  
I look away and murmur, “I’m not mad at them. I know it had to be hard for them to have me…there…all of a sudden.” And that’s the honest truth. I was hurt, still am…but I can’t be angry with them. I haven’t been a part of their life…so the shock must have been crazy.  
  
Michelle touches my shoulder lightly. “Val?”  
  
I look at her, scrunching up my face. “Yeah?”  
  
“They’re going to try…”  
  
I nod slowly as I splash with my feet, looking into the pool. “Me too…I want it to work. But, only ‘cause they’re family. I mean, it’s not like I really know them anymore.” I bite my lip. “I was so young.”  
  
Michelle sighs, “Yeah. We were.”  
  
I laugh suddenly. “And maybe we’ll actually get along?”  
  
Michelle pushes my shoulder gently. “Who wouldn’t like you? You’re sweet, funny, loving…”  
  
I give her a look. “That’s kinda what Matt said about _you_.”  
  
My sister stares at me, surprise on her face. “He did?”  
  
I flush and look down. “He did.”  
  
“Wow, wonders will never cease…that man…” Michelle shakes her head. “Honestly, woman? What have you done to him?”  
  
Shrugging, I smile at her. “I haven’t done anything.” She tilts her head at me and smiles; a warm expression. Blushing, I look away again. Then I feel her arms come around my shoulders and she squeezes me firmly.  
  
“You two are great together, Val.” She sits back a little and looks me directly in the eyes. “We’re going to make sure that things stay this way.” Her mouth twitches a little as she adds, “Minus the whole slave thing.”  
  
I blink at her. “What?”  
  
Michelle giggles. “The Berrys are researching the whole thing.”  
  
“How do you mean?”  
  
She just smiles; I frown at her. “Michelle?”  
  
“I can’t tell you, yet, but trust me…nothing is going to take you away from us again.” Michelle turns away as her voice cracks slightly and I realise she’s trying not to cry. That makes my heart ache as I come to the realisation how much I must mean to her, and to all of them.  
  
“Oh, Chelle,” I whisper. Then I add, a wry note to my words, “Third time lucky, hey?” She pushes my shoulder again and laughs. But we both know what I mean. Robert abducting me was an awful experience and one I don’t want to go through again.  
  
Though what I went through as a child was a lot worse…  
  
* * * * *  
  
_The place was huge. And there were so many people. It was overwhelming for a little girl like me. Giovanni, the big man who had brought me here from the home, was speaking to two dark looking men in quiet undertones. They turned cold eyes on me and looked me over. I shivered and stared down at my brand new sandals. A ‘gift’ the home had given me to wear to my ‘new home’. But, this place didn’t look like a home to me._  
  
_“This is the girl?” One of the two men stepped close to me and tilted my chin up with calloused fingers. I trembled, knowing without really understanding how, that none of what was happening here was good._  
  
_Giovanni nodded as he checked the brown leather case the other man had passed to him._  
  
_“The money’s all there. If we think she’s good we’ll wire you the extra.”_  
  
_I clutched at my belongings, a stuffed teddy and blanket, and looked up to see the men shaking hands and Giovanni walking away. It’s funny, because, though I knew this wasn’t good, I didn’t really feel any fear. As a child, I learned to just let things happen and that everything must have a good reason. It wasn’t until I was older that I started to question what was going on around me._  
  
_The bigger of the two men turned to me and smirked. “Well, then…let’s get you processed, kid. Then you get to go to your new home.”_  
  
_I shivered at the way the word ‘home’ rolled off the tip of his tongue. There was nothing comforting about the way he said it, but it was still a familiar word to me and so I followed the two men without saying a word, knowing I had no control over what happened to me. I just trusted that all would turn out well._  
  
_How wrong I was…how very wrong…_


	44. "Everyone has a choice."

I don’t think I’ve ever been drunk before. Don’t think I ever _want_ to be drunk ever again. It’s messy. Considering the mess on the floor in front of me…  
  
“Val…breathe…” Matthew’s beside me, on his knees, holding my hair out of my face. My knight in shining…yeah…not really.  
  
I groan as more of my dinner ends up on the floor. He just continues to rub my back in slow circles with his big palm. Moaning, I lean into him as I try not to get any on his clothes. He doesn’t even flinch, just holds me and murmurs low to me, soothing.  
  
Rewind several hours earlier to the best night I’ve ever had in my twenty something years of life… And, that’s not even an overstatement. Michelle did well. The girls did well. I probably shouldn’t have had so many drinks, though, especially since I’m not used to it. And, I’m not sure how, but at some stage, Matt and I ended up in the tree outside the front of the house. I must’ve gone a bit crazy…  
  
And now, here we both are in the bathroom by the toilet. Most of the contents of my stomach ended up on the highly polished tiles though. The contrast is stark. And just the sight makes me head spin.  
  
“Happy birthday to me…Matt and me sitting in a tree…” I laugh into his chest then groan some more. Matt snorts as he keeps rubbing my back.  
  
“Hey, is she okay?”  
  
I peek around Matt to see my sister leaning in the bathroom doorway. Matt turns to her.  
  
“Oh, hey…didn’t realise you were still here.”  
  
Michelle shrugs. “Someone’s gotta do the clean-up.”  
  
Matt nods, then looks at me. “You okay?” I smile and murmur in the affirmative, though my head protests in disagreement. He smiles, a knowing glint in his eye and looks back at my twin. “She’s okay.” Lying for me, how chivalrous.  
  
“Good. Good…” She hesitates, though. I shift so I’m facing her more directly. She meets my eyes, head tilted. “Val?”  
  
I stretch and wriggle out of Matt’s arms, pushing myself up off the floor. She watches me as if she’s worried I’ll fall down, or something. But, I stay steady and brush my hands against the skirt I’m wearing. Guess it helps I’m wearing flats and not heels. And, that I’m pretty good at holding myself together.  
  
“You going to tell me how we ended up in the tree?” The first words out of my mouth. Come on, I want to know. I’m not meant to be the crazy one. That’s Jimmy’s forte. Michelle shakes her head, smiling.  
  
“You were so drunk, sis.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “Matt had to go after you to make sure you didn’t fall out.” I blink; her expression softens. “You two…” She uncrosses her arms and looks back over her shoulder. “Mom was worried about you…”  
  
I bite my lip.  
  
Matt frowns. “They still here?”  
  
Michelle glances at him. “Problem with that?”  
  
“No. Just wondering.” His lips twitch slightly as if he’s trying to hold back his true thoughts.  
  
I roll my eyes and mutter, “Yeah, right. You still resent what they did last time.”  
  
Meanwhile, I’m over it. They more than made up for it tonight. The awkwardness is still there, but our brother, Michael, spent quite a bit of time talking to me, and explaining how they all felt. When I was abandoned…Mom was at her wits end and life was just piling shit on her and Dad…and having seven children was a huge strain on them. They all missed me, terribly…my brothers and twin.  
  
It still saddens me, and it’s obvious Matt still hasn’t forgiven them…and that’s his right, I guess.  
  
“Val, they _abandoned_ you.”  
  
I give him a look that I know normally he would rebuke me for, but this time he just shakes his head and stands, holding his hand out to me.  
  
“Come on. We should get to bed.”  
  
I take his proffered hand, allowing him to lead me out into the hallway. His support is much appreciated. Though the thought of bed makes me somewhat uneasy. I don’t know why, but the whole party thing has brought a lot of clarity to my situation – the whole slave thing – and makes me almost nervous to go to bed with him. Which is stupid, considering…  
  
“Val?” Matt is looking at me curiously. Must’ve spaced out on him.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“You getting in bed with _those_ on?”  
  
I look down at my soiled clothing and laugh slightly. “No.”  
  
He smiles and motions for me to lift my arms. Obeying, I let him undress me, trying not to let my thoughts consume me. We still haven’t…done anything. And, I swear he’s been dealing with it a lot more than before. He’s always very controlled with me. But, there’s always a glint in his eye when he’s watching me. But, I feel he won’t push me…  
  
“Here.” I blink and realise he’s holding out one of his old tees. I slip it on wordlessly then slip beneath the covers and look up at him. He smiles, brushing his fingers lightly over my cheek. “I’ve a few things to take care of. Sleep, okay?”  
  
I nod, already feeling exhausted. He smiles more and I as I start to drift off I vaguely notice as he lifts my journal from the night stand and walks out with it…  
  
* * * * *  
  
I wake late. Sunlight filters beneath the curtain into the room. Matt never came to bed. His spot next to me is cold.  
  
Slipping out of bed, I make my way out into the hallway in just his too large tee. The soft sound of conversation filters down from the kitchen. I head in that direction and pause outside the door to listen. There are two voices. One is Matt’s, the other is one that surprises me…  
  
“I know you’re angry with us, Matt, but you have to try and understand our situation.” My mother’s voice. Sad, regretful. The emotion is sincere, I can tell… Leaning my head against the wall, I keep listening.  
  
Matt’s voice, hard, cold. “Do you even know what she’s been through? If Giovanni hadn’t come to me she could’ve been with anyone. She could be _dead_.” I shiver at his words. Truth can be terrifying. But, hearing him say the words. It makes me think of my early days as a slave…  
  
I squeeze my eyes shut and slide down on the floor, hugging my knees. Maybe that’s why he took my journal…my last entry was a very detailed account of when I first became a slave. He had asked me about it, and I told him I couldn’t talk of it… but then I wrote it down.  
  
My mother’s voice again. “I am grateful-”  
  
“Grateful?” Matt’s voice tightens, fury evident. “You should _never_ have abandoned her.”  
  
“Did you think we had a choice, Matthew?”  
  
Matthew is practically growling now, “Everyone has a _choice_ , Maria.” A pause, then, “Jimmy’s parents would’ve taken her in.” I blink at that statement. That would mean Jimmy has known my sister longer than I thought.  
  
A sigh, my mother’s. “It’s not that simple. We had a huge debt to pay off.” Silence after that. Shifting of chairs then my mother again. “We couldn’t afford the cost of so many children…”  
  
I swallow hard, realising the implications of my mother’s confession. Matt obviously does as well. When he replies his tone is glacial.  
  
“You sold her. To pay off your debts.”  
  
I don’t think I want to hear any more of this. But, I can’t force myself to confront them, and so I continue to listen.  
  
“You make it sound so horrible.”  
  
Which of course it is. I mean, Michael saying they missed me…that is true…but it doesn’t excuse what was done to me.  
  
Matt snorts, his disgust clear. “It’s fucking disgraceful. She went through all that shit because of money.”  
  
“Matthew…”  
  
“No.” Matt’s tone has taken on a deadly edge. “You need to leave, now.”  
  
I tremble, waiting for my mother’s response. Part of me prays she just agrees, because that would make it easier. But, another part wants her to stay…I miss my mom…  
  
“Can I at least see her?”  
  
A heartbeat.  
  
“No. I need to talk to her.” Matt is angry. I just hope he doesn’t try to talk to me while he’s still furious. There is silence for a moment then movement as I can hear a bag being picked up and a chair being scraped back on the floor.  
  
“Will you let her choose…?” The hope in my mother’s voice almost breaks my heart. Almost…  
  
Matt says, firmly, repeating himself, “You need to leave.” Not answering her question. But, that doesn’t surprise me. It’s the in control male part of him. And the fact that he’s protective of me. Something inside me warms at that.  
  
“Well, you have my number…”  
  
Matt doesn’t respond to that. And then my mother appears in the doorway. She freezes when she realises I’ve been sitting out here the whole time. I look at her blankly. She opens and closes her mouth; if this had been some other time her expression might have been amusing…  
  
Matt appears behind her, notices me and clears his throat roughly.  
  
“Maria.”  
  
She nods and leaves without a word to me, which smarts somewhat. But, I don’t make any effort to call after her, instead turning my focus to Matt. He is glaring after my mother, stare filled with unfathomable rage. I get up and approach him cautiously.  
  
“Sir?” I find addressing him in this way calms him a whole lot quicker than any other way. He shifts his gaze to my face.  
  
“You heard all that?” His tone is guarded. I simply nod. He sighs, a weary sound, rubbing at his face. “Fuck…what a mess.”  
  
I shake my head and move to hug him. He winds his arms around my waist and sighs again. There isn’t really anything that can be said, and I just want to be held now. He squeezes me gently, then still holding me, steers us back into the kitchen. I notice the skillet sitting on the bench, an open bottle of pancake mix next to it. Evidently my mother interrupted his breakfast plans.  
  
Matt sees where my gaze has landed and the corners of his mouth twitch upwards in a wry smile.  
  
“You hungry?”  
  
I think for a moment, just as my stomach growls. Kind of surprising that I still have any appetite after what I just witnessed. But, can’t argue with my needs now can I?  
  
Nodding, I sit at the kitchen counter. Matt smiles, still with an edge, but I guess the familiarity of morning routine is a remedy of sorts. He turns to the stove and turns it on. I rest my chin on my arms and observe him in silence, feeling myself settle. He glances once at me, before grabbing the skillet and pouring some mix into it.  
  
Then he twirls slightly, with a grin and says, chuckling, “Prepare to be dazzled.”  
  
With that one phrase, the mood lifts, and I feel it’s going to be alright.  
  
At least for a little while.


	45. "I know her."

_My first master was a real study in sociopathology. Is that even a word? Anyway, he was forever after women. I could never remember him without some beautiful socialite on his arm. Yes, he was quite an important person, some kind of diplomat or something. In light of that, the women he met and took with him to events he never slept with. But, like any other male he had needs. And that was where I came in. He didn’t have to relate with me on any level, except sexual. And he had some very…eclectic tastes. And, that’s putting it nicely.  
  
There was nothing nice about him. He sure looked the part, though. Tall, blonde, blue eyes, you know, the Aryan type. He was athletic too. Track sports. Running was a favourite pastime. That and taking his frustrations out on me. I won’t bore you with details….though I always had to lick my wounds afterwards, so to speak. I wasn’t with him for long though, not that it was anything to be thankful for…he did a lot of damage, physically and psychologically. Though I never really thought of that part of it back then. All I knew was that when I was taken from him it was the biggest relief for a time._  
  
“Val?”  
  
My hand pauses above the page. Matt is frowning at me, keys jingling in his hand.  
  
“Yeah?” I’m feeling more relaxed now. After a tense breakfast he left me to my own devices while he ran around doing some errands. He’s obviously back now, but the tension is still there; it’s evident in his voice. And that sets my nerves on edge, again.  
  
Matt leans next to me. “We have to go out.”  
  
I set the pen down. “Now, sir?”  
  
He nods, grimacing. “I wish you’d stop calling me that.”  
  
“Sorry. Habit. Where’re we going, Matt?”  
  
Matt’s brow furrows even more if that’s possible. “The Guild. Denmore says they need to speak with us.”  
  
I blanche. A sick feeling causes my stomach to clench. He watches me for a moment then leans forward to capture my hands in his own.  
  
“Listen to me; I won’t let anything happen to you.”  
  
Staring at him, I try to process what he’s saying, but it’s difficult. _Breathe…just breathe…_ I close my eyes for a moment then nod slightly.  
  
“Okay. I trust you.”  
  
Matt smiles softly then frowns as his phone rings. He answers gruffly his words cut off as his eyebrows shoot up in shock. I blink at him, wondering who’s on the line. He holds a finger up to me as he listens, eyes darkening at each word that’s being said to him. By the time the call ends his expression is murderous and if looks could actually kill…  
  
“Sonofabitch…”  
  
I blink. “What is it?”  
  
He looks at me with those hard, cold eyes. “Giovanni.” That one name rolls off his lips on a low growl. I stare at him and then a sudden resolve seems to settle over me, like a cloak. That name used to instil fear in me, but now I just feel disgust and…pity?  
  
I shake my head. “We’re still going to the Guild, right?”  
  
Matt lifts an eyebrow at me then nods his voice taut when he answers. “Yeah. Yeah, we’re still going.”  
  
“And you’ll be right there.”  
  
His lips twist into a semblance of a smile, but it’s the grimmest smile I’ve ever seen. “Yes, I’ll be right there.”  
  
I nod. “Then we have nothing to worry about, sir.”  
  
He rolls his eyes, but doesn’t correct me this time instead he just pulls me into his arms and holds me close to his chest. I nuzzle into his shirt for a moment. He chuckles above my head. Then sets me back, looking at me his expression softening.  
  
“We’d best go. I’ll call the guys on the way.”  
  
* * * * *  
  
It’s busy at the Guild. Brian and Jimmy join us at the entrance. I stay close to Matt who has one hand resting at my elbow. He scans the front hall and I follow his gaze. His fingers tighten on my arm and the instant I feel that I see him.  
  
“Giovanni!”  
  
I blink as JD appears from one of the offices and strides toward the man who sold me to Matthew. Matt’s hand grips my arm harder; I wince slightly. He looks down at me, frowning. I wriggle my arm; he colours slightly, relaxing his grip and mouthing sorry. I just shake my head at him. He returns his eyes toward the two men, whose discussion has become heated. I can’t make out words, but Giovanni is turning a shade of puce that I don’t think I’ve ever seen, and JD…well if looks could kill…  
  
Brian mutters, “We going over there, Shads?”  
  
Matt nods; Jimmy grimaces, an uncharacteristic expression for him. Matt leads us over. The stiffness to his back is the only sign of discomfit that I can see. Then again, he’s very good at hiding his emotions, unless they get the better of him. The hard grip on my arm serves more of an indication of his state of mind than any expression he’s wearing.  
  
As we get closer, I freeze. Because there is a third man crossing the floor to join them.  
  
“Val?” Matt looks down at me. I don’t register, my sight fixed on the tall blonde male that is now standing next to Giovanni. A cold shiver runs down my spine and I step closer to Matt. “What is it, Val?”  
  
I swallow hard, nodding to the third male. “That man…”  
  
Matt’s eyes narrow. “Who is he to you?”  
  
“Keith Arian, my first…” I let my voice trail off. Words really aren’t necessary and at any rate, JD sees us just as I finish talking and he waves us over. Matthew’s grip tightens on my arm once more as we join them. Though I do manage to stay slightly out of line of sight.  
  
JD’s smile is brittle as if it’ll break at any moment. “Sanders, good of you to join us.” His eyes slew towards me and he nods as his expression softens. “Valary.”  
  
I nod to him then duck my chin down, remaining close to Matt. He places a hand at my back, rubbing in slow circles. Relaxing at his touch, I peek up through my lashes and as I do, Keith catches my eye and a flash of recognition lights up his eyes. I shiver.  
  
Keith looks at JD. “I know her.”  
  
I observe JD’s expression that darkens considerably. “I’m aware of that.” He glances at us, speaking to Matt. “That’s why we’re meeting today.”  
  
Matt’s hand stops moving and he says in a low tone, “What exactly are we here for?”  
  
JD drags his fingers through his hair as he says, “Keith has some admissions to make.”  
  
A chill runs through me. Since I’m standing here, whatever he has to say must by default have something to do with me. Matt’s hand starts moving again, a reassuring gesture. I anchor myself to his touch, breathing slowly as I wait.  
  
Keith looks at me then at Matt then at his friends then turns his gaze back to me, his brow drawing tight. I lower my eyes unable to meet his all too transparent gaze. Matt’s hand slides up to the back of my neck and he squeezes; I relax into his touch.  
  
“Talk,” he says, voice a low growl.  
  
Keith starts to speak, and his words, well… what words they are…


	46. "Stick around..."

_It’s a couple of days after we saw Keith at the Guild and Matt’s gone into one of his silent, brooding phases. He’s moping about the pool with Bella. Told me to stay inside. Funny thing, it doesn’t scare me anymore. I guess that’s something, right? Still, I am anxious. About what it will mean, for us. All this crap coming to light that I honestly didn’t think ever would._  
  
_Keith did things that would make your skin crawl, let me tell you that now. You imagine the worse sex you’ve ever had, and then add the fact that it was not consented to on my side. I was given no choices. He forced me to blow him, though that was something I just could not handle. Too much information? Maybe. But, the only person reading this is me, and Matt. And he knows practically everything now, anyway. Keith was graphic in his retelling._  
  
_Everyone was so good about it, though. Jimmy and Matt stayed by my side the whole time, and Zacky interjected every now and again by muttering ‘Jerk’ out loud, making me giggle. Even JD and Robert were good, ensuring he never spoke directly to me._  
  
_They’ve been a bit of a revelation, those two. I mean, I’m still cagey about Robert. So is Matt, but it’s clear they’re advocating for me, not against me. That’s a big relief. Especially in the current climate._  
  
_Michelle and Brian have put their engagement plans on hold so they can support us. And recording for the album has almost taken a complete back seat, which the fans are very supportive of. Not that the band has said much on the reasoning behind it, just that there’s been a family emergency and that the band is not top priority at the moment._  
  
_All a bit sudden, though, and to think they’d drop everything for me. But, I guess that’s the nature of who they are. And I’m grateful._  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
There is a breeze by the pool where Matt and I are currently sitting. Bella is flopped down by Matt head resting across his knees and he’s running his hand over her fur. I’m leaning against his shoulder in a slight doze, not thinking really. But, I can tell that Matt wants to talk. He’s on edge, restless and keeps glancing at me.  
  
“Val,” he says, voice husky. I blink a little, acknowledging him; his brow furrows. “You haven’t said much since we got back from the Guild. You okay?”  
  
I blink some more then avert my gaze, not quite sure how to answer. His fingertips touch my chin, turning me back to him. I lick my lips then try for a smile. He frowns more.  
  
“You know you can tell me if something’s bothering you, don’t you?”  
  
I chew at the inside of my cheek, nodding. “Yes…”  
  
“You don’t sound so convinced of that.”  
  
I shake my head. “No. I know that. Nothing’s bothering me.”  
  
Matt lifts an eyebrow. “We both know that’s not true.”  
  
I sigh, snuggling closer to him. “You won’t let anything else happen.” He brings an arm around my shoulders, squeezing gently. I relax into him, closing my eyes. It feels good to just sit here. But, I know he’s not going to let it go as he speaks again.  
  
“Valary. You need to tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”  
  
I peek up at him; his face is close and I can see the flecks of colour in the irises of his eyes. His gaze draws something from me that I can’t explain; wetness touches the corners of my eyes as tears start to well. I wipe at them, shaking my head.  
  
Matt cups my chin in his hand, stroking his thumb along my bottom lip, not saying anything this time. I swallow a little, lowering my gaze as I mumble something unintelligible.  
  
“Come again?” Matt’s murmur finally gets to me.  
  
“I haven’t been sleeping…I can’t sleep.” I don’t look up even as he’s insisting I lift my chin.  
  
“No?” Matt drops his hand; I peek up at him. “Worried?”  
  
I bite at the inside of my cheek, giving a little nod. He sighs, tilting his head back and cursing silently, lips moving in exasperation.  
  
“Val.” My name on his lips always makes me smile, most of the time. This time I just look down again. He shifts next to me. “I know I keep asking you this, but you do trust me, right?”  
  
I laugh softly, shaking my head. “From the beginning, Matt. Since the first day…” I lean into him more. His fingers brush through my hair as I close my eyes and continue to murmur. “You’ve proven more worthy of my trust every day; it’s hard to believe that this is my life.”  
  
He sighs. “Then you realise you don’t have to worry.” He gives a rough laugh. “You know, Brian reckoned if murder were legal…”  
  
I blink, catching the wry note in his voice, glancing up to see if he’s serious. “He said what?” Matt’s dimples show then and I sense he’s teasing. But, I repeat my question.  
  
Matt laughs this time giving full voice to it, deep, guttural. “We won’t take matters into our own hands. JD and Robert said they’ll take it all up with the authorities.” The edge to his voice tells me he doesn’t really like that idea, but I guess even he has to put his trust in people sometimes. And those two have been a surprise, but I’ve mentioned that already.  
  
I decide to change the subject. “Will you guys go back to recording the album?”  
  
Matt shakes his head, leaning back and staring up at the sky. “Not until this all blows over. You’re my priority right now.” He looks at me hard. “The music? That’s not going anywhere. I need to make sure you stick around permanently too.”  
  
I blush so hard at his words. I don’t even know why. But, hearing him say that? I think that just made the moment.


	47. "I need you."

It’s quiet in the house. Bella’s tail whispers across the tiles, no disturbance, really. Matt’s at the kitchen counter reading the paper. I don’t know why, but the feeling of peace that’s come over the place seems permanent. Nothing can break it. And that’s a huge relief. But, I’m restless. Which is why I’m just sitting here at the other end of the bench, watching Matt.  
  
Thinking.  
  
I want him.  
  
I know. That’s the only thought going through my mind right now.  
  
I want him. I want him inside me. I want to feel him again.  
  
It’s been so long.  
  
Or maybe not that long, really.  
  
But…  
  
Matt looks up at me at that moment, his gaze catching mine. “Val, you right?”  
  
I flush certain my thoughts are as clear as day on my face. He tilts his head, setting the paper down on the counter. His movements are steady and deliberate. I duck my head down because right now anything he does is just about setting me off. Crossing my legs as I press my hands to the counter, I shake my head.  
  
“I’m fine…” Which is the biggest lie, ever.  
  
A snort is Matt’s response. I lift my head to look at him; the corners of his mouth twitch upwards.  
  
“Talk to me, Val.”  
  
I move my lips, soundlessly. He lifts an eyebrow. I chew at the inside of my cheek.  
  
 _I need you_. “I need you…”  
  
Matt’s smile could light up the darkest places on earth. “You need me?”  
  
I crave his touch. Have since the incident with Robert. But, I don’t mention that because who wants to bring up bad memories in a moment like this. Instead I just nod, no words.  
  
Matt looks at me his smile fading into a more serious expression. “You sure about that?”  
  
Nodding again. Shifting to face him, knees spread a little. Matt steps away from the counter and moves toward me, halting mere inches from me. Not quite touching, but close enough that I can see the flecks in his eyes.  
  
I shiver. Almost too close, but at the same time every cell within me is screaming for his touch.  
  
A hand on my knee. A light touch. No words; just his fingers inching their way up along the outside of my thigh. A hard swallow as I look up into his face. His lips twitch a little.  
  
“How much do you need this?”  
  
I tremble, pressing to his touch. A smirk, which then softens as he leans in close, lips brushing softly against mine. I open to him, sinking my fingers into his shirt, holding on. His chuckle rumbles right through my body.  
  
“Yeah…you need this…so do I…” His voice. A groan. From him or me, I’m not sure…but it doesn’t even matter.  
  
Matt pulls away again. “Not here.”  
  
More nodding as I make my way to the bedroom.  
  
The whispering of his feet on the floor behind me; the thud of my heart. Sweat trickling between my shoulder blades. The anticipation…  
  
* * * * *  
  
The bed, tangled sheets and Matt’s big body…engulfing me…moving against me… moans and whispers and the heat…burning…I’m burning…  
  
“Shh…shhh…” Matt’s voice in my ear; his lips on my skin. His fingers stroking my core… I don’t even realise, but my cheeks are wet with tears… “Valary…it’s okay…I’m here…”  
  
I clutch tighter to him, knowing I’ll probably leave bruises on his arms. Not that he cares. I know I don’t.  
  
 _Shit…_ A hiss as he enters; a moan as I feel him deep inside. Moving together as his weight settles against mine. Nothing else matters right now. Just his heat, his strength, our joined bodies. The creak of the bed frame as he moves in me. The sweat, the heavy breaths; and his gaze, hot, feral and locked with mine.  
  
I stare back, breath catching. He moves firmly and all I can do is feel.  
  
I moan as Matt ducks his head down and then I feel the wetness of his tongue on my skin. I lose all thought, all sense of the now. Hours, minutes, seconds later an upwelling of pleasure so great that I might explode. Then a settling as I float down from my high.  
  
Matt is smiling, a lazy, languid expression, as he runs the palms of his hands down my sides. His touch, gentle, soothing as I come down. Pressing lips to my forehead he mumbles low. Words unintelligible. Meaning clear.  
  
 _I love you…_


	48. "People will get hurt."

Matt frowned at Robert’s words. “You’re telling me that there’s nothing we can do? After everything you’ve already done?”  
  
Robert nodded, gravely. “I’m sorry, Shads. It doesn’t look good. Our hands are tied.” He glanced at JD who was leaning against the wall. The three men were in the garage studio several days after JD had filed a report to the Guild.  
  
“Tell me again what they said?”  
  
Robert sighed, shaking his head. “They can’t charge anyone who is covered by the Guild. None of what Arian did was illegal. Immoral, perhaps…but…”  
  
Matt let out a low growl at the name, then turned to pace the length of the studio. “Is there anything you can do…off the record?”  
  
JD leaned forward. “What’re you suggesting, Sanders?”  
  
The big male cast a cold look his way. “Nothing you wouldn’t be up for.”  
  
The other man gave a snort. “Breaking the law is always a last resort for us.”  
  
Matt curled his fingers tight into the palms of his hands. “Val needs me to make sure justice is served. _You_ need to make sure that happens. I can’t go home and tell her that we did nothing.” He dragged his fingers through his hair. “The guys in the band are ready to back me up.”  
  
Robert scoffed, “Sure. Are they willing to go to jail for this?”  
  
“Why don’t you ask us, you dick.”  
  
The three of them turned to see Zacky, Brian, Jimmy and Johnny in the doorway of the studio.  
  
“Dude…” Matt’s breath came out in a rush. Zacky lifted his chin a defiant glint in his eyes.  
  
“Val deserves better. We’re here for you, Matt.”  
  
Matt smiled a little before looking back at JD and Robert. “Well?”  
  
JD sighed, eyeing the other men, doubtfully. “People will get hurt.”  
  
“As long as Val doesn’t get hurt anymore. She’s family. And we fight for our family,” Brian said, his anger clear. “She’s my sister-in-law.”  
  
“Almost,” Jimmy muttered out of the side of his mouth.  
  
Johnny rolled his eyes at the drummer. “Close enough.”  
  
Brian ignored their banter just continued to glare at JD. The bigger male’s shoulders slumped as he nodded his head.  
  
“Fine. As long as you’re sure.” He returned his gaze to Matt. “What do you have in mind?”  
  
* * * * *  
  
Jason Berry looked up from his phone as his twin stalked into the office.  
  
“What is it, Matt?”  
  
Matt Berry sucked on his bottom lip then said, “Shads called. It’s on.”  
  
Jason shot up fast at his brother’s words. “Did he tell them about what we found out?”  
  
“Yes. They were surprised. Didn’t realise that there was a way to free Val, which would then mean they could go after the Guild without fear of repercussion,” Matt said with a grin. His brother licked at his lips as he grabbed some papers from the desk, tucking his phone into his back pocket as he went for the door.  
  
“Come on, then. We’d better get these to Shads.”  
  
Matt followed, smirking. “You never asked whether you thought Matt would go for it.”  
  
Jason paused as he looked back at his brother. “He loves her enough.”  
  
“Yeah, but…it hasn’t been that long.”  
  
Jason rolled his eyes. “At this point, I’m sure Shads will do just about anything to keep Val safe.”  
  
“True that.” Matt chuckled. “Still…don’t think he’ll be expecting this course of action.”  
  
“I don’t think anyone will be expecting it…”  
  
“Well, I guess we’ll find out soon enough.”  
  
* * * * *  
  
Matthew sat back, frowning as he waited for Robert and JD to respond to his idea. Robert blinked several times.  
  
“What? You serious?”  
  
Matthew lifted his chin in the affirmative. “Yes.”  
  
“That’s absolutely insane. I’ve never heard the like.” Robert glanced at JD. “Have you?”  
  
JD’s jaw tightened as he gave the singer a hard look. “No one has ever…”  
  
“He loves her enough.” The voice at the door caused them all to turn. Matt and Jason Berry were both leaning casually on opposite sides of the doorframe. Jason had spoken, voice clear and bright.  
  
JD pushed a hand through his hair, sighing. “I don’t doubt it. But, still…do we really want to set such a precedent?”  
  
Matthew growled low, “I honestly don’t give a shit what you think we should do.”  
  
“Obviously. Will Val accept, though?”  
  
Jimmy, who was sitting next to the singer, scoffed, “Maybe you should ask her.”  
  
Matthew punched him lightly on the shoulder. “That’s the idea.” He stood and cast his gaze over his friends. “I’m gonna head home and talk to Val…you all know what needs to be done.”  
  
Zacky stood as well and spoke for the others. “You just take care of Val. We’ll see you in a few hours.”  
  
Matthew smiled at the guitarist before turning to leave.

 

 


	49. "It's a simple question."

I’m still in shock. The world has turned upside down. I’m a slave. No one asks that question. Ever. Ever. Not of a slave. Not of a sub. But…Matt just did. And I don’t know how to respond. He’s still standing in front of me, an expectant look on his face, dimples showing. And, I’m just…speechless.  
  
“Val?”  
  
I blink, hard. “You…” I croak out. Then stop, rubbing the heels of my hands into my eyes. “You didn’t ask…me that?”  
  
Matt’s brow furrows. “I did. Will you marry me?”  
  
I swallow hard, a lump growing as I stare at him, not comprehending. “What?”  
  
He sighs, tilting his head back for a moment. I can see the tension in his jaw as he pinches at the bridge of his nose.  
  
“Val…” He meets my eyes, his own dark. “It’s a simple question.”  
  
I chew on the inside of my cheek, thinking that has to be wrong. It can’t possibly be simple. Or perhaps, more accurate would be that the answer is a complex one. I don’t know how to respond because there is nothing for me to base it on. Sure, I love him…but I’m not used to normal relationships. I mean, I could try and look to my sister’s with Brian…but…you know. I really don’t know them well enough.  
  
I look up at him. “Marry you?”  
  
Matt nods. “Yeah. Y’know…be my wife.”  
  
I frown. “Am I even allowed?”  
  
Matt eyes me sharply. “I wouldn’t be asking you if that were not the case, Val.”  
  
I tilt my head back, chewing on the inside of my cheek. “Why?”  
  
Matt lets out a sound almost like a growl. I can tell he’s getting frustrated, but call me curious. I want to know why he would even go there. I repeat my question. He leans back from me, eyes narrowing.  
  
“Why not?”  
  
I shake my head. “I’m your slave, Matt…I can’t marry you.”  
  
He groans, rubbing at his face. “Fuck, Val. You want me to tell you this straight?”  
  
I actually glare at him. “Yeah. Why?”  
  
He stands and starts to pace in front of me. “The twins found out that if I marry you I can legally free you.”  
  
I blink, once, twice, three times. “What?” I can’t have heard him correctly. Not this time. The marriage question I’m getting used to now. But _that_. The ‘f’ word…free. No. There is no way he just came out with those words.  
  
“No.” I swallow hard then turn away from him. “That can’t be true.” A silence falls between us as I try to process what he’s said, and Matt gives me the space. He gets up and waves his hand at me, a dismissive gesture. I barely notice as I’m so deep in my mind trying to piece together everything that’s just happened.  
  
I jump slightly as Matt reappears for a moment and drops something on the bench in front of me. My journal. I peek up at him. He gives me a wry smile.  
  
“Might help?”  
  
I look down again thinking he’s probably right. Writing my thoughts out does always help. I give a small smile in thanks and open up to a fresh page. He hands me a pen then leaves the room again. I breathe deep then place pen to page.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
 _Marriage. It’s not something I’d ever thought about, not surprisingly as a slave. I vaguely remember that married men could still own slaves. I think even my first master might’ve been engaged. Not that I ever met his fiancée. But, I could never have imagined that the question would be asked of me. Why would it even be considered an option?_  
  
Sure, Matt loved me, cared for me. But, enough to want to marry me? Maybe I’m not marrying material. Maybe he’d end up regretting it. I don’t know. I didn’t want to know. But, what would happen if I said no? Matt said he could…free me if I married him. Would that be the only reason to marry me then? Was it the right reason?  
  
I couldn’t even fathom being free. What would that be like? Too many thoughts to try and gather together and make sense of. But, at the same time…it’s what I’d always wanted. To be my own woman. Not someone else’s. Though didn’t getting married make you your husband’s? Or was that some antiquated view that isn’t part of twenty-first century thinking?  
  
Anyway…maybe I wanted to figure this out slowly, and not be so rushed. Maybe that was the real reason I was so hesitant to give Matt an answer? I mean…he’d owned me all of…three months? Something like that. Who asks someone to marry them after three months? Even if it is for a very good reason.  
  
I can only imagine what my parents might think of that. Wait…why does what they think matter to me. Where did that thought even come from? I hadn’t even heard from them since Matt told my mother to leave. That still hurt. I think I actually miss them. My family. Maybe if I did say yes to Matt I could ask them to come. Would we even have an actual wedding, or would that be too risky?  
  
I know Jimmy and the others would love that…maybe we could even have a double wedding, Matt and I, and Brian and Michelle. No. I couldn’t even picture that.  
  
Michelle and Brian pushed back their engagement for my sake. But…maybe if I asked my sister? Damn it. I couldn’t do that. Could I?  
  
I think of how far things have come in such a short space of time, and Matt’s question makes no sense. Why would he want to marry me? Why? Even if it’s the only way to free me. I mean…surely Rob and JD could find some other way? But, maybe it is the only way?  
  
So, how should I answer? Should I say yes? No? Maybe?  
  
I guess maybe I just needed to talk it over more. With Matt…maybe with Michelle? I could ask Matt to call her for me…yes; maybe that was a good idea…  
  
I lift the pen and shake my hand just as Matt walks back into the kitchen. He has his phone in hand and looks at me.  
  
“You want to talk to your sister?”  
  
I stare at him. “You read my mind.” Yeah, I actually just said that.  
  
He chuckles. “Figured she might be able to help you decide. After all she said yes to Brian…”  
  
I duck my head down, feeling shy in his presence all of a sudden. Just the fact that he thought of what I was thinking makes me realise I don’t really need to call her. I already know what she’ll say.  
  
“I don’t think I need to do that, Matt.”  
  
Matt tilts his head. “No?”  
  
I shake my head slowly then peek up at him again, smiling a little more. “Yes.”  
  
He crosses his arms over his chest, eyes narrowing. “Yes?”  
  
I sit up straighter. “Yes. I’ll marry you.”


	50. "It was over before I knew it."

“It’s Valary Sanders!” Jimmy is yelling at the top of his lungs whilst running around the edge of the pool.  
  
We’re all _in_ the pool, shaking our heads and laughing at his antics.  
  
“Get in, ya bastard!” Johnny replies.  
  
“Yeah, before you fall and break your neck,” Matt mutters as he pulls me closer to his side.  
  
I giggle, shaking my head. “He’s way too nimble for that…”  
  
Jimmy takes a running dive and lands with a splash in the middle of our group, spluttering as he surfaces. I laugh more as he glowers around at us.  
  
“I got water up my nose…”  
  
“Whose fault is that?” Brian says with a snort.  
  
Jimmy rolls his eyes in response then turns to look at Matt and me. “How does it feel to be Mrs Shadows?” Jimmy grins at me.  
  
I flush, lowering my eyes, but then lift them again to meet his frank gaze. “I’m not sure, yet…ask me later?” I have to be honest, after all. The wedding went by in a whirlwind…the fact that the day crept up on us so fast is hard to fathom in itself. And then it was over before I knew it. There’s no real words to describe how I feel about it. Joy, definitely…nervousness, exhilaration, hope. I think that’s the biggest emotion. Hope. Hope that everything will improve from now on.  
  
“Freeing?” Jimmy persists; I blink at him.  
  
Matt mutters again. “Ask her later.”  
  
Brian adds, “We have to wait for JD’s call before we know whether that’ll be the case.”  
  
“But, wasn’t that the point of all this?”  
  
Matt growls, “No. The point of all _this_ is that I love Val, and want to spend the rest of my life with her.” He rubs my shoulders, smiling at me. “Freeing her will be bonus.”  
  
I lean back into his chest, relaxing at his touch. He smiles more, then looks to Jimmy again. “But, regardless, she’s my wife now. Not my…slave.”  
  
Jimmy narrows his eyes at the both of us then grins and pulls both of us into a strong embrace. “I love you, both!”  
  
I giggle as he squeezes us; Matt grunts, but I can see that his friend’s statement makes him happy.  
  
I’m content, as well. I think.  
  
The phone rings just as Jimmy dunks Johnny under the water. Matt climbs out of the water as Leana comes running from the house, clutching the cordless.  
  
“It’s Robert!”  
  
I shiver at his name; yes, I’m still nervous around that guy…not even the fact that he’s helping us can change that. I turn in the water and watch as Matt takes the call. His frustration is obvious; the furrowing of his brow; the tensing of his jaw; the way he clenches his free hand, knuckles turning white.  
  
I bite the inside of my cheek and start a little as Jimmy slides up next to me again and wraps an arm around my shoulder.  
  
“It’ll be okay, little sis…” Jimmy’s tone is unusual in its sobriety.  
  
I peek up at him, blinking a little. “You think so?”  
  
He grins. “I know so. There’s no way Matt’s gonna let anything happen to you again. Once was enough. For all of us.”  
  
I flush then look back to Matt who is still pacing along the side of the pool. He isn’t on the phone anymore, though. He’s muttering under his breath as he paces, banging his fist against his thigh.  
  
“Shads?” Jimmy says, drawing his focus back to us in the pool. “What did he say?”  
  
Matt licks his lips, then grins. “They’ve done it.”  
  
“Done it?” Brian echoes.  
  
Matt nods as his eyes flash. “They’ve got the authorities involved. Finally. There’s going to be a major investigation.” He pauses, meeting my gaze direct. “And, Val doesn’t have to be there in person, ever again. If they need any statements from her…or us…it’ll be via videolink.” Matt tugs absently at the drawstring of his shorts. “Oh…and JD is fast tracking Val’s…your emancipation forms.”  
  
I start blinking fast, and clutch hold of Jimmy’s hand at Matt’s words.  
  
 _I’m going to be free…_  
  
Matt jumps back into the pool and comes right up to me, pulling me into his arms and pressing his lips into my hair.  
  
“You’re going to be free, babe.” He nuzzles, voice lowering so only I can hear him. “I love you, Valary Sanders.”

 


	51. "Thanks."

_**Three months Later**_  
  
 _BREAKING NEWS: As of 9:00 this morning, The Guild has barred its doors to the public, pending an internal investigation. Joshua Douglas, Director and co-founder of Hearts Rebels, a company that works with liberated slaves, is heading the investigation into the goings on at The Guild._  
  
“That’s your real name?”  
  
I look up at Matt’s question to JD who is sitting in our kitchen with us. Matt is busy signing CD covers – yeah, the band finally completed their album, Nightmare, but that’s a story for another time – while I’m at the table eating. JD came over to update us on the progress of their case, and well…the news bulletin on the television is telling…  
  
JD’s lips twitch as he looks over to me. “I told you that time I met you at the mall.”  
  
I blink at him, remembering. “That feels like a lifetime ago.”  
  
He lifts his shoulders then looks back at Matt who is frowning at both of us.  
  
“That’s because it was a lifetime ago,” Matt says, pointing out, “You were a slave. You’re not now.”  
  
I smile. “I’m your wife. Same diff.”  
  
He snorts, shaking his head as he sets his pen down, clenching his hand into a fist. “Fuck…haven’t done that in a while.”  
  
I shift closer to him. “More to come, though, right?”  
  
Matt chuckles, as he runs his fingers through my hair. “Wouldn’t have it any other way, hun.”  
  
JD clears his throat, drawing our attention back to him. “So, yeah. My name’s Joshua.” He shrugs again. “Not that it matters.”  
  
I lean my head against Matt’s shoulder, “Your work matters…”  
  
He nods. “Yeah, and this is just the beginning.” JD rubs a hand on his knee and smiles at us. “But, you guys have the album coming out. And a tour coming up, right?”  
  
Matt nods. “We’re heading to Toronto in a few days.”  
  
JD laughs a little. “Canada. Haven’t been myself. But, Robert’s been. Mostly for work.”  
  
Matt’s brow furrows. “They have a Guild there, don’t they?”  
  
JD nods. “Yes…though they’re having their own issues.” He pauses then gives a soft laugh. “Seems The Guild worldwide is beginning to have issues. But, that shouldn’t worry either of you.” He pats the seat next to him before standing. “I should let you guys be.”  
  
Matt turns to shake his hand as he passes to head to the door. “Thanks, man.”  
  
JD shakes his head, tipping his hat to me as he grips Matt’s hand in farewell. “Have a safe trip. I’ll keep you posted.”  
  
“Thanks.” Matt slips his arm around my waist, squeezing.  
  
I lift a hand to JD as he leaves. Then I glance up at Matt. He’s frowning, again, but I can tell it’s nothing serious. And, really…maybe I’m hoping it’s nothing serious. The rest of our lives is ahead of us, new album for the band, tour, some serious fun. No more anxiety over what my future is going to hold. No more dwelling on the past.  
  
I’m not a slave anymore. I’m free. And what will that look like? Who knows? The only thing I am certain of is that this is where I’m meant to be.


End file.
